Girlfriend Issues

[jmmathe1988]

So I guess I only have myself to blame for how things are going.

Years ago I was in love with a girl from high-school, We were together 4+ years and she ended up cheating on me because I couldn't remove myself from the video game world. I mainly played world of warcraft. Fight after fight I came up with an excuse that justified me playing the games I did just so and ignoring her because of it. I played video games all day, at least 12 hours a day. And because of it I got keyboards smashed over my head, and mice across my face.

After she left I was a wreck, and turn to alcohol even though I wasn't of age, I had a coworker of mine buy and I drunk like crazy for 6 months. After my alcohol binge I decided to screw anything that moved, despite looks. It didn't matter where I met them as long as I go some I didn't seam to care. Finally I had enough, and swore to myself I would never do what I did to her and devote myself to any girl that seamed like they wanted me. Until I met this girl, we started off on a site called meetme. And then moved to text, and video chat. We talked to each other almost all day. This went on for a period of 4 months, after 4 months she got into "CODBO2" very seriously and we started to drift apart. Now me as the one who has done this to another is confused on what to do.

We have fought a lot previously because of who she talks to. I have seen conversations that make me uncomfortable. Whether it be on skype, kik, meetme, facebook, twitter, etc. Conversations she claims is just between her and her friends, but yet I would never talk to my friends that way even if they are the opposite gender. I don't know maybe I am just old fashioned, but I would never ask a random female what she masturbates with, or call her beautiful, or ask her to help me when im horny. Her explanation for this kind of talk is "If im kidding, or if I don't respond or I ignore it what is wrong, it not like I am cheating on you, and what is wrong with me playing games all day". But I know she has told me she has sexted with a friend in the past, and I have seen conversations with friends that are close by that make things a little too close to home to shrug off.

A guy in my home town she is friends with she her self has complicated him on his abs, and he told her she was beautiful, and then he asked to play truth or dare, and she said yes, only for him to come back with "are your sure you have a boyfriend". All this makes me uncomfortable. She swears she is just mine, and only interested in me. But yet when I snoop I see things like this, and she make me out like the bad person. I know it is wrong to snoop, but my guard is up. i am ready for a family, and she is 19 and im 25 so there is an age gap.

I just don't know what to do. Do I wait around for her to grow out of her gaming like I did, or do I leave. Cause I brung it up, I said "we don't talk like we used to, and I think you love the game more than me" and she said "idk what I want" I asked for just a few hours out of the day when she is home to talk 1 on 1, and she just responded "idk, what wrong with talking to me during the game". And I said, well if you would resound timely that would be ok, but you don't sometimes I don't get a response for 10 or 15 minutes. And I got the sense from body language that she was all about "fuck what he wants, I will do what I want and if he doesn't like it the fuck with him". Evidently the fight went farther and she wanted time apart.

The only way I could stop this was to agree to some terms. The terms was to allow her to cancel and days we were going to hang out when she got a message for her to hang out with her friends. Cause evidently her friends want to hang out with her the 3 days I want to hang with her in the week. And to not bring up her gaming anymore, to allow her to even game at my house while she is here to see me, and to not ask her to not talk to people whom I feel she shouldn't be talking to cause of the conversations I have witnessed. I agreed to all of this because I love the girl so much, should I have told her to fuck off? What should I have done. I asked my mother and she said I should have told her im leaving. She said I shouldn't put up with such conditions, but what do you do when you love the girl? I love seeing her, and I hope she grows out of the gaming obsession like I did. But am I wrong is staying? Should I have told her to go fuck herself like my mom puts it? I can't imagine a life without her, she may not be the prettiest girl in the world but I love her. I like her voice and all that, the only thing I wish to change is the time she dedicates to me...to us...


EDIT: Sorry for the wall of text, I had a few beers when I wrote this! ...But I don't think i'm "messed up" as some of you are putting it. I work, i'm a rather calm individual, I do play games but my game time is down to maybe 2 to 4 hours a day where as hers is into double digits. I am hoping she gets this walmart job, then maybe it will work itself out of her system. But I only see her 3 days a week, so I don't find myself needy. The whole thing started when I brung up her maybe being to addicted to the game. I asked for a few hours on the phone or something to chat when she's home, cause I felt like we don't talk like we used to. This all started the beginning of this month, before that she only played about 6 hours a day. Now its grown into an all day thing, and I feel like she honestly likes it more than me! But I did do the exact same thing to my ex years ago, so I guess karma is after me.

As for leaving I really don't know, this is out 5th month together, 6 if you count the weeks we dated before "claiming" we were in a relationship that is. I really like the girl, she is the first "tom boy" ive dated, and its rather nice not to have to deal with all the issues that come with a "girly girl". I don't have to wait on her to get ready, she just smacks on some clothes and we leave. And she is very loving when I do get time with her outside of the game. She says she still wants to get married and have a kid in a few years, so yea.

When I brought this up to her I honestly thought she would give me the few hours I was asking for! Whats a few hours when you play it all day long I said. She said "I don't see whats wrong with me playing xbox, I like it". Which is exactly how I acted when I lost my fiancee years ago, so I can see how you can get lost in a game lol

[Thetruth1400]

Spacing, this needs it.

[Sketchy]

Spacing, this needs it.

A thousand times this!

Also...

Cause I brung it up, I said "we don't talk like we used to, and I think you love the game more than me" and she said "idk what I want" I asked for just a few hours out of the day when she is home to talk 1 on 1, and she just responded "idk, what wrong with talking to me during the game". And I said, well if you would resound timely that would be ok, but you don't sometimes I don't get a response for 10 or 15 minutes. And I got the sense from body language that she was all about "fuck what he wants, I will do what I want and if he doesn't like it the fuck with him".

So basically you're in the same situation your ex was in with you... Karma sucks but that's life for you. If you've 'outgrown' your videogaming ways and want to start a family, perhaps you'd be better off finding someone who's up to your speed.

As for the Bolded Part in the quote above... I don't know what I want means: I kinda think I don't want you.

Break up, move on, find someone new... Oh and invest in an enter key for your keyboard.


x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x


I'm not the OP, so I can only guess at where the pauses should be, but maybe this will help those who's eyes can't handle the wall of text.

So I guess I only have myself to blame for how things are going.

Years ago I was in love with a girl from high-school, We were together 4+ years and she ended up cheating on me because I couldn't remove myself from the video game world. I mainly played world of warcraft. Fight after fight I came up with an excuse that justified me playing the games I did just so and ignoring her because of it. I played video games all day, at least 12 hours a day. And because of it I got keyboards smashed over my head, and mice across my face.

After she left I was a wreck, and turn to alcohol even though I wasn't of age, I had a coworker of mine buy and I drunk like crazy for 6 months. After my alcohol binge I decided to screw anything that moved, despite looks. It didn't matter where I met them as long as I go some I didn't seam to care. Finally I had enough, and swore to myself I would never do what I did to her and devote myself to any girl that seamed like they wanted me. Until I met this girl, we started off on a site called meetme. And then moved to text, and video chat. We talked to each other almost all day. This went on for a period of 4 months, after 4 months she got into "CODBO2" very seriously and we started to drift apart. Now me as the one who has done this to another is confused on what to do.

We have fought a lot previously because of who she talks to. I have seen conversations that make me uncomfortable. Whether it be on skype, kik, meetme, facebook, twitter, etc. Conversations she claims is just between her and her friends, but yet I would never talk to my friends that way even if they are the opposite gender. I don't know maybe I am just old fashioned, but I would never ask a random female what she masturbates with, or call her beautiful, or ask her to help me when im horny. Her explanation for this kind of talk is "If im kidding, or if I don't respond or I ignore it what is wrong, it not like I am cheating on you, and what is wrong with me playing games all day". But I know she has told me she has sexted with a friend in the past, and I have seen conversations with friends that are close by that make things a little too close to home to shrug off.

A guy in my home town she is friends with she her self has complicated him on his abs, and he told her she was beautiful, and then he asked to play truth or dare, and she said yes, only for him to come back with "are your sure you have a boyfriend". All this makes me uncomfortable. She swears she is just mine, and only interested in me. But yet when I snoop I see things like this, and she make me out like the bad person. I know it is wrong to snoop, but my guard is up. i am ready for a family, and she is 19 and im 25 so there is an age gap.

I just don't know what to do. Do I wait around for her to grow out of her gaming like I did, or do I leave. Cause I brung it up, I said "we don't talk like we used to, and I think you love the game more than me" and she said "idk what I want" I asked for just a few hours out of the day when she is home to talk 1 on 1, and she just responded "idk, what wrong with talking to me during the game". And I said, well if you would resound timely that would be ok, but you don't sometimes I don't get a response for 10 or 15 minutes. And I got the sense from body language that she was all about "fuck what he wants, I will do what I want and if he doesn't like it the fuck with him". Evidently the fight went farther and she wanted time apart.

The only way I could stop this was to agree to some terms. The terms was to allow her to cancel and days we were going to hang out when she got a message for her to hang out with her friends. Cause evidently her friends want to hang out with her the 3 days I want to hang with her in the week. And to not bring up her gaming anymore, to allow her to even game at my house while she is here to see me, and to not ask her to not talk to people whom I feel she shouldn't be talking to cause of the conversations I have witnessed. I agreed to all of this because I love the girl so much, should I have told her to fuck off? What should I have done. I asked my mother and she said I should have told her im leaving. She said I shouldn't put up with such conditions, but what do you do when you love the girl? I love seeing her, and I hope she grows out of the gaming obsession like I did. But am I wrong is staying? Should I have told her to go fuck herself like my mom puts it? I can't imagine a life without her, she may not be the prettiest girl in the world but I love her. I like her voice and all that, the only thing I wish to change is the time she dedicates to me...to us...

[frogger237]

First off end the relationship, then get therapy cause you sound like you got shit you need help working on about yourself.

[Zangeiti]

Dude you sound extremely addicted to this game and you cant even blame it on the GF lag that you are failing. in relationships.

[TheNationGamer]

Spacing, this needs it.

this, i didnt even read it lol

the irony in this post

[IRunSoFarAway]

Spacing, this needs it.

Yes, 1000 times yes. I assume if you have so many problems that you need to make this giant wall of rambling text, then you need to just end it. It sounds like you're needy and she can't give you the attention you need.

[Kuthe]

So I think my head just imploded about 3 times from trying to read that.

But I got through it. Without hemorrhaging somehow.

Dump her. Go do stuff with friends, or go get some help.
You seem rather messed up, and that's not a good thing.

[Mihalik]

Spacing, this needs it.

I took a single look at the block of text, and my brain blanked out. This is unreadable.

[ThunderWolf]

I didn't get the sense that he was needy from the post. Everything you've described though just screams "IM CHEATING ON YOU" from the girl. The simple fact that you feel the need to snoop (whether or not people feel it's ok to do so) proves that you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. If you can't trust her, you shouldn't be with her. She all but admitted she doesn't want a relationship (I don't know what I want). Ditch her now before you become more into her than you already are. She's not grown up enough to be the type of girl you seem to be looking for.

[robodude666]

You stated you're ready to start a family. Do you think you'd be able to start a family with her, if all she's paying attention to is her friends and video games? Because that's all she seems to be interested in right now.

Also, Moms are usually right. I regret not listening to mine sometimes. Tell this girl you're leaving, if she actually cares about you you'll know.

It sounds like you're needy and she can't give you the attention you need.

Does it really make you needy to want some time with the person you love?

[Katchii]

If you want people to read your story, make it easy to read. I had to read the same part 4 times because I had to look away and couldn't find my place....

Regardless, you've got issues that you seem to have gotten over, and the girl you're with isn't a keeper. Time to move on.

[Skyforge1]

You sound like a really needy guy, No one finds being needy attractive
You shouldn't have to agree to terms that make you uncomfortable, The hard truth is that you two seem like an awful couple.
You should break up with her before she breaks up with you.

[Beat5beat]

I read your whole wall of text, and I'm going to respond because I think you really need some wisdom shoved down your throat.

First off, this girl sounds like a child, because she is a child. She's 19, if you want a long term lasting relationship, stay away from women under 25. *no offense to the few mature women under 25, I know there are some of you, but you are a very tiny minority.

2nd. She DOES not love you, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't love you? From the sounds of it she doesn't make any adjustments in her life for you, you are like a piece of furniture to her.

3rd. Ask yourself why do you think you love her? Why would you love her? What does she really do that makes you think you love her? What does she do for you that makes you want to be with her? What does she do for you that makes her better than any other girl?

regardless of any shortcomings that you may have, she is not giving you anything back in this relationship, you told her certain conversations make you uncomfortable and give you a bad feeling and she basically spat in your face. She didn't take your concerns into consideration AT ALL! That's a major red flag, and reason enough not to be with someone. If the person REALLY loves you, they will talk with you about any dumb concern you may have so that you get over it, around it or through it together.

Relationships are a partnership, nobody is perfect, and true partners that actually love each other respect the other person, never dismiss their concerns even when they seem stupid and they help each other get over their weakness so that they are stronger as a couple. Are you insecure? Probably you are, you need a partner that will help you overcome that, ie. someone that ACTUALLY really loves you.

This girl is a child, a flake, irresponsible and not in love with you. Stop wasting your time, I think if you really dug deep and answered the questions I told you to ask yourself honestly, you will find that you don't love her either. Don't mistake your own insecurities about being able to find another better girl cloud your judgement. There are plenty of fish in the sea, find someone that cares about you, not some floozy.

And P.S. her behavior with the flirting is way out of line, she has gone far beyond innocent flirting mate.

[BelziBhaal]

Paragraphs would help.

[Elestia]

You talk. A lot. And apparently you talk a lot to your mom too. You don't know what's right for yourself because you see pain either way. The only difference is you can either take it all now, or draw it out a little, could be month, could be years like with your ex. You feel as though this time is different because you're different. What you have to realize is this is all about you. What about her? What do you want her to know about you that you can't say because of either the way she is, or the way you've built yourself around her that prevents you from saying? What do you think she understands, that she clearly does not understand? (This is an extremely difficult question, especially if you're naturally intuitive, you may feel as if you're on the same page where in reality you are very much not). You speak of wanting children and a family... how realistic an expectation is this with this woman, even given you have talked about it (which you probably have, you talk a lot)? Ask yourself why you are so committed to this relationship working out, and why you see her coming around to your side of the story? What are you going to do to actually help make that happen, besides waiting doing nothing? How does she like you to reciprocate affection? What else does she like to do, specifically what does she like to do with you? What is her favorite food, favorite music, song to dance to, favorite candy, favorite car, favorite place? If she has a soul she will consciously or unconsciously appreciate your attention if you work these things into the activities you do do together. If you can't seem to find answers to any of these questions, you're ignoring each other and are in a extended relationship for the wrong reasons. Remember, in a relationship she (he) is important because you find them to be so, and it is your interest in them that results in their interest in you, in addition to you being yourself. If you just as yourself can't be something for them, then you're doing it wrong.

[Rukentuts]

Oh God did you have to respond with that block?

You just had to didn't you. This thread is seriously driving up Advil futures.

[Kavoo]

The only way I could stop this was to agree to some terms. The terms was to allow her to cancel and days we were going to hang out when she got a message for her to hang out with her friends. Cause evidently her friends want to hang out with her the 3 days I want to hang with her in the week. And to not bring up her gaming anymore, to allow her to even game at my house while she is here to see me, and to not ask her to not talk to people whom I feel she shouldn't be talking to cause of the conversations I have witnessed.

WTF is wrong with you ? You have some serious self-esteem issues if you agree to that kinda bullshit. Dude you got pussy-whipped so bad...

[Moon-Man]

So I think my head just imploded about 3 times from trying to read that.

But I got through it. Without hemorrhaging somehow.

Dump her. Go do stuff with friends, or go get some help.
You seem rather messed up, and that's not a good thing.

I was tearing blood from my eyes after reading that wall of text...most painful read...

[Asphyxiate9]

I think you should find someone else, and as other people have said, solve some of your own issues too. The sooner the better, you are still young but its only for so long that you are young, try to make the most of it and don't have regrets.