Call to Action help?

[BarelyLegalBear]

Hey everyone i am currently working on an essay and i have finally reached the ending for it. I am stuck on the last sentence though, I can't decide what to write. I am not asking for an answer, i am just asking on ways to make it where people will want to rise against the government. This is all my opinion and please do not take offense. Here's the conclusion:

In conclusion, we deserve nothing from the government because people take advantage of the system, it is too expensive and we do not need financial help. With taxes always being raised, people are really becoming desperate for money.

My original call to action was: Do you really think we live in a country of economical equality?
He did not like it and wanted something else. Something better; he wants me to tell my reader what to do to make a change.

I have thought about a few but i am not too sure. Here is one:
"Stand tall my friends, this is the time to rise and put a stop to this madness"

I don't know though, i don't want to make a bad call to action, i just want it to sound good to me. I don't want work from others, i just need a little push and maybe some advice to steer me into the right direction for an amazing conclusion.

[Tradewind]

Sounds like a preachy mess.

[BarelyLegalBear]

Sounds like a preachy mess.

Yeah that is what i thought also. I know i can doing better and i am still thinking but i can't figure out what would be good.

[Elegiac]

That was your conclusion?

Can anyone say faulty premises?

[Payday]

we do not need financial help. With taxes always being raised, people are really becoming desperate for money.

¿Que?

/10 character minimum filler

[BarelyLegalBear]

That was your conclusion?

Can anyone say faulty premises?

What do you mean?

[Payday]

What do you mean?

He's saying that the basis of your argument is incorrect. It also hardly makes sense

[Mongo42]

“We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

"I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical." - Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

"But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother." -1984 by George Orwell

[BarelyLegalBear]

He's saying that the basis of your argument is incorrect. It also hardly makes sense

I see where i messed up! Damn can't believe i did not see that. thanks for the heads up.

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“We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

"I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical." - Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

"But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother." -1984 by George Orwell

Still working on the final sentence, might go with a governmental type of quote. I'll check some other ones out on the internet, might be my best bet because i can't really think of anything.


I fixed the error up on word document. Here's the new sentence with a little detail before the Call to action:
Taxes are already out of control and we give the government too much of our money to help correct other peoples lives.

[sugarlily]

I see where i messed up! Damn can't believe i did not see that. thanks for the heads up.

- - - Updated - - -



Still working on the final sentence, might go with a governmental type of quote. I'll check some other ones out on the internet, might be my best bet because i can't really think of anything.


I fixed the error up on word document. Here's the new sentence with a little detail before the Call to action:
Taxes are already out of control and we give the government too much of our money to help correct other peoples lives.

Wow, just...wow. If you think ppl in financial trouble/disabled/ etc have gotten presents of your tax money in order "to help correct their lives" then you know nothing of how the system really works & how important it is for some bit of safety net for ppl who, through no fault of their own (didn't live "incorrectly") are in need.

sry I have no help for your closing argument regarding the madness that is helping the needy.

[Stir]

OP:
Please have a look across the pond. Taxes are higher, and poverty rates are lower.

As for your call to arms:

"And that is why you must vote Republican! The Government is stealing your money!"

[BarelyLegalBear]

Wow, just...wow. If you think ppl in financial trouble/disabled/ etc have gotten presents of your tax money in order "to help correct their lives" then you know nothing of how the system really works & how important it is for some bit of safety net for ppl who, through no fault of their own (didn't live "incorrectly") are in need.

sry I have no help for your closing argument regarding the madness that is helping the needy.

Actually my essay is not about them. I'm all for helping the needy. However, the government owes them nothing but a steady living environment and equal way of life. In no way do they owe us anything. I would help out anyone who needs help but only people who truly need help. My essay is more about the people who take advantage/abuse the system.

[Stir]

Actually my essay is not about them. I'm all for helping the needy. However, the government owes them nothing but a steady living environment and equal way of life. In no way do they owe us anything. I would help out anyone who needs help but only people who truly need help. My essay is more about the people who take advantage/abuse the system.

I'm not sure your teacher will appreciate an essay that is very little more than promoting your political bias. Just something to think about before you hand it it; there is still time.

[BarelyLegalBear]

I'm not sure your teacher will appreciate an essay that is very little more than promoting your political bias. Just something to think about before you hand it it; there is still time.

The essay is persuasive though xD
I'm already done, i'm happy with what i have. It was just our rough draft and i finished my final draft. Happy with what i have though. Basically our essay is on whether we support the government if they were to give free meals and such to people. Am i against it or not? Yes, i am completely against it but then again this is my opinion. I wrote about why people who take advantage of the system or abuse it, do not deserve this help. Not everything is completely true in my essay but then again, it might just be a good read