Educated within a group of lesser educated peers (females in particular)

[frumper]

I see this a lot. There's a lot of truth to the idea that you "can't go back" to where you came from, especially when education is involved. It leads to a loss of common ground. The same thing happens when people move from one social stratum to the next - the folks in the old stratum are disconnected from the person who has moved up or down - though it happens more often when one moves up, rather than moving down.

It's not that anything is wrong with either side - there's not a superiority complex or anything - it's just they don't relate in the same way anymore. Heading back feels like stepping into a false skin, because the new person you are doesn't fit in with the old you's environment. It's still possible to maintain some of the connections, but they're never the same until you and the people around you are on the same level again in fact, rather than because of the false skin.

The way you look at this problem seems to be all about superiority complexes. What I read from you is:

Stepping back into a false skin so you can fit in with friends that you outgrew, oh and you're on different levels too.

That doesn't just say you've changed, that says you're ahead/above of them. To reconnect you seem to be under the impression you need to try to revert your education to connect at their level. I'd suggest you never really had a connection with them, only with what they were interested in at that moment in time.

[Feral Camel]

This is pretty funny as I'm the complete opposite to the OP. I have a fair few female engineering friends and I"m from a very blue background.

I worked for a few years in factories and then took a job in a University Library. Which was primarily engineering / med. I started to get along with the casual staff and became friends with the group. Still am and that was about 7 years ago. I'm not the most educated of people (below average in high school) but I have a good sense of humor and PUT IN EFFORT.

On the other hand. Some people just grow out of each other. Lucky for me, most of my friends still share my love of alcohol and dark comedy.

[Iamanerd]

To me education means little when it comes to friends, if I find them fun to game with or hang out etc, then that's all there needs to be. I mean some of my friends only graduated HS and no college and they are great friends. I also have friends with degrees and it doesn't really influence much except the few with them in computer science as we can talk code etc. for awhile even though I don't have a degree in it myself as I'm more of a do it myself learner when it comes to coding. I don't really talk to them about my nuclear engineering degree unless they as something about it, tbh it's not all that fascinating.

[Ashnazg]

Pretty much this, friendships transcend things like educational backgrounds.

Friendships need commonality to prosper. If people have nothing in common then friendships don't last. For that reason, it is very difficult for a blue collar and a white collar to be friends - they simply have different access to various entertainment options to be friends for long.

Same goes for education, its mindnumbing to be in a company of uneducated people.

[frumper]

Friendships need commonality to prosper. If people have nothing in common then friendships don't last. For that reason, it is very difficult for a blue collar and a white collar to be friends - they simply have different access to various entertainment options to be friends for long.

Same goes for education, its mindnumbing to be in a company of uneducated people.

Why is it mind numbing to be in the company of uneducated people? That is a silly notion.

[weedsurge]

no offense, but you sound like a stuck up bitch with a superiority complex. they're just people, some are dumb and some aren't, but everyone has things they enjoy doing or talking about regardless of their education or work field, find people with similar interests and hang out with them. in your case you should look for a group of douchebags to mingle with, just looks for some guys indoors wearing sunglasses, you'll fit right in.

[frumper]

I know, people like to talk about shared interests? Pfft, ridiculous. What was that guy thinking?

If you're educated and you can't talk to an uneducated person, then the problem isn't your education, its your social skills.

[frumper]

Can't and don't want to are two different concepts.

Don't want to means you don't want to be their friend, which I would then question why you're complaining about feeling like a tool around them. This would all be referenced to the OP.

BTW, basing the possibility of friendship on education level definitely hints at superiority complex issues. Friendship is about the connection between people. We use commonality to help find people, to ease us into the relationship process, but if at the end of the day all you had was that commonality, then you didn't have friendship.

[Deleted]

Intelligence =/= educated

You can be smart, but not educated and you can be educated, but not smart.

[raist474]

Sounds like someone bought all the college recruitment propaganda hook, line, and sinker.


For the record, I have a Bachelors in Biochemistry and chose to enlist in the military instead of Commissioning and becoming an officer, and I have zero problems socializing and relating to my "less educated" peers. And I regularly deal with "educated' dumbasses. Like how the fuck did they not flunk out of their freshman year dumb.

I can assure you, maintaining that outlook in life is going to set you up for a real disappointment, especially with how networking is becoming more and more crucial to land a job. observing how you regard the "peons" could very easily disqualify you in the eyes of a HR rep or your prospective boss who has a hard enough time filtering out applicants with a token degrees and little to no experience.

[Deleted]

Intelligence/success and a college education have little correlation.

My two friends who never went to college or even finished high school each make over $250,000 a year doing homebuilding (one just landed a contract where he'll pocket about 750,000 grand AFTER taxes and expenses in just six months rebuilding a neighborhood destroyed by Sandy) and work only 25-30 hours a week, while my two friends with Masters make about $75-90k each working 40-50+ hours a week (with years at their job already) and are loaded with student debt.

Same can be said about the correlation between intelligens and paycheck I doubt that more then 1% of the top 1000 intelligent is listed in the top 1000 earning people

[Deleted]

The snob is strong in this thread.

[Dezerte]

Un-educated people can feel the same way, it's more likely that you have a superiority complex than a case of being "too smart" for your group.

[Deleted]

The thing is though, that most of the "intelligence" people think they have is actually not intelligence at all. It's just simple book knowledge. Yay, you know what 1+1 is. That doesn't make you intelligent. It makes you knowledgeable in that field.

Too bad these days that type of faux "intelligence" is a complete waste of your brain, since you can just Google shit. And if Google happens to go down, then fuck it, the world's a goner already anyway.

Intelligence is not knowing what 1+1 is. Intelligence is knowing how 1+1 becomes a tomato.

[Lylandra]

It depends... education is not entirely correlated to the ability to have a "good conversation", especially for women. However, I can understand where you come from, OP. Sadly, still very few women are interested in STEM and when you have a degree in engineering I assume that you are at least a bit geeky. So, it is less a problem of education and more a clash of interests and hobbies, especially when your friends seem to focus on family life only.

While I find it really horrible to be around people who are really dumbasses, those with maybe less education and the same fields of interest plus some good humour and a quick wit can be really more interesting and likeable than some high-nose elitist PhD folk. Even if the latter ones know more about astrophysics

[Nola Saint 504]

I have my undergrad and grad degrees in Engineerings. I very rarely hang out with other engineers outside of work, mainly because I'm actually social unlike most of colleagues. Most of my good friends are not stupid though, few of them are lawyers or doctors. I actually enjoy hanging out with people in other professions, much more interesting conversations.

[Jackmoves]

The way you look at this problem seems to be all about superiority complexes. What I read from you is:

Stepping back into a false skin so you can fit in with friends that you outgrew, oh and you're on different levels too.

Not at all, I read it as "people change". People do change, the base of relationships can change, be it friendships, marriage etc. Up and down imply different values but the essence is still that people change which can make things tougher. Doesn't mean they are above or bellow another person, it just means they relate to life in different ways, if the changes are large that can lead to conflicting views on many different issues and that can be a strain on the relationship.

Friends does not have to share the exact same views on life of course. Anyways as long as the fundamental base of the relationship remains the same it shouldn't cause that much trouble, different opinions and interests can be a good thing.

[Therealmagoo]

I find it funny when people assume because they got higher education it means they are smarter than other people, the thing is you just learnt some things that other people may not have which doesnt make you any smarter.

[Deleted]

Just because someone doesn't have a formal education doesn't necessarily mean they aren't smart/intelligent.

I, as a college educated (2 degrees - bachelor of science) male, usually spend my Tuesdays hanging out with one of my better friends (no college, works in a factory) playing Magic the Gathering.

He's still a smart guy. But finding common ground and shared hobbies makes things a lot easier to maintain a relationship with others other than just pure intellect.

Yeah, I don't see how it should be a problem.

I have a bachelor degree in IT while my best friend does a relatively simple job that just requires a lot of heavy lifting. We've known eachother since high school and I know he's quite smart. It's just that he chose to go to work right away instead of getting a degree in something. If he's happy why would it matter to me?

I also have quite a few friends who are quite dumb though, and yet I am able to get along with them just fine. Why would intelligence matter to me? Yes, sometimes it's nice to have an intelligent discussion, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy being around dumb people. If they're nice to me and we enjoy the same things then that's good enough for me.

I can understand if you only hang around dumb people that you eventually long for some intelligent conversation, sure I can get that. But it's no reason to ignore people just because they're less educated than you.

For example, I would prefer an intelligent girlfriend. But why should I deny someone who isn't very smart but we get along great? Another example, when I go out drinking and meet my 'lesser educated' friends I can get along with them just fine, but at the same time it's refreshing to meet up with my smart friend every so often.

[Sillychan]

For example, I would prefer an intelligent girlfriend. But why should I deny someone who isn't very smart but we get along great? Another example, when I go out drinking and meet my 'lesser educated' friends I can get along with them just fine, but at the same time it's refreshing to meet up with my smart friend every so often.

It also begs the question as to what intelligent is. We measure it in many ways, but really, my "lesser educated" friends surprise me all the time. They have different life perspectives, different ideas of the world, different hobbies. They are intelligent, often times even more so in ways that I am not.

There are genuinely dumb people, don't get me wrong, but sometimes what we perceive as intelligent is too narrow, and too centered around how we judge ourselves as "smart".