"Be The Bigger Person and Be Nice to Those Who Treat You Wrong."

[ColbaneX]

If you're letting someone else control and dictate your actions, it is immature. Unless someone is physcially assaulting you, responding to their taunts is giving them much more power over you than they warrant. If you place little value on the person who is saying something, what they are saying will be of no relevance to you. Strong, seasoned, intelligent people know this. Others don't.

Wrong. You can get emotional, but still be in control. What you are implying is a false dichotomy between emotion and control, that they are mutually exclusive.

[poser765]

If you're letting someone else control and dictate your actions, it is immature. Unless someone is physcially assaulting you, responding to their taunts is giving them much more power over you than they warrant. If you place little value on the person who is saying something, what they are saying will be of no relevance to you. Strong, seasoned, intelligent people know this. Others don't.

Exactly. People in this thread have said a few times that it's weak to let someone control you. What they fail to realize is that they WANT you to retaliate. They want to get an emotional response out of you, and they want you to be pissed. They are starting stuff with you because they want you to be worked up and confrontational. In essence they are looking for a fight...or a weakling they can boss around. confronting them is FAR from the only way to not letting them push you around.

[dusselldorf]

Wrong. You can get emotional, but still be in control. What you are implying is a false dichotomy between emotion and control, that they are mutually exclusive.

That is patently false. High emotion is directly opposite of being in control. They are closely interrelated.

[NeonX]

I agree that it's a load of crap but I'm really really incapable of being a deliberate a**hole to people.

I have an uncontrollable desire of being liked by people and find it incredibly difficult to burn bridges.

[Mackeyser]

Two things.

Firstly and most importantly is character.

Who are you and what's important to you. You will find that after all the bullshit in this world that you either live your principles or your just full of shit. Pretty simple. If those principle include how you treat people, then be about that.

Secondly, you never know who's watching.

I've been in both personal and professional situations where I refused to reciprocate poor behavior. I remained professional and courteous and even friendly because that's who *I* am.

What I didn't realize is that someone saw those interactions. It may have changed someone's opinion of me for the positive. It also allowed me to turn what should have been one of my worst and most stressful work experiences into a very successful work experience in which I got to demonstrate team-building, leadership, solid communication skills and technical skills across a broad range of technologies.

At no point was I ever anyone's pansy, patsy, dupe or stooge. I was far stronger because I came from a place of principle and compassion.

It's not condescending to say, "assholes are people, too". Whatever they THINK they're doing to me (unsuccessfully), is being caused by something else that's almost certainly NOT me. Rarely is it personal. So I don't take it personal.

It actually takes strength to maintain that discipline.

Oh, and sometimes you don't have to be nice. Sometimes, nice is too far. There's a distance between nice and courteous. I wouldn't suggest that in being principled, you'd also genuinely have to be nice to those who treat you wrong. As a goal, maybe...

[Total Crica]

depends on what they did

if it causes my life to be miserable, they gonna join me in my misery

if im able to ignore them, they get ignored

[Dormie]

Exactly. People in this thread have said a few times that it's weak to let someone control you. What they fail to realize is that they WANT you to retaliate. They want to get an emotional response out of you, and they want you to be pissed. They are starting stuff with you because they want you to be worked up and confrontational. In essence they are looking for a fight...or a weakling they can boss around. confronting them is FAR from the only way to not letting them push you around.

What's it matter what they want if you get back at them? Like trolls, they want to piss you off, if your pissed and tell them why they're piles of shit for acting like they're acting, what do you care if they keep laughing? You get to tell them off and they get to wallow in their own delusions.

Not to try to sound like an internet badass, but I don't let people fuck with me. If they try I will make their life suck for that time, even if they don't know it's me that's doing it.

[poser765]

What's it matter what they want if you get back at them? Like trolls, they want to piss you off, if your pissed and tell them why they're piles of shit for acting like they're acting, what do you care if they keep laughing? You get to tell them off and they get to wallow in their own delusions.

Not to try to sound like an internet badass, but I don't let people fuck with me. If they try I will make their life suck for that time, even if they don't know it's me that's doing it.

My guess would be because people like that like and want the confrontation. If you get back and them or tell them off, it just reinforces their attitude by giving them their desired results. Ignoring them makes them bored and they go away. I'm not saying let them punch you in the face, or to just "take it" but matching or even escalating the stakes is not a very smart way to neutralize a bully who wants you to raise the stakes.

[Khaza-R]

The majority of the time, its best to shrug off people's rudeness. Don't let it effect you, its what they want. They want to know they can demean you, make you angry, get you upset. The only way you win is not let them have that. Be stern but in control and keep your cool. Guaranteed they'll be the ones that get more and more pissed off because of it.

[xinjun]

It doesn't imply deceit, but them thinking their your friend instead of enemy is the point.

If they think they are your friend when in fact they are not, it is deceitful.

[God8010]

Do you enjoy being a puppet? You knew nothing at birth, a tree had more use to the world around it than your baby body did. You grow and learn, a creature of emotion using logic to reinforce your emotional desire. Soon you reach a point where you are all the things you've done and hardly ever the things you ever claimed to do. People see you for who you are. When I call you a nerd or a dork or whatever it is that you know you're suppose to get mad at, that is me seeing you for the hoops you jump though and making you my toy for however long your going to entertain your emotions and fail to see how everything you think right now was put in your head and provoked by me.

So again I ask, do you enjoy being my puppet?

[Falu]

I wouldn't say be nice, but tolerant.
Like, there are many people (mainly in my work place) that I just despise, and it's really hard for me to be around them, inspite of that I really try hard to be polite and tolerant to them, mainly for my own benefit, better be nice and helpful for them to return a favour.
However, being a pushover is entirely different, don't let people push you around.

[Vizardlorde]

Yeah being the bigger person only causes you to be badmouthed by the aggressor/s and spectators so put them in their place before it gets out of hand unless you can cope with being the butt of all jokes.

[Deleted]

"If someone bothers you ask them to stop, if they don't. Destroy them." Suits better for me.