Has Cheating Ever NOT Ruined A Relationship?

[Spectral]

I think it'd be more accurate to say "if you respect her, you wouldn't cheat". You can definitely love someone and still treat them like shit, see it all the time.

I don't think that's accurate either. I surely respected the ex I cheated on, I still do. I think she's very smart, very honest, a beautiful person that deserves nothing but the best. I slept with someone else because I was a jerk that was attracted to someone (another ex that had gotten in amazing shape, I went to her birthday party and she was semi-tossing herself at me) and acted badly, not because of something I felt about her. Basically, me problem the whole way around, but not a reflection of what I thought of the girlfriend.

[poser765]

has cheating ever improved a relationship?

My what is with all the cheating threads the last couple of days.

I can say with certainty that my marriage is well on it's way to being stronger than it was before my affair came out. My cheating opened my eyes as well as my wife's to certain problems we had in our relationship and has allowed us to begin fixing them

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Cheating doesn't ruin a relationship. Cheating is what you do once the relationship has already been ruined and you haven't gotten around to ending it yet.

False. Well, ok I'll grant you true SOME of the time. MOST of the time cheating is what happens when a relationship has issues but neither party either a) sees them or b) fails to address them.

Cheating is NOT the result of a failed relationship but a relationship in need of repair.

[Spectral]

My cheating opened my eyes as well as my wife's to certain problems we had in our relationship and has allowed us to begin fixing them

Cheers and good luck!

[mickybrighteyes]

My what is with all the cheating threads the last couple of days.

I remember the 'news' had some guy (some sort of doctor or therapist) saying cheating was an alternative to divorce and that he encouraged some of his patients to do so.

News has been feeling more like a reality tv show than normal.

[poser765]

Cheers and good luck!

Thanks! It's not been easy. I didn't realize how serious the problems we DID have had become. Because of that I allowed myself to get WAY to close to someone else. I recognized the pointlessness of that relationship and decided to work it out with my wife (thankfully that's what the wife wanted as well). It hasn't been easy. Rationally I know how I feel about the wife, and know she has and will continue to make me happy, but it's hard to balance that with how I feel for the other person. It's been tough, and fragile, but I think we both feel stronger than we did before all this happened.

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I remember the 'news' had some guy (some sort of doctor or therapist) saying cheating was an alternative to divorce and that he encouraged some of his patients to do so.

News has been feeling more like a reality tv show than normal.

Interesting. I don't know why divorce needs an alternative. If you don't want to be married to someone, then don't be married to them.

[derpkitteh]

it's never not ruined one of my relationships. i never forgive a cheater. there's no excuse, there's no "but i just couldn't help it" or "it wasn't my fault". you're a grown fucking adult, if you can't control your goddamn self, you might as well go live with the animals in the fucking woods.

[mickybrighteyes]

Interesting. I don't know why divorce needs an alternative. If you don't want to be married to someone, then don't be married to them.

I tuned in at the tail end... I'm guessing it had to do with certain financial/family/health situations that would somehow alter the deal so to speak.

I stayed cause it was obvious the dude conducting the interview was attempting to steer the conversation in a particular way... and really wanted to do a 'grinds my gears' bit like out of Family Guy.

[Spectral]

it's never not ruined one of my relationships. i never forgive a cheater. there's no excuse, there's no "but i just couldn't help it" or "it wasn't my fault". you're a grown fucking adult, if you can't control your goddamn self, you might as well go live with the animals in the fucking woods.

If you're getting cheated on regularly, you might want to think about introspection.

[poser765]

it's never not ruined one of my relationships. i never forgive a cheater. there's no excuse, there's no "but i just couldn't help it" or "it wasn't my fault". you're a grown fucking adult, if you can't control your goddamn self, you might as well go live with the animals in the fucking woods.

lol if the reasons given to you by people that have cheated on you are the ones you listed, then i don't blame you.

[zito]

anderson cooper is still with his cheating boyfriend so who knows..

[Aeluron Lightsong]

Cheating can ruin it or damage it. I've never experienced a relationship but cheating is bad bad bad. Is it easy to not fall in temptation? Years ago I would of said yes. Now a days... I look a bit to easily to other girls(Not in a relationship but I understand the...temptation if I was in the position).

[poser765]

I tuned in at the tail end... I'm guessing it had to do with certain financial/family/health situations that would somehow alter the deal so to speak.

I stayed cause it was obvious the dude conducting the interview was attempting to steer the conversation in a particular way... and really wanted to do a 'grinds my gears' bit like out of Family Guy.

Ah, that makes sense. I can sort of see how having affairs in certain poor relationships MIGHT be better for ALL involved then getting a divorce. I see those being some very specific and FEW cases.

[derpkitteh]

it's only happened to me twice. but i see those excuses used a lot by others. i mean really, there's never an excuse. i don't care how good it sounds, nothing will ever excuse it.

[poser765]

Cheating can ruin it or damage it. I've never experienced a relationship but cheating is bad bad bad. Is it easy to not fall in temptation? Years ago I would of said yes. Now a days... I look a bit to easily to other girls(Not in a relationship but I understand the...temptation if I was in the position).

Funny thing about temptation...it has a really funny way tricking you into not realizing you are tempted until you are rounding second base.

[worprz]

My dad cheated on my mom and they got divorced when I was around 5 years old. They did get remarried soon after and they are still together today. I don't think cheating is ever ok but I could forgive someone a few times, not forever obviously but I think giving someone a second or maybe even third chance can't hurt.

[THE Bigzoman]

This thread makes me rethink my situation last week.

I should have just screwed her.

[poser765]

it's only happened to me twice. but i see those excuses used a lot by others. i mean really, there's never an excuse. i don't care how good it sounds, nothing will ever excuse it.

Just like in the last thread...and the thread before that...nothing does excuse it. People that want to...REALLY want to salvage their relationship don't try and excuse it.

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This thread makes me rethink my situation last week.

I should have just screwed her.

if you are just trying to get it wet, there are far easier ways. Ways with far less potential baggage.

[THE Bigzoman]

Funny thing about temptation...it has a really funny way tricking you into not realizing you are tempted until you are rounding second base.

And this 10 char

[mickybrighteyes]

Ah, that makes sense. I can sort of see how having affairs in certain poor relationships MIGHT be better for ALL involved then getting a divorce. I see those being some very specific and FEW cases.

I think the main theme the doc wound up prescribing it for was cases where one partner flat out stopped wanting to be sexually involved with their partner. This being the case for years, from what I could tell. Wonder how much the doc was getting paid for these sessions to tell people to go off and have an affair.

[Lovecrafts]

Do you guys know of any personal stories or experiences where you cheated on your partner (or someone you know cheated on their partner) and it didn't ruin the relationship, and in fact was pushed under the dirt and never addressed?

Im curious, because I feel a relationship is very different from a marriage, and although it shows bad character, I dont think it should be considered as horrible as it would for marriage. Keep in mind, I am not religious, so that isn't a factor to why I feel this way.

Im definitely sure there has been a few cases where a boyfriend has cheating on their girlfriend (or vice versa), it was never let out or expressed, and they eventually married and lived happily because they had this perspective or another.

Thoughts?

In the entire history of mankind? Yes, I believe there have been instances where cheating has not ruined a relationship.