A girl's feelings towards relationships.

[Xilurm]

Digglett... I'm the alpha male, make sure everyone knows that.

Fucking Aang man. Strolling around with his avatar bullshit, thinking he can whatever he wants...

[Barael]

I'm not telling him to get out of her life. I'm telling him to let his feelings go.

PS: As hard as it may be.

A shit ton harder than getting out of her life, that's for sure. I'm still waiting to hear why he's supposed to put himself through that, other than to shame him by implying he's a creep thinking with his dick otherwise. Being an emotional flagellant to a girl who doesn't give a flying fuck about your emotional needs as long as hers are met is sad, not noble and definitely not mature.

[Kazlofski]

I have to quote this joke from a series I watched, fits the discussion.

"You know what they say about nice guys, right?"

"Yes, they finish last."

"No, they finish in the shower."

XD

[Xilurm]

A shit ton harder than getting out of her life, that's for sure. I'm still waiting to hear why he's supposed to put himself through that, other than to shame him by implying he's a creep thinking with his dick otherwise. Being an emotional flagellant to a girl who doesn't give a flying fuck about your emotional needs as long as hers are met is sad, not noble and definitely not mature.

Well he said he knows her a long time. She may have been a simple friend to him for quite a while before he started having feelings for her. It's not really worth cutting all contact with her if you know each other for a long time. But who knows.

[Zetsumei]

EDIT: Just gonna edit this post to mention that I have apologised and taken people's opinions into consideration with reality. Gonna try to cut down on communication but not just leave her completely as I know of issues in her life that are much more important to tend to if she needs a friend than just a stupid situation like this.

You are in love. She turns your love into the best friend ever. Because no friend is ever such a good friend as someone in love.

Even-while she is manipulating you into friendship, you keep loyal after all the signs are clear that she doesn't love you. She doesn't even respect your feelings.

You are probably in a phase where my words won't reach you and your eyes will keep shut for a few more years. After a few more years you will be open to other girls and then your eyes might open when you walk into a new girl, maybe.

You are doomed.

[Coombs]

I have to quote this joke from a series I watched, fits the discussion.

"You know what they say about nice guys, right?"

"Yes, they finish last."

"No, they finish in the shower."

XD

That is amazing!

[Xilurm]

You are in love. She uses your love into the best friend ever. Because no friend is ever such a good friend as someone in love.
She is manipulating you into friendship. You keep loyal after all the signs are clear that she doesn't love you, she doesn't respect your feelings, etc.
You are probably in a phase where my words won't reach you and your eyes will keep shut for a few more years. After a few more years you will be open to other girls and then your eyes might open when you walk into a new girl, maybe.

You are doomed.

That last line. It just counters everything you said in your post. Whatever advice you wanted to give him, it's gone.

[Sorrior]

They've called you a beta male, told you in detail how you've been friendzoned and you collect fedoras?

Well Sorrior, that puts you in a whole new light.

Unmanly(while using self control so as not to be pushy/overly agressive ironically) and friendzone yes...The fedoras is a guy i know.

- - - Updated - - -

A woman said to you "nice guys finish last"?

Well I see if she wants douchebags that's her problem. She is wrong though.

Not that bit...But I have heard women say it....

[Celista]

A shit ton harder than getting out of her life, that's for sure. I'm still waiting to hear why he's supposed to put himself through that, other than to shame him by implying he's a creep thinking with his dick otherwise. Being an emotional flagellant to a girl who doesn't give a flying fuck about your emotional needs as long as hers are met is sad, not noble and definitely not mature.

Maybe I missed something, but she made it clear that she wasn't interested. It's the OP's job to back off and learn to deal with that, not the girl in question.

You are in love. She turns your love into the best friend ever. Because no friend is ever such a good friend as someone in love.

Even-while she is manipulating you into friendship, you keep loyal after all the signs are clear that she doesn't love you. She doesn't even respect your feelings.

1. He's not in love, he's infatuated; 2. I see no evidence of manipulation here; if she didn't care about him then she'd tell him to fuck off instead of wanting to maintain some sort of friendship, assuming her offer of friendship was sincere and not a nice way of blowing him off (based off of the information we have, could go either way). Also this is assuming she's not getting stuff out of the OP like shopping trips, dinners out etc, which I don't think is happening here because the OP never mentioned it.

[Duronos]

Fucking Aang man. Strolling around with his avatar bullshit, thinking he can whatever he wants...

What of it bitch (I'm joking around, basically a badass version of Aang).

[Kraenen]

become addicted to porn like Don Jon and you won't need relationships

[AngerFork]

In my experience, once someone knows you're interested they don't forget, so don't be afraid to "set them free", so to speak. If they're not interested now, sticking around and obsessively fixating on the object of your desire is the last thing you want to do. Hang out with them once a month/once every few months, work on moving on/improving your own life. That's a sufficient way to keep someone in your life that isn't necessarily interested in you in the same way.

Also, just because someone's not interested now doesn't mean they won't be in the future. The relationship before my last one, there was a 5 year gap in between, he was in a serious relationship w/someone and 5 years later we were both single and had both grown as individuals...and we had a very sweet 6 month relationship. We broke up a month before I left the state for grad school, he wanted to stay in the Midwest and I didn't. Even though it didn't work out, I still value that experience.

Although there are some cases where indeed things like that happen, it has been my experience that is more of the exception as opposed to the rule. In your case, it did work out...but more often than not, people meet other people and rarely look back. That doesn't mean that improving oneself isn't key nor important, nor does it mean that he shouldn't move his gaze away from her. But it does mean that you really can't count on the relationship happening in the future...things happen, people change, and most people once they are given the non-date status don't move away from that status in any real sort of time frame.

That being said, if the OP does allow himself to try and move on as well as improve the areas of his life he finds weakest, he will likely find himself happier. And that's first and foremost...for anyone to truly want you, you have to be yourself. And when someone obsesses over a romantic interest, they often aren't themselves in any strongly discernible way.

[Spalding]

Yeah id say just move on from her. If she really cared about you then she would try and remain in contact. Other wise id just say its best to end it :/

[Digglett]

Digglett... I'm the alpha male, make sure everyone knows that.

Everybody should know that from the get go.

[Ondonnick]

There seems to be 2 ways relationships get started. One is started spontaniously, with a "spark" between (hopefully) both people involved that they can't explain or rationalize. They sometimes defy logic (opposites attract) and make sense to no one but the 2 involved, if you ask them they will tell you with out a doubt they will be together forever. The other kind is thought out and planned, " they seem nice" they think in their heads as they meet for the first time, "our friends say we look good together!", " they are the best option atm" "Sally is not here so let me ask Cindy"etc.

Sometimes a friend can become something more but the point I am trying to make here is why would anyone settle for that? It is a second tier relationship that will never compare to what I refer to as "true love". you will be with someone you had to convince to love you, you had to "win" them over. I always feel sorry for couples I see like that, and you can tell them apart once you get to know them. If that spark is not there from the start for both people involved then long term the (imho) relationship is doomed. The spark is what gets you through the tough times and you cant grow it over time, it's either there or it is not.

I know not everyone will believe this because I know not everyone has experienced that "spark" of attraction and they think its a movie cliche. I truly do pity those people.

[Celista]

I know not everyone will believe this because I know not everyone has experienced that "spark" of attraction and they think its a movie cliche. I truly do pity those people.

I think all of my relationships have started this way. Pheromones, powerful stuff :P

I think there has only been a couple of times where the "spark" didn't turn into anything, one where the guy in question was a co-worker, and something that I'm going through right now, but is kindof up in the air because I JUST got out of a 4 year relationship, and he lives in Seattle while I live in Portland. >.< Kindof hoping something will happen there, amazing guy...at the same time though, not trying to scare the guy off, and I'm trying to get out and date too.

He's coming down to visit again in another week, can't wait

[Aqua]

I might be harsh with my response and if so, I apologize.

You're in the friend zone, bro. You say you're mature but you don't realize most men know better. If she's your "friend" only, dump her and invest your energy into girls who will actually reciprocate.

Boy I really wanna be YOUR friend.


What some of the less dudebro morons have said though OP. She's told you no. She sees you as a friend and is not 'leading you on', I respect that in a girl. If you cannot be anything less than a potential boyfriend mentally, time for some time apart, and hope to whatever deity you pray too, to find someone more appropriate. And if you've had this much time together, try to maintain a distant friendship. Honestly your hormones should not rule your life. If you let them, your circle of friends is going to be very limited to you, and your wife/husband, and sometimes not even the latter.

[Sorshen]

There seems to be 2 ways relationships get started. One is started spontaniously, with a "spark" between (hopefully) both people involved that they can't explain or rationalize. They sometimes defy logic (opposites attract) and make sense to no one but the 2 involved, if you ask them they will tell you with out a doubt they will be together forever. The other kind is thought out and planned, " they seem nice" they think in their heads as they meet for the first time, "our friends say we look good together!", " they are the best option atm" "Sally is not here so let me ask Cindy"etc.

Sometimes a friend can become something more but the point I am trying to make here is why would anyone settle for that? It is a second tier relationship that will never compare to what I refer to as "true love". you will be with someone you had to convince to love you, you had to "win" them over. I always feel sorry for couples I see like that, and you can tell them apart once you get to know them. If that spark is not there from the start for both people involved then long term the (imho) relationship is doomed. The spark is what gets you through the tough times and you cant grow it over time, it's either there or it is not.

I know not everyone will believe this because I know not everyone has experienced that "spark" of attraction and they think its a movie cliche. I truly do pity those people.

I find these relationships the strongest. The "spark" type often ends abruptly, as soon as they discover they don't have that many things in common.
I think what you're trying to convey here is that the "mystery"/"figure out your partner" incentive is superior to a relationship built from a basic friendship, and I disagree. It might be cool for a short period sex-based thing.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

I think all of my relationships have started this way. Pheromones, powerful stuff :P

I think there has only been a couple of times where the "spark" didn't turn into anything, one where the guy in question was a co-worker, and something that I'm going through right now, but is kindof up in the air because I JUST got out of a 4 year relationship, and he lives in Seattle while I live in Portland. >.< Kindof hoping something will happen there, amazing guy...at the same time though, not trying to scare the guy off, and I'm trying to get out and date too.

He's coming down to visit again in another week, can't wait

Long Distance woes murders my soul.

[NewOrleansTrolley]

Boy I really wanna be YOUR friend.

Thanks!

About that circle of friends, I've found you older you get, the more limited your friend pool will be regardless of your choices anyway. And it doesn't prevent friendships with the same sex. You'll just have a less active romantic life until a guy wisens up and quits wasting time.