Empathy

[Trassk]

This is a subject I often think about, maybe even on a daily basis without even realizing I do, but its something I find important when addressing people in the real world and how they conduct themselves, as well as how I conduct myself.

Maybe its just how I was raised, but I live by a code of empathy with others in my day to day life. Empathy, as in understanding, or at least trying to understand another persons emotional level, what there feeling right then more then what there thinking, and hoping, if I think its worth the time, trying to help them get a good balance in there emotional frame of mind.

I use to have a friend who I meet on wow, and who I became a close friend to, where we opened up and talked about each others day to day lives, things we loved, things we hated, but it was all on the table. The problem however was my friend was bi-polar, so his emotional state of mind shifted from one moment to the next on the fly, going from being a happy guy in raiding together and talking, to suddenly become angry or depressed at the drop of a hat, and for me who wanted to be empathetic with him about what he felt, it became exhausting to stand on firm ground with him, and even fearing at one point coming online for what mood he was in.

For me it matters in those I love and friends, and even people I might work with or be helping, simply because I try to put myself in there shoes. Of course, there are always times when the attitudes of others and what there feeling is conflicted with my feelings, but usually that all balances out in the end anyway, I try to just think its better to get past a poor frame of find like getting though a storm to a dry house.

Anyway, I guess the question is, based on empathy and what matters to you, how important is it to you, do you feel things like how important it is how others feel towards you, do you take the feelings of those around you into account when doing anything, and how far can you be pulled with this.

Of course, there are those out there who just don't give a shit about anyone elses emotions or feelings except there own. Walk into a bank or mcdonalds and your feel the emotion left at the door.

[Deleted]

I try to be empathic as much as possible, the problem is that my job involves being lied and bullshitted to so it is a bit hard to take people at face value.

[Themius]

I'm an empathetic person.. this board is...non-empathetic.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

I have a lot of empathy. Verbal and non verbal. Please note that sometimes those that are autistic can sometimes lack empathy not always but it's a possibility. I only know this because there is something where I act indifferent to others when I do this. It's not empathy so to speak but only a little. I seem to be like "Well who cares about the others around me."

[Vizardlorde]

I am very empathetic as in I help when I can even if I don't know or like the person. Maybe it's a side effect of how much I would like people to help me, but they cant since I haven't trusted anyone with my burdens out of fears.

[Themius]

I have a lot of empathy. Verbal and non verbal. Please note that sometimes those that are autistic can sometimes lack empathy not always but it's a possibility. I only know this because there is something where I act indifferent to others when I do this. It's not empathy so to speak but only a little. I seem to be like "Well who cares about the others around me."

Typically people on the spectrum are very empathetic but not in the typical way. It's more common for people on the spectrum to feel more than express so you end up with empathetic people who don't come across as empathetic. It tends to be that people on the spectrum lack cognitive empathy, but are quite emotionally empathetic.

[Trassk]

I'm not sure if theres a term for it, but the meaning would be spontaneous empathy, as in you act on your feelings right then and there.

I remember walking though my local town last year and it had been snowing, so patches of ice were around the place. As I walked though a busy area of my town outside, I noticed out the corner of my eye someone fall, it was an elderly lady with her shopping bags, and I reacted right away walking over to her avoiding not to slip on the ice, as did another man nearby.. but nearly every other person just carried on walking past or around her, not even stopping. We helped her up and got her to the side of the crowd.

Another case, I was walking down the road going to a local bar near me, and as I came down the hill and crossing over a bridge, I saw a moment on the road and a guy on his bike had fallen off and laying on his side. I rushed over, he was laying in the road but slowly getting up, so I helped him stand and moved his bike onto the roadside, asking him he was alright, and if he needed an ambulance, but he seemed intent on just carrying on his journey after a few minutes.

point is, I can't not help someone if there in need of it at that second, I don't leave them thinking 'oh there be alright' and move on.

[Deleted]

Empathy is one of the most underestimated personal traits. Everything in a good democratic nation stands and falls with empathy. It enables you to broaden your horizon and push humanity further without throwing stones in glass houses.

Ufortunetly empathy is severly lacking in real life and the internet. There is a thing called emotional intelligence, most people have not enough of it.

[Themius]

I'm not sure if theres a term for it, but the meaning would be spontaneous empathy, as in you act on your feelings right then and there.

I remember walking though my local town last year and it had been snowing, so patches of ice were around the place. As I walked though a busy area of my town outside, I noticed out the corner of my eye someone fall, it was an elderly lady with her shopping bags, and I reacted right away walking over to her avoiding not to slip on the ice, as did another man nearby.. but nearly every other person just carried on walking past or around her, not even stopping. We helped her up and got her to the side of the crowd.

Another case, I was walking down the road going to a local bar near me, and as I came down the hill and crossing over a bridge, I saw a moment on the road and a guy on his bike had fallen off and laying on his side. I rushed over, he was laying in the road but slowly getting up, so I helped him stand and moved his bike onto the roadside, asking him he was alright, and if he needed an ambulance, but he seemed intent on just carrying on his journey after a few minutes.

point is, I can't not help someone if there in need of it at that second, I don't leave them thinking 'oh there be alright' and move on.

I would feel for that person but I wouldn't act most likely. I'd start freaking out.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

Empathy is one of the most underestimated personal traits. Everything in a good democratic nation stands and falls with empathy. It enables you to broaden your horizon and push humanity further without throwing stones in glass houses.

Ufortunetly empathy is severly lacking in real life and the internet. There is a thing called emotional intelligence, most people have not enough of it.

One can be a super genius and still be a total asshole. Emotional intelligence is something that cannot easily be measured truthfully because internet anonymous like attitude that is very common. I'm not in that area but it's sadly very common to not be empathetic at all. I don't specifically mean MMO-Champion. It could be Redit,4chan,Facebook etc etc.

[Trassk]

I would feel for that person but I wouldn't act most likely. I'd start freaking out.

There was also a moment in my local bus station where I saw a man hunched to one side on a chair, before he fell off and cut himself, bleeding over the ground. I ran over and got him up, realizing he was intoxicated, and tried to keep him sitting upright while I called 999, but when I told him I needed him to sit and wait for the ambulance to come, he got up and dragged himself off, nothing else I could do for him if he didn't want to sit and wait.
I got the impression I gave more of a shit about him falling over and hurting himself then he did.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

There was also a moment in my local bus station where I saw a man hunched to one side on a chair, before he fell off and cut himself, bleeding over the ground. I ran over and got him up, realizing he was intoxicated, and tried to keep him sitting upright while I called 999, but when I told him I needed him to sit and wait for the ambulance to come, he got up and dragged himself off, nothing else I could do for him if he didn't want to sit and wait.
I got the impression I gave more of a shit about him falling over and hurting himself then he did.

See for me I'd keep to myself. It's not that I'm "Fuck you bro" It's just I'm very shy and anxious, thus I give off the impression I'm an asshat when I'm really not.

[Trassk]

See for me I'd keep to myself. It's not that I'm "Fuck you bro" It's just I'm very shy and anxious, thus I give off the impression I'm an asshat when I'm really not.

Well, like say, I tried to help the guy, but when it become obvious he didn't want help, theres little I could do, yeah I felt sorry for him, but still..

Thats the problem with empathy, it is more often not reciprocal, when I see someone is wanting to help me I take there offer of help as a thank to for caring, and even try to do something back as a gesture of thanks. But many people will either not, or even refuse your offer of help outright, maybe feeling they don't want to owe anyone a favor or just want to be left alone in there own world.

[Themius]

See for me I'd keep to myself. It's not that I'm "Fuck you bro" It's just I'm very shy and anxious, thus I give off the impression I'm an asshat when I'm really not.

It's too much social pressure for me all of a sudden.

What do I say what do I do. How should I speak to them. I can do this all when it's not spontaneous.

- - - Updated - - -

Well, like say, I tried to help the guy, but when it become obvious he didn't want help, theres little I could do, yeah I felt sorry for him, but still..

Thats the problem with empathy, it is more often not reciprocal, when I see someone is wanting to help me I take there offer of help as a thank to for caring, and even try to do something back as a gesture of thanks. But many people will either not, or even refuse your offer of help outright, maybe feeling they don't want to owe anyone a favor or just want to be left alone in there own world.

I think people just don't care much... for instance the number of haters of people who commit suicide is quite ridiculous.

[Undies]

I try to be empathic as much as possible, the problem is that my job involves being lied and bullshitted to so it is a bit hard to take people at face value.

just wondering, what is your job? I had to deal with that a lot when I was working tech support.

[Pull My Finger]

Empathy is a great thing when used effectively against other people.

[Trassk]

It's too much social pressure for me all of a sudden.

What do I say what do I do. How should I speak to them. I can do this all when it's not spontaneous.

I understand that fully, because it does become a thing you need to almost instantly register on with people at times, if you should be helping someone or not. If your helping someone, or even if your talking to someone on an emotional level, and say something that may or may not be appropriate at the moment, can you always engage there feelings of whats said, and then determine if you should go on or draw back from the conversation.

Having been friends with someone who was bi-polar, it did feel like watching on sheet ice that every word I say could trigger a reaction, and I cared enough about my friend then to tread carefully.

[Felya]

just wondering, what is your job? I had to deal with that a lot when I was working tech support.

I abused hold... Ask for the issue, replicate it, put them on hold, hop on the server and solve it... I did ask if they had a kid around once and they were very accepting and let the kid take over... The longest I put anyone on hold was a bit over an hour, I literally left the office to get lunch...

I have no choice with empathy or else the guilt keeps me up at night... If you see me post at like 2 am, it's most likely that...

[Deleted]

just wondering, what is your job? I had to deal with that a lot when I was working tech support.

British Army Officer, people are always trying to get out of duties or having a shit excuse for discipline problems.

[Deleted]

I don't feel empathy, I think empathy. Often it changes the whole thing around and I find myself being empathetic towards the "wrong" side. I dislike "feelers", they always choose the side that's more cute and cuddly.