Surrogate Topic: My husband is an "overly" functional alcoholic.

[diddle]

Problem of a female friend of mine.

"My husband drinks at least half a liter of liquor a day. He hates the taste of alcohol, but he loves being intoxicated. He always buys aristocrat vodka and lime juice, he acknowledges that he will always hate the taste of alcohol so he doesn't feel a need to buy expensive liquor. I worry about his health, but the problem is that he handles alcohol very well. He doesn't even use a shotglass, he uses a cup that he fills with about 5-8 shots worth of alcohol and chugs it. He does this before going to work half of the time. When he is off work he takes anywhere between 15-20 shots of liquor and seems completely functional. He is very good at acting normal when he is drunk.

He is capable of going without alcohol and shows no signs of withdrawal or addiction. When he doesn't have access to alcohol he is fine and he acts completely normal. He rarely gets hammered (at least by his standards, one chug of 5-8 shots just gets him tipsy) but even when he gets really drunk he is a very nice drunk - telling every one around him how much he loves them etc. He also drinks tons of water while he's drunk to avoid a hangover which he almost never gets because of it. He takes acid controller pills everyday to compensate for the effect that the drinking takes on his stomach.

I've been with him for a very long time, and as much as I worry about his health he is either very immune to alcoholism (not likely as his parents are both alcoholics, very kind but severe alcoholics) or he has a very well-crafted regiment to deal with the effects of his alcoholism. He knows he has a problem, but he just jokes about it more than he addresses it. How do I deal with this? I almost wish his alcoholism had more devastating effects on his life so he could at least recognize the problem.

Also, if it helps in analyzing the situation my husband has always been an atheist and nihilist. He volunteers, sponsors third-world child, but only does so because he believes human life is a generally horrible thing that we can all only get through together. I saw the show True Detective and this quote pretty much describes everything my husband believes, but he waters it down for me because he thinks that it is too cruel a thing to tell someone: "I think human consciousness, is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware, nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself, we are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self; an accretion of sensory, experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody is nobody. Maybe the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight - brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal."

He is always polite and sweet, but in his eyes it always seems like he is spacing out - never completely there like he is just going through the motions. How do I get help for my husband?"

[Deleted]

The only problem I see is him drinking before work, but really this is not your problem and you need to keep out of it. He does not sound like he is horrible when drunk so leave him to it.

[Puupi]

Yeah my father was a functional alcoholic, until he stopped being functional.

It's just a matter of time until it happens.

Act now, before it's too late. Do whatever is necessary, and possible, to make him stop drinking. In Finland that is pretty hard, because you can't force anyone to be locked in some medical facility even if it was for his best/only choice.

[diddle]

I'm thinking the concern might be the amount of alcohol he drinks and the effect it will have on his body, regardless of how it impacts his behavior or functioning. At least, that's the only concern I can think of. In that case though, the answer is just to get him to talk to a doctor about it while sober.

This is exactly her concern, as much as he is able to compose himself while drunk she knows that it his destroying his mind and body. This is why she wishes he had crippling hangovers or became dysfunctional while drunk - so that he would have an observable reason to limit his drinking.

[Naxere]

It's fine, until he fails a breathalyzer test.

[diddle]

It's fine, until he fails a breathalyzer test.

He drives drunk all of the time, but if you hadn't met him and got in the car with him while he was drunk you would never know.

- - - Updated - - -

Is he Russian or Irish?

Combination of german, british, and dutch. Another american mutt like myself.

[Stir]

Being an atheist has nothing to do with it. Honestly. Even being a nihilist isn't a problem, here.
It sounds like the guy is suffering from depression (and possibly more, such as mild psychosis. His quote, and the sense of detachment of reality it entails, reminds me of that), and self-medicating with alcohol. It's not uncommon (though the most common drug used for this is nicotine). What this guy needs is professional help.
Do understand that the notion of professional help is daunting for many, and many more will not take kindly to the notion that they need this help. However, such a large amount of alcohol, no matter how well he handles it on the surface, it will poison his liver, give him colon and brain tumors, and destroy his kidneys. There'll be damage to his arteries, to his stomach lining, and he will age more rapidly. His muscle tissue will deteriorate, he'll get Alzheimer's (if he lives long enough), and he'll die. Young.

And that is all assuming he remains stable and mentally... In control. Chances are he won't be able to do that in the future. He may grow irritable, irrational, and can develop all sorts of serious mental illnesses, such as paranoia, schizophrenia and phobias, as a result of his alcohol consumption.

He should know and understand all of this. Now; I wouldn't advocate taking all sorts of meds from the get-go; it's probably best to talk to a psychologist about those issues, and about the possibility of kicking the habit.
And that is another thing: Alcoholicism is a difficult addiction to kick. It'll be hard. But in the end, it will be necessary. It's either that, or he'll die alone and miserable, because your friend will have left him before the end. She'll have to, at some point, to save herself.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

He drives drunk all of the time, but if you hadn't met him and got in the car with him while he was drunk you would never know.

Yeah, no. Somebody here is exaggerating or just flat lying.

[diddle]

Yeah, no. Somebody here is exaggerating or just flat lying.

He is a friend of mine, and I can verify it. It's a bit of an anomaly.

[xact4]

Being an atheist has nothing to do with it. Honestly. Even being a nihilist isn't a problem, here.
It sounds like the guy is suffering from depression (and possibly more, such as mild psychosis. His quote, and the sense of detachment of reality it entails, reminds me of that), and self-medicating with alcohol. It's not uncommon (though the most common drug used for this is nicotine). What this guy needs is professional help.
Do understand that the notion of professional help is daunting for many, and many more will not take kindly to the notion that they need this help. However, such a large amount of alcohol, no matter how well he handles it on the surface, it will poison his liver, give him colon and brain tumors, and destroy his kidneys. There'll be damage to his arteries, to his stomach lining, and he will age more rapidly. His muscle tissue will deteriorate, he'll get Alzheimer's (if he lives long enough), and he'll die. Young.

And that is all assuming he remains stable and mentally... In control. Chances are he won't be able to do that in the future. He may grow irritable, irrational, and can develop all sorts of serious mental illnesses, such as paranoia, schizophrenia and phobias, as a result of his alcohol consumption.

He should know and understand all of this. Now; I wouldn't advocate taking all sorts of meds from the get-go; it's probably best to talk to a psychologist about those issues, and about the possibility of kicking the habit.
And that is another thing: Alcoholicism is a difficult addiction to kick. It'll be hard. But in the end, it will be necessary. It's either that, or he'll die alone and miserable, because your friend will have left him before the end. She'll have to, at some point, to save herself.

The most sensible post I've seen in these forums.

Let me just add from personal experience... ultimately this man is going to have to want to fix himself. I don't know if he'll be able to do that without believing their's a point. For me this was religion. I hope he can find something ahead of him to hold onto as well, even if it's just his wife/families well-being. Agree %100 he's suffering from depression. If he can't accept that he needs to fix himself and find that goal, he will fail again and again and again. Just the nature of addiction.

Luckily, though alcoholism is a crazy hard addiction to fight, it's a tangible enemy. Their's no gray area, instead of drinking it... he doesn't drink it.

Anyways good luck to your friend and her husband.

[Catta]

This is exactly her concern, as much as he is able to compose himself while drunk she knows that it his destroying his mind and body. This is why she wishes he had crippling hangovers or became dysfunctional while drunk - so that he would have an observable reason to limit his drinking.

Should probably have his liver checked.

[ifrah]

His liver is gonna be a wreck in the near future if not already...