A different kind of relationship thread

[Lenonis]

I'm starting to think I might be a little...odd...when it comes to relationships. In my perception there are three phases -- that initial flirty "hey I like you" sort of phase. Doesn't usually last very long, but it's where you go from meeting to deciding to date. Then there is phase 2 -- the "Let's go on dates and figure out what this is" phase. Then there is phase 3 -- "We're a committed couple in a relationship for a (hopefully) long while".

I love phase 1. It's so much fun -- flirting is one of life's great pleasures. I love phase 3. Having someone in my life to share experiences (and my bed) with is awesome.

I loathe phase 2. The uncertainty...the "what are we? Do you like me? Do I like you? Is this going anywhere?" drives me insane. I can't stand it. I always want to fast forward to phase 3.

I've been told by quite a few people that I'm weird -- that phase 2 is fun and awesome! And I just don't see it.

I'm wondering two questions:

1) Do you see relationship development in the same way? 3 phases? More? Less?
2) Do you like/hate any particular phase of this?

Just a curiosity thread on a slow Friday.

[Deleted]

Most of the time there are only two phases for me:

1) meeting = dating

if it works out well

2) taking about it + being a couple

No need for wasting time, I usually decide during the first date if someone is a potential partner or not.

[Lenonis]

No need for wasting time, I usually decide during the first date if someone is a potential partner or not.

If you don't mind my asking -- how old are you? I'm curious if that sort of quick decision making has demographic boundaries or not.

[rayvio]

every relationship has some subtle differences, sometimes significant, but the phases sound somewhat familiar. personally I'm not too fond of phase one or two, but just rushing into phase 3 isn't a sound plan so not a lot of options

[Nyanmaru]

I don't see a difference between phase 1 and 2, at least not for me. But I don't decide if someone is partner material or not either, it just happens.

[Deleted]

I dunno. I'm pretty emotionally immature and stuff and get attached to everyone who shows me interest really easilly. So it's usually like Step one, we meet. Step two Oh you're moving in with me. That's cool. I know we've only been on three dates but this can't possibly go wrong.

Really though, the whole thing should be fun. It can be nervewracking not knowing people's motives or whatever but that's what communication is for.

[Rukentuts]

Maybe one more phase OP, to distinguish from the committed "honeymoon phase" to just committed regulation.

[theostrichsays]

The only difference I would really say, is:
(P1) Is "Hey I like you, lets go on a date(s)."
(P2) Is "Lets figure out where this is going."

Not much of a difference but definition of date varies a lot by person, and dating and figuring out if there is a future personally seems like different beasts.
You also forgot the transition phase, where the shiny newness of the relationship wears off, that typically occurs in (P3) but is significantly worse (in my experience) if everything was rushed.

Ruken beat me to it, I just procrastinated to long after hitting reply so I didn't see it.

[Gamdwelf]

I don't think relationships go in phases and if you are stuck in some area where you don't know what's going on ask, communication is important.

[Aspect of Death]

I dislike phase 4 "the constant fights and whineing", that leads "the break up phase", phase 5. I just ignore all other phases to avoid phase 4. I've been doing that for ~1 year now, and life is good. :3

[Lenonis]

I don't think relationships go in phases

Really? I don't see how given how relationships and feelings deepen and mature. It isn't like things are the same on day 1 as they are on day 23090583.

communication is important.

Absolutely

[Gamdwelf]

Really? I don't see how given how relationships and feelings deepen and mature. It isn't like things are the same on day 1 as they are on day 23090583.

Yeah, but I don't see it like you are in phase one then after a while you are then suddenly in phase 2 etc.

[Lenonis]

Yeah, but I don't see it like you are in phase one then after a while you are then suddenly in phase 2 etc.

Oh, yeah, the lines between phases are very soft...but I think they do exist. But maybe people just kind of process these things differently so perceptions vary on how it goes.

[Darsithis]

Well, you know me. Always been the "in your face" kind of person. Ask, and get the answer.

EDIT: I find the irony of posting in my ex's love life thread to be hilarious.

[Itisamuh]

I am more of the opinion that there are two phases, getting started and keeping it going. I am also of the opinion that both phases suck most of the time, which is why I do little dating. I have never been very good at getting to know people unless they make the effort first, though it can sometimes be fun if the stars align. And people are way too fickle with their feelings and loyalties to rely on things lasting, so my trust level is pretty much shattered. Raising a family might constitute a third phase, but I have no intentions of reaching that one due to not wanting kids.

[Kalis]

Phase 1 & 2 are part of the same thing, aren't they?

Otherwise phase 1 lasts about 30 minutes on average, which is barely even a phase compared to the other two.

[Lenonis]

Well, you know me. Always been the "in your face" kind of person. Ask, and get the answer.

Except you can't necessarily ask about something that needs to develop on its own. "Hey do you like me?" is a very awkward question when that emotion is being developed.

EDIT: I find the irony of posting in my ex's love life thread to be hilarious.

<3

[Lenonis]

Phase 1 & 2 are part of the same thing, aren't they?

I can see why people think that, but I don't see it that way. Phase 1 isn't necessarily long, but can be a couple weeks. It's kind of where you are getting to know each other before you do that first kiss...or before you start really doing the romantic stuff. Phase 2 is where you are dating and developing feelings and a sense for something more long term. Phase 3 is the established couple phase.

That's how I look at it anyway.

[theostrichsays]

Well, you know me. Always been the "in your face" kind of person. Ask, and get the answer.

EDIT: I find the irony of posting in my ex's love life thread to be hilarious.

While I know nothing about the seriousness or situation if serious, I have a sudden desire to watch day time talk shows. A Jerry chant feels like it could be in my future.

[Reeve]

My phases work like this:

Phase 1: Meeting, deciding if we like each other
Phase 2: Excited to see each other, really flirty, lots of sex, tons of fun
Phase 3: I start to find all the things that annoy me about the girl, am unable to move past them, and eventually dump her.

I've never managed to get through Phase 3.