"Social people" are unable to comprehend that I'm introverted

[Deleted]

I work with a guy who just loves to talk - He would talk all day and do absolutely no work if he had the chance to. I'm not like that. I enjoy a chat, but by personality I struggle to be around people for long periods of time; I need a lot of time to myself. So I have my headphones in at work for like half of the day, partly so I can actually get some fucking work done in between the constant barrages of pointless noise, and partly because I don't want to talk as much as the others in general, and when he can't talk to me he'll go searching for others to talk to and will complain to others about it, and in general the lack of social atmosphere.

Why does he feel the need to do that? Why, just because I need to spend time alone and can't spend 8 and a half hours talking garbage, am I automatically the problem in his eyes?

I like social interaction as much as the next guy, just not for extended periods of time. I'm done with that after a short while and then I like (or need) to go and do something by myself for a while. Why is that so bad or so hard for people to understand?

[tss]

You say "people" and talk about one guy.

[Deleted]

Just as you need time to yourself, others need to be around other people and talk. Just opposite ends of the same "social spectrum" really.

Quite ironically the guy could make a thread about "introverted people unable to comprehend they're social".

[Deleted]

You say "people" and talk about one guy.

I just used him as the latest example. These people have existed in various stages throughout my life, and quite consistently too.

[PosPosPos]

You say "people" and talk about one guy.

That's because introverted people see "one guy" as 1 person too many for their desirable social circle.

It's part of being introverted to begin with.

[Nurvus]

It's not "social people", it's "pretentious social people".
There are a lot of social people who respect your differences.

[Istypops]

You're the problem in his eyes as he is the problem in your eyes. Unfortunately I don't think there will ever be a complete understanding of opposites.

I feel the same tho, I've been told numerous times I'm quiet or shy even tho I prefer to listen to people rather than talk. One on one with a person I can talk to no end as long as the other party contributes to the conversation, but as soon as more people join in I stop talking and like to listen instead. Whenever someone notices it they're very quick to tell me to talk more, even when I tell them I'd rather listen. They just wont leave me alone. So I just ignore them and get on with my work. I don't like to get work and personal business mixed up anyway.

[Lynarii]

Geez people, the 'one guy' thing is just a recent example.

And to the OP, it's because there was a strong societal belief that being extroverted is good and introverted is bad. There have been a lot of studies on the matter more recently (relatively speaking) that all conclude that neither is inherently better, and in fact both kinds are important for the overall health of large groups, but any change in thinking patterns usually takes multiple generations to truly filter down through the majority of the population.

[PosPosPos]

It's not "social people", it's "pretentious social people".
There are a lot of social people who respect your differences.

Usually, those people are not so much "pretentious" as "bored".

Of course, their energy is invested in the wrong place, but still...

[Zhira]

I struggle to be around people for long periods of time

Just to clarify, this has nothing to do with being introverted :-). An introvert can easily be around people, speak to large crowds, be the center of attention. What separates an introvert is that we recharge our mental batteries while being alone or doing something solitary..... unlike extroverts who charge while being social.

Many people wrongly mistake social anxiety with being an introvert. They couldn't be more wrong. ;-)

/ Z.

[bignumbers]

You're the problem in his eyes as he is the problem in your eyes. Unfortunately I don't think there will ever be a complete understanding of opposites.

I feel the same tho, I've been told numerous times I'm quiet or shy even tho I prefer to listen to people rather than talk. One on one with a person I can talk to no end as long as the other party contributes to the conversation, but as soon as more people join in I stop talking and like to listen instead. Whenever someone notices it they're very quick to tell me to talk more, even when I tell them I'd rather listen. They just wont leave me alone. So I just ignore them and get on with my work. I don't like to get work and personal business mixed up anyway.

this right here, i couldn't have put it into better words myself

[Warlord Booty]

I'm a Gemini, so I either love being the life of the party or being left the fuck alone.

[Thes]

I don't enjoy being around people I have nothing in common with (kind of). For example I'm an engineer student and my roommate studies some more social related field. I'm not exaggerating in that our everyday language alone is like if we tried to communicate through foreign one. It's always this "what the fuck are you talking about" scenario I get with some people. These days I explain things just by saying "it just is" or "magic happens".

I'm also fairly introvert. I don't get anxiety being around people, but unless I know them very well I'm pretty much a listener.

[Deleted]

I'm a Gemini, so I either love being the life of the party or being left the fuck alone.

Yeah. Awesome.

OT: Just look at it from his view, he recharges via social interactions. You recharge from solitary time. Nothing wrong with either, just set boundaries with him.

[Perryn]

The norm is to be extroverted and some extroverted people don't have any innate understanding that anybody would not want to be social. Introverted people don't get "in your face" to be introverted, they draw away and thus it isn't glaringly obvious that they are introverted. Extroverted people by the very nature of being extroverted will seek you out and thus the "friction" in the dynamic will typically be more noticeable for the introverted person than the extroverted person. There isn't much you can do about it except try to be as honest and clear about it as you can, letting this person know that while you are happy to chat now and then but that you need some time to focus on your job as well.

I'm introverted as well which is sort of ironic in a sense since most of my adult work career has been in one noisy and "busy" workplace after another. People all around me tend to blab their mouth off while I consider ways I could kill them and get away with it just to shut them up..:P Naw but anyway.

When/if you can get away with it, pop on a set of headphones and listen to music to make it more obvious you're looking to not be bothered right then. Else you'll just have to live with it and try to recuperate outside work, even if that can be rough at times.

[Spectral]

Perhaps you just hang around too many shitty people. Everyone that I know full well understands me when I say that I'm introverted and need substantial alone time to recharge my batteries.

[slickwilly]

There's always someone to play the social butterfly at work. You'll find them stqanding around various parts of the building holding someone hostage in conversation. You can see the look in the hostages eyes pleading for help, save me, get me out of here.

[Deleted]

Heh, I'm not sure whether it's reassuring or saddening knowing that it seems to happen to at least a few more people

The whole introvert vs extrovert thing has bugged me for quite a long time. I know there are a lot of extroverts out there who understand, but the amount of times people in mt life have tried to get me to talk to people or to go somewhere or do something after repeated, polite, declinations, it's almost as if the majority really don't understand what makes people like me tick. Totally agree that I don't always understand those people either, but I'd like to think I compromise by spending as much time talking as I do. Just never seems to be enough for some

[Deleted]

Heh, I'm not sure whether it's reassuring or saddening knowing that it seems to happen to at least a few more people

The whole introvert vs extrovert thing has bugged me for quite a long time. I know there are a lot of extroverts out there who understand, but the amount of times people in mt life have tried to get me to talk to people or to go somewhere or do something after repeated, polite, declinations, it's almost as if the majority really don't understand what makes people like me tick. Totally agree that I don't always understand those people either, but I'd like to think I compromise by spending as much time talking as I do. Just never seems to be enough for some

Buck up.

Just say you're not feeling it, thank them, and do what you feel comfortable with. If you can't do that, then you've bigger problems.

[Deleted]

Had one of those too. I talked to my boss and gave him reasons on why him being near me lowers my work productivity. The next day he moved him to another spot. And then it was great.

The bottom line is, if you are having problems with this one guy, tell your boss that and he'll shift you around. Trust me when I say this, it isn't the first time your boss has dealt with these issues, as in someone not getting along with someone else.