Bi-Polar Girlfriend?

[Feel The Power]

1. Stop being a massive faggot and love your girl, theres going to be ups and downs in every relationship, yours are just worse. Deal with it and have a wonderfull life full of adventure and horrid downperiods that makes you want to kill yourself, im guessing this is the most rewarding option.

Care to explain how his girlfriend having problems and telling him she doesn't want to be together anymore makes him a "massive faggot"? Once again, she doesn't want to be together anymore, not him. Do people become massive homosexuals in Denmark when a girl breaks up with them? Try to answer back quick before your ban!

[sarecho]

she's not just bipolar, she's probably a lot of other shit too but mostly she sounds like a drama queen

get rid of her. you can't fix people and neither can the drugs they load mentally fucked up people with. you deserve to have your ass kicked if you have kids with her because you're fucking with their lives too

[Hyve]

If you're considering leaving her over this, then it's not really love.

Either you stick with it, and love her, help her through this good or bad, or you move on. Your call, we can't help you with that.

[Chingylol]

Bi Polar has nothing to do with malice or manipulation and guilt trips. For someone touting "people who have no clue", you kind of give that vibe. Maybe you just had a bad experience with dating girls who do that.

Regardless, if you love her, you either learn to deal with it, or not. The fact of the matter is, everyone is broken in some way or another. If you can't deal with it, there will be a line of girls ahead in your life that you won't be able to deal with either.

It sounds like you really like eachother, which is the important part. If you want to stay together, FIGURE IT OUT. Do what you need to do.

Do not, however, cater to her self destructive, self deprecating style. If she's guilty and thinks she isn't worthy, guess who confirms or denies that idea? You.

Dude, have you been or seen someone with Bipolar One going thru a manic episode? It brings out the worst in people. They don't sleep. Maybe 1-3 hours a night, which makes them extremely irritable and causes them to say shit that they never would normally. If you're around them, they will blame you. "Ugh, I couldn't sleep because you kept moving around" or "Jeez, you woke me up when you went to the bathroom and I couldn't fall back asleep". Things like that, and will bring it up constantly and use it to their advantage in the future. Another thing is spending money they don't have which is common. And when the money runs out, they're going to take it out on someone, and guess who it's going to be? It will lead to other problems in a snowball effect. They will make very poor decisions when they're at their lowest points, like applying for a shitload of credit cards, and taking out cash advances on them until they're maxed out.

One common thing I noticed about both girls I was with for more then 6 months was that they were horrible with money. If they had it, it had to be spent since it gave them gratification. Saving was a concept that was like a foreign language to them.

[Anium]

I prefer not to give my two cents on posts like this, only you know whats best for the both of you.

[Deleted]

as hard as it may sound, run fast and run far. she will drag you down until you wish you had broken up with her years ago

[Gungtah]

You'd have guessed wrong then.

Living with someone that has a serious mental illness isn't "life full of adventure". It isn't rewarding, it won't be wonderful, it's hard work and your life together will be more downs than any "up" can make up for. Unless they have an intense emotional bond with that person then the best advice anyone can give is that they shouldn't pursue the relationship.

yeah people with a mental illness should just be single.

Rofl what makes you think you're so great that you deserve better than anyone else stuck with the poor girl, good lord the entitlement to sexuality in the west is so inane.

[vetinari]

yeah people with a mental illness should just be single.
.

Yes, some people should just be single. Some people aren't relationship material. Sometimes its not their fault. Life sucks, get over it.

[chazus]

Dude, have you been or seen someone with Bipolar One going thru a manic episode? It brings out the worst in people.

Yes, I have actually, and I have had a number of friends in the past who were as well. It IS tough, and it DOES bring out some rather foul moods. However, it does NOT bring out manipulation and guilt trips. That is just something that is built into the character of the person already. Bi-polar or not. Being bipolar doesn't make you an asshole. However it DOES make the someone who is an asshole have more pronounced behaviors like that.

Or, it might be a result of the person whom they're with. Bipolar people respond very differently, and often more intensely, to those they're with. If those people are a bad influence on them, it will just make their behavior worse as well.

Again, you either deal with it, or don't.

[Pullip]

To take on dating someone with severe mental illness is not something to be taken lightly at all. I should know, as I am on the other side of the table, and I suffer from severe mental condition. Would I date me? No, I would not.

On the good days, I am the best person you'll ever meet, I am creative, smart and enthralling. I will make you feel special.

Then on the worst of days, you'll regret ever having met me, I will make you feel like shit.

Mental disorders do not go away jsut like that, and to be honest, I would hesitate dating someone that has them, because it'll impact life vastly.

[Pony Soldier]

I'm no relationship expert but if I were in your shoes I would just break up. It's going to be hard but living with someone with bipolar could also harm your health like stress, lots of stress, at least I would think so. I just couldn't see myself being with a girl like that for the rest of my life let alone just a couple of years, months even. But people have different tolerance levels, me, I would let her go early so it's not so emotionally damaging but if you can tolerate your girl's bipolar syndrome then more power to you. I would only be able to take so much before I say goodbye. You'd have to be truly in love to stay with her as in seeing yourself growing old with her.

[RoryTee]

Yes, some people should just be single. Some people aren't relationship material. Sometimes its not their fault. Life sucks, get over it.

I don't think you sound like relationship material , infact you sound horrible. You are right , it's not your fault.

[Chingylol]

Yes, I have actually, and I have had a number of friends in the past who were as well. It IS tough, and it DOES bring out some rather foul moods. However, it does NOT bring out manipulation and guilt trips. That is just something that is built into the character of the person already. Bi-polar or not. Being bipolar doesn't make you an asshole. However it DOES make the someone who is an asshole have more pronounced behaviors like that.

Or, it might be a result of the person whom they're with. Bipolar people respond very differently, and often more intensely, to those they're with. If those people are a bad influence on them, it will just make their behavior worse as well.

Again, you either deal with it, or don't.

I agree, it may not be the cause of manipulation, but it does amplify their negative aspects if they're already present. And many people are like that.

[Deleted]

yeah people with a mental illness should just be single.

Not speaking for everyone, but in most cases: Yes. I can't speak for everyone, but mostly the post you quoted is spot on. And I'm saying that as someone who is having one and was single (mostly due to that) the whole life. It is just how it is. And there are so much more things to enjoy in life than relationships, so it would be stupid to get stuck up on that.

@ OT: Don't take any advice from here. Only you can really assert the whole situation and know exactly how you feel. Compare the ups and downs of the outcomes, and act accordingly.

[Kheirn]

I'm not sure you really should listen to what some people say here.

Why do I say this? Because I'm diagnosed with Bipolar Type II, ADHD, Aperger's Syndrome and GAD, currently in a lovely relationship since 6 years back and there's nothing that could break us up now.

Yes, it was rough at first, her being diagnosed with Asperger's and ADD as well, but that also made us understand eachother. Was it hard for her when I had extreme lows and hypomanic highs? Of course it was. But how did I feel in all that? Horrible, obviously. Not only did I feel bad about myself, I felt bad about hurting her. Yet at the same time, she was everything that I had, the only light in my life worth living for. It was just as hard for me when she would go into extreme anxiety attacks, screaming at me, telling me she doesn't want to live anymore and that my life would be better without her in it.

Should I have given up? Would it have been the right thing to turn around and leave? Of course not. While it might sound bizarre, she said those things to me because she loved me. She loved me so much that she wanted the best for me and she sincerely believed (at that moment) that I would be happier without her. However, she couldn't be more wrong. So what do you do? The only thing you can do is to stand strong as a rock, reassure her that you won't go anywhere, combat her fears, because that's all they are.

So 6 years has gone past, we know each other very well, she can tell when I'm starting to freak out and calm me down and vice versa. All our quirks that was hard to cope with the first year(s) doesn't even affect us anymore since we understand eachother at a much deeper level.

Worth to note as well is that it does indeed sound like her medication isn't working properly. She should visit her doctor ASAP and consider switching medicine or upping the dosage. I'm currently taking 200 mg of Lamotrigine and for me it has worked out great. Some minor ups and lows, but nothing of the sort your girlfriend seems to have.

That's my view at least, what you do however is entirely up to you.

And I'll try not to take offense at everyone claiming people with bi-polar syndrome are fucked up forever.

[Deleted]

My best friend is a married woman (we're more like brother / sister) and she suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and she has ups and downs, but i wouldn't change her for the world... Each day is always unique as we never know what the mood will be like.. I also suffer from depression aswell, but we just put up with each others moods... However our partners can't understand what we find funny and just sit there and laugh for no reason.... I'm 45 and my friend is 37, so it's not like it's a new thing for us....

If you actually do love her, you will put up with the highs and low that she has... Like people have said she is testing you to see if you really do love her or will bolt as soon as the door is open.. Personally I find loving someone with problems is more rewarding than a normal one..

[Septik]

Sorry to say, but most of the "clinically diagnosed" bi-polar people i have had to deal with over the years are, for lack of a better term, attention whores. They use bi-polar as an excuse to justify their rancid behaviour. They are given medication to combat it, but seem to slip off of it when its convenient to them, and again blame their disorder, yet soak in all the attention they get for "slipping".

Im not saying there is nothing wrong with them, there clearly is and I have no issue with that, but there are tons of people out there who deal with their disease, yet dont ruin the lives of those around them because they lack the self control required to manage their condition.

In the case of the OP it sounds like either A) GF is purposely missing doses so she can have an excuse when she puts on a show, or B) is on the wrong medication and or dosage, which means even if she is trying to manage, it wont be pretty.

A good friend of mine deals with this with his wife, she is normal 95% of the time (according to him, i have never seen her "down") thanks to proper medicating. Which he (note; HE) has to help her with. Ensuring she is following her regiment and if he notices something is off, he is on the phone with the doctor, simply because she would not address the issue herself.

Maybe this is something you can attempt with her? I know you have only been with her for a couple of months, and what i am suggesting is a huge invasion of privacy. But if you want her to be normal (as can be), you will need to take the extra steps, cause when you see her as being bat-shit-crazy, everything is normal in her mind and you are the fucked up one.


PS: i've yet to meet a person (m or f) that isnt fucked up or emotionally draining on some level, so if you really love her and can put in that extra effort to help her stay on track, then stick with who you love. If she wont let you help her, she is most likely after the attention and or enjoys being off.

[Peekabooboo]

If she is truly bipolar, you're life will be far more stable and happy with a "normal" girl. Uncontrolled bipolar people make horrible spouses and parents. But every bipolar person is different, and deal with meds differently. If you love her, do what you need to; avoid guilt and regret all of your life.

[Teomner]

I dated a girl a while back who was bi-polar. She also was manipulative and kind of crazy. We dated a little over a year. I experienced many of the same things some of the other posters have mentioned. I got blamed for things I didn't do. I got the guilt trips. She'd change the meaning of what I would say and get angry over it. She would put me down in front of her friends and even my friends. Until she told me one day she didn't want me seeing my friends, cause she thought they'd try to convince me to leave her. It just got worse and worse. As time went on, I got pulled down and it had a huge effect on me. I got depressed and a lot of my ambitions in life got smothered.

In the end, I was tired of her twisting my words and being treated like dirt. I was her emotional punching bag. I called it off and it got bad. She tried to call the cops on me stating I had stolen stuff from her place, even though she left stuff at mine and hadn't come to pick it up yet. Her parents finally intervened and everything stopped.

She later married another guy, stopped by one day and apologized and said she was all better because of new medication. Maybe she got better, maybe she didn't. I'm not sure. Now I'm not saying your girl is like this. I'm pretty sure the girl I dated had a ton of other issues. Looking back I know I was verbally and emotionally abused. It was no fun.

If you are looking for advice from this forum, the best I can give is this:

If you really love her and want to work with her for years on this, then try and stick it out, but do not let her bring you down. Do not stand for it. You are worth something to this world. She is too. If you want it to work, go see a counselor. She might get better some day, she might not. I don't think anyone here could tell you what will happen.

If you are not sure you can deal with the issues, you should call it off sooner than later. Just beware that in my experience, and watching others, it seems those that are bi-polar have a hard time letting go. You may get angry threatening calls, then an hour later, sad ones. Or...you might not. Just know that what ever choice you make may be a difficult one. This may sound selfish, but you need to put your needs first. Your mental and emotional health need to stay in check if you want to stay with her. You can't help her if she is the one bringing you down. You'd need to be strong to help her. It's really up to you.

Whatever happens, I wish you all the luck of the internets and hope the best for you.

[vindicatorx]

You are 2 months in and having an issue dealing with it? I would move on if I was you.