"Age is just a number"

[Lenonis]

So a recent relationship advice thread ended up getting derailed by a discussion about age gaps in relationships.

A lot of people threw out the phrases "age is just a number" and "you are both adults."

I wonder how many people really and truly actually believe this?

I think a majority of people would agree at the older end of the spectrum there isn't as much concern. Myself, for instance, I'm currently in the beginning stages of dating someone 13 years older than me. However I'm not at an age anyone would call young, especially in this forum so although people have commented on the gap, there has not really been any concerns expressed.

But at a younger age, I just don't see how you can really hold true to a "age is just a number" mentality. There is so much that happens in those early years that really shapes a person. A few examples:

• Moving out of the house and truly becoming independent for the first time.
• Getting started on your career -- which sometimes comes with a need to relocate.
• Coming of age to drink and party.

People tend to be very different when they come out of that. They are more settled and focused on different things. They are more financially secure and independent. They have more experience handling people and relationships under their belt.

When an 18 year old is dating a 31 year old (I'll stick with the 13 year gap) it's very hard for me to see how that has any real long term potential. I'm sure there are exceptions out there but it seems like it's not a great match for the two people. The only way I'd really see that working out is if you have a very mature 18 year old dating a very immature 31 year old.

I wonder what other people think -- and why they think so. I don't really have any personal experience when I was younger dating anyone older, however I do have experience now that I'm older having people much younger than I pursuing me -- and it has absolutely zero appeal. However in my current situation we're both working on established careers, we both understand the need to balance work and fun, and we're both financially secure which allows us to do a variety of things without it feeling lopsided or having issues with the other person not able to pay.

I've always maintained that it's not about age, but about life experience. However it would be foolish to pretend that age isn't an indicator of where someone is at in their life.

Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

[Cybran]

I don't know what you are talking about. "Age" is clearly a word.

[helma]

when me and my friend both 19, some time ago got hit on by some girls.
they told us they where 13 and almost 14. they said oh you guys are 19? it's just a number.

But still. in that context it isnt a number. the're still like.. really childs.
For me yea, under 20 it really counts.. and above the age of 20 it just start to vague away...

[Lightwysh]

If you're truly happy who cares?

But I find it hard for people in relationships with 10+ yrs age difference able to really have mutual interests, beliefs, maturity and morals. I believe if people are truly happy there is most likely a mental illness, insecurity or the sex is damn good. But all are recipes for disaster.

[Zao]

I agree with that sentiment. Until you've finished your main education, moved out of your parents house and (hopefully) got a job I don't really care about age. But up to that point people have a completely different view of the world with different priorities and massive changes ahead of them.

All of which can, not necessarily WILL mind you, kill a relationship.

[ComputerNerd]

Legally there has to be ages set such that you can be pretty certain that they are mature enough to make those decisions for themselves, though it is really an arbitrary number.
As long as people are legally old enough to make their own decisions, and are mature enough to do so then really we should not tell them they are wrong, as long as they aren't doing anything wrong.

[Reeve]

I've dated women significantly older than me. The largest difference was 19 years. I was 26 and she was 45.

Here's the thing about that. We were great together, had tons of fun. But if we had stayed together, when she retired I'd still have 2 decades of work to do, so I couldn't travel the world with her and do the sorts of things young retires do. When I retired, she'd be geriatric and I'd primarily be taking care of her health instead of traveling the world and doing the sort of thing young retires do. When I became geriatric, she'd be dead and I'd have no partner remaining.

It's not a fair situation for either party. You can have a lot of fun for a while, but at some point it has to end to give each other a chance at a proper life, preferably before either party is too old to seek out someone new.

[Poopymonster]

Long term? Probably not.
Short term? Probably lots of fun while it lasts.
SHOULD both learn from it? Positives and negative? Yes.
Will both learn from it? Hopefully. Your mileage may vary. I did.

[Sugarpuff]

It isn't just a number, but I'm cases where an older person is as immature as the young person, or the younger person is as mature as the older person it really does tend to be just a number.

[a C e]

I think between the age of 20 and 45 it doesn't matter, but as people get above 50 they start to wrinkle and start to get old which will severely impact one of the partner's sexual life. while mentally, I don't think it matters because there are people that don't act their age or have different lifestyles than what it is expected from people of their age.

Long term, I believe that it will rarely work out between them, especially if the age difference is more than 12,15. I have known 2 different married couples that broke up because of different problems due to age, one of them as I remeber was because the wife was older by 10 years and she had no energy left in here where she could not handle the guys lifestyle

[Lord Pebbleton]

I don't know what you are talking about. "Age" is clearly a word.

Since no one has quoted you yet, I'll have the honor to be the first. Quoted for truth!

[Aethrysa]

Depends. Sure, age in itself is just a number, but it's hard to have a truly fulfilling relationship with someone else when you're in two completely different stages of life and you don't have many mutual interests. I know a little bit of this from experience.

[Deleted]

I don't know what you are talking about. "Age" is clearly a word.

We have a winner.

If both parties are above 18 nobody should care about the age gap. But I would advice against dating someone is 10 years older then you if you yourself are younger then 25.

[Naxere]

My general rule is if I'm old enough to be her father, that's too wide of a gap.

[Catta]

I've dated women significantly older than me. The largest difference was 19 years. I was 26 and she was 40.

Here's the thing about that. We were great together, had tons of fun. But if we had stayed together, when she retired I'd still have 2 decades of work to do, so I couldn't travel the world with her and do the sorts of things young retires do. When I retired, she'd be geriatric and I'd primarily be taking care of her health instead of traveling the world and doing the sort of thing young retires do. When I became geriatric, she'd be dead and I'd have no partner remaining.

It's not a fair situation for either party. You can have a lot of fun for a while, but at some point it has to end to give each other a chance at a proper life, preferably before either party is too old to seek out someone new.

Dont be such a pessimist. You might be dead before she even retire!

[Naxere]

So anyone around 13-14 years younger than you? If I'm 43 and I meet an amazing 30 year old I'm not going to hold back because of that age difference.

Yeah...no. I meant around the age you're considered an adult (18). I don't know anyone that had kids at 13-14, do you?

[Reeve]

Dont be such a pessimist. You might be dead before she even retire!

You never fail to make me laugh, Catta!

[Deleted]

Yeah...no. I meant around the age you're considered an adult (18). I don't know anyone that had kids at 13-14, do you?

2 girls, one is in full-time work at a hospital, the other is destroying her liver.

[SocialJusticeWarrior]

It's just a number until you can get someone hotter, younger and tighter. Just ask Ashton Kutcher.

[kcsaenz]

Age is just how many times you have gone around the sun.