So a recent relationship advice thread ended up getting derailed by a discussion about age gaps in relationships.
A lot of people threw out the phrases "age is just a number" and "you are both adults."
I wonder how many people really and truly actually believe this?
I think a majority of people would agree at the older end of the spectrum there isn't as much concern. Myself, for instance, I'm currently in the beginning stages of dating someone 13 years older than me. However I'm not at an age anyone would call young, especially in this forum so although people have commented on the gap, there has not really been any concerns expressed.
But at a younger age, I just don't see how you can really hold true to a "age is just a number" mentality. There is so much that happens in those early years that really shapes a person. A few examples:
- Moving out of the house and truly becoming independent for the first time.
- Getting started on your career -- which sometimes comes with a need to relocate.
- Coming of age to drink and party.
People tend to be very different when they come out of that. They are more settled and focused on different things. They are more financially secure and independent. They have more experience handling people and relationships under their belt.
When an 18 year old is dating a 31 year old (I'll stick with the 13 year gap) it's very hard for me to see how that has any real long term potential. I'm sure there are exceptions out there but it seems like it's not a great match for the two people. The only way I'd really see that working out is if you have a very mature 18 year old dating a very immature 31 year old.
I wonder what other people think -- and why they think so. I don't really have any personal experience when I was younger dating anyone older, however I do have experience now that I'm older having people much younger than I pursuing me -- and it has absolutely zero appeal. However in my current situation we're both working on established careers, we both understand the need to balance work and fun, and we're both financially secure which allows us to do a variety of things without it feeling lopsided or having issues with the other person not able to pay.
I've always maintained that it's not about age, but about life experience. However it would be foolish to pretend that age isn't an indicator of where someone is at in their life.
Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?