Would you let your kid....

[Deleted]

If I accidently have a kid I will definitely avoid the resposibility of making choices for it by cashing in my life and moving country (the beauty of the EU).

[Deleted]

I don't plan to keep an eye on them all the time. But I will be monitoring their activities online.

I see. Then still, do you feel it is "right" to keep them from having privacy of their (digital) social contacts and online activities once they start hitting puberty?

And like I asked, don't you think there are better ways of dealing with "threats"? I just don't quite understand that one would enforce such a strong breach of their privacy just because you want to know what they're up to. Part of parenting (at least when they're getting older, 13+, "teen who needs a cellphone") is letting go; still having some limits, but gradually allowing more freedom in other areas. Allowing them to have some privacy should be at the very front...

[Deleted]

Speaking as someone employed in the IT field, I would bring my kid up to learn computers, and teach him/her to have a colorful view of computers throughout time, if that's what they want to see.
I would let the kid use social media but I will in NO WAY WHAT SO EVER incentivize it as I want my kid to grow up with a sense of responsibility for him/herself. I think parents raising their children to do selfies and post all day on their facebook on purpose are not fitting parents, and are raising more of the intolerable scum we hate right now.
Sidetracking; I also feel like it's important to teach kids about privacy online. For example the fact that the internet does not forget you, and you can never get your information deleted off the internet (lol EU, nice try). I figure that can make the kid think twice.
Yes, I am boring as shit when it comes to social media.

[zealo]

What's the mentality for the only family room computer?

There are a lot of bullshit on the internet, im not so sure if id employ a family room computer myself but i would definitely put some blocks in to various websites in the router and have an active dialogue with them about what they see on the net.

[ThePants999]

My parents introduced me to a computer at the age of 4 (this was when computers weren't prevalent in homes - the computer in question was an Osborne!), and programming at the age of 5. I'm now 30, and (a) I couldn't possibly quantify how incredibly useful this level of computer literacy has been to me throughout my life, and (b) this hobby programming was the gateway to my fantastic career.

Refusing to introduce kids to such a central part of today's world would be incredibly backwards, bordering in irresponsible.

[Brooxi]

I don't use Facebook/Twitter/Instagram myself and I'm now 27. I don't find your question very well thought out.

Using Facebook/Twitter/Instagram and being computer literate are two totally different things. As I said I don't use any of those social media sites at all by choice as I don't need to be in that drama zone; however, I am very computer literate. I am skilled using a computer and many programs on it like excel, word, power-point, etc.

[Wildtree]

Question 1, No
Question 2, Yes

[Stonecloak]

Do you have any studies to prove your opinion about how monitoring your child's activities online has a negative effect on their growth and development? Because it's just that, an opinion of yours. And no offense, but my kids aren't yours, so don't concern yourself with my parenting. I grew up with the same rules and I never felt how you described.

I'm not concerned, but how did you eventually know what the net has to offer? and like I said don't take this personally. Sure I guess it's an opinion, but try this. Put a donut box in your house that nobody can see or touch but your teen knows its there. Then have music, movies, books adults talk about the donut all over the place. Chances are the teen would really be curious what that donut thing is, and unless your living without the web, and in some sort of closed off community. That's going to be next to impossible to control, but hey good luck.

- - - Updated - - -

There are a lot of bullshit on the internet, im not so sure if id employ a family room computer myself but i would definitely put some blocks in to various websites in the router and have an active dialogue with them about what they see on the net.

As I've said I've done that too with younger kids, but teens I think is another story. Especially after puberty.

[dardack]

I have 2 kids, now 5 and 7. They have been on learning tablets since 4, with limited time. Not like on all day or even every day. I usually make them go outside when it's nice out, but yeah they get tab time each week.

2. It sounds like you dont' have kids. GL with that no computer thing. Kids are using computers in preschool here in America. They have smart boards, ipads, desktops, etc. They do things from ilearning stuff to other learning websites. They get sent home homework that involves a certain website. It teaches math and spelling.

Now, we don't allow email. If she wants to email a friend (my oldest) she has to do it through our account over her shoulder. We don't allow it in her room alone and when she is doing her homework on the laptop/desktop we are in the room with her.

As for facebook and social media and smart phones. I mean there are kids in her class already on SM and with smartphones. I'm against that. When I decide she's old enough for a phone, it's going to be a dumb flip phone for calling only. But the problem is friends with their smartphones. It's educating her hopefully not to do stupid things that are going to be captured forever by a friend and uploading to SM. I just took a cybersecutiry class on cyberbullying. It starts around 4/5th, peaks at 8th, and falls off around 11th. But the examples given, a ton where done by someone else video'ing/taking a picture, not the person themselves. This is my concern.

And if I ever let her on SM, I will have all her passwords until she's 18. Then hey you gotta let your kids go and make their own mistakes, you just hope you raised em right and smart enough not to make too bad ones that follow them rest of their lives.

[Zigrifid]

Nope till he/she reach a certain age, sorry call me old fashion but i was raised with a bike and knee injuries so shall my kid

[Deleted]

Google Amanda Todd, and that's just one example.

Right, so that's cyber-pervs and cyber-bullying. Both of those occur in the real world also, and both can be better dealt with by having an open (communicative) relationship with your kid, and teaching him/her rather than restricting him/her.

With similar reasoning you could not allow your kids to go outside, because of [insert random freak abduction story]. Or not allow them to go to school because of [horror traffic accident example]. It's just a fact of life that some really terrible bad things can happen, but the risk cannot be completely locked out - and trying to do so involves severe restrictions that touch on other important parts of life. And it's extremely difficult to "accept" some of those risks, which is why "hyper-parenting" (being too restrictive as a parent, a term used in psychology) exists at all nowadays, it is a thing now. Yet allowing kids some basic freedom can result in a much more natural, normal and useful upbringing. Learning about life is done on the playground that is the world, not just the controlled fenced safety playground parents sometimes make their kids' lives into.

(That's not to say you should let kids do anything, obviously. Just trying to use some sommon sense rather than paranoia.)

[Velky]

I'm 25, so computers were just becoming "the thing" when I grew up. Looking back, I spent way too much time on the computer as a kid. Facebook didn't exist, but MSN/ICQ did and throw in computer games, that was a lot of my life.

I don't have kids but when I do I don't want them to have the same life I did.

I should have thought out my question more. Obviously having them introduced to computers and being literate is a great thing. I guess my question is would you ALLOW them to sit on it all day on social media sites or playing games all day. The scary thing is, a lot of parents allow this, despite the fact you might be saying "Hell no" to yourself.

[Jonexe]

I see. Then still, do you feel it is "right" to keep them from having privacy of their (digital) social contacts and online activities once they start hitting puberty?

And like I asked, don't you think there are better ways of dealing with "threats"? I just don't quite understand that one would enforce such a strong breach of their privacy just because you want to know what they're up to. Part of parenting (at least when they're getting older, 13+, "teen who needs a cellphone") is letting go; still having some limits, but gradually allowing more freedom in other areas. Allowing them to have some privacy should be at the very front...

Since when do children need such immense amounts of privacy? Did your parents not know who your friends where when you were growing up? Didn't they have a general idea of what you were doing with those friends when you were with them? Monitoring what they do online is no different than knowing who your kids' real life friends are. They're still going to have their privacy-- talking when you're not around, when they're at school, on the telephone, etc etc. My parents did this growing up, and I never had a problem with feeling that I 'had no privacy'. My parents knew my friends. They would often ask about the things we did together, where we would go when we weren't at the house, and so forth. I assumed that was a pretty typical thing in life. I don't see why the internet, especially social media, would be any different.

There ARE a lot of dangers out there, even more so on the internet where it's exceptionally easy to bypass 99% of safeguards out there with a little creativity. There's a reason why we see child predators and online bullying gone wrong stories; because they happen. Ensuring your children are safe on the internet and teaching them about the dangers is no different than teaching them not to get in cars with strangers or to look both ways before you cross the road. They're not common problems; but you don't teach anyone, child or otherwise, how to deal with those potential issues by throwing them to the wolves.

Everyone knows you can't be omnipresent, and you can't protect children from everything-- but as a parent you have an obligation to protect them from the things they don't know and understand. You have a duty to teach and guide them so that, when they are older, they have the ability to make good choices. You can't do hands off parenting.

To the OP; my daughter is 4 and already understands the basics of how to use a computer... well she knows that clicking the mouse and hitting buttons will make something happen at the very least. She's much better with the tablet. I'll teach her how to handle most things that could come up with computer usage because it's a necessary skill to have in today's world. If she goes further into that because it's something she comes to enjoy than all the power to her. Much like the other parents in this thread have said, I will let her use social media if she desires so; but I will monitor it until such time that she understands how to use it properly.

[Joey Ray III]

teach how to use a computer? of course, if they're interested (and they most likely will be)

facebook and shit - try to shield them from that for as long as possible

definitely no computer/TV in their room until mid/late teens and no smartphone either

[Stonecloak]

I'm not saying they can't surf the net and explore/learn about things, but it will be monitored and controlled by me because of the bad that comes with it. That's not denying their curiosity, it's being a parent to a still developing child that doesn't fully understand the seriousness that comes with going to certain sites and giving away too much personal information - or going to sites that they just don't need to be going to (you know, ones that serve no purpose to their "growth and development").

They will be taught about the dangers of the net and their activities will also be watched by me. You can disagree with how raise my kids, but that's how's it's gonna happen in my house.

Not necessarily disagreeing with it. I just think teens eventually find a way to see/learn what they want. Weather it's In the parents house or not.

[ophion1990]

Right, so that's cyber-pervs and cyber-bullying. Both of those occur in the real world also, and both can be better dealt with by having an open (communicative) relationship with your kid, and teaching him/her rather than restricting him/her.

With similar reasoning you could not allow your kids to go outside, because of [insert random freak abduction story]. Or not allow them to go to school because of [horror traffic accident example]. It's just a fact of life that some really terrible bad things can happen, but the risk cannot be completely locked out - and trying to do so involves severe restrictions that touch on other important parts of life. And it's extremely difficult to "accept" some of those risks, which is why "hyper-parenting" (being too restrictive as a parent, a term used in psychology) exists at all nowadays, it is a thing now. Yet allowing kids some basic freedom can result in a much more natural, normal and useful upbringing. Learning about life is done on the playground that is the world, not just the controlled fenced safety playground parents sometimes make their kids' lives into.

(That's not to say you should let kids do anything, obviously. Just trying to use some sommon sense rather than paranoia.)

I didn't mean her experience with the cyper pedo, I meant the stuff she went through after that. She was endlessly bullied by alot of people from her school, it's stuff like that I'd like to prevent. If she gets bullied IRL, normally teachers pick up on it (or should) but the internet is a different story. I guess you do make sense though, guess I'm overprotective about people. I'm the same with my GF and nieces, I generally don't care about other men though. :/

[Forgottenone]

Question 1: Yes I would teach them how to use computers because as others have said computers are the future, many classes in elementary and high school assign projects which requires internet assistance and even in college/university. Not only that but the internet is a great tool when used properly, it simply comes down to teaching the child the good and the bad about the internet.

Question 2: Yes, as for myself I have 30-50 family members living in England/Germany that I will likely not see and my child won't either. Therefore Facebook can be a great tool in keeping in touch with family and far away friends. Yes there is the potential school drama but again the best thing I can do is educate my child and let them take it from there.

They won't have a computer in their room, they will have to use the family computer so everything they are doing can be seen.
TV in their room is also unlikely until they are in their mid teens
Smart phones..........I want them to have a phone to contact us during emergencies and I understand that if they get anything that isn't a smart phone they may be made fun of, that being said I just don't want them having one until they are again in their mid teens.

[arel00]

I would teach them how to use it, and most of all, how to use it responsibly.
I will make sure they are not illiterate when it comes to finding information on the web, checking emails, using a word processor, managing files and pictures. I would teach them what to avoid and why. Facebook isn't needed and should be handled with a grain of salt. I will make sure of that before letting them roam free. Fortunately for me, I can block stuff quite easily.

[Itisamuh]

I don't have kids and never will, but I'd answer yes and yes. I'd be in control of their page though, until they're older.

[Stonecloak]

Sure. But that doesn't mean we stop being parents because "they can do it somewhere else".

Parenting is more a guidance than a control imo.