Guy I used to know died

[Duronos]

Reading around Facebook and noticed a post saying something along the lines of "miss you dearly", I click over to this guys profile and of course it's the usual long posts of how awesome he was etc.

There is no mention of what caused his death which around here means it was fully alcohol related and he did it to himself by accident most likely (drunk driving, you get the jist). Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was which was somewhat true, to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

Look I know if someone dies it's a very sad thing but to hide how he died is personally a bit too much in my opinion and it makes it obvious that he did it to himself (most likely unintentional).

[Aeula]

Reading around Facebook and noticed a post saying something along the lines of "miss you dearly", I click over to this guys profile and of course it's the usual long posts of how awesome he was etc.

There is no mention of what caused his death which around here means it was fully alcohol related and he did it to himself by accident most likely (drunk driving, you get the jist). Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was which was somewhat true, to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

Look I know if someone dies it's a very sad thing but to hide how he died is personally a bit too much in my opinion and it makes it obvious that he did it to himself (most likely unintentional).

Why not copy paste this onto his Facebook page instead of telling a bunch of people who really don't care?

[Duronos]

Why not copy paste this onto his Facebook page instead of telling a bunch of people who really don't care?

You tell me why, I don't even need to tell you how absurd you just sounded.

[chrisberb]

Reading around Facebook and noticed a post saying something along the lines of "miss you dearly", I click over to this guys profile and of course it's the usual long posts of how awesome he was etc.

There is no mention of what caused his death which around here means it was fully alcohol related and he did it to himself by accident most likely (drunk driving, you get the jist). Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was which was somewhat true, to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

Look I know if someone dies it's a very sad thing but to hide how he died is personally a bit too much in my opinion and it makes it obvious that he did it to himself (most likely unintentional).

It's extremely silly to just assume that because they're not discussing how he died, that it was something he did to himself. He could have just as easily been the victim of a drunk driver. People don't generally say "RIP Mike, I wish you hadn't drowned in that pool after hitting your head on the diving board"

[Deleted]

I think those words are more directed towards his family who are already in grief, telling the harsh truth isn't going to help. Words of sympathy on the other hand will be some kind of support to his friends and family.

[Duronos]

It's extremely silly to just assume that because they're not discussing how he died, that it was something he did to himself. He could have just as easily been the victim of a drunk driver. People don't generally say "RIP Mike, I wish you hadn't drowned in that pool after hitting your head on the diving board"

Going to take a wild guess and bet he was the drunk driver or he OD'd on alcohol.

[chaosrecords]

Heres how I read obituaries:

-Died in his home - usually cancer/illness/oldage
-Died in hospital - If you can rule out illness then its an accident or injury
-No mention of death at all- Suicide
-No mention of death directly but they show up on google- Murdered

If all else fails.. just message someone mutual and say "hey what happened"

[Mahourai]

Why do you want to know? So you can judge a dead man's life decisions more accurately from your computer chair?

I'm sorry this random person I never met died, which sounds like is more sympathy than you have to offer.

[eja216]

You tell me why, I don't even need to tell you how absurd you just sounded.

As absurd as: "Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was ..."

I imagine your're looking for something like:
"Falco Lombardi - we shall miss you. You were kind of a cool guy, but you could be pretty dense and dimwitted sometimes. It's too bad you had to die from autoerotic asphyxiation, having strangled yourself with your mother's panty hose and leaving behind nothing but a computer full of hentai and furry porn. Peace, brotha!"

[Blueobelisk]

You tell me why, I don't even need to tell you how absurd you just sounded.

No...I'm with that guy. You could just ask the people how it happened. I'm not sure what your post wants us to do. Assume someone killed themselves (directly or indirectly) because no one mentioned how he died?

[Duronos]

As absurd as: "Why must people never explain how he died and just focus on how great of a person he was ..."

I imagine your're looking for something like:
"Falco Lombardi - we shall miss you. You were kind of a cool guy, but you could be pretty dense and dimwitted sometimes. It's too bad you had to die from autoerotic asphyxiation, having strangled yourself with your mother's panty hose and leaving behind nothing but a computer full of hentai and furry porn. Peace, brotha!"

I would hope people at my funeral would find some dark humor in that.

- - - Updated - - -

No...I'm with that guy. You could just ask the people how it happened. I'm not sure what your post wants us to do. Assume someone killed themselves (directly or indirectly) because no one mentioned how he died?

Oh I wasn't asking you guys what I want to do about it, I'm just wondering why it's considered such taboo to ask how he died.

[Deleted]

I'd write it on his Facebook if it was me.

Death is sad, sure, but I won't cry for people who pissed their privileged life up the wall whilst endangering those around them.

[RockJohnAxe]

to be honest he was kind of a cocky prick sometimes though I never personally had any beef with him, we cool with each other.

I don't even need to tell you how absurd you just sounded.

SMH for realz dude.

[Blueobelisk]

Oh I wasn't asking you guys what I want to do about it, I'm just wondering why it's considered such taboo to ask how he died.

It's not taboo. It's on a public website for anyone to view/post. You can post those ridiculous things like what eja said if you wanted too.

[eja216]

Oh I wasn't asking you guys what I want to do about it, I'm just wondering why it's considered such taboo to ask how he died.

Because if, in fact, he did something stupid to himself (drunk driving as you presume), it can be incredibly hard on family/friends/those who know/loved him. Death is already difficult. A senseless death due to negligence or irresponsibility adds a lot of guilt, blame, and unanswered questions making everyone left behind even more emotionally shattered than if they had all known it was coming and were able to prepare for it (cancer, disease, etc.)

[Glyce]

It's just in bad taste to ask these things. If the family wanted to disclose what happened then they would. Just because they didn't list how he died, doesn't mean he killed himself. Not every family wants some spotlight about their loved ones. For instance my Grandmother died, and her one request prior was to not put anything major in the paper about her death.

[Blueobelisk]

It's just in bad taste to ask these things. If the family wanted to disclose what happened then they would.

No way. I agree that you can't shit talk people and it is in bad taste to say mean things for family to see, but if the family wanted to publicly write things on Facebook about a guy's death, then it should be okay to ask why it is they're making those posts: AKA why is this person dead?

[Glyce]

No way. I agree that you can't shit talk people and it is in bad taste to say mean things for family to see, but if the family wanted to publicly write things on Facebook about a guy's death, then it should be okay to ask why it is they're making those posts: AKA why is this person dead?

I guess I should clarify exactly what I mean by bad taste. You would have every right to ask the family what caused the death, but death is a touchy subject as is. Just because they decided to post about the death, doesn't necessarily mean they want to discuss the reasons behind it.

[Deleted]

Oh I wasn't asking you guys what I want to do about it, I'm just wondering why it's considered such taboo to ask how he died.

Sometimes people don't want to remember the bad things about a dead relative. Let's say he really died by alcohol abuse, how do you think his parents feel about that? If I had a kid and he would have been drunk and driving I would blame myself because I didn't help him and failed to be a good parent. If that would have happened to your son, would you want to tell everyone how you have failed as a parent (because that is what they believe, I think)?

Sometimes it's not really taboo but just not everyone's business. There is still some kind of privacy and personal health is one of them. You see people posting pictures of them halfnaked or even in bath on facebook yet I rarely see any picture of "Finally got admitted to the hospital to deal with my alcohol abuse!" or "Look at this tumor!". Also, such messages are also some sort of announcement, they are vague and brief because they are directed to everyone. People most of the time only share good news on facebook.

[Voleura]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terror_management_theory

Terror management theory can attempt to explain a lot of why we hold the dead in higher esteem. I had a professor who studied TMT and had a published experiment wherein people were asked to rate how favorably they thought of a person's life story. I'm struggling to find it online, but I'll explain the gist.

In one version, the man in the story was still living. In the other, he had died. The only thing that changed was the mention of the man's death. Everyone who read the death story viewed the man in much higher esteem. There were several versions of the story, ranging from the man as a thief/murderer, to the man as an upstanding professional. Everyone (on average, statistically significant to <.01% if I remember right) always rated the man higher when they mentioned that he had died, regardless of the story.

This is because we humans have a unique problem over other animals known as mortality salience. We know we're going to die, and it can terrify us. When we are reminded of our mortality, we tend to empathize more readily with those who have gone before us.

This theory may also explain other cultural signs of respect (funerals, stopping for funeral processions on the highway, etc). If you're interested in more, there's the link above. I'm not an expert on the topic, but I know a little bit about it through my psychology studies.

You may be confused about everyone's behavior partly because you've not experienced a lot of death in your personal life, but also because we as Americans don't really sit down and have discussions with our children and each other about how to emotionally handle the bigger tragedies in life like death, divorce, addiction, miscarriages, loss, illness, etc.

If you're interested in more, there's the link. I'm not an expert on the topic, but I know a little bit about it through my psychology studies.