I'm personally against marriage

[poser765]

they should make marriage illegal until at least age 30. prevents all these sham & shotgun marriages.

You think people don't enter into shitty marriages after 30?

[IIamaKing]

I got married at 19, 15 years ago, best decision of my life. There is no answer to a question like this that fits for everyone.

[Kraenen]

Why are you against it?

I understand being against marriage in general, but to put these rules on how it should happen is kind of ridiculous.

I mean, if a guy meets the perfect woman for him when he's 22, why shouldn't he pursue that if he believes in eventually getting married.

And honestly, if you're waiting 10 years to get married, you're not getting married because you want to get married, you're getting married because it's become a necessity.

because you're not fully mature at 22

[Sunseeker]

Same here. I believe the ages 18-30 is for fun and experiencing life.

You can't have fun and experience life while married?

[IIamaKing]

Keep my money and assets vs. losing them if the relationship fails to work out? I know which one I'll pick.

If only there was some sort of prenuptial agreement for just this reason.

[Kazlofski]

who cares if he get married with 20 25 30 40 50 almost every 2nd marriage breaks anyway

Exactly for the reason said above :P

[Lenonis]

My question for you is when is it necessary? What exactly would make marriage a necessity?

There are a few situations where it would come into play:
1) Children
2) Need for benefits (say a partner loses a job or decides to stay at home).
3) Healthcare decisions or the desire to have inheritance be a sure thing (although wills can negate some of that).

I know it sounds horribly clinical and detached, but I believe that relationships should stand or fall on their own merits and not because of some relatively arbitrary legal status.

I had a friend who stayed married to a guy she couldn't stand for 11 years because she just couldn't face the idea of what her family would say if she got divorced. THAT is what marriage can do to people when they decide to get married before the relationship has really been tested. All because of weird societal pressures.

And don't get me wrong -- all of you folks who are posting about how great your marriages are -- that's awesome. But I hope you are all aware that just because your experience is great doesn't mean everyone's is....and unfortunately it also doesn't mean you'll sing the same tune in 10 years. People get divorced after 30, 40 years of marriage. Sometimes you just never know how life will turn out.

I certainly hope none of that happens to you fine folks though!

[Mermaid]

I'm definitely not against marriage, I think it's a gift, but I do think there a loads of people out there that should not be getting married at all.

Personally I think divorce is looked on too lightly, and if it's something you see as likely or even real possibility you shouldn't be getting married.

Like for me, if you walk into a marriage and want to sign a prenup, I think your marriage is already doomed because it proves there is no trust there because you're already thinking about covering your butt, and you're basically admitting there's a likelihood you'll split. I know it's seen as smart and everything, I just personally feel if you're at that point, you shouldn't be getting married.

[Deleted]

You can't have fun and experience life while married?

Debatable. If you wife/husband isn't interested in the same things as you are...not really. If you get a child, it's over.

[tehealadin]

I wouldn't say I am against it, if people want to then fine. I personally wouldn't get married. I wouldn't give another person that kind of power over me. Not suggesting that all people given that kind of power would abuse it, but I wouldn't take the chance. I want to get a home of my own, bought and paid for. Not going to let anyone take it from me.

[Medivh]

The marriage is only a human invention. A man and a woman can love and live without a marriage. the true force is love and no more!

[Tziva]

they should make marriage illegal until at least age 30. prevents all these sham & shotgun marriages.

I don't really think we need the government to prevent people from something as trivial as making rash relationship decisions. If they were adult enough to get married, they're old enough to solve it themselves by getting divorced. It's not a problem we need to solve with legislation. They can solve their own fuckups.

[THoyt]

Same here. I believe the ages 18-30 is for fun and experiencing life. I really don't understand people who get married at 20 or, worse, pop out a kid by the time they're 24. Why throw your life away like that?!

My wife and I married when we were 18, our son was born when we were 20, our daughter when we were 24. And during all this time we were "throwing our lives away" I served in the military (I come from a military family) and we both completed college and we ended up with excellent careers. We didn't throw our lives away, it was a great life experience, matter of fact, we're still experiencing life as a family and we're an extremely happy and close family. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Not everyone "throws their lives away" by making early-life decisions, my wife and I were very young, yes, but it was our decision to start a family young -- and it's been an absolute blast.

[IIamaKing]

No, they say love lasts for 3 years. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/01/fa...iage.html?_r=0

It's the average time it takes for one or both to finally consider the other half's bad habbits, personality or idiosyncrazies as outweighing their good sides.

"They" say lots of shit, I believe not very much of it. If they are to be believed how do you account that I love my wife more now after 15 years than I did we we first started dating.

[Deleted]

My wife and I married when we were 18, our son was born when we were 20, our daughter when we were 24. And during all this time we were "throwing our lives away" I served in the military (I come from a military family) and we both completed college and we ended up with excellent careers. We didn't throw our lives away, it was a great life experience, matter of fact, we're still experiencing life as a family and we're an extremely happy and close family. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Not everyone "throws their lives away" by making early-life decisions, my wife and I were very young, yes, but it was our decision to start a family young -- and it's been an absolute blast.

I'm glad it worked out for you but, imo, in most cases it's a rushed and bad decision.

[poser765]

Debatable. If you wife/husband isn't interested in the same things as you are...not really. If you get a child, it's over.

Not debatable. If your wife/husband isn't into the same things you are or worse doesn't let you do the things you like, you dun fucked up and married the wrong person. That's your fault...not the fault of the institution of marriage.

Also, it's shocking how many guys I work with who have kids that range all ages and still lead awesome and fulfilling lives.

- - - Updated - - -

There are a few situations where it would come into play:
1) Children
2) Need for benefits (say a partner loses a job or decides to stay at home).
3) Healthcare decisions or the desire to have inheritance be a sure thing (although wills can negate some of that).

I know it sounds horribly clinical and detached, but I believe that relationships should stand or fall on their own merits and not because of some relatively arbitrary legal status.

I had a friend who stayed married to a guy she couldn't stand for 11 years because she just couldn't face the idea of what her family would say if she got divorced. THAT is what marriage can do to people when they decide to get married before the relationship has really been tested. All because of weird societal pressures.

And don't get me wrong -- all of you folks who are posting about how great your marriages are -- that's awesome. But I hope you are all aware that just because your experience is great doesn't mean everyone's is....and unfortunately it also doesn't mean you'll sing the same tune in 10 years. People get divorced after 30, 40 years of marriage. Sometimes you just never know how life will turn out.

I certainly hope none of that happens to you fine folks though!

Really that sounds like a problem with your friend and her family. Again, not the fault of marriage. And really if you are married and it's not working out and you decide to part ways, that's not really a failure. The relationship has run it's course. I fail to see why divorce is looked at in such a negative light (completely not even taking religion into account here...which i'm sure is largely to blame for that).

[Sunseeker]

Debatable. If you wife/husband isn't interested in the same things as you are...not really. If you get a child, it's over.

Aside from being an idiot, why would you marry someone who doesn't share your interests?

The only thing my wife and I disagree on is alcohol, she likes hard liquor and I like beer.

[Shemsu Hov]

I'm opposed to marriage as well. Sex during marriage is unsinful and holy. We will have none of this abnormal behavior.

Personally I'm not opposed to it at a young age but I do feel you're limiting your life by commiting yourself to a single person and possibly child(ren) before you experience life to it's fullest. But that's just me. I don't even want a relationship just so that I can achieve my goals.

[flyspyro]

Somebody (aged 25) asked me if I think he should marry his gf of two years. I explained that that is his choice however i'm personally against marriage before age 30 (or 10 year+ relationship). Now I explained that's just my personal opinion and I will support him regardless but I am curious if others are against marriage

I think marriage is up to the people doing it. if kids are in the picture i can see marriage being more important. I have been in a relationship for 9yrs (no kids) and I'm not married. would i like to sometimes, but then i'm reminded that men are never 100% because they are always looking for something young and new. That's just my thoughts on my life experiences.

On the topic of kids and being too young- i think 30 above is too old. think about it. older people get burnt out and don't have the same energy to take care of a brat kid. i've seen this with people with older parents. I'm glad i had young parents because we did a lot of things together they had the energy to keep up with us kids. You may not care now, but you will later and that is when you become a grandparent you will want to know your grandkids.
so, for the breeders out there, You shouldn't wait too long because you will regret it later or maybe you wont it's just something to think about.

[Lenonis]

Again, not the fault of marriage.

Well "marriage" is just a thing. However you can't deny the extreme family and societal pressures that surround marriage.

And really if you are married and it's not working out and you decide to part ways, that's not really a failure.

Sure it is. "run its course" is just a polite way to say that you failed at the goal of a lifelong relationship. Which since we are discussing marriage a vast majority of people are in these relationships with that in mind. It's pretty rare that people enter into a committed relationship with the mindset of "Oh well, we'll play this out for a couple years and then move on."

I fail to see why divorce is looked at in such a negative light.

Because of the cultural norms that are deeply embedded in pretty much every culture on the planet. And it's a shame...if divorce wasn't a stigma people would probably be more willing to get out of bad and often abusive relationships sooner.