Who is in the right here?

[Lemons]

If you don't want to read a bunch of text then just leave now.

Okay, so I live in a house with my friend. His Mom owns the house so he is more or less the surrogate landlord, but I do pay rent to stay there so it's not like I'm freeloading (hell if I was I would just take all his shit and be happy about it and this post would never have been written).

So basically he's extremely nitpicky about certain things. Lights being left on is a big one. I can't count the number of times I've been chastised about them. Sometimes he's so quick that I actually intend to turn a light off, but he catches me beforehand and says something about it. I try to play along and have gotten pretty good at turning lights off so I don't really have to hear about it much anymore.

Then there is the door. He doesn't like the door being left open for any length of time longer than it would take for someone to open it, walk out, and immediately shut it. He chastised me a couple times and then I blew up on him because I was just trying to be polite and leave the door open for him because I though he was coming in right after me and I didn't want to just slam the door in his face, and I get talked at for that? Come on.

But that was at least a month ago, fast forward to today. I notice there are a lot of tiny flies in the house and say "jeez, there sure are a lot of flies in here" and he says "that's why we need to shut the door." That kind of made me angry because I feel like that was a shot in my direction, but I ignored it and started using the garbage disposal. Then he comes out and sees me turn off water BEFORE I turn off the garbage disposal (like literally one second before). Apparently this is a huge sin and he corrects me on this as well. That's when I got pissed and we got into a big fight because I feel like I'm just being ridden on so many small issues I can never get a break!

Btw he was not being very pleasant as he said these things...he was already pissed because I asked him if he could throw out some food that had just been sitting out there for days, and he was like "I don't want to do that." To me that sounds pretty finite, but apparently, as he explained to me later, that just meant he didn't want to do it right then, but he was planning on doing it later (then maybe just say that? But no...I'm supposed to just infer the meaning).

Basically it just annoys me that I try to follow all these rules...I do run water with the garbage disposal...I try to keep every light off when its not needed...I try to NEVER leave the door open for any length of time...but if I screw up at all, EVER, I get it shit for it. I feel like he's my freaking mother, except my real mom would never give a shit about any of these things, thus why I'm not used to doing them on this extreme level.

And the ironic thing about this whole door situation is that his mom runs a drivers ed class in one of the rooms in the house...so if anyone is leaving the door open for extended periods...it's her and her 27+ TEENAGE STUDENTS...not me. I have never left it open for more than 20 seconds MAX, and I rarely do that.

So I guess the point of this post here is...what's your opinion on this? Am I right that he's just being too nitpicky? Or do I just need to accept all these criticisms in good faith?

[Darkrulerxxx]

parents own the house, he is their proxy, you go by their rules....i think you just found out that sometimes living with your friends can be a whole bad nightmare.

he sure is nitpicky, but you can't do anything about it. listen to his rules or find another place.

[Reeve]

snip

Sounds to me like he's the anal retentive type, and that your personalities aren't good for two people living together. I had this issue with my step-brother at one point. Move out, find a new roommate before you start disliking your friend.

Personally, your friend sounds like he'd drive me nuts. And the whole thing sounds like people who are still pretty young and not that used to living on their own.

[Karaoke]

Do I agree that he is being overly nit-picky? Definitely.

But as the others have said, there's not much you can do about it.

You ask the question 'Who is in the right here?' You will be only if you make the decision to find another place to live.

[Paperfox]

How is the rent compared to apartments (etc)? Cool down, and ask yourself if there is any basis to his comments?

I suggest that you do the pro & con thing. Rent, shared transport, social benefits (mutual friends). Assuming that you do get a break on the rent, then ask if its worth the headaches?

Sounds like there is some serious passive-aggressive stuff going on. If you leave will you be able to keep your friendship?

And the tiny flies are probably fruit flies, did you have some over-ripe fruit (possibly in the garbage can) around at the time?

Just my 2c worth.... good luck.

[Deleted]

Strangle your friend, cut him up into little pieces and put them in the garbage disposal.

[Brubear]

You have three options.

1) Tell him you would like to calmly discuss some issues you have and, if they are willing, try to talk it out and express to him your frustration and that you try to follow his rules and don't do any of it intentionally but you are human and slip up sometimes. Also mention that there is a possibility that it's not always from as there is a large amount of people coming in and out of the house so it is unfair to lay the blame solely on you.

2) Move out as you two clearly have conflicting personalities and trying to just grin and bear it will result in you two getting in more and more fights until it ends in a bad way.

3) Grin and bear it, bottling it all up until you explode and someone ends up dead. The least preferred option of the 3, to be sure.

[Darkrulerxxx]

Strangle your friend, cut him up into little pieces and put them in the garbage disposal.

why hi there Dexter.

[ProphetFlume]

Strangle your friend, cut him up into little pieces and put them in the garbage disposal.

Without turning the water on. That'll show him.

[Kulanae]

"And if I don't?"

I assume you have a signed lease? If not demand one. You have rights if you are renting. Your rent includes things like your use of utilities. Not to mention I doubt he would really want to go through the process of trying to evict you while you live there for free.

[Deleted]

Find another place. Since you're already paying rent, I presume that if the amount is moderate, adding an additional sum would give you the opportunity to live on your own. If you cannot, then perhaps you should move to a shared place with someone else, either with another friend, or through some websites where you can organize something.

[Graeham]

It sounds like you should sit your friend down and have a serious chat with him. Remain civil and see if you can come to some sort of compromise. If you can't then it might be worth trying to move elsewhere. Living with friends can be awkward and complicated even if you typically get on very well elsewhere. You might also want to consider the possibility that he suffers from OCD. He might not be intentionally trying to tick you off.

[tj119]

Tell him to fuck off, stop paying rent, and move. You shouldn't put up with constant nagging. Clearly not a healthy situation to live in, I'd also consider not speaking to this douche once you leave.

[lordjust]

We only heard your side of the story so it's hard to really say who's right or wrong. Maybe your friend is nitpicky or you only think he is because he criticizes things that aren't important to you. E.g. the thing with the lights. How much rent do you pay and what is covered in the costs. Maybe he has to pay a lot for electricity or gets shunned by his mother because he uses so much or something.

You should sit down with your friend and talk to him and ask why he's so nitpicky about some things but not everything. Maybe he isn't the problem but his mother and he's only the messenger.

If that doesn't help just get out of there.

[Deleted]

End of the day he (or well, his family and he is their proxy) own the house, so they're in the right no matter what. It might be too much for you, you might not be able to deal with all that stuff and that's up to you, but... end of the day, you're staying there, not even as a proper tennant if you don't have a lease signed and stuff, so...

[Warlord Booty]

Save money, eat all of his food, and if you don't have a signed lease, skip out.

[Deleted]

lolers. If you have a tenancy agreement do what you fucking want, throw all the lights on and leave the door open all the time. If you don't suck it up.

Or you could always talk to him (try not to call him a nutjob too much) and sort it out like an adult. Whatever.

[AeneasBK]

Strangle your friend, cut him up into little pieces and put them in the garbage disposal.

At this point I think this is the only solution.

Related story: I lived in the same situation as yourself. We got a note through the door from his dad once saying "I don't charge you a lot to live here so can you keep the place a bit tidier please" - showed it to my mate and his response was "Well he's not gonna kick me out."

Living with your friends is nearly always a bad idea. There will be good times, there will be great times. But very often, you won't be talking much by the time one of you moves out.

[Morthulo]

If you don't want to read a bunch of text then just leave now.

Okay, so I live in a house with my friend. His Mom owns the house so he is more or less the surrogate landlord, but I do pay rent to stay there so it's not like I'm freeloading (hell if I was I would just take all his shit and be happy about it and this post would never have been written).

So basically he's extremely nitpicky about certain things. Lights being left on is a big one. I can't count the number of times I've been chastised about them. Sometimes he's so quick that I actually intend to turn a light off, but he catches me beforehand and says something about it. I try to play along and have gotten pretty good at turning lights off so I don't really have to hear about it much anymore.

Then there is the door. He doesn't like the door being left open for any length of time longer than it would take for someone to open it, walk out, and immediately shut it. He chastised me a couple times and then I blew up on him because I was just trying to be polite and leave the door open for him because I though he was coming in right after me and I didn't want to just slam the door in his face, and I get talked at for that? Come on.

But that was at least a month ago, fast forward to today. I notice there are a lot of tiny flies in the house and say "jeez, there sure are a lot of flies in here" and he says "that's why we need to shut the door." That kind of made me angry because I feel like that was a shot in my direction, but I ignored it and started using the garbage disposal. Then he comes out and sees me turn off water BEFORE I turn off the garbage disposal (like literally one second before). Apparently this is a huge sin and he corrects me on this as well. That's when I got pissed and we got into a big fight because I feel like I'm just being ridden on so many small issues I can never get a break!

Btw he was not being very pleasant as he said these things...he was already pissed because I asked him if he could throw out some food that had just been sitting out there for days, and he was like "I don't want to do that." To me that sounds pretty finite, but apparently, as he explained to me later, that just meant he didn't want to do it right then, but he was planning on doing it later (then maybe just say that? But no...I'm supposed to just infer the meaning).

Basically it just annoys me that I try to follow all these rules...I do run water with the garbage disposal...I try to keep every light off when its not needed...I try to NEVER leave the door open for any length of time...but if I screw up at all, EVER, I get it shit for it. I feel like he's my freaking mother, except my real mom would never give a shit about any of these things, thus why I'm not used to doing them on this extreme level.

And the ironic thing about this whole door situation is that his mom runs a drivers ed class in one of the rooms in the house...so if anyone is leaving the door open for extended periods...it's her and her 27+ TEENAGE STUDENTS...not me. I have never left it open for more than 20 seconds MAX, and I rarely do that.

So I guess the point of this post here is...what's your opinion on this? Am I right that he's just being too nitpicky? Or do I just need to accept all these criticisms in good faith?

Dude, I have been in the exact same situation. I moved into a house with my friend and his girlfriend (his girlfriends parents owned the house). It started off really good, but after a little time I noticed that they were acting like they owned the property, almost like "my parents own this house so we can do whatever we like, but you cant". They started putting down all these ground rules, that didn't seem to apply to them, just me. They left the kitchen in a complete mess all the time so I wasn't able to cook for myself because there were no clean things to use. They would leave their washing out and leave me nowhere to hang my clothes. My friend would also play his xbox in the living room, all the time and then get pissed off if you asked to watch TV (living room is supposed to be an area for everyone).

After 8 months of this, I cracked and told them I was moving out. It was the best choice I have ever made. You don't realize how much better you feel once you get out of an environment like that. So that would be my suggestion to you, get out while you can bro.

Oh yeah, to top of my story for you, another guy moved in shortly after I moved out and after 3 weeks he told them he was leaving and walked out.. came back a few days later to collect his stuff!

Good luck moving forward bro.

[Reeve]

I just want to point out that 99% of the time, the question of who's in the right and who in the wrong isn't very important. The important question is what you're going to do about it.