Is this too fast for a relationship?

[TJ]

I've been texting this girl for a week who is a niece of someone from my work and we really hit it off straight away, we texted for 5 days straight, rang her a few times and I felt like I met someone really special. So we arranged to go on a date and try it and I was absolutely ecstatic at this and so was she, we were texting in the days up to it saying how amazing we both felt about each other and that we felt like we'd known each other for ages and how we couldn't wait. I need to emphasise here how much we liked each other, me and a girl from school were in love and this rivaled that, I felt like she was possibly going to be the girl I've been looking for. Anyway, she was into it so much that she said "if at any point on the date you feel like you want to kiss me then just do it, I hope I'm not moving too fast for you" so I took that on board and remembered that she said it (I'd never go that fast for a first date).

Anyway, we went on the date yesterday and to start off with it felt a bit awkward (as first dates do) and when I parked the car I asked her if she wanted to hold my hand which she did and then we went to sit on a bench in the shopping centre as it was a sunny nice day and we could chill out whilst waiting to go to the movies. I got her into a comfort zone here and we talked for about an hour very naturally and it felt awesome and we were both enjoying it. We then went to the movies and cuddled whilst watching in which I initiated with putting my arm around her (and she grabbed my hand whilst doing it and started playing with it and rested her head on my shoulder), so here I am thinking this date is going great and that I'm definitely going to kiss her (because she stated I could before, I don't go fast) and I do after we get to the car, it was just a quick kiss and nothing serious but she seemed to be disappointed that I didn't go full on. Thought about this whilst driving and pulled over and said "I can't have that be our first kiss" and then went for a longer kiss, went fine and I thought that she liked it. After that I drove and parked so that we could enjoy a view and just chill and we started cuddling whilst I was gently touching her arm and running it up to her shoulder and after a few minutes SHE kissed me with a full on kiss and smiled, not long after that SHE initiated another long kiss and even put her hand on my leg and neck. After that I had to take her home but here I was thinking that this date went well and she didn't talk barely for the journey home (I was starting some conversations and getting nothing really). I asked her to text/ring me if she wanted to do anything else and that I had a really good time and gave her a hug (she seemed to lean in for another kiss (not too sure here as I went for the hug)).

I text her that night just to say "night" and I already knew something was up before that because she texted me non stop and I didn't get anything from her house to my house and the time it took me to get ready for bed. Then today I was talking to her aunty that I work with and saying that I didn't think it went as well as it could but still good and the aunty said that she had text her and asked how it was and got the reply it was good and I enjoyed it or something similar. Then I get a text today saying that she thought it was too fast with all the kissing and holdhanding, so I'm here absolutely confused to the max thinking what I've done wrong when she's gave me all the signals and even told me to kiss her in a text.

I don't understand what she means here by too fast? Anyway, I said I had a good time and even though it wasn't the best I really enjoyed it and that we could try again and she can choose the pace and she's going to take a few days to think about it.

Do you guys think I did anything wrong here and has anything similar happened to you? I'm really confused to if I've suddenly become a complete moron with women or if I did nothing wrong.

[Independent voter]

Yeah, slow is good. You're experiencing that first blush insanity. Let it wear off a bit. Hope it works out for you.

[frigoffrick]

Well by the sounds of it, she made the last moves on you. I think you're doing everything fine. Don't move TOO fast though, dunno what your intentions are but I had a similar situation a few years back, however on the first date we had sex. We never talked again after that.

Keep moving at your pace. She'll let you know what she likes/wants.

Hopefully everything works out for you.

[Deleted]

You did nothing wrong. But you are mistaken. She is not the girl you are looking for. What she is looking for is very different from what you are looking for in a relationship (I even doubt she is looking for a relationship). Accept that the image that you have of her is not what she really is even though she fit the idea of the person you were looking for. So that you can move on.

[Gheld]

You sound unhealthily obsessed, overly attached. You exchanged some messages and went on one date with her and you are comparing it to a situation where you were "in love".

My guess is you creeped her the fuck out. Let her go. Because until you can learn to let people go, you'll always be the creepy overly attached guy who brings chicks to parking lots and makes them feel uncomfortable on their first date. And that might work sometimes when you are 16, 20, 25, but after that, you'll have zero game.

[Deleted]

She sounds weird but maybe this is normal for women

[TJ]

You sound unhealthily obsessed, overly attached. You exchanged some messages and went on one date with her and you are comparing it to a situation where you were "in love".

I'm not comparing the date at all, I was comparing the quantity and natural feel of speaking with each other. I also don't understand what you mean when she is the one that asked for the kissing and cuddling etc.

[Deleted]

Though confused your title is 'Is this too fast for a relationship?'

[Deleted]

*Smth* parents *smth smth* sleeping with *smth*

[Gheld]

I'm not comparing the date at all, I was comparing the quantity and natural feel of speaking with each other.

Well let's put it this way. She said she felt it was moving too fast. Your question is "Is this too fast?" not "how do I fix it?". You want to be correct. This post is directly in contempt of your bond of trust with her and completely in contempt of how she feels.

Why can't you just accept that she feels that it is moving too fast?

There's no standard for how fast things should move in a relationship.

I mean in your situation I'd be like "oh, darn, jumped the gun on this one.. time to go home and masturbate".

But instead you make this long winded post which ends with the question of whether you are stupid or if it moves along too fast? Which is really you asserting that you think she's stupid for feeling that it's moving too fast.

This is some grade A borderline personality disorder shit.

[Deleted]

You broke the golden rule of being a man. Never, EVER try to understand a what a woman wants.
To the women that read this, Tell us what you want, do not hint at it, do not automatically expect us to have some sort of magical insight to what you want, just say what you mean, we males are not mind readers and a genrally pretty simple folk, treat us as such and everyone will be happy.

[Kalis]

It's an age old tactic of pulling you in, then pushing you away. She'll probably do it again if you react weakly. It's a way to establish dominance in a relationship, so you can go with it, play games yourself, or find someone else to date - I'd go with the latter, she may even come back if she thinks that you're not playing and then you've "won", but they tend to be boring relationships, as you ideally want a draw.

Alternatively she might be insane.


There are numerous games that people play, such as "The public ignore", when they walk straight past you as if they hadn't noticed you, but walk in such a way that they are obviously trying to show they're ignoring you (it looks like a catwalk model type of walk, very deliberate). Some women never grow out of it, and it's quite amusing to see women in their late twenties/early thirties doing it.

[Deleted]

TBF he's just asking if he did something wrong or did she overeact.

Personally if a first date doesn't end with atleast a kiss I consider it a failure and move on

[Gheld]

TBF he's just asking if he did something wrong or did she overeact.

Personally if a first date doesn't end with atleast a kiss I consider it a failure and move on

What are you like 15?

[Deleted]

What are you like 15?

No i'm 28 and don't play games. If i'm interested in somebody I make it known and expect the same courtesy

[Albert the fish]

there is no universal too fast or slow.
go what you want but listen and respect her wishes. and directly ask her as well. sometimes people try to given subtle hints about their opinion and that's all fine, but in a relationship open communication is a boon. i won't say it's a must because people have stable relationships without all the time. how they manage this, i don't personally know, but im getting off topic fast.

don't ask us, ask her. talk to her openly about how you feel about this whole thing and how she wants to handle the relationship and you tell her w you want to.

trying to divine out what she wants is never going to be as effective as just asking her.

[Gheld]

No i'm 28 and don't play games. If i'm interested in somebody I make it known and expect the same courtesy

But if it doesn't fall into some cookie cutter model of progression you will happily call it a failure and toss it away?

[Deleted]

But if it doesn't fall into some cookie cutter model of progression you will happily call it a failure and toss it away?

If somebody isn't interested by date 1 then it's unlikely to change by date 2. I don't chase people like a desperate dog,

[kiramon]

Um... Here was my last first date...

Come over and watch a movie
Ok
Cuddle
Hold hands
Kiss
Sleep over (nosex)
Kiss for hours
Text for hours next few days
Come over
Ask him to be my bf
Sealed.

[Thunderbleem]

Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

You're over-analyzing it. All that is going to do is cause you to get into your own head and no good will come from that.

As for what she said, it's one of two things:

1) Something else is bothering her (something that could easily have nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do), and she's using the "too fast" thing as an excuse.

2) She really does feel like it's too fast, at which point you just need to accept it.

Either way, sounds sort of doomed from the start. That might not be what you want to hear, but it's better to know early so you can move on.