Straight single guys that refuse sex or even a kiss from an attractive girl.

[Omgodzilla]

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day and he told me an interesting story. I have no way of knowing whether the story is true, since he himself heard it from someone else. But for the sake of this thread, lets just assume that the following story is true:

A university club is holding an event. About 30 or so people show up to that event. They play games and have a good time. At one point, a guy and a girl are dared to kiss each other. i don't know the events that led to that, but just assume that two relatively attractive people are dared to kiss each other. Imagine the room is cheering them on to pretty much make out. The girl is all smiling and laughing. She agrees to the kiss and straight up tells the guy "lets do it". The guy on the other hand is unwilling to kiss this girl. His excuse is that he does not feel comfortable kissing a girl he has never met before and knows nothing about. Everyone in the room suddenly gasps in shock. The girl looks embarrassed and hurt at the fact that she was rejected infront of all these people. She runs out of the room and everyone else starts calling the guy a jerk. He tries to explain that its nothing personal but the people in the room don't care about his excuses. They are just shocked that a guy would refuse to kiss such an attractive girl.

Again, I don't know if this story is completely true but I'm told that it did happen so lets just assume that its true. I have to admit, I can certainly imagine a scenario where a guy who refuses sex or even a kiss from an attractive girl is suddenly is shunned by everyone else, typically by other guys. He's either called "gay" or everyone just says that he isn't a man. Hell, I've seen comments like that on this very forum before. Which brings me to wonder, why this happens. Why do people look down on guys that refuse sex? Why are guys expected to be hungry for sex 24/7? I told this very story to some guys in one of my classes and the first thing they said was "dude must be gay". i made sure to say that the guy in the story was single (I don't know if he actually was). It seems like most people find it astonishing that a straight single guy would do something like that. I mean it makes sense in other species where males typically try to mate with as many females as possible to pass on their genes. Humans on the other hand are too complicated to have their behaviours explained by evolution or biology alone. Not everything we do is entirely instinctual...

So what do you think of straight guys that refuse sex?

[welcome2life]

He didn't want to be intimate with someone he didn't have personal feelings for. Case closed pretty much. There are a lot of people I know that I enjoy the company of but don't have intimate feelings for and thus would not try to do anything intimate with.

[Granda]

Honestly media and old tradition bake this crap into society. I would have done the same thing as the guy, I'm just not into casual or meaningless stuff like that, when I personally believe stuff like that has a significance tied to it. Others don't see it that way and its fine.

[apepi]

Change it around, if a girl was made fun of not having kissed a guy.

[Granda]

@apepi why bring that into this, there are clearly defined gender roles we get it, go preach in a thread about women on men bashing or something.

[crakerjack]

And what kind of reaction would you expect at a university party? They're all young, possibly drunk and are living wild while they're young. Most of the people live in the "Act now, think later" mindset, so of course they'll have an irrational reaction to someone turning down a hot chick. I'd do the same thing, because honestly I wouldn't feel comfortable making out w/ someone I didn't know, especially in front of 28 other people.

[Dendrek]

It's very much a "macho" mentality that, among other things, guys should be strong, tough, emotionless, and sexually active. It's much more pervasive in younger generations (especially high school and college) because people tend to be very insecure about their sexuality at that age. It's also a socially perpetuating mentality. Insecure guys challenging each other to see who can overcompensate the best. Because of this, anyone who doesn't fit this very ridged definition of gender normality is immediately shunned and ridiculed. (It's also why homophobia is especially prevalent in those age ranges.)

There's nothing wrong with a guy refusing to fit into this stereotype. But peer pressure from others around him (as evidenced by the reactions of the others at the party) will likely force him to conform or stop hanging around those people. So while there's nothing wrong with not conforming, the people he's around will never let him accept that.

[yetgdhfgh]

Maybe the guy is extremely self conscious i know i was at that age.

[Moralgy]

@apepi why bring that into this, there are clearly defined gender roles we get it, go preach in a thread about women on men bashing or something.

To point out the absurdity in the situation. Guys are humans, just as girls are, not penis driven beasts.

[LilSaihah]

Perfectly fucking normal to not want to kiss someone who you don't know. It's a fantastic way to end up with cold sores.

[igualitarist]

Similar thing happened to me when i was in college. The only difference is that i accepted to kiss the girl even against my will, just because i felt "socially obliged" to do that, and didnt want make her fell rejected in front of everybody. Was the worst kiss of my life.

I am a straight guy, and was single at that time.

[ProphetFlume]

Honestly media and old tradition bake this crap into society. I would have done the same thing as the guy, I'm just not into casual or meaningless stuff like that, when I personally believe stuff like that has a significance tied to it. Others don't see it that way and its fine.

At the same time, it's just a kiss. It doesn't need to be a big deal. I might do the same as the guy in the story for a few reasons, but I would expect people to think I was weird for reasons beyond double standards.

[Themius]

I am not for kidding random people myself.

[Bathory]

Scary that people are shocked when someone does something like this. Because she's attractive (which is subjective in the first place) he should forgo his own morals/preference? No thanks. Good on him for not doing it.

[Bullettime]

Just some "macho" thing. Hell I get called a pussy and a faggot for preferring cuddling or the after sex cuddling more than sex itself.

Apparently guys are supposed to be fine dipping it in whoever offers. Even for kissing, I prefer things to be more intimate and have only kissed girls in situations like that to save them the embarrassment. Worst kisses of my life. Can't blame the guy for refusing, even if she is really attractive.

[Sliske]

If i was single and a girl and I were dared to kiss, i'd do it for the dares sake. I'd be uncomfortable with it though. I'm not really interested in kissing or having sex with a girl just because she looks good. If i was single and a decent looking girl came up to me begging for sex i would flat out refuse 10 out of 10 times.

There are people who can only enjoy sex / intimacy with people they get to know and there are people who can have sex or be intimate with pretty much every decent looking girl they see. I'm the former.

What do i think of straight guys that refuse sex? The same that you probably think of straight single women who refuse sex. They don't wanna bang every john doe that hops in front of them

[OreoLover]

Peer pressure "romance?" No thanks, moving on.

Peer pressure and these kinds of expectations are problems. I think straight guys (anyone) that refuse(s) sex (anything) are people with their own reason to refuse, and that this is probably none of my business & completely fine.

[OzoAndIndi]

You mean every guy isn't the same? Holy hell, how did that happen...

I dunno, sounds like an 'urban legend' to me though. I mean, the girl getting embarrassed and runs out of the room over it.... that's either really fake or she's got a very low sense of self.

[Omgodzilla]

How old was this guy and gal? Was this like some truth or dare high school thing?

I know you said university...but was it really?

As I said, I don't know of the events that led to them being dared to kiss each other. It probably was some stupid game or something. They would have to be university students so they would probably be between 18 to 23 most likely.

[TEHPALLYTANK]

I assume they have a reason for it and would leave it be.