Emotionally frustrated

[DrIvoRobotnik]

My best friend is planning on going for a job in the FBI, which means she will be moving out of state eventually. I have known her for the majority of my life, and fallen deeply in love with her. Being a self loathing and depressed person I am, I don't know what to do without her. She has always helped me through all my difficult times, as major or minor as they may be. I don't know what to do without her. Assuming this is the forecast for our futures, what am I to do? I truly can't imagine my life without her, but I don't want to sully her aspirations to be an FBI agent. What do I do?

[Blueobelisk]

I'm a little bit jelly of the FBI part.

You can still keep in contact online. Or over the phone. Or you can stalk follow her and/or admit your feelings to her.

[Shadowmelded]

This might sound harsh but you should use this opportunity to become a little more self-reliant. I know it's easier said than done but try improving your outlook on life and move away from the self loathing as it provides nothing of value to you.

[DrIvoRobotnik]

I'm a little bit jelly of the FBI part.

You can still keep in contact online. Or over the phone. Or you can stalk follow her and/or admit your feelings to her.

Ah, she already knows my feelings for her. Its just the fact of her being out of embrace's reach and not being ever to see her face in person that I find so crushing. Admitibly its not any time in soon... but I still dread every day day at the thought of having go a day where I know I wont get to see her. Yea, I know it sound like a 12's emo rant, but I really love this woman, and really don't know how to face my rather grim, over dramatic day to day life without being able to look forward to seeing her face every week and just... hanging out her.

[ImEveryCliche]

It sounds like you have become co-dependent on her. You definitely need to seek help with your depression and potentially other mental disorders. Until you tackle the root cause of your issues, you will never be able to take a step forward with your life.

[DrIvoRobotnik]

Try thinking about her and not yourself.

Oh no, I fully understand her desires to be whatever she wants to be, and would never even dream of standing in her way. It's just surviving my own wreckage that I am dreading.

[Blueobelisk]

Okay OP. I'll give you the link to my resume website, you get me hired in her stead without her knowing, she'll be with you for at least a while longer, and I'll be able to go up to crime scenes and bully the police since I'll be FBI.

You sound kind of creepy by the way. If she doesn't want to act on your feelings for her...maybe you should take the hint and move on.

[Dendrek]

Does she know you're in love with her? Forgive me for making this observation having only read a single paragraph about your relationship, but it sounds like you might be a bit clingy. When you "don't know what to do without her," it sounds, to me, like you've gone past the point of being close friends and moved into the realm of obsession. That can be a very unhealthy attitude to have, for both of your sakes.

If any part of what I said is right, my advice is that you seek a therapist to help you through your feelings. It sounds like you'll struggle to work this out on your own in a healthy way. And also, talk to her. And keep in contact with her when she moves away. Hell, if emails and phone calls seem too impersonal, Skype (or similar) is an excellent way to communicate long distance.

[TheGravemind]

Ah, she already knows my feelings for her. Its just the fact of her being out of embrace's reach and not being ever to see her face in person that I find so crushing. Admitibly its not any time in soon... but I still dread every day day at the thought of having go a day where I know I wont get to see her. Yea, I know it sound like a 12's emo rant, but I really love this woman, and really don't know how to face my rather grim, over dramatic day to day life without being able to look forward to seeing her face every week and just... hanging out her.

Try to make yourself hate her. That's usually the best way to cope with unrequited love. She's not worth your time.

[Jester Joe]

You sound kind of creepy by the way. If she doesn't want to act on your feelings for her...maybe you should take the hint and move on.

I doubt it's that simple at all. He said he's been friends for a very long time. I'm in a similar situation and in my case its not that she doesn't have feelings, it's that she's not sure where it could go and what not.

Sorry I can't offer much advice OP, but I'll be popping in to see more advice later.

[Sledfang]

Start a highly illegal enterprise and then she will have to spend all of her time tracking you for the FBI. Then when she finally catches you, you can declare your true love. She'll let you slide if you promise to stop, then you get married.

[Khaza-R]

My only words of comfort are that physical distance doesn't separate people who are close. Maybe time apart will make you appreciate eachother more. And as others have already said, you should use this time to focus on yourself. You're not good to anyone if you can't stand up on your own two feet.

Either way, you have to accept that her life is leading her elsewhere. You can either try to be apart of it, or detach yourself now. But those are really your only two options.

[DrIvoRobotnik]

You're an adult, yes? Stop being so codependent.

You say that as if though I wish to be codependent. Everyone gets dealt a hand of cards, some need a friend in the dealer more than others.

[Shadowmelded]

Oh no, I fully understand her desires to be whatever she wants to be, and would never even dream of standing in her way. It's just surviving my own wreckage that I am dreading.

That's your problem, you're overthinking the situation. It's not set in stone that your life will collapse or you'll be unable to cope, but by resigning yourself to it before it even happens you're just reinforcing the chances of things turning out that way. Try to avoid getting caught in a downward spiral of thoughts and actually stay present (in the moment) and experience the difficulties first hand, you'll notice that they're usually not as bad as you'd think. Maybe look into MBCT or some kind of therapy.

[Heedless One]

I would just say that you should find a girlfriend who actually wants to be with you—if she knows how you feel and doesn't respond in kind.

Chances are she does know but doesn't like you in "that way" so you should find someone who does. You'll be a lot happier I promise.

[Dendrek]

You say that as if though I wish to be codependent. Everyone gets dealt a hand of cards, some need a friend in the dealer more than others.

Keep in mind that your codependence affects her too. If you care about her (and you obviously do), then you need to seek professional help. There's a good chance that you're going to put her in a bad position, if you haven't already.

[DrIvoRobotnik]

Does she know you're in love with her? Forgive me for making this observation having only read a single paragraph about your relationship, but it sounds like you might be a bit clingy. When you "don't know what to do without her," it sounds, to me, like you've gone past the point of being close friends and moved into the realm of obsession. That can be a very unhealthy attitude to have, for both of your sakes.

If any part of what I said is right, my advice is that you seek a therapist to help you through your feelings. It sounds like you'll struggle to work this out on your own in a healthy way. And also, talk to her. And keep in contact with her when she moves away. Hell, if emails and phone calls seem too impersonal, Skype (or similar) is an excellent way to communicate long distance.

She and I have both have both developed a need for one another. Be while me feelings have evolved in to a romantic one, hers have developed into a deepening friendship. Perhaps you are right, maybe a theorist would be the best course of action.

[Cthulhu 2020]

Sounds like the perfect time to learn not to be codependent.

As far as building a new relationship, nothing is sexier than independence. Codependence, while some people want a codependent partner, is in general not considered a desirable trait.

[Blueobelisk]

Omg why do you guys keep using the word codependent. Stop copying Tenethon's mistake. This guy is just "dependent." Codependent means you need to be with a dependent person.

[rinleezwins]

I know it sounds hard, but it might be a huge chance to make your life a lot better; try to somehow get the courage to tell her how you feel about her, it might work and eventually you'd live together?