Is Cheating on your Partner Normal?

[Independent voter]

Who hasn't been tempted? It's like a lot of things, show some self control and don't do it.

[Zethras]

Sorry, but you're completely wrong.

Yes, we've evolved (As Men) to spread our seed far and wide, that's a natural process, but we've evolved beyond that to a more suitable situation for our society. No-one here is saying that once you have a partner, you never even consider looking at someone else, what we're saying is it's wrong to act on those impulses.

In a healthy relationship I'd expect my partner to check out other people, it's normal, and I don't mind them looking at a nice bit of eye candy, as long as they're coming back to me at night to get their fun.

Looking at someone attractive, or watching porn, is very different to cheating on someone in a stable relationship.

Agreed 103%

[Torgent]

It's not really cheating if you're not married. At least not in my world.

You live in a fucked up world. Being in a relationship (unless open, but that's another story) is a commitment to that person. You will never be married if you think you can sleep with other girls up until that moment when you say "I do".

[L3fty]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad i'm not the only one that thinks it's messed up.

I wasn't suggesting I don't flirt or check out girls, far from it, there are plenty of women I would like to hump. I just can't wrap my head around the people that act on the impulse when they are with someone else. Relationships are complex beasts.

[kamikaze148]

"I am 26 years old and have 2 kids and have been with in a relationship with 1 woman for the past 8 years."

Don't worry about what other people do. Just focus on how lucky you are to have what you have.

This 100 percent OP.

Doesn't really matter what other people around you's attitudes are towards monogamy, you seem to be steering in the right direction.

As long as you are happy with your lot in life, i think the attitudes reflected by your friends shouldn't really effect you. Yeah, tbh it is sad and really immoral to hear that people do cheat on their partners with such reckless abandon like that, but everyone gets there come uppance in the end, you have to question why they feel the need to cheat, insecurity and unhappiness are two of the most common imo.

[Silver Forte]

"I am 26 years old and have 2 kids and have been with in a relationship with 1 woman for the past 8 years."

Don't worry about what other people do. Just focus on how lucky you are to have what you have.

This all day. It's really hard to find someone who wants to be around you for long periods of time, let alone their lives. You struck out, don't second guess yourself.

Your friend is a dickhead. When someone is given the heart and trust and TIME... of another person, then betrays it, it's a tragedy. It's awful and deplorable behavior. If he wants to fuck around, he shouldn't be wasting the time and love of his mate. Relationships might seem complicated, but they're not. You love someone, you work well with them, or you don't. It's that simple. Either you and that person function well as a couple or you just don't. Think about how much damage that asshat is doing to his family. He had them up all night worrying and thinking the worse while he ran off, not caring AT ALL about how it'd make them feel or what it'd do to them, so he could betray his girl. Fuck him.

Now, think about what this is eventually going to do to not only his girl, but his kids.

They get separated and his kids have to have a broken family to deal with. Why? because he wanted to screw around and throw to the wind the consequences that'd have on his family. Awesome.

[Aucald]

"Normal" in the sense that it is the expected outcome of being in an explicitly monogamous relationship? No, it isn't. Infidelity is common but carries a heavy stigma as it's basically one of the higher order betrayals of trust that can occur between individuals. I know there is a lot of people out there who rail against the concept of monogamy - but that is neither here nor there. If all parties in a relationship have committed themselves to monogamy in a relationship, then to embark on an affair or to cheat is *wrong*. If the relationship is one of the more open models, then cheating isn't possible so long as all parties have obeyed the forms of the relationship (e.g. consent from the other party, defining the terms of the external relationship, etc. etc.)

[PuppetShowJustice]

Focus on yourself and your own beliefs. If you think cheating is wrong then it is. I happen to agree with you. But I'm not going to worry too much about what other people do in that particular area as it frankly has nothing to do with me unless they're my partner.

[endersblade]

It's becoming more common.

That said it's disgusting. People who cheat in relationships should have a brand on their forehead so we all know they're cheaters

Oh god, I would fully support this.

I have ZERO respect for cheaters. As a matter of fact, I respect ISIS more than Cheaters. At least they have morals that they believe in, wrongly or otherwise.

I have a friend who makes a habit of being the guy that girls cheat on their boyfriends with, then he hooks up with them. All of them so far have ended in disaster. Apparently, he doesn't seem to understand "once a cheater, always a cheater".

It just sickens me. I mean, if you think you've found someone so much better than your current partner, the LEAST you could do is break up with your current partner. It's easier to deal with than being cheated on. Or grow a pair and be the mature, responsible one and just NOT do it in the first damned place.

[Deleted]

Yes, we've evolved (As Men) to spread our seed far and wide, that's a natural process, but we've evolved beyond that to a more suitable situation for our society. No-one here is saying that once you have a partner, you never even consider looking at someone else, what we're saying is it's wrong to act on those impulses

I'm not saying it isn't wrong. The question wasn't "is it wrong to cheat". Yes it is wrong to cheat. Is it normal? Yes.

[Heedless One]

It's easy to have no principles and just sleep around with whoever. Being able to control yourself and subscribe to something as simple as honesty or integrity is difficult. Such is why those who are honest with their partners should be honored, and those that aren't should be condemned.

Lots of people take the easy or lazy path and have no integrity; that's why you see so many of your friends do it. Even if it's the 'norm,' it doesn't mean it's okay or the right thing to do.

[kyoloco]

its normal to want to cheat on them

[Bisso]

Sorry, but you're completely wrong.

Yes, we've evolved (As Men) to spread our seed far and wide, that's a natural process, but we've evolved beyond that to a more suitable situation for our society.

We haven't evolved beyond that. The last clear evolution step of the human species was around 150 000 years ago. Back when modern society was not even an idea. Back when population was in the thousands at max. It was nature guiding man of that time to mate with as many female as they could. And while our society ultimately changed our thoughts about it, we are still driven by it. So his statement that it is normal, is actually valid, it's been proven by biologist and anthropologist. Yet, we can all agree that in our society, it's not acceptable.

I never cheated, never been cheated, never plan to do it either, not because I have 0 thoughts, but because I understand it's not right.

[Deleted]

Hey guys, I hope there are some agony aunts out there because my brain is desperate for someone to drop some knowledge.

Some background stuff - I am a 'mature student' and just recently returned to study. I am 26 years old and have 2 kids and have been in a relationship with 1 woman for the past 8 years. I am pretty introverted but do fine at making friends when the situation requires. The thing is, I seem to have attracted a friend base at this college that all have something in common and it is troubling me. They are all slags. The men, the women, the ones in relationships, the ones not in relationships.

Story time, let me explain:

The first guy at the college I really clicked with, met up with me in the city for some drinks. I am fairly new to the area so he was giving me a tour, which basically involved bar hopping with some 'ohhhs' and 'aaahhhs' in between (sightseeing on the bus, you filthy hound). Anyway, 10 pints and some shots later and this guy has hooked up with 2 women and has introduced me to them. Typical drunken stuff ensues and this girl is squeezing his butt and basically dry humps him in the bar while I stand there like a vicar in the middle of an orgy. I am pretty uncomfortable at this point, especially when cameras come out and my 'friend' starts making out with one of the girls.

Now I know what you are thinking - this guy sounds awesome! Well, yeah he is a super fun guy to be around, but something really troubled me. He is engaged and has 2 kids the same age as mine. To me seeing him be so easy with these random girls felt really, really weird. After this bar we parted ways because he wanted to go to some strip clubs and I was ready to drop. He walked off into the night and I went home.

The next morning I get woken up by his gf and their 2 daughters, she is crying and it's because he didn't return home. The police get involved, and he finally appears at 3 pm the following afternoon. It transpired that he slept with someone he met after we separated. At this point I felt like shit for not doing more, and at the same time had this feeling that I never wanted to see him again. I don't know if I can trust people that do things like this and it's had a knock on effect-

This kicked off a heightened awareness in me, and I started to notice more about the people at the college in their views on relationships. Out of the 'friend' group of 5, every single one of them has revealed that they have cheated on their gf / bf and it's said in a manner that you might say what you watched on the telly last night. My 'best' friend their has been with a girl for 3 years, but every single day manages to chat up or get the number of a random girl he meets in the cafe and he has already slept with one of the girls 1 months into the course.

On the one hand I am questioning if I have some kind of problem for finding this attitude to casual 'cheating' sex so terrible. I am a male that likes sex as much as the next man, but I really draw a line at sexual contact with anybody other than my gf. I just don't understand if I am the outsider in this situation and whether this is normal?

What have you experienced and do you think cheating has become acceptable?

Never acceptable, if your other half is your friend and your soul mate then you would never do anything to hurt them - even if they would 'never find out'. Sure temptation is thrown in the path from time to time - if you were single would you fuck your best friends girls/wife? I wouldn't. Same level of scumbaggery.

It's the same thing in the same way I wouldn't cheat on my wife who also happens to be my best friend.

/hifive to you for being the better man.

[Deleted]

It's human nature, so even if society says not acceptable, it's still normal.

[SL1200]

You live in a fucked up world. Being in a relationship (unless open, but that's another story) is a commitment to that person. You will never be married if you think you can sleep with other girls up until that moment when you say "I do".

Maybe i'll never be married again... Perhaps my perspective is different because i'm a divorcee. If you're not married or engaged you're not in a commited relationship by definition.

[NatePsy]

If only there was a system that branded cheaters so you know to avoid them. A lot less idiots getting the decent/kindhearted individuals that way.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

If only there was a system that branded cheaters so you know to avoid them. A lot less idiots getting the decent/kindhearted individuals that way.

Well if we're yearning for magical things, why not just have something that makes everybody happy regardless?

[plaits]

No, it is not normal. Now if you have a mutually agreed on open relationship, then its not cheating, but if you're going behind their back, or they yours, it's cheating. And that is wrong.

I agree with this. I don't think there is anything inherently immoral or wrong with sleeping with more than one person at once, the immorality comes from the deception and lying.

Sorry, I disagree that it's okay if you're not married or engaged. See above. It is wrong because you're lying and being deceptive, not because of an arbitrary line on a piece of paper or a piece of jewelery. If you're totally upfront with them and say "hey, just so you know, I only want to be monogamous once I'm engaged or married" from the beginning, and they agree? Fine, because it's honest. But people you're sleeping with need to know if you're sleeping with other people, because of the intimacy of the act and the things that go along with it. Pregnacy, STIs, etc.

[sargior]

I've never cheated although ive been with 3 chicks that cheated on there partners for me. 1 was married shorty after divorced. I chickened out and do anything else then make out with her because I didnt want to be a home wrecker.
1 was in a very long term relationship that I also didn't do much with and she is now married to that dude.
and the 3rd was an ex of mine that I broke up with but we where together so we just had sex again. Next day she bought her bf a watch lol.. They are no longer together.

I have had an ex get wasted and try hookup with other dudes. I left that bitch the next day.

I have never cheated while in a relationship. My current gf of nearly 3 years was cheated on by her ex.

It is really disgusting how common it is. One of the reasons me and my current gf work so well is we trust each other and have the same morals so we know we wont ever cheat on the other. Cheating is never acceptable unless you are in an open relationship and therefore its not cheating.