Need some advice regarding this "break"

[Deleted]

Seriously though, I understand going on a break but don't act like you are still dating her. You are not. If something she does makes you not want to get back with her, that's fine and it's your business, but you have no right to give her ultimatums like that on a break.

Going on a break implies that the break will end. otherwise it's not a break, it's the end of the relationship. While on a break, I think it's fair for one partner to make it clear that certain behaviour would lead to the end of the relationship.

[masterdisaster]

the thing is she always checks my phone even tho ive never (literaly NEVER) given her even the slightest option not to trust me....and if i have to be 100% honest the only reason i check the phone was because my gut feeling told me to do so. i know its wrong but i had to.

You had grounds to end it before you checked her phone.

[Kathandira]

I'll break this down.


Basicly me and my girlfriend of 3 years, were taking a break due to we need time apart ( If you feel you need time apart, this is not the one you will spend your life with ). Now dont get this wrong, we both agreed its a good thing and such ( You both agree you are getting tired of each other )....but...last night she told me shes going on holiday with this guy while were on a break ( She is going on Holiday with the guy she is leaving you for )and then basicly i told her if you go , its done and over and were done and ill want nothing to do with you etc ( Good Call, if she truly loved you, she wouldn't want to be with someone else )...!

Now the reason i got mad is because this guy and her actualy spoke behind my back a while ago ( She already betrayed you once, get ready cause it's about to happen again ) and i actualy found it out cause i checked her phone ( You invaded her privacy, shame on you. However if you felt you needed to do so, you already didn't trust her )....so people of mmo am i wrong here , am i an ass here or would u react the exact same way??

Just feels odd....and very dodgy...and im just 1 of those guys that does not want to get fooled around with!

Just leave her man, nothing good ever comes from these situations

[Deleted]

Going on a break implies that the break will end. otherwise it's not a break, it's the end of the relationship. While on a break, I think it's fair for one partner to make it clear that certain behaviour would lead to the end of the relationship.

Breaks ARE the end of the relationship.

There is no implication that the break will end, if that was the case we'd just call it "giving each other some space".

If you are on a break, the relationship has finished, but you are finishing it in such a way that doesn't burn bridges in case you want to get back together.

[Shiftzor]

thing is , i asked her if i can see ur phone and she had like a major mood swing and said no etc , started yelling and i was like wtf?

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I'll break this down.
Now the reason i got mad is because this guy and her actualy spoke behind my back a while ago ( She already betrayed you once, get ready cause it's about to happen again )

funny fact she did it twice already. Good point

[Kathandira]

You had grounds to end it before you checked her phone.

Did she find out you checked her phone, and how did she react?

Was she ok with it? Or was she offended?

Men aren't the only ones who like to engage in power play in relationships. Women do it too. If she was pissed at you for checking her phone, yet it is ok for her to check yours, then she is playing you out. If this was the case, I would say she wants you wrapped around her finger. She wants to be sure she has you under control, while she is allowed to run with the wolves.

[Aucald]

Going on a break implies that the break will end. otherwise it's not a break, it's the end of the relationship. While on a break, I think it's fair for one partner to make it clear that certain behaviour would lead to the end of the relationship.

I personally don't believe in the concept of "breaks" in a relationship - you are either together or you're not, there's not really a nebulous state in which you're both committed and not committed like a kind of Schrodinger's Relationship. It should be a given that if you've not officially dissolved the relationship, and it was previously monogamous, then it would remain monogamous without both parties having to agree to it again. This scenario sounds, at least to me, like one side of the party trying to redefine the nature of the relationship (e.g. from monogamous to open, perhaps) without actually using those words. If the parties disagree to the nature of the relationship going forward then the best practice is to formally end it.

[Shiftzor]

Did she find out you checked her phone, and how did she react?

Was she ok with it? Or was she offended?

Men aren't the only ones who like to engage in power play in relationships. Women do it too. If she was pissed at you for checking her phone, yet it is ok for her to check yours, then she is playing you out. If this was the case, I would say she wants you wrapped around her finger. She wants to be sure she has you under control, while she is allowed to run with the wolves.

No she was laying on the bed and i asked if i can go through her phone , then she got a fit and start raging and yelling....like i said , was kinda a wtf moment..

[Deleted]

thing is , i asked her if i can see ur phone and she had like a major mood swing and said no etc , started yelling and i was like wtf?

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funny fact she did it twice already. Good point

"Can I read your personal mail?"
"Can I read your emails?"
"Can I listen to your voice mails?"

Same thing, if you have to ask to see her phone then you did not trust her and therefore the relationship was doomed.

[Kathandira]

thing is , i asked her if i can see ur phone and she had like a major mood swing and said no etc , started yelling and i was like wtf?

- - - Updated - - -


funny fact she did it twice already. Good point

Yeah, she is playing with you. Leave her. I have totally been here before, nothing good comes of this situation. She has likely cheated on you already if she flips when you want to see her phone. Especially if she feels it's totally ok for her to check your phone, but your not allowed to see hers.

[Shiftzor]

"Can I read your personal mail?"
"Can I read your emails?"
"Can I listen to your voice mails?"

Same thing, if you have to ask to see her phone then you did not trust her and therefore the relationship was doomed.

Complete bullshit , if you trust one another you would always let your loving partnet read anything on your phone. My opinion...unless u have something to hide !? in which case she did.

[Kathandira]

No she was laying on the bed and i asked if i can go through her phone , then she got a fit and start raging and yelling....like i said , was kinda a wtf moment..

**Virtual Bro Hug**

It's over duder. Get ready to get over her. Get some good friends and go to the strip club and have some beers and wallow in your short lived sorrow. Then move on to the next one.

[Deleted]

No she was laying on the bed and i asked if i can go through her phone , then she got a fit and start raging and yelling....like i said , was kinda a wtf moment..

If my partner asked to see my phone I would freak out whether I had anything to hide. If they want to go through your phone, they don't trust you.

Like, I have nothing incriminating on my phone at all (i've never cheated or whatever) but would still break up before I let someone go through my phone without good reaosn.

(good reason being 'i wanna see your pictures out of curiosity' or like 'i need bryony's phone number' or something like that, not 'i think you are cheating' )

[masterdisaster]

No she was laying on the bed and i asked if i can go through her phone , then she got a fit and start raging and yelling....like i said , was kinda a wtf moment..

Grats on dodging the crazy bullet.

[dextersmith]

Breaks are bs. You're dating or you're not. Grade 11 will be better.

[Kathandira]

Complete bullshit , if you trust one another you would always let your loving partnet read anything on your phone. My opinion...unless u have something to hide !? in which case she did.

I think you two are on the same page, just worded differently.

[Invid]

Its totally done man. Best thing for you to do is bang one of her friends. Failing that try her mom or sister if she has one.

[Shiftzor]

Yeah, she is playing with you. Leave her. I have totally been here before, nothing good comes of this situation. She has likely cheated on you already if she flips when you want to see her phone. Especially if she feels it's totally ok for her to check your phone, but your not allowed to see hers.

honestly , its a 3 year relationship i gues the hardest part is ...."is everything going to be ok" when its over...never had a relationship this long , so obv it sucks :/

[Deleted]

Complete bullshit , if you trust one another you would always let your loving partnet read anything on your phone. My opinion...unless u have something to hide !? in which case she did.

Nope. The fact that you ask to go through means you don't trust me. What are you expecting to find on there? Either you expect to find evidence of cheating, or you expect to find nothing. If you expect to find nothing, why do you need to look, if you expect to find evidence of me cheating, then you already think I'm cheating in which case you can fuck off

[Garehn Vi-Brittania]

So im going to keep this short and simple and just mention the most important parts.

Basicly me and my girlfriend of 3 years, were taking a break due to we need time apart. Now dont get this wrong, we both agreed its a good thing and such....but...last night she told me shes going on holiday with this guy while were on a break and then basicly i told her if you go , its done and over and were done and ill want nothing to do with you etc...!

Now the reason i got mad is because this guy and her actualy spoke behind my back a while ago and i actualy found it out cause i checked her phone....so people of mmo am i wrong here , am i an ass here or would u react the exact same way??

Just feels odd....and very dodgy...and im just 1 of those guys that does not want to get fooled around with!

Breaks never work man, sorry to tell you this but it was over a while ago. Try to move on and hopefully you'll find someone