Intimacy question...

[Reeve]

Is she on the pill or is she on another form? If she's on the pill, I have to ask why? This isn't the 1960s anymore. We have better options for most people that are much more safe. I'd never trust a girl on the pill, and I would do as you're doing by wrapping it up. But there are other options where you wouldn't have to wear a condom.

I can't even imagine sex with a condom. Ugh.

I've never had sex without one. Never been in a relationship long enough to build the trust needed to go without.

[Stonecloak]

Yea it's a little much OP. Why not use one form of protection, and then use the rhythm method also. Oh and day after pill which if you think you had a mishap she can take.

My wife had mirena for a while, and that was great. No worries whatsoever.

[Deleted]

LOL no, my g/f of 6 years is just very forgetful. I threw in the Surprise Baby thing just cause it happens.

But yeah, there are often times where There is no sex to be had for a week because my g/f forgot to take her pill, and we have to wait for the readjustment to it.

We still wear condoms as well, but we like to be double sure as neither of us are interested in having children.

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It is also a birth control method. Married people who have no plans on having children may still use condoms.

Idd. I use condiments with my wife as we don't want more kids. 2 is enough!

[grimsanta]

I've never had sex without one. Never been in a relationship long enough to build the trust needed to go without.

And that's perfectly fine and responsible. But we're talking a wife here. The negative assumptions in this thread need to go out the window (not you, the others). What I meant is it's been awhile since I've worn a condom, and I remembered hating them when my relationship started.

To the OP - being proactive in not having children is a great thing, but there are better ways of doing that, that don't require a condom.

[Nillah]

I'm crazy in the fact that I think most women want kids and will "forget" to take their pill

I started to get a little offended by that but then I thought, no actually.. that's about right. Some women will absolutely do that.

OP if you trust your wife, you're probably good with just the pill but be aware of course that it's still not 100%. If you want to be that much more safe, keep wearing the condoms.

[Toxigen]

Your wife is on the pill, yet you still use a condom?

Do you have any idea what you're missing? I get the whole safety thing...but holy shit...reminds me of this:

[Kathandira]

Your wife is on the pill, yet you still use a condom?

What the fuck...do you have any idea what you're missing?

yes, children, as is the plan.

I will forgo a bit a pleasure, so I don't have to be responsible for another life.

[muffinss]

In the last month she has brought up to me that 2 different friend groups of hers that she has shared this information with thinks having the 2nd requirement is ridiculous and unnecessary

ouch OP.

it can be a million reasons why all of a sudden its a concern of hers and why she spoke to her friends about it. could be that she wants to get pregnant, to you not trusting her, or to you not ever wanting kids with her. or maybe she was but her friends gave her the concern.

you really hit a wall with this one. this is her way of telling you she no longer want's the use of two forms of protection. either ditch the condoms or ditch the pill. she won't be happy till one of them is gone. her friends had voted, and she has made up her mind from it.

is it irrational to be using two forms? kinda. condoms have an extremely high success rate. higher than the pill. but I've had condoms break on me multiple of times. so many I've lost count. the pill only works if she makes sure she takes it at the same time, everyday. no days missed, no late dosages.

my fiancee has had a few friends get pregnant on the pill. some got pregnant because they forgot a few times, and one admitted she missed taking the pill on purpose because she wanted to get pregnant even though her baby daddy wasn't ready.

so it's understandable why you want to use two.

[THE Bigzoman]

Yes I created a new account for this.. I have friends on this forum don't want them to know...

Background information: Been with my wife for 2 years, dated for 4. We are no where near having children and are completely happy with that but will have them eventually.

I do not know where it came from but I am petrified of having children before we are financially ready and had always had 2 requirements for intercourse. 1st Being birth control for her (which she was already taking anyways), 2nd I always wear protection. Which in my head is the double defense I need to insure there are no mishaps.

In the last month she has brought up to me that 2 different friend groups of hers that she has shared this information with thinks having the 2nd requirement is ridiculous and unnecessary; I wanted some external input. Am I being irrational with this? Do you think it does or does not decrease the chance of having a mishap? It didn’t bother me at all until she has had outside input on it lol… and to answer anyone before they post it no I don’t care if she told her friends she has the right to share any of this as a mutual party in the process.

If she's taking birth control, you're doing nothing but diluting your own experience by putting a constricting piece of latex over your dick.

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I mean, to me it seems a little paranoid to continue using condoms with a prolonged partner in a monogamous relationship...

Granted i loathe wearing them but do so when meeting new flings...

Do your views on abortion line up?

In the sense that if her used BC failed, would you both wish to have an abortion?

(INB4 It's only her choice, it's why i'm asking if their views line up).

All that matters is her views on abortion. Legally, he can't do shit if she wants to get an abortion.

[Aeka]

A few points:

I think a lot of guys on this forum would die of shock if they realized how much and how frankly women talk about sex amog themselves. Cosmo magazine, anyone? it's how I found out which of the ladies at our school's Co-op group was using ben-wa balls, who has which sex toys, etc. Of course, it's also how everyone found out about the night I gave my wife 31 orgasms. That sword cuts both ways. So, this is not uncommon or freaky for this kind of intimacy comment to come up between women.

Your age. It matters. If you're 20, this behavior is more understandable than if you're 30.

Condoms break. So, even if you're using them correctly, there's still a failure rate.

Okay, I'm bothered by your statement that you're "petrified of having children before we are financially ready." Again, if you're 20, this is more understandable than if you're 30. Newsflash: Unless you're Bill Gates, no one is ever financially ready for kids. Over exaggeration, to be sure, but the kiddos are expensive. But the problem I see is that if you're so petrified, you really weren't ready for marriage in the first place. I understand I don't know all of your circumstances, so I can just make generalizations, but it is what it is.

My wife and I used condoms for the first couple years of our marriage, so we could have some "us" time. When we went natural, we ran into problems with conception and miscarriages. Don't assume that you can automatically have kids when you want. Birth control pills can cause problems in some women, and there can also be hereditary and genetic issues and other problems for both he and she. But during the time before we started trying to get pregnant, I was perfectly fine if an accident happened and she got pregnant before our "plan".

We both celebrated when we stopped using condoms. It upped our intimacy because there were no barriers between us, and it felt so much better, for both of us.

Yes, this is over-paranoia on your part. I can understand wanting to be responsible, but I've seen couples torn apart because they were never ready to have kids, and, yes, I've seen that line of "We'll wait until we're financially able," which never happens even when they both have 6 figure salaries. One method is enough. If you want to bear the burden, let her get off the pill. It takes a good while for a woman's natural cycle to get back to normal after being on the pill anyway.

Seriously, the pill could fail and your condom fail at exactly the right time. If you're so petrified, why aren't you double-bagging? Why aren't you triple-bagging? Of course, if you're that scared, the best solution if not to have vaginal intercourse at all.

Oh. and vasectomies? People have lost their stored goodies in natural disasters, such as hurricanes, tornadoes, fires, tidal waves and earthquakes.

I believe that you shouldn't marry someone until you're ready to accept everything that can come your way in a monogamous marriage including children and infertility, no matter what your plan is. Having a plan is fine; but if you can't accept deviations to your plan, then you're not for marriage, IMHO.

[Deleted]

According to Wikipedia, which I've been reading since my post, in a "perfect use" scenario, which is not exactly hard (no pun intended) with condoms, there's a 2% chance of failure in a given year of having regular sex.

Which has very similar failure rate to pulling out (~2%). As your anecdotal evidence I can use my own anecdotal evidence, I used pull out method for two years with no other contraception, even during fertile days. 98% is perfect use, but we know that's not average. You obviously know how to wear a rubber around your dick, congratulations.

[Deleted]

it's also how everyone found out about the night I gave my wife 31 orgasms.

Yeah, not sure if serious or not.

I could imagine 10 or so, but 31?

She have some kind of medical condition, or did you literally sit there by her getting her off for 24 hours?

But in other news, i've got an eleven inch penis.

Around.

[SL1200]

The fact that she's talking about it with her friends says a lot. She thinks it's strange, her friends probably agree. You should stop unless you want to take slow steps twards a divorce. Kids aren't that bad.

[Revi]

The fact that she's talking about it with her friends says a lot. She thinks it's strange, her friends probably agree. You should stop unless you want to take slow steps twards a divorce.

I don't know, most women seem to talk about their sex lives with friends, in many cases more than men do. Doesn't mean anythings wrong.

[Deleted]

You have to realize that even if you use both condoms and birth control, there is still a small chance for her to get pregnant.
There is no 100% guaranteed method to avoid pregnancies with the exception of vasectomies.


However, I do find your fear of babies to be slightly irrational. Would you really hate the fruit of your union that much just because your financial situation is not excellent?
Children need love and care above all else, you're stressing the financial aspect a bit too much and it could lead to arguments in the future with your spouse.
Women have a pretty persistent biological clock...

[Kathandira]

You have to realize that even if you use both condoms and birth control, there is still a small chance for her to get pregnant.
There is no 100% guaranteed method to avoid pregnancies with the exception of vasectomies.


However, I do find your fear of babies to be slightly irrational. Would you really hate the fruit of your union that much just because your financial situation is not excellent?
Children need love and care above all else, you're stressing the financial aspect a bit too much and it could lead to arguments in the future with your spouse.
Women have a pretty persistent biological clock...

Not sure of the OP's financial situation, but if you are living pay check to pay check only supporting yourself and your SO. Then IMO you have reason to start having children. Adding 1 more mouth to feed and body to cloth and medical bills to pay is not cheap. This isn't something you do with the extra change you stash in a jar.

A child can't survive on love and affection alone.

[Neliah]

Does it matter what others are thinking about you wearing protection as well as she is on the pill? If it makes you feel more comfortable knowing that the chances of you getting her pregnant are literally non existant, then keep wearing protection.
What everyone else thinks shouldn't even affect you to begin with.

[schwank05]

I have been with my Wife for 10 years, married 3. We used Condoms every time we had sex until the week before our wedding and what do you know she is pregnant a month after we are married. We wanted kids right away anyway, but it was pretty obvious there is only one good form of Birth control. I have many friends who got knocked up while on the pill, shot, insert thingy, and all other sorts of contraception, but the good ol rubber was the only way to grantee it IMO.

[Paperfox]

When my friend got married their plan was to wait 2 years before having a baby. They had one less than a year after. Turns out that was a good thing as they were unable to conceive after that. So it was a blessing in disguise for them.
Are you sure the problem isn't one of trust rather than intimacy?
Have she ever considered an IUD?

[Neliah]

The fact that she's talking about it with her friends says a lot. She thinks it's strange, her friends probably agree. You should stop unless you want to take slow steps twards a divorce. Kids aren't that bad.

Please, you're telling me that none of your ex's ever talked to their friends about your sexlife? .....
Talking about your sexlife with your friends doesn't mean that a divorice is lurking in the horizon, what fkn planet are you from?