Am I shallow and ignorant?

[Lynarii]

It is not shallow for physical attractiveness to be a factor in who you want to date. It's shallow when it's the only factor. You're shallow if you'd date a serial murderer just because they're kinda cute. Or you're shallow if you'd divorce your partner for the crime of gaining 10 pounds. But to have it on the radar is normal human behavior. To not be shallow you don't have to pretend that physical attractiveness doesn't matter, you just need to keep it in perspective with other factors of importance (like whether or not they're a decent person).

This person seems to be trying to use the 'shallow' moniker to try and guilt trip people into spending time with him, which does NOT make him a very decent person.

[Eliot123]

No, I don't think you are shallow. To a certain degree, looks do matter, and it goes in both ways really. I am usually not attracted to overweight people (I mean, really overweight) but at the same time I have friends who spend half of their time at the gym with pretty faces and perfect abs and I'm not really attracted to them either. For me it has to be a right combo of several things - both body and mind. I'm not insanely picky but I know what attracts me. Back when I was using gay dating sites if I saw that I would not be compatible with the person I'm talking to (after a while ofc, can't really base that decision on just a couple of messages), I would politely say so, in one way or another (and some things are just deal breakers right away for me, like smoking or doing drugs).

In the long run it is probably better for him that you were honest.