Online Dating advice, please

[dixincide]

Hey MMOC, I made a thread the other day asking for life advice which proved to be quite useful, so I'm hoping to get more help in other areas with this one.

TL;DR: I'm 23 years old, kept the mindset that if I followed my own life I'd meet someone along the way. Recently been asked why I am still single from multiple people. Beginning to panic. No idea how to approach online dating, out of school (at the moment) with no real connections to people my own age.

My situation
I am 23 years old and a recent college grad, got a decent job that is very fun, pays well and I'm really enjoying it. Thinking about saving up some money while working to go back to school either at night while working or just going full time and finishing fast. I still live with my parents to help eliminate some finance burdens but that shouldn't be the case much longer. I have an active gym membership with a trainer to fill my free time, however I don't have many people in my life my own age. I work with people significantly older than myself and can't find any rec clubs for people my own age in the area. (I'd like to join a pick up hockey group if I could find one)

Anyway, at a family reunion the other day (Italian background so its a big family) my cousins and relatives my age all happened to bring their significant others. (They're all relatively close to me in age although I am on the younger side of things) I haven't ever brought a girl to one of these events. My aunt actually pulled me aside at this thing and asked me why I'm still single and have never brought a girl to one of these in the past. She actually went as far as to assume that I was gay... Family though right?

It isn't that I'm not ready to date or haven't tried to look (I've joined the odd dating site ever so often but I wouldn't say I've actively looked). I've always had the mindset that these sort of things happened naturally. If I follow my life then I will meet like minded people and things will fall into place. But recently people in my life have been entering relationships and asking me "why are you still single?" so I'm starting to wonder if I need to make more of an effort.

I signed up for plenty of fish since its the only dating site I know and have immediately noticed that any girl I see who looks cute usually has one incredibly generic profile "I like going out and staying in, OMG NETFLIX, friends and family first. Don't message me for hookups"
So I really have no idea what I'm supposed to say to that. I'm not introverted or anything I can hold a conversation but I cannot break the ice at all.


So my questions:

1. How/when did you meet your signifigant other?
2. Does your family/friends ever ask you why you're still single?
3. Should I be panicing about this like I am now?
4. What do you say to someone to break the ice on an online dating site/Tinder type app.

I know it was long, but I appreciate your advice. The other thread I made was very useful and helped me land the job I had and figure out a good goal on where to aim next in my life. You guys are great. So thanks again.

[Reeve]

First impression just from the TLDR:

Dude, you're 23. You're freaking young. Stop freaking out. I know tons of people who are just getting married and having kids in their late 30s.

[Christonya]

I wouldn't worry about it, if you start "panicing" and start looking around it means you'll probably be desperate and not thinking straight.

If down the road you decide you want to try online dating, not because people have questioned the fact you're single, then by all means go for it, but definitely don't do it just cause others are questioning you, you have plenty of time. I'm 22 and have the same mindset, and without trying to find girls I have found many wonderful woman that I have spent portions of my life with.

[Deleted]

1) Online (Hurr hurr)

Initially we spoke for a period of say 5 months?

She was super busy and had no time to date for certain reasons which I won't name, when she did get the time we pretty much agreed straight away to do so.

As for how long we've been actually dating nearly 3 months, known each other about a year give or take.

2) No

My family are somewhat religious and know I like the D and as such keep a huge distance away from me regarding that, prior to it when I was say, 15?

They'd drop hints or something asking what I was interested in.

Friends wise constantly asking

3) You're young.

Like really young.

Some people don't even start dating or sexual interactions until mid 20's because of studying and work.

4) I had a corny Futurama reference and a picture of this cute fucker.



Probably had like 10 messages all in all from my time online saying how much they liked it.

[Reeve]

I second the recommendation of OK Cupid.

And for contacting girls on the site, try to say something funny that involves their profile. Most women like a sense of humor and they like to know you read their profile.

[Deleted]

Met my girlfriend through my best friend... It's her sister...

We mostly speak online or on th phone though, we live about 70miles from each other, so most people think I'm single because we can only really see each other every other weekend

[Deleted]

And definitely use OkC.

It's the dating standard pretty much.

I heard some people used Match but I believe that's an outright pay to use site, and just read the profile for crying out loud and base the intial message on that

When I'm around my GF's i'll post some of her messages she got, some people really are morons online looking for a quick fuck or just blatantly ignore the profile (Probably 70% of all messages she got was like that).

Also if you do use OkC message the people who like you.

I must of got dozens upon dozens of likes by girls who were to shy to initiate messaging but liked my profile.

[dixincide]

You guys are on point when it comes to advice, thank you.
I'll work on an Okaycupid later tonight and see how that goes. I'll also try and find some adorable picture as an ice breaker.
I was thinking that I'm still quite young to be worrying about these things but its still something I worry about. I wouldn't call myself desperate, just curious to know if I'm on the right path, and if I should start taking more actions towards this or not.

[Lady Tygry]

I met my husband via online dating and even most of the guys that I dated in college. I'm a bit backwards socially in that I wouldn't respond to someone who approached me out of the blue (because odds are the only reason they did was because they thought I was cute) so maybe I'm a bit cynical. Regardless, the type of men I've always been interested in aren't likely to show up in a bar or a loud mixer. I like nerds. Obviously, I'm an advocate for meeting potential SOs online

okcupid seems a lot better than it did when I first tried it but I had the most success on match-- the subscription won't break the bank and it weeds out the trolls. I never tried eharmony (I hated that you couldn't choose the people you messaged) and apparently, it's hard for men to even get clearance to get in at all. You'll be rejected if you ever admit to having had a bad day. It's also the most expensive.

That said, my suggestions aren't necessarily going to get you the type of results you want.

My tip, from the female perspective, is to make yourself stand out. There seem to be more men than women on these sites and if your profile is trite and boring, it's easy to get passed over. Put in some time and go in depth about yourself. Try to be original

I took a similar approach though frankly, I didn't feel like I had a lot of competition when I perused lady profiles. They were even more boring and forgettable. As for what to say, start an actual conversation whenever possible. Show that you've actually read someone else's profile by building off of any talking points they've used.

Harsh as it may seem, I ignored anyone who sent me a generic copy/paste message that could be applied to any profile. Lazy at best, dense at worst.

EDIT: The matching on match and okcupid were solid, in my opinion. The more time you spend doing quizzes, etc., the better the suggestions will be.

[drwelfare]

Single and with no chances, but here is what I have learned


My family either does not talk to me or knows and accepts Im a loser and have pissed my life away.

At 32 most people I know have accepted we squandered out lives away and wont really make anything of ourselves.

The only women that speak to me want money or something that costs money, same with those that I know they might have women talk to them because the women see them as a supply of free drugs or a source to provide them with "gifts".

[Reeve]

Single and with no chances, but here is what I have learned


My family either does not talk to me or knows and accepts Im a loser and have pissed my life away.

At 32 most people I know have accepted we squandered out lives away and wont really make anything of ourselves.

The only women that speak to me want money or something that costs money, same with those that I know they might have women talk to them because the women see them as a supply of free drugs or a source to provide them with "gifts".

Most of my friends are in their late 30s, and they're all dating still, some are just now having kids and getting married. Your life isn't over at 32, dude.

[GennGreymane]

DONT DO IT M8!!!!

for real... dont

[Gandrake]

Just say you were focused on other shit. Chris Paul didn't have a girlfriend in high school and he makes more money than any of us playing basketball.

[drwelfare]

Most of my friends are in their late 30s, and they're all dating still, some are just now having kids and getting married. Your life isn't over at 32, dude.

Unless I care to feed a woman's bad decisions or habits there are no chances here, and no other options.
At this point I have broken people into 4 groups
Those who did something with their life, we dont see them anymore.
Loser : single with no chances but does carry themselves
Lowlife : Survives by leeching off others either directly, stealing or through a proxy, such as living with a woman in her section 8 house and not working
Dopefiend : Lives for the pursuit and use of drugs gave up all hope for family, relationship or posessions

[Reeve]

Unless I care to feed a woman's bad decisions or habits there are no chances here, and no other options.
At this point I have broken people into 4 groups
Those who did something with their life, we dont see them anymore.
Loser : single with no chances but does carry themselves
Lowlife : Survives by leeching off others either directly, stealing or through a proxy, such as living with a woman in her section 8 house and not working
Dopefiend : Lives for the pursuit and use of drugs gave up all hope for family, relationship or posessions

Why don't you see women who did something with their lives?

[madmanx]

You are 23, way too young to know what you want in life and a mate. THe younger you are when you get married the higher the divorce rate.

Take it easy, have some fun and most importantly fuck nosy relatives...I know people that have made it a sport to shock theirs. Here is a favorite from a friend of mine...

"So, when are you getting married? Well Aunty , gonna be hard to find a woman that accepts me for what I am."

He instantly excused himself and left. It reportedly took them hours of worrying and speculating what the hell he meant by that....

[Reeve]

You are 23, way too young to know what you want in life and a mate. THe younger you are when you get married the higher the divorce rate.

Take it easy, have some fun and most importantly fuck nosy relatives...I know people that have made it a sport to shock theirs. Here is a favorite from a friend of mine...

"So, when are you getting married? Well Aunty , gonna be hard to find a woman that accepts me for what I am."

He instantly excused himself and left. It reportedly took them hours of worrying and speculating what the hell he meant by that....

You probably shouldn't fuck your nosy relatives. That's how we get hemophilia.

[drwelfare]

Why don't you see women who did something with their lives?

They have done something and moved on, why would they want something involving me?

[Reeve]

They have done something and moved on, why would they want something involving me?

Presumably because you're awesome. And if you aren't awesome, why aren't you doing anything about it?

[drwelfare]

Presumably because you're awesome. And if you aren't awesome, why aren't you doing anything about it?

My life is a loss, simple. Its like my 92 Dodge, regardless of what I do with it at this point I cannot expect much