Quick Grammar Help

[Kalis]

They tell you off for starting sentences with and too

Most of the great writers in the English language have started sentences with conjunctions.

Also God wrote 'And' at the beginning of loads of sentences in his book, so if it's good enough for Him...

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Your teacher is an idiot.......

Why so many full stops????????????

[vetinari]

Most of the great writers in the English language have started sentences with conjunctions.

Also God wrote 'And' at the beginning of loads of sentences in his book, so if it's good enough for Him...

You ain't God, son, which is why you can't go around smiting unbelievers.

[timberx]

Most of the great writers in the English language have started sentences with conjunctions.

Also God wrote 'And' at the beginning of loads of sentences in his book, so if it's good enough for Him...

You can't really compare literary works to a professional essay. The former has much more artistic freedom, while the latter is usually bound by a standard editing format, be it MLA, APA, etc.

[GodlyBob]

OH In this case why cant you say

In Hamlet, a play by William Shakespeare, demonstrates how Hamlet's indecisiveness and not his opposition led him to fail.

Read it without the clause "a play with William Shakespeare" and it sounds very strange because it's missing an actual subject. BTW, do you really need "In Hamlet, a play by William Shakespeare..." at all? I think it'd be best to shorten it to:

Hamlet's downfall is caused by his own indecisiveness rather than his opposition, which shows that unless someone takes a firm stand in their beliefs and actions, they're doomed to fail.

It still feels a little long for my liking, but just stacking clause upon clause doesn't get your point out as succinctly or strongly as it could be.

[timberx]

Read it without the clause "a play with William Shakespeare" and it sounds very strange because it's missing an actual subject. BTW, do you really need "In Hamlet, a play by William Shakespeare..." at all? I think it'd be best to shorten it to:

Hamlet's downfall is caused by his own indecisiveness rather than his opposition, which shows that unless someone takes a firm stand in their beliefs and actions, they're doomed to fail.

It still feels a little long for my liking, but just stacking clause upon clause doesn't get your point out as succinctly or strongly as it could be.

You would just need to get rid of the word "In" at the beginning.

And professors prefer you include the author of a piece of work somewhere in the sentence, at least mine did.

[Kalis]

You can't really compare literary works to a professional essay. The former has much more artistic freedom, while the latter is usually bound by a standard editing format, be it MLA, APA, etc.

But there is nothing in English that says you can't start a sentence with a conjunction, it's been acceptable practice for centuries to do so.

[darkwarrior42]

How committed are you to the original phrasing? The concept could be expressed a bit more succinctly with just a bit of rearrangement.

"William Shakespeare's Hamlet clearly demonstrates that those who do not take a firm stand in their beliefs are doomed to fail. This is shown in Hamlet's downfall, which was caused by his indecisiveness rather than by the efforts of those who opposed him."

Could still use a bit of clean-up, since I'm just throwing this together on the spot, but I tend to favor shorter sentences when you're talking about an academic paper (or a journalistic one, for that matter), and switching the order lets you present your actual thesis ("Those who do not stand by their beliefs and actions are doomed to fail") clearly and succinctly, saving the follow-on development for the rest of the paragraph.

I would also comment, however, that if your teacher is throwing it back at you as being incorrect or of poor quality, but is not answering questions or providing useful feedback, that my opinion of your teacher is rather low.

[Ayla]

Read it without the clause "a play with William Shakespeare" and it sounds very strange because it's missing an actual subject. BTW, do you really need "In Hamlet, a play by William Shakespeare..." at all? I think it'd be best to shorten it to:

Hamlet's downfall is caused by his own indecisiveness rather than his opposition, which shows that unless someone takes a firm stand in their beliefs and actions, they're doomed to fail.

It still feels a little long for my liking, but just stacking clause upon clause doesn't get your point out as succinctly or strongly as it could be.

Id ask you who Hamlet is.

[timberx]

But there is nothing in English that says you can't start a sentence with a conjunction, it's been acceptable practice for centuries to do so.

You're right.

[darkwarrior42]

But there is nothing in English that says you can't start a sentence with a conjunction, it's been acceptable practice for centuries to do so.

It's a "rule" or "recommendation" in many formal styles. There is no actual rule against it, and many authors do ignore it, but a lot of people in formal settings are convinced it's wrong and will not budge from their opinion (just as there is no rule against split infinitives, but you'll still hear that from a lot of sources).

Ultimately, it comes down to how much you're willing to argue the point, and how much the person you're arguing with is willing to listen to reason. (Assuming, of course, you have no other issues with your usage, which is not always the case and does little to help the argument...)

[endersblade]

I should add to my first post,

The second part would work if you added a subject to it. I.E.
In Hamlet, a play by William Shakespeare, Hamlet's downfall is his own indecisiveness rather than his opposition; this tragedy shows that unless someone takes a firm stand in their beliefs and actions they're doomed to fail.

As a grammar Nazi, I support this.

Although I do love me some commas. I would put one between "actions" and "they're" in the last line. But either way works.

[Dole4011]

"In Shakespeare's Hamlet, Hamlets tragic flaw was his indecision, thus illustrating that those who do not take a firm stand for their beliefs are doomed to fail."

Go with this. You could tweak the one you started with, but it's overly wordy. The point of a thesis is to give a succinct claim that's to the point.

That said, I'd fix a couple of things here as well, haha. "Hamlets" needs an apostrophe. I'd also nix "thus."

[Permatree]

William Shakespeare's Hamlet clearly demonstrates that those who do not take a firm stand in their beliefs are doomed to fail.

@OP: The part of darkwarrior's post quoted above is your entire thesis. This sentence is the most precise way to write a thesis that includes the author and the work, if your teacher has this requirement. There's no need to fill your thesis with extra details or explanations, since that's what the rest of the paper is meant to contain.

[Kalis]

Go with this. You could tweak the one you started with, but it's overly wordy. The point of a thesis is to give a succinct claim that's to the point.

That said, I'd fix a couple of things here as well, haha. "Hamlets" needs an apostrophe. I'd also nix "thus."

The double use in '...Hamlet, Hamlet's...' doesn't scan well. Something along the lines of ''...Hamlet, the eponymous protagonist's...' makes it less clunky, albeit even more wordy.

"In Shakespeare's Hamlet, the eponymous protagonist's tragic flaw was his indecision, illustrating that those who do not take a firm stand for their beliefs are doomed to fail."

[LokoKun]

The double use in '...Hamlet, Hamlet's...' doesn't scan well. Something along the lines of ''...Hamlet, the eponymous protagonist's...' makes it less clunky, albeit even more wordy.

"In Shakespeare's Hamlet, the eponymous protagonist's tragic flaw was his indecision, illustrating that those who do not take a firm stand for their beliefs are doomed to fail."

I actually really like that, I may consider it. Thanks.

[Kulanae]

What is the essay assignment? What question is your thesis statement answering?

Also, isn't it proper to underline titles of works in the body of a paper and italicize in the footnotes/bibliography?