What do? [High School Teen Problems of Trivialness with Relationships]

[LokoKun]

EDIT: 4/11/15
I'll end this thread now with the conclusion of what happened. We had a nice long talk after school with eachother and it turns out we both had the same exact feelings. We just wanted to be friends and not taking things any further since we didn't want to hurt eachother. I told her I'd still like to take her to prom and she said she'd love to go still. I wasn't going to NOT take her to prom because her Junior Prom ticket sales already ended and we're not going to that, plus she already bought her dress. I'm not a douche-bag.

Anyways, that's the conclusion of this story. I'm officially single (Not like I wasn't REALLY single before) and I would like to thank everyone in this thread for the plethora of great advice and information that helped me get through this and hopefully will help me in the future.

You're all beautifully amazing people,
~LokoKun



EDIT: 4/7/15
PLEASE READ THE EDITS IN ORDER OF DATE
I figure that instead of making a whole new thread I can just add onto this one since it has everything within context.

So after spending an evening at the mall with her and spending a lot of time after school with her since I'm usually there until 7 PM working on my NASA things and she's there doing homework, I really don't think I'm enjoying the time I'm spending with her. It's not that I dread seeing here but I don't look forward to it and I really don't enjoy the time I spend with her. I know this is a terrible thing to say considering I'm the one who asked her to prom in the first place but for me, if something doesn't feel right I usually don't go along with it. We had a conversation the other night about what "we" were because I just wanted to clear some things up, she said that she thinks we're technically dating and that she wants to take things slow and casual which is fine with me. My deal is I don't know if I want to keep leading her on if I know that in the end, it won't work out well for the both of us. After our conversation I think she could tell I needed time to decide what I wanted us to be so she said she would give me some space for a while to clear my head and think which I do appreciate. The other thing that bugs me about her is.... And please don't jump down my throat for this.... She is a pretty hardcore feminist. Now understand, I have absolutely NOTHING against feminism, I'm in fact in full support of it. I just don't believe in shoving someones beliefs down someone else's throat which is what I sort of feel she is doing when we talk. Maybe it's just the way our conversations happen but I just feel that way. Again, let me reiterate I have NOTHING against feminism and I'm very pro-women in general, I'm all for equality but I'm rambling.

My big question is how do I approach her with the fact that I don't think we're really right for each other in a dating (boyfriend/girlfriend) situation but I would still like to take her to my prom as friends. I very much don't want to be a "dick" and not take her to prom because after all, I did ask her. Obviously if she doesn't want to go with me after this I completely understand and will not take her but I still would like to leave that option open. As you can probably tell from this post and thread in general, I'm quite well.... Shit when it comes to talking to girls in general because if I was good at it, I wouldn't need this thread or the help of the community (Thank you a billion for helping me by the way).

I know this was a long update but any help or advice is a big thank you, THANK YOU!

And now since you sat through all of that and hopefully read and responded, you've earned some more good music.
Senbonzakura by Lindsey Stirling - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-wEAeNcA_A
AIR by David Garrett - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXNQ...OAmWC8&index=1




AGAIN! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP AND ADVICE, honestly it's really helping me get through this. And again, I know this is all trivial since it's High School but it's a big deal for someone IN High School.



EDIT: 3/29/15
A quick little update... She wants me to come over her house tomorrow and watch a couple movies with her. The reason it's at her house is because her parents are strict and don't want her out at a random house with a guy. I think i'll end up going over but it might be super awkward since I'm no good with meeting parents.. Then again I don't have much experience with it. Anyways, if I end up going over it probably won't be anything romantic or intimate considering I'm guessing her parents will be watching with a hawk... From what she says they're very over-protective.




Yes yes, I know it'll be bloody trivial, I know that this shit isn't going to last long and I know I'm still young... However I'm still stressing out over it.

So I met this girl around two weeks ago from a mutual friend, we both hang out after school in the same room since then and talked quite a bit, we didn't know each-other before then. Earlier in the week I decided, you know what.. I like her, she's cute, I need a prom date so I did it. I asked her to senior prom (She's a junior). She said yes and we hung out that day for a bit. We kissed at the end of the day and she went home, day ends. So next day we hang out everything is fine as normal... Blah Blah. So today we were hanging out and I don't know... I just didn't feel this connection... Ya know? Like, I didn't feel attracted to her or something and suddenly I'm getting all these second thoughts going through my head, like... Was it a mistake asking her to prom? A mistake kissing her... (We kissed more today before saying goodbye and leaving school, this time we kissed a little more)? A mistake making plans over spring break to hang out with her and probably go on a date... (A double date with a friend of mine since he's driving). Is this normal for a kid my age? I don't know, this is the first relationship I've actually ever had and yes, I'm smart enough to know this High School relationship crap is trivial in the grand scheme of things...

So I guess my question is, is it normal to have second thoughts right after getting into a relationship with someone for the first time? Is it normal to suddenly not have the same feelings for someone from one day to the other? Am I going to fast with her? I really REALLY hate hurting people and hurting other peoples feelings... Which is the partial reason I've avoided relationships up until now. So, from anyone who has ever been in my predicament... Can you toss me some advice? This is odd for me because I'm usually a very LOW stress guy, like... Nothing really gets to me and I'm stressing way more than normal over this.... Should I continue seeing her and seeing if things improve because yes, it hasn't been a long time since we've known each other or decided to pseudo-go out.

Thanks and again, I know this is trivial but I'm still stressing...
~LokoKun



For everyone who actually read through that and if you did take the time to respond, here is two links to some good music from Firefly and Serenity.
Ballad of Serenity - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DiWxcilWtU
Serenity Theme - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuSZ_Onp0S0


EDIT: 3/27/15
Day into this thread with some great responses of advice for people like me in a situation like this, you deserve more Firefly music...
River's Dance - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSxy8h6Iz-4

[oxymoronic]

you're in high school and smart enough to realize it dont really matter? wise beyond your years but with that in mind, just go have fun... you can kiss her, maybe even more doesnt mean you have to marry her. give it a couple of dates then make a decision. i know the "off" feeling you had and i can tell you from experience it happens. doesnt mean you cant have fun with her.

[Deleted]

you sure ask a lot of questions

stop worrying, your highschool relationships are meaningless and won't last

[LokoKun]

you're in high school and smart enough to realize it dont really matter? wise beyond your years but with that in mind, just go have fun... you can kiss her, maybe even more doesnt mean you have to marry her. give it a couple of dates then make a decision. i know the "off" feeling you had and i can tell you from experience it happens. doesnt mean you cant have fun with her.

Thanks for the advice, what you said is the reason I'm so confused about why I'm stressing... I know that this shit doesn't really matter yet in stressing anyways. Usually I'm very good about having low stress to the point that people ask if I care at all about anything but in this case it has me confused. I just don't know about the whole second thought thing going on.. Again, thanks for your advice above.

- - - Updated - - -

you sure ask a lot of questions

stop worrying, your highschool relationships are meaningless and won't last

I ask a lot of questions because I like to be prepared to be honest. I value the words and wisdom of people who have been through what I'm asking about. They're the people I turn to when I have no idea what's happening around me.

[THE Bigzoman]

What relationship?

You met her 2 weeks ago, "kissed a bit", and made future plans.

That's not a relationship. It could develop into one, but it isn't one yet. It's an intimate friendship.

Ever consider just going with it and having fun? You don't have to like her to pump her and take her to prom. Stop thinking too damn much.

[Ayla]

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. You need to end this now before more bad shit happens. For some reason teenage girls tend to get a little batshit crazy over prom.

Ask her if shes bought her dress: I am hoping her mother is telling her that (Since I assume prom is either in may or June), that its too soon to get a dress.

If she says no, tell her that you are having doubts and that you'd like to stay in a relationship but that you dont want to hurt her come prom time. Tell her that youll ask again in a few weeks and see how you both feel.

If she says yes Well, you asked. You're kinda fucked. Either ask if she'd like to go as a friend and well go from there. You don't have to have a real girlfriend at prom. Prom doesnt mean you're gonna get laid either.

[THE Bigzoman]

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. You need to end this now before more bad shit happens. For some reason teenage girls tend to get a little batshit crazy over prom.

Ask her if shes bought her dress: I am hoping her mother is telling her that (Since I assume prom is either in may or June), that its too soon to get a dress.

If she says no, tell her that you are having doubts and that you'd like to stay in a relationship but that you dont want to hurt her come prom time. Tell her that youll ask again in a few weeks and see how you both feel.

If she says yes Well, you asked. You're kinda fucked. Either ask if she'd like to go as a friend and well go from there. You don't have to have a real girlfriend at prom. Prom doesnt mean you're gonna get laid either.

Just take her to prom and have a good time. Have fun. He doesn't have to like her.

[LokoKun]

If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. You need to end this now before more bad shit happens. For some reason teenage girls tend to get a little batshit crazy over prom.

Ask her if shes bought her dress: I am hoping her mother is telling her that (Since I assume prom is either in may or June), that its too soon to get a dress.

If she says no, tell her that you are having doubts and that you'd like to stay in a relationship but that you dont want to hurt her come prom time. Tell her that youll ask again in a few weeks and see how you both feel.

If she says yes Well, you asked. You're kinda fucked. Either ask if she'd like to go as a friend and well go from there. You don't have to have a real girlfriend at prom. Prom doesnt mean you're gonna get laid either.

Yes... She does have her dress. I'll put that out there.

[Independent voter]

I wouldn't drag it out if I didn't have feelings for her. Cut her loose early so she can find someone who returns her feelings.

[Ayla]

Just take her to prom and have a good time. Have fun. He doesn't have to like her.

So take her to prom and "pump her".? Thats when girls commit suicide you fuck.

[THE Bigzoman]

So take her to prom and "pump her".? Thats when girls commit suicide you fuck.

This just in, sex on prom night leads to suicide.

She'll have a good time to. The only one who seems to think an intimate friendship=commitment is the OP from what I can see.

It'd be more fucked up to tell her, after she got her dress and junk, "sorry, I changed my mind"

[Poppincaps]

This just in, sex on prom night leads to suicide.

She'll have a good time to. The only one who seems to think an intimate friendship=commitment is the OP from what I can see.

It'd be more fucked up to tell her, after she got her dress and junk, "sorry, I changed my mind"

It is in High School. Or at least it was in my High School. After one date you pretty much were dating. Although that is also taking into consideration that you usually "talked" to the person for a couple weeks before going on your first date.

@OP Honestly, I think it depends on how you feel. If you can't stand her or don't enjoy being around her on dates, then call it off. If not, then I would stick it out for a little while longer to see how things go.

Also, it may sound kinda douchey but if it's your first girlfriend, then I would try to get some more dating experience. I have a close friend who never had a date because he was so picky with girls but the girls he was interested in he couldn't talk to because he didn't have any experience. I told him to just date any girl to get used to it, so he dated a pretty average looking girl. They dated for a couple months and after they broke up he was able to talk to girls more easily, because he had some experience and he realized that girls are just people (shocking I know).

[THE Bigzoman]

It is in High School. Or at least it was in my High School. After one date you pretty much were dating. Although that is also taking into consideration that you usually "talked" to the person for a couple weeks before going on your first date.

@OP Honestly, I think it depends on how you feel. If you can't stand her or don't enjoy being around her on dates, then call it off. If not, then I would stick it out for a little while longer to see how things go.

Also, it may sound kinda douchey but if it's your first girlfriend, then I would try to get some more dating experience. I have a close friend who never had a date because he was so picky with girls but the girls he was interested in he couldn't talk to because he didn't have any experience. I told him to just date any girl to get used to it, so he dated a pretty average looking girl. They dated for a couple months and after they broke up he was able to talk to girls more easily, because he had some experience and he realized that girls are just people (shocking I know).

What HS did you go too? That is being a bit hasty, even in HS.

[Cosmic Janitor]

So take her to prom and "pump her".? Thats when girls commit suicide you fuck.

Wow really? I never knew that women were that fragile..

[LokoKun]

It is in High School. Or at least it was in my High School. After one date you pretty much were dating. Although that is also taking into consideration that you usually "talked" to the person for a couple weeks before going on your first date.

@OP Honestly, I think it depends on how you feel. If you can't stand her or don't enjoy being around her on dates, then call it off. If not, then I would stick it out for a little while longer to see how things go.

Also, it may sound kinda douchey but if it's your first girlfriend, then I would try to get some more dating experience. I have a close friend who never had a date because he was so picky with girls but the girls he was interested in he couldn't talk to because he didn't have any experience. I told him to just date any girl to get used to it, so he dated a pretty average looking girl. They dated for a couple months and after they broke up he was able to talk to girls more easily, because he had some experience and he realized that girls are just people (shocking I know).

Thanks for the advice mate.

[Vea Lea]

So take her to prom and "pump her".? Thats when girls commit suicide you fuck.

why would someone commit suicide because of that?

[Acelius]

So take her to prom and "pump her".? Thats when girls commit suicide you fuck.

Uhm what? lol

[Reg]

I ask a lot of questions because I like to be prepared to be honest. I value the words and wisdom of people who have been through what I'm asking about. They're the people I turn to when I have no idea what's happening around me.

Sadly in all my years of dating, I have realized there is no such thing as preparation lol Love doesn't come with a checklist, so if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

[Deleted]

Go for it you son of a gun!

[LokoKun]

Sadly in all my years of dating, I have realized there is no such thing as preparation lol Love doesn't come with a checklist, so if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

It's not that it doesn't feel right, it just feels weird an not what I expected at all. I'm not Sure if that's a good thing or bad thing or if it's meant to be like that.

- - - Updated - - -

What HS did you go too? That is being a bit hasty, even in HS.

That's the thing, I really don't want to be to hasty about this. We plan to hang out over spring break, maybe watch a movie or two at her place (Her parents are strict to my knowledge), my friend even offered to go on a double date with his girlfriend if it made me more comfortable since he's always trying to get me to date someone. I'll probably take him up on that offer and test the waters a bit. I just don't want to move things to quickly to the point that heavy mistakes are made without even thinkin about it.