Why are some people in such a big rush to get into a relationship?

[dixincide]

TL;DR: Why is it that many people early to mid twenties (usually girls [I personally have little knowledge of what happens on the other end but please share]) feel the need to rush into a long term relationship? Sometimes so quickly that you barely know if there is a connection there.
Why is it that once in a relationship the significant other seems to be the foundation of the other persons life, the center of every story and their reply to just about everything? That doesn't seem healthy to me.


I've been making a lot of threads lately in OT about relationships and such, Spoilers I've started dating.
I have started seeing a few people over the past months, not all hits but not all misses either. Of the handful that I have came across they've all had one thing in common.

They really REALLY want a relationship. Even if the connection isn't there. I'll get a mass of texts/emails from them, even though its obvious (at least I think it is) that I don't reciprocate the feelings. We'll have little shared interests other than a physical attraction but they still talk as if they've found the one.

I know I am not all that great so there has to be something in the water here. You don't go out with someone once and then fall in love the next day, Right?
Even the ladies at the office spend most of their spare time talking about relationships or their husbands. It's insane. I mean yes its healthy to like the person they are with and be proud of it. But it almost seems like they're using their significant other as a trophy to show off. Then they will also turn around and start up a story about them and the others will chime in too.

"oh my Jerry would never do something like that!"
"Oooo you'll never guess what I caught bob doing!"

Which leads any of the other single people around them to either be picked on, or neglected. I don't get it.

I'm trying not to be gender specific but it seems like women really push for a long run commitment very early in a relationship when I'm only just getting a feel for if I actually connect with this person. Is there a reason for this? Is it just how they were raised or is it a biological thing?

Thanks.

[wheresmywoft]

Mainly cultural IMO. You don't witness this specific behavior everywhere.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Because people have become too narcissistic, being with someone else to too many is about fucking status, rather than actually sharing a life with another human being, which is why those who rush into a relationship are constantly complaining ALL THE TIME about their relationships.

[pateuvasiliu]

Biological clock ticking, need for attention, social standards ( a woman can't sleep around, she needs to have a long term boyfriend for that ), actual interest in a long term relationship ( there's nothing wrong with one and experience helps loads ), pressure from their parents to get married asap.

Choose one. Or a couple.

[Allarius]

I'm really close to a couple that I've been friends with for years. One of the things I tried to tell them was that they needed space. The woman in the couple essentially latched on to her fiance and wouldn't let go. He'd want to go out and do something, and she'd get offended that it didn't involve her. They'd be apart for a DAY and she'd go on about how she misses him(I should point out that they were living together at this point, so it's not as if she wasn't going to come back and see him). If they weren't together she was incapable of having fun or doing anything besides sitting and waiting until they were together again. On the off chance we got her to come out and do something, she would spend the ENTIRE time texting him. She wouldn't put her phone down for 5 minutes in fear that she'd miss his text.

Every time I broached the subject they just responded with,"You just don't understand how much we like each other." or something along those lines. Flash forward a couple years and she's now complaining that she can't go out and have a "girls night" if she wanted to.

It's one thing to enjoy being around someone, but it's entirely different when you're co-dependent on someone else just to enjoy what it is you're doing.

I personally think relationships are like anything else in this life. Without moderation, the potential for burn out is much higher, just like many other activities people do in their daily lives.

[Deleted]

Because people have become too narcissistic, being with someone else to too many is about fucking status, rather than actually sharing a life with another human being, which is why those who rush into a relationship are constantly complaining ALL THE TIME about their relationships.

That's also why most marriages end up in disaster. People that are incompatible get caught up in the heat of the moment and make stupid mistakes.

[Doctor Amadeus]

That's also why most marriages end up in disaster. People that are incompatible get caught up in the heat of the moment and make stupid mistakes.

Very true, loving someone and sharing a life is much different than fucking them, or having them around for convenience or as arm candy.

[Independent voter]

I'm one of those people who always want to be in a long term relationship even though I'm not good at it. Life is so much easier and I don't like being alone. We'll I like being alone at times but I want loneliness as an option not a feature.

[Torgent]

For women, it has a lot to do with the fact that they are better off having children earlier than later. After 35, there are links to complications with the child. For men, some men just happen to like the companionship of a woman and would like to find one that he enjoys enough to spend a lot of time with.

Of course, there are also people who fear being single because it means "nobody loves me". Or the people who feel that they need to impress their parents or friends. Sometimes it's competition. There are many reasons why, don't just assume the bad reasons are the answer. Many people want to be in relationships because they enjoy them. It doesn't necessarily mean they are rushing anything. You don't live their lives, maybe both people had a very strong connection and they talked for hours and really enjoyed time together.

[dixincide]

I'm one of those people who always want to be in a long term relationship even though I'm not good at it. Life is so much easier and I don't like being alone. We'll I like being alone at times but I want loneliness as an option not a feature.

is it the loneliness that causes you to want to pursue a long term commitment? What makes having someone else in your life cause things to be easier?
Not trying to challenge you I'm just curious to hear where you are coming from.

[wheresmywoft]

is it the loneliness that causes you to want to pursue a long term commitment? What makes having someone else in your life cause things to be easier?
Not trying to challenge you I'm just curious to hear where you are coming from.

What people seem to be chasing is like best friend+.

[Nillah]

even though its obvious (at least I think it is) that I don't reciprocate the feelings.

Maybe that's your problem? I have an issue with guys taking me on a date and then just sort of not responding after that if they're not interested. Why not just cut the crap and tell her that you're not interested? They won't feel they're being led on, you don't get the annoying texts.

[dixincide]

For women, it has a lot to do with the fact that they are better off having children earlier than later. After 35, there are links to complications with the child. For men, some men just happen to like the companionship of a woman and would like to find one that he enjoys enough to spend a lot of time with.

Of course, there are also people who fear being single because it means "nobody loves me". Or the people who feel that they need to impress their parents or friends. Sometimes it's competition. There are many reasons why, don't just assume the bad reasons are the answer. Many people want to be in relationships because they enjoy them. It doesn't necessarily mean they are rushing anything. You don't live their lives, maybe both people had a very strong connection and they talked for hours and really enjoyed time together.

Sorry if you misinterpreted my original post. I could have been more clear. I don't have anything against the long term commitments early on in life.
I'm just curious to know why it feels like many people really push for them very fast. Of the people I've dated and the stories ive encountered from friends. It seems like right out of the gates people are ready to jump head first into moving in together and marriage. Even as far as talking about kids.
It seemed off to me.

[RapBreon]

Probably a hold-over from traditional gender roles; in which a large part of a women's worth was measured by the relationships they maintained.

[Independent voter]

is it the loneliness that causes you to want to pursue a long term commitment? What makes having someone else in your life cause things to be easier?
Not trying to challenge you I'm just curious to hear where you are coming from.

Well, going out and having fun is one. Doing household chores is another. Someone to talk to about whatever, something you saw on the Internet that day, is a third. There's a lot of synergy with a couple, the whole is greater than it's parts.

[Deleted]

I have a close friend who has been in quite a few relationships, some pretty bad, and seems to be unable to function outside of one, he described it as an "overwhelming sense of boredom and loneliness", I guess some people just don't cope with life as well on their own, and require a rock there to support them, problem is they're usually in such a rush to find someone that they end up in a lot of incompatible relationships.

[dixincide]

Maybe that's your problem? I have an issue with guys taking me on a date and then just sort of not responding after that if they're not interested. Why not just cut the crap and tell her that you're not interested? They won't feel they're being led on, you don't get the annoying texts.

At the moment my life is pretty busy, it is a little selfish to try and pull someone into it now while I'm juggling so many things but I am curious to know whats out there.
I try to be as clear as possible with everything in my life. To avoid conflicts and such, if I don't text it's because i'm busy not ignoring the person. When I'm not interested I try to let them know that I wasn't feeling it as much as they were. I should probably be more straight forward there. That is unfair to you that guys do that but I think that's how the dating game has been shifting. Such with Online dating if you don't like the person you just stop the convo. Maybe people have translated that into real life dating as well.

[BarelyLegalBear]

I'm one of those people who always want to be in a long term relationship even though I'm not good at it. Life is so much easier and I don't like being alone. We'll I like being alone at times but I want loneliness as an option not a feature.

I agree with this. I'm the same exact way, however i've never been in a relationship so i'm not sure if i'm any good. All I know is that i'm one loyal motherfucker. Being lonely does suck though, but it does have its benefits. Cheaper cost of living is the primary example.

[theostrichsays]

I've always wondered the same thing. I've been single for 3+ years now, and can't say I would be any happier if I was in a relationship.
I always just assumed its because a lot of people are afraid of being alone.

[BarelyLegalBear]

I've always wondered the same thing. I've been single for 3+ years now, and can't say I would be any happier if I was in a relationship.
I always just assumed its because a lot of people are afraid of being alone.

I'd just be happy to have someone in my life that I could relate to, someone that I could have weird conversations with and such. It's hard to find people with similar interests these days too.