Online Dating?

[Deleted]

Ok, here's the deal. I'm a 25 year old male and I feel lonely at times as my friends have generally found mates of their own, even my best friend and I've seen how they have fun together and are happy and I kind of want someone to be happy like that with someone too.
The deal is that I'm shy and generally have hobbies that are done in-doors (gaming, movies, books) and I work in a place where there aren't many women (gaming industry, there are about 25% girls at my company, but all taken) so I can't really meet someone doing something we both like (as, let's be honest, if I meet a woman online, she's generally like on the other side of the planet or the age difference is over 10 years and that's kind of the maximum I can accept) nor can I meet someone at the workplace.
Now, another issue is that I've never had a relationship in my life. I tried a few times and failed (generally because I'm shy and get shy when I like a girl so don't know what to say in person and that leaves a bad first impression OR because I'm friends with the woman, I fall in love with her but she considers me just a friend and is not attracted to me). The thing is that I'm not looking for a random casual sex date, I'd like to possibly start a long lasting relationship.
I can never understand how people meet possible dates face to face. I mean, just today I was in the subway and there was this girl with some amazing eyes. What was I supposed to say "hey, you have nice eyes, bet your smile is even nicer, how about a coffee once" or something? I don't know, that sounds kind of alien to me to say to a person in the subway. Or... anywhere for that matter, if you don't know the person.

So I thought about online dating sites, I have some questions:
-which do you think is a good dating site? why?
-how do these dating sites even work? can I for example highlight that I'm a gamer and that you can't accept someone who might play computer games at times, I'm not interested?
-generally your experience with dating sites are good or bad?
-if you've met people online(no matter if friends or dates), and they were talkative like a regular human but then met them in real life and they were kind of shy and introverted, would you be willing to try it again?

[Raxis]

Online dating is the last resort for social losers of both sexes.

Get yourself out into the real world and meet real people. If you have to resort to online dating as a last chance just give up and save yourself the grief.

[Deleted]

Online dating is the last resort for social losers of both sexes.

Wouldn't go that far. After you're done with school many people have close to no new people entering their lives as more than just co-workers or such.

[Spraxle]

My experience with dating sites has been: 1) 'We can not help you' after filling out the 'application' or 2) women who have a higher opinion of themselves then they should who expect to find some super rich guy.

Obviously the experiences of each person are different so my experiences could/should be different from your own. Just go to a few of the dating sites and put yourself out there. It's really the only advice someone can give you.

[Morssoe]

I know a lil trick how to feel better. Get drunk at a club, and go do basic "round". Meet bunch of girls, and get nothing. By now you realize it is just better leave girls be.

[Deleted]

you sound like a sad and lonely individual. have you considered politics?

[mizeri]

online dating is pretty much the same as going to the clubs, the women will do most of the picking because you will be 1 of many for them to choose from while the guys try to get attention from the same "good looking" chick on the site. And most of the time all the pictures of the good looking women are usually fake profiles made by scammers. also never ever date someone from work, it never ends well, and why the hell would you wanna see the same person 24 hours a day anyways.

[Captain N]

Online dating is the last resort for social losers of both sexes.

Get yourself out into the real world and meet real people. If you have to resort to online dating as a last chance just give up and save yourself the grief.

Or you know they have full-time jobs and other obligations and don't have time to meet people. I know it's far-fetched in the world of MMO-Champion but there are women out there with full-time employment that aren't waiting around to be supported by a dude.

[Deleted]

You just described me.

Tried some dating websites. Even there finding an acceptable person is hard. First you gotta filter out the whores, yes actual whores looking for clients, they are easy to spot because they have rather undressed pictures and the tick the boxes for all the hobbies and stuff. Next you gotta filter out the attention whores, basically women who say they are looking for friends to hang out with, many of them have bfs too, useless. Now you get to filter based on your preferences. Keep the spectrum wide unless you really don't want women who smoke or women with children, so don't tick too many boxes like weight, height etc. When you finally find a few you want to message, make sure to start the message with something you read in their description, like "I noticed you like whatever" for example.

Your own description should be very elaborate, don't just write one sentence. Also make sure to talk alot about yourself and don't fucking lie, just lay it out like it is, yes you're a gamer, write it all. If a woman likes you, then it's good, don't create an image of yourself based on lies, it's not gonna work.

Once you established contact, don't rush to a real life date, get to know eachother online, exchange phone numbers etc. It will alleviate the shyness for when you actually meet.

[ghostkitteh]

We really aren't that scary or hard to approach. Say she has nice eyes and if you two end up chatting or something, ask if she wants to grab coffee. If nothing came of it, oh well whatever, plenty of fish in the sea. :P


To actually answer your questions and stuff though, I haven't really used any dating sites, but I know okcupid is pretty good. Yeah, you can say just about whatever, and the way the matchmaker thingy works for most of them, you wont really see a ton of people that you aren't really compatible with unless you want too. Granted, as important as shared interests and views are, different ones are just as important if they don't cause any real conflict.


Sure, some people are just kinda shy and introverted, it's not really their fault. If somebody doesn't accept that, screw them.

[drwelfare]

I would see it as a waste of money and time.
Find a woman on there and talk to her and she will then ask for money or offer to give you "services" for money, best case you're out the money, or maybe you get busted in a sting.

[Deleted]

Wouldn't go that far. After you're done with school many people have close to no new people entering their lives as more than just co-workers or such.

Exactly. And as I stated, since my hobbies are mostly in-door stuff, that also takes a potential meeting people avenue off the grid.

My experience with dating sites has been: 1) 'We can not help you' after filling out the 'application' or 2) women who have a higher opinion of themselves then they should who expect to find some super rich guy.

Obviously the experiences of each person are different so my experiences could/should be different from your own. Just go to a few of the dating sites and put yourself out there. It's really the only advice someone can give you.

Ok, thanks for the reply. You know, before I asked this question I had found this dating site for gamers http://www.soulgeek.com/ but it would appear there's not a single person in 100 miles from me registered there so the "we can't help you" kind of fits to some sites.

I know a lil trick how to feel better. Get drunk at a club, and go do basic "round". Meet bunch of girls, and get nothing. By now you realize it is just better leave girls be.

yea, the issue here is that since I'm shy I'd still have problems talking to women plus I'd meet women that go to the clubs a lot... which... are totally not the kind of women I'm looking for.

you sound like a sad and lonely individual. have you considered politics?

Actually I have! I finished the University of Political Sciences even. But then I realized that in my country, to get higher in politics, you'd need to kiss people's asses just because they're higher then you in the party and go deep in shit and I'm not that kind of person. So I went into the gaming industry.

online dating is pretty much the same as going to the clubs, the women will do most of the picking because you will be 1 of many for them to choose from while the guys try to get attention from the same "good looking" chick on the site. And most of the time all the pictures of the good looking women are usually fake profiles made by scammers. also never ever date someone from work, it never ends well, and why the hell would you wanna see the same person 24 hours a day anyways.

Thanks for idea.
True, heard that too that there aren't as many women. But I also heard that many of the messages receives by these women are akin to "hay gurl" or stupid things like that, which weed out part of the competition as at least I can articulate a sentence. Didn't know of the fake profiles... though what do scammers even have to gain? I mean it's not like people would give them their card accounts, would they?

Or you know they have full-time jobs and other obligations and don't have time to meet people. I know it's far-fetched in the world of MMO-Champion but there are women out there with full-time employment that aren't waiting around to be supported by a dude.

Precisely, well said!

You just described me.

Tried some dating websites. Even there finding an acceptable person is hard. First you gotta filter out the whores, yes actual whores looking for clients, they are easy to spot because they have rather undressed pictures and the tick the boxes for all the hobbies and stuff. Next you gotta filter out the attention whores, basically women who say they are looking for friends to hang out with, many of them have bfs too, useless. Now you get to filter based on your preferences. Keep the spectrum wide unless you really don't want women who smoke or women with children, so don't tick too many boxes like weight, height etc. When you finally find a few you want to message, make sure to start the message with something you read in their description, like "I noticed you like whatever" for example.

Your own description should be very elaborate, don't just write one sentence. Also make sure to talk alot about yourself and don't fucking lie, just lay it out like it is, yes you're a gamer, write it all. If a woman likes you, then it's good, don't create an image of yourself based on lies, it's not gonna work.

Once you established contact, don't rush to a real life date, get to know eachother online, exchange phone numbers etc. It will alleviate the shyness for when you actually meet.

Good advice, thank you very much. I was thinking the same with talking a bit first before meeting, which is why I was thinking on online dating rather than real life dating for starters at least.

We really aren't that scary or hard to approach. Say she has nice eyes and if you two end up chatting or something, ask if she wants to grab coffee. If nothing came of it, oh well whatever, plenty of fish in the sea. :P


To actually answer your questions and stuff though, I haven't really used any dating sites, but I know okcupid is pretty good. Yeah, you can say just about whatever, and the way the matchmaker thingy works for most of them, you wont really see a ton of people that you aren't really compatible with unless you want too. Granted, as important as shared interests and views are, different ones are just as important if they don't cause any real conflict.


Sure, some people are just kinda shy and introverted, it's not really their fault. If somebody doesn't accept that, screw them.

Thanks for advice.
Heh, you make it sound so easy when you say it like that.

I was actually thinking of OKCupid as an option, heard it's quite popular.

I would see it as a waste of money and time.
Find a woman on there and talk to her and she will then ask for money or offer to give you "services" for money, best case you're out the money, or maybe you get busted in a sting.

Well, if this happened, I'd refuse and leave. I'm not looking for a whore.

[Dsonsion]

You should really give a try to just approach her and tell her that you find her attractive. It has worked for me 4/5 of the times. If not, you just move on.
I mean, it isn't nice when they plainly reject the conversation that way, but in my experience, women react better when you're upfront. I do feel nervous when I do the cold approach, but I feel great after I have done it, even if I'm rejected. At least I don't feel like a coward for not giving it a try.

[Ayarea]

So I thought about online dating sites, I have some questions:
-which do you think is a good dating site? why?
I think Okcupid is one of the better ones. It's one of the few free sites that you can send and read messages without having to pay for it.

-how do these dating sites even work? can I for example highlight that I'm a gamer and that you can't accept someone who might play computer games at times, I'm not interested?
You can. I know on OKC there's alot of people who do that. Wouldn't advise it though. Would keep that more for inside messaging or something. Alot of people are mentioning they are geeks/ nerds/ gamers/ or "artists" of some sort.

-generally your experience with dating sites are good or bad?
So far my experiences have been good. Just okcupid though, the other ones you have to pay and I don't really want to waste money on fake profiles.

-if you've met people online(no matter if friends or dates), and they were talkative like a regular human but then met them in real life and they were kind of shy and introverted, would you be willing to try it again?

Depends on what general feeling. I'm kind of introverted myself, but if I go on dates and it feels good I tend to be more talkative.

There is no shame in using dating sites nowadays. Some people have an easier time meeting people irl, and others have it online. You can practice your social skills by going on online "dates" and feel more confident. Good luck.

[ghostkitteh]

Thanks for advice.
Heh, you make it sound so easy when you say it like that.

I was actually thinking of OKCupid as an option, heard it's quite popular.

Yeah, obvs ymmv. I'm pretty extroverted and flirt with everything anyways, but a lot of people really do think/worry way too much about approaching people. The first few times are always the hardest.

[Theinquisition]

Online dating is the last resort for social losers of both sexes.

Get yourself out into the real world and meet real people. If you have to resort to online dating as a last chance just give up and save yourself the grief.

Okay this is retarded.

I met my current GF on match.com

I'm good looking, have lots of friends, and have no issues attracting women.

Whats nice about online dating is that....

A. You get to read a bit about someone before you go on a date. You can establish common interests before making an investment of time.
B. You get to chat with someone before you make any sort of commitment to go on a "date" In a bar or whatever you're talking over music, other people, etc etc. When your talking back and forth online, its just about you and that person.
C. You can narrow down your search. Dog lvers and movie lovers etc etc.

Most importantly, for those of us who are adults, that are working, online dating is a great resource for those that do not have the time, or the patience to deal with the bar scene, most of the women I met online were working professionals. Nurses, teachers, even doctors.

My experience was great, and I would recommend it for anyone that is looking for a relationship, without all the bar hopping.

[Deleted]

Try OKCupid. It asks you loads of questions and then provides a compatibility rating. Some of the questions include stuff like "would you date somebody who plays video games for more than two hours a day" or "have you ever played an MMORPG?", so it's easy to find girls who you might get along with.

[Independent voter]

Most everyone I know met their girlfriend or boyfriend through online dating. Maybe it's a regional thing but it seems to be the way to go these days.

[drwelfare]

Well, if this happened, I'd refuse and leave. I'm not looking for a whore.

They give you some story to hook you in sometimes, or they try to catch you once you got money and time invested hoping you will put out a bit more to get what you want

[sadface]

Ok, here's the deal. I'm a 25 year old male and I feel lonely at times as my friends have generally found mates of their own, even my best friend and I've seen how they have fun together and are happy and I kind of want someone to be happy like that with someone too.
The deal is that I'm shy and generally have hobbies that are done in-doors (gaming, movies, books) and I work in a place where there aren't many women (gaming industry, there are about 25% girls at my company, but all taken) so I can't really meet someone doing something we both like (as, let's be honest, if I meet a woman online, she's generally like on the other side of the planet or the age difference is over 10 years and that's kind of the maximum I can accept) nor can I meet someone at the workplace.
Now, another issue is that I've never had a relationship in my life. I tried a few times and failed (generally because I'm shy and get shy when I like a girl so don't know what to say in person and that leaves a bad first impression OR because I'm friends with the woman, I fall in love with her but she considers me just a friend and is not attracted to me). The thing is that I'm not looking for a random casual sex date, I'd like to possibly start a long lasting relationship.
I can never understand how people meet possible dates face to face. I mean, just today I was in the subway and there was this girl with some amazing eyes. What was I supposed to say "hey, you have nice eyes, bet your smile is even nicer, how about a coffee once" or something? I don't know, that sounds kind of alien to me to say to a person in the subway. Or... anywhere for that matter, if you don't know the person.

So I thought about online dating sites, I have some questions:
-which do you think is a good dating site? why?
-how do these dating sites even work? can I for example highlight that I'm a gamer and that you can't accept someone who might play computer games at times, I'm not interested?
-generally your experience with dating sites are good or bad?
-if you've met people online(no matter if friends or dates), and they were talkative like a regular human but then met them in real life and they were kind of shy and introverted, would you be willing to try it again?

Oh deary me what do we have here, let me just finish wiping my pee pee on my boxer shorts. Right soooo.

first let me pick your paragraph apart!

lonely - key word - DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

have hobbies - problem, do not divulge until she is tagged.

she considers me just a friend and is not attracted to me - this girl is telling you REALLY nicely that you're not doing WHAT you want to do! You're doing what she wants to do A LOT.

I'm not looking for a random casual sex date - retard alert > that's how long relationships start casual sex BUT it gets less and less and less and less casual. you understand? >Mission statement - don't be retard

"hey, you have nice eyes, bet your smile is even nicer, how about a coffee once" or something? - no you do NOT say that! Ever! You say "You have really nice eyes, whats your name? where you from? do you come here a lot? are you with anyone? what are you ordering? DO NOT fire these shots AT WILL you wait and try to branch out what she is saying in the conversation..

example= you got nice eyes - bit weird but thanks - what are they like bluey green? no they are ......... - oh right, never seen any like that before - ok - FIRE NEXT SHOT

DO not compliment her more than once! EVER, on first contact! And then you prepare to have a date there and then on the spot in SUBWAY, if you or she is busy you give her or she give you a number to contact if both want to. If she doesn't give number then you give yours. It's ok to be retarded on first contact, if she's smart she'll understand. And no you don't wait for her to contact, you get on with your life. if she contacts you it's a WIN and GAME ON!


So I thought about online dating sites, I have some questions:
-which do you think is a good dating site? why?

Casual sex date sites > READ ABOVE!

-how do these dating sites even work? can I for example highlight that I'm a gamer and that you can't accept someone who might play computer games at times, I'm not interested?

No you don't say that, you highlight that you do what you want, and PRAY for a submissive girl. If no submissive girl, do not divulge any info until she is tagged!

-generally your experience with dating sites are good or bad?

Good for me
bad for you because you're looking for something out of Disney movie - lower standards

-if you've met people online(no matter if friends or dates), and they were talkative like a regular human but then met them in real life and they were kind of shy and introverted, would you be willing to try it again?

if they didn't change after3-4 meets it's a NO