Relationships: Thoughts on Transitioning From Best Friends

[Piglord]

You're at a point in life where you will more that likely not get this opportunity again. At least you should ask her what she thinks it means. She may be having the same issue as you are right now. If she only wants friends with benefits then you have to ask yourself if you can handle that. You have to keep in mind that any romantic conflict you have for her will be there for other romantic interests between the both of you. Even if it is really minor and insignificant there is still going to be something there. That's why people always talk about how hard it is to be friends after a physical relationship ends, there will always be something there.

[tss]

As flippant and silly as it was, the first reply was the right one. Just make a move again and stop over thinking it. You made something really simple into over a screen's worth of real estate. Cool it, but don't be passive about it. Even if it blows up in your face (extremely unlikely) you've not even known this girl for a year.

Just do it.

[Tyrgannus]

You're at a point in life where you will more that likely not get this opportunity again. At least you should ask her what she thinks it means. She may be having the same issue as you are right now. If she only wants friends with benefits then you have to ask yourself if you can handle that. You have to keep in mind that any romantic conflict you have for her will be there for other romantic interests between the both of you. Even if it is really minor and insignificant there is still going to be something there. That's why people always talk about how hard it is to be friends after a physical relationship ends, there will always be something there.

^ I like this kid, these are the type of posts I was looking for and the stuff I've been thinking about.

[Immitis]

She clearly wants to sleep with your parents.

i agree, ive seen many cases like this, they all ended with the girl banging their parents.

get out before your parents are sufficiently banged op

[Piglord]

^ I like this kid, these are the type of posts I was looking for and the stuff I've been thinking about.

I've been divorced twice, what do I know?

[Cantwingrr]

If she is as easygoing as you say I'd talk to her about it and see what's up. Really curious to see what she says when you do, report back in soon I'm hooked to this story.

[Tyrgannus]

If she is as easygoing as you say I'd talk to her about it and see what's up. Really curious to see what she says when you do, report back in soon I'm hooked to this story.

That will probably have to wait until tomorrow night, but I will indeed report my findings later Captain

*salutes*

[Gremlincat]

I've been in this situation, but as the girl. I always had a semi-crush on my best friend(a guy I've been best friends with for 3 years), but we had always been dating other people or other things were going on in our lives or didn't want to chance ruining the friendship. After time and multiple situations arising, he admitted he really liked/loved me and it's been the best relationship I've ever had. Yes I know this is the ideal outcome, and please do prepare for possible rejection, but it's definitely worth it to try.

[Tyrgannus]

Slight update:

She's at work tonight and will be until very late (she works at a bar). I sent her a message briefly getting at how much I care, but not too much entail as I want to say most of it in person in a conversation with her. She called me on her break an told me to swing by her work. I honestly almost never visit her at work so this is really not that common. Wish me luck...I think?

[THE Bigzoman]

Looks like Beth has you as a second string player on her lineup, and that is not a fun position to be in.

You're nobodies plan B. Get the hell out.

[Tyrgannus]

Looks like Beth has you as a second string player on her lineup, and that is not a fun position to be in.

You're nobodies plan B. Get the hell out.

Bigzo, so glad you could make it! I suspect this frankly. I still want to talk to her, but this is one of many reasons I'm hesitant. It's not fair nor respectful to be placed on a back burner

[THE Bigzoman]

Bigzo, so glad you could make it! I suspect this frankly. I still want to talk to her, but this is one of many reasons I'm hesitant. It's not fair nor respectful to be placed on a back burner

Been there, done it.

You're probably trying to rationalize it in spite if there being a good chance that it's true. It's tough, I know. You'll come out better if you DTB.

[jakeic]

Bigzo, so glad you could make it! I suspect this frankly. I still want to talk to her, but this is one of many reasons I'm hesitant. It's not fair nor respectful to be placed on a back burner

this is non-sense, why would her feelings trump yours? not caring about what you want first is just a defense mechanism, where you can shift blame on your relationship not working out from your inability to get what you want. instead you place the blame on to her for not "liking" you. you need to take a moment and figure your shit out, do you want this girl or not? If you want her then be assertive and go after it, if you don't want her then get the fuck out as it is destroying your other relationships. it is really that easy, you don't need to check with her, you don't need to talk it out, all you need to do is to act like you are something worth having.

[pateuvasiliu]

TLDR

Just tell her how you feel.

Look, there's no such thing as '' I only see you as a friend/brother ''.

If someone is your best friend and there's attraction you'd have to be insane not to be with them. That's what the dream is, someone that's a lover and a best friend at the same time. So the only way your best friend wouldn't want to be with you is if the attraction part's lacking.

So if I were you I'd just tell her.

[Deleted]

So MMO-Champ, what exactly is going on?
Do you believe this was just a one time thing?
Do you believe that she might have feelings for me that she doesn't know how to express or maybe she herself hasn't fully processed?
Have any of you been in a similar position?
What is your advice on how I should proceed with this?

She was looking for a relationship, and she was somewhat curious about you but also didn't want to ruin the friendship, the drunkness helped her overcome that fear though. Now she doesn't know, on one hand she likes you as a friend and thinks of the issue that "if I ever have an argument with him, with whom am I going to talk, until now I've talked to him about all my previous guys" but on the other hand, she did like you enough to have sex with you.

It was only a one time thing if you don't do anything anymore. So, if you don't push to start a true relationship with her, she might drop it. She mentioned it in a way hoping you'd do something nice, or tell her she was great, or tell her you like her, or do something romantic etc.

Yes, this is also a possibility.

Yes, I actually have been. Me and my best friend were at the mountains together in a room, drunk, when she was starting to leave her boyfriend. She didn't say she was horny, but she did drop a few hints. That being said, even while drunk, I thought that I shouldn't take advantage of the fact that she was drunk. So I didn't push it. So we slept in the same room, in the same bed, without doing anything except talking before sleep. We're still good friends, but I do wonder "what if?" and I probably always will. A year later I confessed her my feelings... but she already had a new boyfriend by this time, so she didn't reply as I would have loved. Now we even work together, all three of us, and they two sit in an office and I have noticed that she does act differently when she's alone and when she's with him.I wonder if it was a mistake that I didn't go for her hints originally.
You did, you went for your girl's hints, and things are still good. So congratulations. If you like her and you already both get along so well, you should actually try starting a relationship. But you need to accept her how she is, even if, as you say, she flirts with guys for a job or something.

Alas, since, as I've stated, I haven't gotten to your position, I don't really know. But my advice is this: do you love her? if yes, invite her out, make sure she gets it it's romantically out, go home, make love, just don't ignore the issue, for she considers it was her move when you two had sex for she initiated it, now it's your move. If you do love her, don't wait or you'll end up in my situation, even if you actually had sex with her.
If no, act as good friends as before... and that's that.

- - - Updated - - -

Slight update:

She's at work tonight and will be until very late (she works at a bar). I sent her a message briefly getting at how much I care, but not too much entail as I want to say most of it in person in a conversation with her. She called me on her break an told me to swing by her work. I honestly almost never visit her at work so this is really not that common. Wish me luck...I think?

Good luck, hope you make it and you start a relationship together

[Grummgug]

I don't normally make threads on this site and don't normally look for personal advice about my life, but I'm curious on what you guys have to say.

I met this young woman in late August/early September of last year, don't remember the exact day. For confusion's sake let's call her Beth. I found her instantly attractive, but she liked another guy. Fair enough, I didn't think anything of it at the time. Beth helped me get a bouncing gig at her job not long after that and we were coworkers for a bit. Her feelings faded for the other guy but again it didn't matter to me as I never get involved with coworkers and we now worked together. We started hanging out more outside of work and really becoming close friends. There was a subtle air of flintiness, but nothing remotely overt. We would go to bars together and watch movies curled up in bed, but we wouldn't sleep together or even kiss. Later on she got fired from the place we worked at and got another job. We were no longer coworkers now and I thought about asking Beth on a legitimate date, but not longer after that she met a guy. I honestly wasn't too bitter because we didn't really get involved and if truth be told there were other women in my life that were interested in me. Time passed as I watched her fall in and out of short little crushes, but we started hanging out more and more. We became best friends, legitimately. We hung out (and still hang out) around 4 days every single week. I met someone who I had gotten involved with around this time while Beth would occasionally engage in one night stands with little success, but always good stories to share the next day with none other than me. This progressed to quite literally getting daily phone calls between each other and the woman I was involved with straight up telling me that I had latent feelings for Beth. I did, but I hadn't thought about them for months. As far as I was concerned, Beth wasn't attracted to me, we were just good friends, and that was totally fine. That dynamic is now being called in to question.

Recently, the woman I am semi-involved with said that we had long term potential but that in the short term it isn't exactly going to be perfect due to distance/time/schedule/life/BS. We don't see each other all that much admittedly and she gets lonely when I'm gone and unfortunately jealous of how much time and energy I invest into Beth. I was a little hurt but saw where she was coming from, and she proposed to keep things in an open arrangement for a while. Not my first choice but it is what it is. Just last week I lost my job. That night I only two people: the woman I'm semi-involved with, and Beth. Beth was at a neighborhood bar I frequent somewhat regularly and told me to swing by. She was flirting with a guy about 5 years older than her (which is totally her type) but definitely stopped to comfort me and be a friend when I arrived. (As a side note, the guy she was flirting with is a manager at a nice restaurant she's trying to get a job at otherwise she said I would have had her full and undivided attention.) We left at 2 when the bar closed and headed to my place, got a bit drunk, and put on a Netflix movie. We had done this dozens of times in this last year and I thought nothing of it, this was business as usual. However, she started saying she was horny and that I'm an attractive guy. I told her a couple times that I didn't want to do anything crazy because I didn't want to impact our friendship and tried to change the subject, but she kept occasionally dropping very obvious hints. Eventually I succumbed and we slept together. I don't think I did all that well since I was nervous and drunk (she was also drunk, so I don't think anyone can really say anyone took advantage of anyone), but she was oddly sweet about and told me how comfortable she was around me. I later gave her a massage and we cuddled for a bit before she said she was getting hungry and that she had food at her place. We had sobered up by then and we went to her place for food and both crashed at her place since by now it was very late, or more accurately very early. She crashed in the bed, and I crashed in the sofa. When I awoke, she wanted me to drive 4 hours to surprise her mother for mother's day and wanted me to meet her mother. Oddly enough I agreed, and we went. She certainly wasn't avoiding me if the next day she wanted to be in a small space with me for hours on end, but we have not had sex since or talked about it much at all. She's mentioned in passing without any sense of regret or blushing, not also not a sense of passion or longing. Just as usual, we spent around 4 days together this week and the incident did not seem to negatively impact our friendship at all.

So MMO-Champ, what exactly is going on?
Do you believe this was just a one time thing?
Do you believe that she might have feelings for me that she doesn't know how to express or maybe she herself hasn't fully processed?
Have any of you been in a similar position?
What is your advice on how I should proceed with this?

I'm a 42 year old attractive guy.

Without reading any replies, my instinct is that she took a risk by initiating sex with you. She wants to move this into a relationship. She is hoping you reciprocate by initiating sex back.

Its uncommon for girls to initiate like that. Sometimes they do, and in all cases, they DO require that you reciprocate back by taking the lead in asking for sex the next time. That's my experience anyway.

[anakin57]

You just have to make a decision and go with it, whichever route you choose. Or at the very least just sit down and have a blunt talk with her about what SHE wants; that will at least bring the convo to the forefront.

[Tyrgannus]

Apparently she's moving soon and wanted to sleep with me before she moved both out of genuine interest on her side and as a "parting gift" to me. She has a job lined up 1,000 miles away that she kept under the radar from...everyone...because she doesn't like goodbyes.

Case closed.

[THE Bigzoman]

Apparently she's moving soon and wanted to sleep with me before she moved both out of genuine interest on her side and as a "parting gift" to me. She has a job lined up 1,000 miles away that she kept under the radar from...everyone...because she doesn't like goodbyes.

Case closed.

But you got da booty twice?

Not a lot of people get to say that.

[Tyrgannus]

But you got da booty twice?

Not a lot of people get to say that.

I like how you think bro. All things considered things turned out as good as they could.