How Deadbeat are Deadbeat Dads, Really?

[Vanyali]

Rent should be allowed with Child Support EBT (CSEBT), since the child gets use of it. Food, too. Children's clothes as well. You should even allow toys. But this trick where the $200/mo disappears into a fucking black box has to stop, it's too easy to abuse. And not for nothing, but if the worst flaw to this system you can find is that mommy has to make two transactions at the store when she's standing there, I may well be onto something.

I find it funny that you automatically assume that mother's are the only ones that are abusing the system, but that's neither here nor there.

It's just as easy to buy $200 worth of food a month, give some of it to someone else in exchange for whatever they would have bought instead. People that are going to be shitty.. are going to be shitty.

[Nadiru]

It's just as easy to buy $200 worth of food a month, give some of it to someone else in exchange for whatever they would have bought instead. People that are going to be shitty.. are going to be shitty.

Therefore the system should be set up to be easy to abuse? That can't possibly be what you're getting at, since you use punctuation and correct syntax and are not evidently retarded.

[Rhine101]

Rent should be allowed with Child Support EBT (CSEBT), since the child gets use of it. Food, too. Children's clothes as well. You should even allow toys. But this trick where the $200/mo disappears into a fucking black box has to stop, it's too easy to abuse. And not for nothing, but if the worst flaw to this system you can find is that mommy has to make two transactions at the store when she's standing there at the register, I may well be onto something.

I agree. It isn't hard. Put money on a card that can be used to pay

-Rent
-Groceries
-Children's clothes
-School expenses

Or at the least put it on a card that has free reign, but keeps a log of all teh stuff the mom buys. That way if it is abused to buy Prada bags, the record will show that.

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I find it funny that you automatically assume that mother's are the only ones that are abusing the system, but that's neither here nor there.

It's just as easy to buy $200 worth of food a month, give some of it to someone else in exchange for whatever they would have bought instead. People that are going to be shitty.. are going to be shitty.

This system in gender blind...

[Vanyali]

Therefore the system should be set up to be easy to abuse? That can't possibly be what you're getting at, since you use punctuation and correct syntax and are not evidently retarded.

No, my entire point is that adding a needless layer of bureaucracy and hardship that still won't prevent people from doing shitty things with money (so effectively only punishes people that aren't abusing it) isn't the answer either.

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This system in gender blind...

He put mummy at the end, brotha.

[Nadiru]

No, my entire point is that adding a needless layer of bureaucracy and hardship that still won't prevent people from doing shitty things with money (so effectively only punishes people that aren't abusing it) isn't the answer either.

But it will raise the opportunity cost of doing shitty things, which from what I'm told is a good thing. And I put "mommy" there because you said "makeup."

[Vanyali]

But it will raise the opportunity cost of doing shitty things, which from what I'm told is a good thing. And I put "mommy" there because you said "makeup."

Men can buy makeup too!

It really won't though. If someone is being shitty enough to use all their kid's money on random things and plead poverty / demand more, they'll just buy groceries for a friend and get them to pay for something else. It's not a hardship so much as going out with a friend for mutual shopping, or having a friend come over and in the process pick up / leave things.

[Beej]

I actually work in the social working field and to be honest, its no where near as bad for men as the majority of the posters in this forum are making it out to be, at least in Connecticut. DCF here in CT fights to get fathers involved wherever possible and in many cases the fathers are the only ones doing the fighting. DCF has helped single fathers here in CT get the resources they need for child support from the mothers countless times. The system is not as broken (at least in CT) as most of the forum posters here would like to believe. Anecdotes aside, men who want to be fathers of their children are not left dry by the system and custody battles or child support payments are not a one sided court battle. That is mostly a perception issue.

[Mectrid]

They should have conducted this study where I live. I'd say the amount of useless moms that'd rather get their nails done over buying their kids clothes surpasses all the baby daddies in the area that just didn't give a fuck. Most likely because 1 baby daddy has 3 babies via different girls.

TLDR: Men are the whores now, girls have started to realize there's free money/housing when they have kids.

[Mistame]

In some states, if the custodial mother gets government assistance, the father is required to pay it back.

Which is bullshit if the father is current on his support. Support is supposed to be a fixed amount that is equal to half of the costs of raising the child. The mother getting assistance is a failure on her part to meet her half of the obligation.

If you have a kid, you need to help pay for him/her, and $60 a month is shit. I understand people are cash-poor, but I don't see that as an excuse.

There's a difference between trying to pay and trying not to pay. A failure of payment does not inherently imply that the father is a "deadbeat". I was out of work for a year and was in arrears. Once I started working, they were taking half of my already meager paycheck until I caught up. I lived on eggs and bread for nearly a year. Thankfully, I had an arrangement at my apartment to do maintenance in exchange for rent. Otherwise, I would've been on the street and would have ended up losing the job. So you'll have to forgive me if I think that a non-custodial father who's barely surviving yet still managing to contribute some is of more societal value than a custodial mother who spends the money on frivolous shit and draws assistance benefits.

More deadbeat dads than dead beat moms that's for sure although there are some deadbeat moms too.

Of course there are, overall. Because overall, there are more custodial mothers than there are custodial fathers. But per capita, less women than men pay child support.

[fwc577]

I've got a deadbeat dad. He did pay child support for a while but struck a deal with my mom for his old house (which we later found out he couldn't sell because it was located on a wetlands) in exchange for not having to pay any child support.

We got the last laugh though when the house burned down to no fault of our own and there had been two massive home owners insurances placed on the house that my mom got to collect on and move us to a nicer neighborhood and get us all new stuff.

When I was in my 20s, I found out I had a half-sister who was around my age. My father had never paid a dime in child support and he was being dragged to court and he had to phone me (on my birthday, while he was absolutely wasted) to get me to ask my mom to sign papers saying he had completed his child support obligations for me otherwise he was going to end up in jail. Oh yeah, and he never even wished me happy birthday during that phone call.

That was the last time I spoke to my father and it will probably be the last time I ever speak to him.

You people who have living fathers that actually act as a parent, I envy you.

[Gorgodeus]

The day they make a reliable male contraceptive is the day that all men will rejoice. I will personally invest large amounts of money into whatever company succeeds because it will most likely go on to rival Berkshire Hathaway at the markets.

It is called a condom.

[Tinykong]

Which is bullshit if the father is current on his support. Support is supposed to be a fixed amount that equal to half of the costs of raising the child. The mother getting assistance is a failure on her part to meet her half of the obligation.

Most of these laws are out dated. The intention was to prevent some guy from pulling down a $60k a year salary, divorcing his wife (who was stay at home and has no job skills) and letting the state pick up the tab to take care of the mother and kids.

Sounds good on paper, and in that exact situation, it works. However, most families are dual income families now, and some people on welfare work full time. Having the father pay back that welfare is ridiculous.

The whole thing is skewed and needs to be rewritten.

[Vago]

The system is beyond dumb, I have raised my girls since birth. They lived with me, away from their mother who they still never see, she went and got food stamps cause the bitch won't work. Claimed she had to feed the kids so the state come after me for child support. For 2 YEARS I had to pay that bitch child support while my children lived with me and she never helped with anything; oh and I missed one payment, got pulled over for a traffic violation and they chained me to a damn wall in the court house like a hardened criminal for 4 hours. I hate child support and the way it is structured in this country it is very biased in the woman's favor.

[Mistame]

Most of these laws are out dated.<snip>

Absolutely, as are "spousal support" laws.

[Dextroden]

Most of these laws are out dated. The intention was to prevent some guy from pulling down a $60k a year salary, divorcing his wife (who was stay at home and has no job skills) and letting the state pick up the tab to take care of the mother and kids.

Sounds good on paper, and in that exact situation, it works. However, most families are dual income families now, and some people on welfare work full time. Having the father pay back that welfare is ridiculous.

The whole thing is skewed and needs to be rewritten.

Good luck with that. Almost guaranteed that any attempts at overhauling the system would be spun as trying to punish women for being single mothers.

[Deleted]

Men shouldn't have to pay child support at all. Women want 100% of the freedom when it comes to reproductive rights, they should have to bear 100% of the responsibilities.

Also this feels appropriate

[Doctor Amadeus]

Reason for that, the court system is prejudice toward fathers than the mothers.

Most men don't want custody traditionally or haven't and the only reason some did probably had more to do with saving their wallet than taking care of their kid. In other words when it came right down to it MEN generally want to fuck around without the shackles of marriage or a kid.

[Hhavok]

Why do dads prefer to buy stuff for their kids, rather than give money to the kids’ moms? Because...

Because there is an entirely too large percentage of moms spending child support on themselves rather than their children. Because nobody audits mothers to see if they're spending child support cash on booze, getaways, or suntan beds.

[Jotaux]

I actually work in the social working field and to be honest, its no where near as bad for men as the majority of the posters in this forum are making it out to be, at least in Connecticut. DCF here in CT fights to get fathers involved wherever possible and in many cases the fathers are the only ones doing the fighting. DCF has helped single fathers here in CT get the resources they need for child support from the mothers countless times. The system is not as broken (at least in CT) as most of the forum posters here would like to believe. Anecdotes aside, men who want to be fathers of their children are not left dry by the system and custody battles or child support payments are not a one sided court battle. That is mostly a perception issue.

No offense, but I am less inclined to believe someone apart of the system claiming its fine. When a system is broken, attitudes like "oh its not that bad" from people apart of the system just reinforce that its biased and not getting fixed anytime soon.

That said I don't know how things are handled in CT and it may very well be quite fair there.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Of course there are, overall. Because overall, there are more custodial mothers than there are custodial fathers. But per capita, less women than men pay child support.

Plenty of deadbeat mothers get the children as a ATM, and then continue to have sex, and get pregnant, honestly man or woman if your kid is less important to you than your genitals or wallet, your kids probably fucked no matter what.