Unfiltered in interactions

[THE Bigzoman]

Ever know that one friend that doesn't seem to have a filter? I'm kind of like that. It's nothing that i'm proud of. I actually think it's problematic.

I used to not say a thing or try to be agreeable around others, but I realized that at best you just tread water that way and not build much rapport with people. I was dumb enough to think that moving to the other side of the pendulum was the solution.

I've tried to water it down during interactions, but it just seems like i'm walking on eggshells in a metaphorical sense and I overthink it and say something that doesn't make sense. It's turned into a damned if you do/don't scenario.

Sooner or later i'm gonna have to learn how to strike the right balance to build rapport with people and more networks. Can't just be awesome at something and have everything fall in our lap (shit). So why not open the floor to open advices and criticism in that regard. Gotta start somewhere.

[PC2]

Career wise it is important to be strictly professional.

In private settings Its kind of a bad sign if you ever feel you have to walk on eggshells. Do you say this within a PC context?

[THE Bigzoman]

Career wise it is important to be strictly professional.

In private settings Its kind of a bad sign if you ever feel you have to walk on eggshells. Do you say this within a PC context?

Oh, that's not the issue. Professional and PC isn't a problem. It's in other areas mainly. I'm not gonna say some ridilcidously off the wall shit.

[Arrkon]

Honestly changing how you interact with people will only reward you with hollow rewards. Sure you might keep the company of those you think you want but not who you need. Presenting yourself while walking on eggshells sounds more or less robotic.

[haxartus]

Don't say stuff that is irrelevant, like if they believe in astrology don't try to explain to them that they are stupid.
You can say something if they are actively doing something wrong and causing harm to themselves or to other people, like smoking in a non-ventilated room with non-smokers or eating junk food 24/7.

[THE Bigzoman]

Honestly changing how you interact with people will only reward you with hollow rewards. Sure you might keep the company of those you think you want but not who you need. Presenting yourself while walking on eggshells sounds more or less robotic.

Well it's that or being unintentionally funny or coming off as a complete dick.

Just an example that happend the other day.

Friend was talking about how we had been meaning to hang out for the longest and I said "Oh, I don't even care about that. I just need to meet more people that will actually be productive at where I wanna be as a person 5-10 years. It's in my best interest to finally hang out. Some time later I realized that I basically said 'IDGAF about our acquantince, I just need it to form more'.

[the game]

So you went from being a yes man to an asshole. I can somewhat understand that. I've never really been a yes man though I've never been afraid to tell someone what's on my mind. Especially when I'm angry. I suggest you work on it though.

[Nawdle]

Sounds like a case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. Good friends will know what you mean even if you say it wrong. Most of my close relationships are built on sledging each other (missus aside) with the comforting knowledge that they've always got my back and vice versa if it ever comes to it. Generally people are good at picking up what you're like as a person rather than just what you say. Just gotta find people who you get along with and who 'get you', and after that what you say doesn't much matter if you're a decent sort.

[Super Kami Dende]

I accepted the fact that I am a blunt person long ago. I grew up in a place where everyone was blunt. Compromising your own views to appease other people is for wimps.

Stay true to yourself and surround yourself with people who feel the same.

[Arrkon]

Well it's that or being unintentionally funny or coming off as a complete dick.

Just an example that happend the other day.

Friend was talking about how we had been meaning to hang out for the longest and I said "Oh, I don't even care about that. I just need to meet more people that will actually be productive at where I wanna be as a person 5-10 years. It's in my best interest to finally hang out. Some time later I realized that I basically said 'IDGAF about our acquantince, I just need it to form more'.

Which is a very blunt way of putting it. Yet sugar coating your answer in that scenario wouldn't help you anyways. Truth hurts sometimes but its up to you to decide where you will compromise your goals or beliefs to keep seeing your friend for your personal sake. If its not worth it don't stress over broken ties.

[Kokolums]

The best way to build a rapport is to change your approach. You've had a long day and you get home and you know your dog / cat is gonna be there and you can't wait to see them? Its a release! And you eager run over and genuinely enjoy each others company? You have to take that attitude and actually transfer it to your reactions with people. And I don't mean run up to them and run their belly and talk all goo goo goo. I just mean YOU must change YOUR attitude on the inside. Be genuinely happy to see this person. Go in thinking "OMG I'm about to have a GREAT time." Keep doing that over and over. It eventually reinforces itself.

See the thing about this world is you really DO control your own situation. If you want to be happy with friends and having a good time, you can just make it happen. You really can.

I often hear people say "I wish people would be loving like my dog" and yet they don't open up and express that fondness to others, they don't share that love with others.

[vilememory]

I don't have that filter either, and I also have this ability to look into a person and find their biggest insecurities. Without even trying I've made people cry and I am not proud of that. I tend to think three times before speaking, just in case.

[THE Bigzoman]

Nothing against you, Bigz... but I mostly associate this type of behavior with immature adults and teens.

None taken.

[PACOX]

Having a filter is what separates your immature impulsive teenage brain from your adult brain. I'm not talking about walking on eggshells and always having to bite your tongue, I'm talking about speaking as if you're not driven purely off of impulses.

You shouldn't be ashamed of refining what comes out of your mouth, you should be ashamed if you let any old drivel come out of your mouth because that means even the most half assed thoughts come out.

I know people without filters who are loathsome to be around. I also know people who filter too much. Its not about having a filter, its about not making yourself look like a jackass.

[Kurioxan]

Not entirely sure what you are on about, but lacking a filter isnt always a bad thing.
If anything, we have too many filters as it is, it infantilizes people with all the idiotic "safe spaces", relationships, friendships and so forth should never, ever feel like walking on eggshells, if anything get rid the fuck out of those people asap, its just headaches and heartaches and a buildup of constant drama/negativity because something hurt their tiny lil mind.

And we all need that friend that will slap us when we fuck up, instead of being too afraid to hurt our feelings, as those people stunt you as a person.