What is the funniest way you've injured yourself IRL?

[GodlyBob]

About 4 years ago, I was building some telecom infrastructure in some bank. We had had the cable in, but I needed to put in a straight splice to connect the inside bit to the outside plant and actually light them up. The connection point was in...must've been a boiler room I think, in a corner about 12' up and I had to set up a ladder very awkwardly. Now, a straight splice is basically just this little brass thing that links the ends of two pieces of large caliber cable. You put one cable in one end and the other in the opposite, then you tighten two nuts in opposite directions with two wrenches. I had to reach out as far as I could to make contact with the thing and pushed with one wrench while pulling with the other. Pull wrench slipped on the brass and come straight for my face. The end result, I broke my nose by punching myself in the face.

[Flutterguy]

I was once talking to my friends using my hands to motion about. When I was done saying something, I dropped my hands and hit myself in the nuts.

I also once kicked myself in the nuts when cracking my knee.

It's an awful feeling. Briefly crippling and highly embarrassing if anyone was around to see it. haha

[GodlyBob]

It's an awful feeling. Briefly crippling and highly embarrassing if anyone was around to see it. haha

You would think that after a couple of decades we would have gotten better at not injuring ourselves in an incredibly sensitive area...buuut, still happens to me every once and a while.

[melkesjokolade]

Was balancing on a fence as a kid and fell. Fence crushed my vajayjay. Hurt to pee for a week after

[Tierbook]

I was told not to run around my Aunt's house while playing tag, I was not told she had a metal wire stretching the length of yard at face level. So I ran full speed into that and cut my face up a bit to need stitches, which seemed pointless to me since it didn't bleed at all.

[Deleted]

Not exactly hurting myself, but I did get hit in the eye with a golf club by the fella I fancied when he was trying to impress me with his mad skills. I suppose I hurt myself by expecting great things when, in reality, the two of us were seven years old.

[Corpsefury]

6th grade, I left school on my bike and my helmet was still hanging on the front of the handlebar. At some point I reached for it so I could put it on while on the move and I dropped it on the front wheel and somehow managed to jam it. The bike instantly stopped and propelled me forward in the gravel, spent the rest of the evening removing rocks imbedded in my palms.

[Raeph]

Well, the thread title makes it clear.

As for me, I once managed to cut myself deep enough to bleed on a baguette. And on the lid of a buttercup.

I was 12 and I tried to do a handstand on a trampoline. I hyperextended both thumbs. After I recovered I tried to do it again and sprained a wrist.

[SL1200]

I broke my dick in half having sex. Wasn't funny then, but looking back on it now it is.

[belfpala]

I also once kicked myself in the nuts when cracking my knee.

...I suggest kicking forward, not into your sack.

[Ripster42]

I smoked when I was a teenager. I was carrying some firewood down to the lake and was smoking. Someone called my name and I turned to look with a cig dangling from my lip and burned a hole in my bicep. Had a scar for almost a decade.

I almost lost a nipple when I was riding a bike w/out a shirt. I was going from the street to the sidewalk on a place where they'd just put in a new driveway and instead of replacing the curb just ground it down a little. My bike tire caught on the lip of the curb that was still there and ended up with road rash from my elbows to my wrists, from my navel to my nipple and on my chin. I had to bike another 5 miles home while sweating into my wounds (salt+open wounds=agony). And then had to cancel a date I had later that night because I needed my dad to prescribe me codeine for the pain.

Road rash is basically a burn+open wound. That's not me, but that's pretty much what I looked like.

[SylviaDragon]

when i was about 8 or so i was playing in the garage. you had to manually open and close the garage door with a rope that had a little knot at the end. the garage was about 2/3rds of the way open so the knot was just an inch or two above my head. i got the bright impulsive idea to jump up and try to close the door with my mouth. I remember jumping up and biting the rope before experiencing a split second were i thought maybe this was not a good idea, then i came down. I heard my tooth fly off and plink against the car window before vanishing into some unknown corner or the garage never to be seen again.
thank god it was a baby tooth that would have fallen out in a few months anyway.

another time as a little kid i was riding my bike in different positions. I was trying to do all the tricks i saw the cooler, older kids doing on their fancy bikes. I decided to make up my own trick and lean as far back as i could. I ended up sitting on the back tire and giving myself a tire burn right down my ass crack and beyond.

have to share ones from my siblings too!

one summer when my sister was about 5 or so, our cat brought in a baby duckling. we put it in an empty milk box and were getting ready to go take it to a bird sanctuary. The little sucker managed to jump up and squeeze through one of the little holes cut into the box that you use as a handle. the duckling took off down the hallway and my sister took off running after it. everyone told her to stop but she was having none of that. Also she was not paying attention to were she was going. i remember thinking "oh great, this is going to happen. yep. there she goes. can't stop her now. goddammit Mil." as she ran full speed into a little waist high plastic kids chair, flipped over it and slammed head first into the corner of the wall. 5 stitches from chasing a duck. she love telling the story now though.

last of all, the story of my brother. during my last time trick or treating i had to take the younger sibs with me. my brother is kind of an asshole and he just would not stop talking about something. hes looking at me while he talks and is oblivious to the approaching mailbox he is skipping towards. both me and my sister try to warn him several times but he just keeps telling us "shut up I'm talking!" and just keep yapping over the top of us every time we try to say something. I try to grab him but by then its too late. he managed to turn around and look straight ahead just in time to crunch his nose against the mailbox- which happens to be at perfect eye level for him.

clearly we are a wise and graceful family unit.

[Ripster42]

another time as a little kid i was riding my bike in different positions. I was trying to do all the tricks i saw the cooler, older kids doing on their fancy bikes. I decided to make up my own trick and lean as far back as i could. I ended up sitting on the back tire and giving myself a tire burn right down my ass crack and beyond.

This is my favorite so far.

[Super Kami Dende]

I fell over in a Bathtub, Managed to somehow slide up the edge and 360 degree back on my feet, Though gashed myself on the tap on the way past.

[Itisamuh]

I reflexively woke up with a jerk one time and somehow managed the ridiculous feat of kneeing myself in the nose. Pretty impressive considering I could never consciously touch my nose with my knee without using my hands.

[THE Bigzoman]

FUcking Iowa weather.

I was walking outside in winter weather one day and my older sister slipped and slid down a steep hill and came to a rought stop.

I started laughing my ass off.

"Hahahah! You wrecked your shi...."

I then slipped and slid down the same steep hill and had an even harder stop.

[Super Kami Dende]

FUcking Iowa weather.

I was walking outside in winter weather one day and my older sister slipped and slid down a steep hill and came to a rought stop.

I started laughing my ass off.

"Hahahah! You wrecked your shi...."

I then slipped and slid down the same steep hill and had an even harder stop.

Poetic justice is a bitch XD

[imabanana]

Broke a toe while playing Dance Dance Revolution.

Kept playing whole night long (happened around midnight) for about 6-7 hours almost non stop after that... didn't really anything as long as my body was still warm from all that exercise.

Next morning was painful, a lot.

[FuxieDK]

Well, the thread title makes it clear.

As for me, I once managed to cut myself deep enough to bleed on a baguette. And on the lid of a buttercup.

Injuries are not fun, so my answer is: None..

[MrWolly]

I burned myself with peanut butter...