Anti-social and going nowhere?

[IronArms]

I had an encounter with a close friend of mine at work tonight. He asked if I wanted to go hang out with him and an old friend of mine, whom I never hung out with much outside of how we knew each other. He eventually got irritated after asking countless times to go and wanted to know why I wouldn't but I didn't have a real answer, I just had no desire to go. Apparently him and his father made a bet this morning if I would go or not and his father won this bet but for the wrong reason "He likes his video games too much to go out". This is a bit upsetting to me but hey the truth hurts, whatever, so I shrugged it off for that time being. My friend had the right to be irritated with me though, there should have been no reason for me to not want to go and here I am sitting at home since 7pm and I've done nothing productive so the time spent with friends would have been better and I know it.

I've always been this way, I've never liked social events, family gathering, or going out places. The only time I get social face to face is when I am forced to go out or forced into the situation. A few times when the same friend sporadically invited all of his other friends over, I stayed and hated it or left early with an excuse. I don't know why I am this way and don't know how to get over it other than "just doing it". I can easily say that this problem is in the way and has been for a long time. Does anyone have any input on this?

tl;dr

I am antisocial, sad, and depressed, feel like I am accomplishing nothing, help.

[Belize]

Not wanting to hang out with people you don't really know isn't antisocial....

You're just introverted, nothing wrong with it. Read a book at home, you'll have more fun than at a party.

[Jun]

I hate going out in public.
People drain me, especially people I don't know.
Social constraints drain me.
Pointless chatter drains me.

If you're not comfortable, trust your gut.

[TheCount]

Imo your behavior is not anti-social. You just are more comfortable with not having people around.
Anti Social behavior is when you do not know how to interact with people in social settings. Things such as not being able to relate emotionally, not introducing yourself to new people, or just being a douche to people.
I generally don't like going out either, every once in awhile with close friend or 2. I almost never go out if its going to be with a group of random people I have never known, that is just a bit too uncomfortable with me. If you feel like you have accomplished nothing, by this do you mean socially or education/career wise?
My advice is your fine for the most part, don't over think this.

[ImEveryCliche]

While I wouldn't recommend these forums as the place to come to for this sort of advice, I'll put my two cents in. Your story sounds very similar to ones I've heard before. I wouldn't be surprised if you have undiagnosed depression/anxiety that is making you feel this way. I'm no doctor, so the only real suggestion I could offer you, would be to talk to your local gp about it. If you go and it turns out to not be the problem, then all you have wasted is a little time. However, if it is the issue, they might be able to offer you some treatment that may drastically improve your quality of life.

I'll hang around for a bit to answer any questions you might have. Best of luck!

[IronArms]

Imo your behavior is not anti-social. You just are more comfortable with not having people around.
Anti Social behavior is when you do not know how to interact with people in social settings. Things such as not being able to relate emotionally, not introducing yourself to new people, or just being a douche to people.
I generally don't like going out either, every once in awhile with close friend or 2. I almost never go out if its going to be with a group of random people I have never known, that is just a bit too uncomfortable with me. If you feel like you have accomplished nothing, by this do you mean socially or education/career wise?
My advice is your fine for the most part, don't over think this.

It's a possibility that I am overthinking it but when I want to be alone I become unmotivated to do anything even when there are things I wanted to do. I've thought about going to college but I don't like the social setting so I've thought about teaching my self but that's where the motivation issue comes in. Then it feels like a deadlock...

[Auxora]

It's not all that unusual at all. A LOT of people get anxiety and feel antisocial in those situations. But don't feel like you're rare, strange, or weird in that regard. Many people are ok in those situations, and that's fine too. You are who you are, everyone's different, and don't try to fit a square peg in a round hole by forcing yourself to be outgoing if you aren't. If it's a real problem where you can't do daily tasks like getting groceries without massive anxiety, or you feel depression in a bad way, I would suggest talking to a therapist though as others suggested. It's ok to be introvert if you are, but if you're depressed that's a different topic and there are nice people that can help with that. The last part about going nowhere makes me think that's maybe what is needed in your case.

It sounds like your friend and his dad were kind of being pricks about it though.

[Independent voter]

Maybe you have social anxiety. See your doctor and tell him what you told us, you can get medication for social anxiety these days.

I'm not very social and now that Walmart, Home Depot and Amazon deliver to my door I have even less reason to go out.

[xChurch]

There is nothing wrong with you. Don't let other people's opinions dictate how you feel, happiness comes from within.

[Jokerfiend]

For people to make bets about your behavior, that means you are predictable. Which means it has happened enough for them to consider your behavior.

You choose yourself over others. Your friend obviously wanted your time, you had nothing to do, but bailed on him anyways. I know this feeling.

It's called being comfortable. It's easy and lazy, and all you do is feed yourself. You're not anti-social but self absorbed. If that stems from another problem, like depression or anxiety, that's a cause. Your self absorbed attitude might be a symptom. While it might be you really don't like this friend, and maybe you shouldn't call him that.

[Doctor Amadeus]

You wouldn't place two Muscles cars next to each other, that look a like, but build completely different to perform the same, so why expect it of people. You're built different on the inside than others nothing wrong with them, nothing wrong with you.

However if you just can't live without whatever rewards you feel people have that aren't anti social. then you would need to mimic being social as best you can, however keep in mind whatever it is you want, you will have to give something else up you like.

[IronArms]

Thank you for the replies everyone. It means a lot to me at the moment.

[Ergar]

Just do what you want, who gives a crap if someone is making fun of you for it.

[Kokolums]

It really depends on what type of people they are. People that just accept you for who you are without social constraints can be easy to have fun with. But if they are people who constantly worry about maintaining their social status, then you should probably stay away.

[I Push Buttons]

I am mostly the same way OP, but probably a lot worse... I am crippled and in a wheelchair and have become pretty reclusive over the years. At my original school everyone had known me for years and didn't care I was then in a wheelchair, it didn't change much. Shortly after that and the surgery that confined me to the wheelchair, though, my parents moved out of the inner city and to the suburbs.

When I got to my new home/school I was just going into middle school, end of 6th grade going into 7th grade... That's about the time people actually start caring about appearances and who is friends with who and who is dating who and what not... One thing that wasn't cool, at least to the people at my new school... Was a kid in a wheelchair. So I was entirely socially rejected and avoided... Apart from a few people who ridiculed me... It became something like 99% of people just avoided me all together, 1% made fun of me.

That continued all the way through school. When I got to college and started living on campus, people were pretty social towards me, always inviting me to stuff, asking me to hang out with them, etc... I just had no interest at that point... I had spent the last 6+ years of my life being entirely isolated from my peers... It got to the point where I preferred to be alone... People try to strike up conversation with me, I just don't want it... I have nothing to talk about with them... They can recount countless times with friends, stories, etc... I have none of that to discuss so I just avoid it. People invite me to go places and its just awkward... Like they will go to a restaurant and we get there, there will be steps to get inside... Guys in the group were always like "no problem bro" and would carry me in... But that's humiliating... So as time went on I went from my peer created isolation to my own even deeper isolation.

[Gaebryel Quintyne]

I am mostly the same way OP, but probably a lot worse... I am crippled and in a wheelchair and have become pretty reclusive over the years. At my original school everyone had known me for years and didn't care I was then in a wheelchair, it didn't change much. Shortly after that and the surgery that confined me to the wheelchair, though, my parents moved out of the inner city and to the suburbs.

When I got to my new home/school I was just going into middle school, end of 6th grade going into 7th grade... That's about the time people actually start caring about appearances and who is friends with who and who is dating who and what not... One thing that wasn't cool, at least to the people at my new school... Was a kid in a wheelchair. So I was entirely socially rejected and avoided... Apart from a few people who ridiculed me... It became something like 99% of people just avoided me all together, 1% made fun of me.

That continued all the way through school. When I got to college and started living on campus, people were pretty social towards me, always inviting me to stuff, asking me to hang out with them, etc... I just had no interest at that point... I had spent the last 6+ years of my life being entirely isolated from my peers... It got to the point where I preferred to be alone... People try to strike up conversation with me, I just don't want it... I have nothing to talk about with them... They can recount countless times with friends, stories, etc... I have none of that to discuss so I just avoid it. People invite me to go places and its just awkward... Like they will go to a restaurant and we get there, there will be steps to get inside... Guys in the group were always like "no problem bro" and would carry me in... But that's humiliating... So as time went on I went from my peer created isolation to my own even deeper isolation.

I cannot tell you how much this relates to me... =/.
The only difference is that I am not in a wheelchair but you do have it worse off than me.
I do understand the sentiment that when you are used to being alone for many many years in high school and then when you go to college/university, "being friends" with someone becomes a completely foreign concept that you just look at and be like "huh?". That's exactly how I feel and I feel many people do feel the same if they look deep into why they do not like social settings. Just my opinion of course .

[IronArms]

I cannot tell you how much this relates to me... =/.
The only difference is that I am not in a wheelchair but you do have it worse off than me.
I do understand the sentiment that when you are used to being alone for many many years in high school and then when you go to college/university, "being friends" with someone becomes a completely foreign concept that you just look at and be like "huh?". That's exactly how I feel and I feel many people do feel the same if they look deep into why they do not like social settings. Just my opinion of course .

The kids in Middle and High school are very cruel and a harsh reminder of how cold the world can be. I was made fun of a lot in High School and had some incidents when I would lash out against the students that would start in.

[THE Bigzoman]

I had an encounter with a close friend of mine at work tonight. He asked if I wanted to go hang out with him and an old friend of mine, whom I never hung out with much outside of how we knew each other. He eventually got irritated after asking countless times to go and wanted to know why I wouldn't but I didn't have a real answer, I just had no desire to go. Apparently him and his father made a bet this morning if I would go or not and his father won this bet but for the wrong reason "He likes his video games too much to go out". This is a bit upsetting to me but hey the truth hurts, whatever, so I shrugged it off for that time being. My friend had the right to be irritated with me though, there should have been no reason for me to not want to go and here I am sitting at home since 7pm and I've done nothing productive so the time spent with friends would have been better and I know it.

I've always been this way, I've never liked social events, family gathering, or going out places. The only time I get social face to face is when I am forced to go out or forced into the situation. A few times when the same friend sporadically invited all of his other friends over, I stayed and hated it or left early with an excuse. I don't know why I am this way and don't know how to get over it other than "just doing it". I can easily say that this problem is in the way and has been for a long time. Does anyone have any input on this?

tl;dr

I am antisocial, sad, and depressed, feel like I am accomplishing nothing, help.

Introverted.

Don't dismiss it as that and just go on your merry way though.

Friends come and go all the time, which is why the select few good ones isn't really an optimal strategy.

You need to network, and yes, that means approaching others and being approachable yourself.

[Polybius]

Maybe you have social anxiety. See your doctor and tell him what you told us, you can get medication for social anxiety these days.

I'm not very social and now that Walmart, Home Depot and Amazon deliver to my door I have even less reason to go out.

Medication isn't any better, trust me. Made me feel indifferent while on them, and felt some nasty tingling in my head after months.

[Jester Joe]

Show this to your friend-


There's nothing wrong with preferring to be alone, the only thing that could be questionable is it making you depressed, but that seems like it's more of a "you feel guilty", right?