Relationship (end of) advice

[Darkis]

Hi folks,

Few days ago a gal I was in a relationship with ended it abruptly. We didn't date long, just a few months, but I really grew to love her. While we weren't a perfect couple (who is though?), we did click mentally and sexually, we always had stuff to talk about and shared many opinions on various subjects. I did say I love her, she did not say it back at the time.

Now, the ugly part is that we work together. She's acting like nothing happened when there are people around (co-workers didn't know about us) but when we're alone - she doesn't say a word. Neither do I. However, tomorrow we'll have our last shift together, and I just want to ask her if all that even meant anything, or was just for fun. I know it sounds stupid and girly and whiny and something a teenager would do, but I need to know, so I can close this chapter. No drama, no nothing - just to come full circle.

Should I? Or should I just bite down and shut up?

[INVASMANIXOXOXO]

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that regardless of what she says it will not make you feel better, so don't ask.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Sounds like you would just make it even more awkward for the both of you. It's over and it was short anyway, what does it matter, unless you already bought her a home or some crazy desperate shit, there nothing to talk about really.

[SL1200]

I should just bite down and shut up?

I fixed that up so you could answer your own question. Could be worse. I was with my wife 13 years. We had 2 kids together. Nice house that was custom built for us, Cars, friends we hung out with. Everything seemed great. One night she goes out with friends. Left me with the two kids. My daughter was about 6 months old. She comes home at 4am. Couple days later she says she wants a divorce. 2 weeks later I move out. We havent' talked to eachother since.


You got off easy.

[ls-]

Hi folks,

Few days ago a gal I was in a relationship with ended it abruptly. We didn't date long, just a few months, but I really grew to love her. While we weren't a perfect couple (who is though?), we did click mentally and sexually, we always had stuff to talk about and shared many opinions on various subjects. I did say I love her, she did not say it back at the time.

Now, the ugly part is that we work together. She's acting like nothing happened when there are people around (co-workers didn't know about us) but when we're alone - she doesn't say a word. Neither do I. However, tomorrow we'll have our last shift together, and I just want to ask her if all that even meant anything, or was just for fun. I know it sounds stupid and girly and whiny and something a teenager would do, but I need to know, so I can close this chapter. No drama, no nothing - just to come full circle.

Should I? Or should I just bite down and shut up?

Just don't, it's drama then. And you won't be satisfied with any answer, speaking from experience.

[Furyon]

In an attempt to not generalize here. I will just say this. The women I've "dated" if you can even call it that have the amazing ability of leading you on for weeks, even months and then suddenly and abruptly cut you off without any warning and pretend like it never happened, despite you feeling like it was going quite well and that you connected on multiple levels and all that. I am not saying every woman does this. But the ones I've encountered have done this to me.

I also agree with something else that has been said in this thread. If she even gives you an answer at all, no answer will be satisfactory, she won't be able to explain it to you in a way that will bring you the closure you seek. Believe me, I've tried as well.

You simply didn't pass one of her shit tests, you know those initial tests that women put you through to see if you're worthy and all that.

Women look for different things in a relationship, and they tend to be more picky simply because they usually have a lot more options than guys.

[feellucky]

Actually want her back? Ignore her and flirt with others in front of her.

Don't want her back? Ignore her and flirt with others, last part doesn't matter now.

Like others have said, don't ask it won't help.



Been married nearly 5 years, dated many before that though. I will say the above poster is right but I failed many of my wife's "tests." When you find the right one those things won't matter. But as far as being picky, really pretty girls do have more options but colleges are now 60/40 female, so they don't have tons of options with educated guys. Get yourself a good education and you can be picky too.

Lastly, never date co-workers.

[Stonecloak]

In an attempt to not generalize here. I will just say this. The women I've "dated" if you can even call it that have the amazing ability of leading you on for weeks, even months and then suddenly and abruptly without any warning cut you off and pretend like it never happened, despite you feeling like it was going quite well and that you connected on multiple levels and all that. I am not saying every woman does this. But the ones I've encountered have done this to me. I also agree with something else that has been said in this thread. If she even gives you an answer at all, no answer will be satisfactory, she won't be able to explain it to you in a way that will bring you the closure you seek. Believe me, I've tried as well. You simply didn't pass one of her shit tests, you know those initial tests that women put you through to see if you're worthy and all that. Women look for different things in a relationship, and they tend to be more picky simply because they usually have a lot more options than guys.

Well, you got wheeled in man, there's some girls who are like this, you have to be aware of them. I've been in a relationship with my wife for 11 years, and I've met so many girls who hit on, or pursued me, and I knew in the end they'd just drop the relationship soon after. Girls are crazy creatures, not all of them but a lot. If you find a good hearted one try and go for that.

[Celista]

Don't ask. There is no answer that she could possibly give you that would make you feel better.

- - - Updated - - -

I fixed that up so you could answer your own question. Could be worse. I was with my wife 13 years. We had 2 kids together. Nice house that was custom built for us, Cars, friends we hung out with. Everything seemed great. One night she goes out with friends. Left me with the two kids. My daughter was about 6 months old. She comes home at 4am. Couple days later she says she wants a divorce. 2 weeks later I move out. We havent' talked to eachother since.


You got off easy.

My condolences.

[Cosmic Janitor]

I fixed that up so you could answer your own question. Could be worse. I was with my wife 13 years. We had 2 kids together. Nice house that was custom built for us, Cars, friends we hung out with. Everything seemed great. One night she goes out with friends. Left me with the two kids. My daughter was about 6 months old. She comes home at 4am. Couple days later she says she wants a divorce. 2 weeks later I move out. We havent' talked to eachother since.

You got off easy.

Wow, that's tough but sadly not uncommon. Brother of a friend got dumped after the 2nd kid as well, but just after he build a house for them after 3 years of marriage. Can't even sell that pile of bricks because of the mortgage and has her useless brother living in the attic for free. At least around here the parental rights are a lot more fair these days.

[xact4]

She probably won't answer anyways. And even if she does you will NEVER find closure. If you let it sit in your mind you might even become obsessive about it and that's a whole other kind of hell to put yourself through. Don't ask me or yourself how some women are capable of doing this because you will never know and you'll go mad trying to figure it out.

Best thing you will do for yourself here: delete all your pics of her, delete her phone contact, remove her from your social media and block her so that even you can't see it. ALL of it. Have no contact with her whatsoever. Eventually you'll stop thinking about her as time goes on and other stuff occupies you, and you'll be just fine.

[Furyon]

Well, you got wheeled in man, there's some girls who are like this, you have to be aware of them. I've been in a relationship with my wife for 11 years, and I've met so many girls who hit on, or pursued me, and I knew in the end they'd just drop the relationship soon after. Girls are crazy creatures, not all of them but a lot. If you find a good hearted one try and go for that.

I really want to believe in the idea of true love and that there's someone for everyone out there. But in my 28 years on this earth. I've seen enough shit to know that something like that is like winning the lottery. It is possible, but there honestly isn't a very huge chance that you will find someone who will stick with you for your entire life anymore, especially in this day and age. People tend to give up on their relationships without trying to resolve or compromise on their differences and difficulties.

It's always somewhat encouraging to hear from people who have stayed together for a significant amount of time. People who have gotten past the initial "in love" phase and still stay together afterwards. It does brighten my view on it a little bit.

Like I said, I want to believe, but at this point I just find it extremely difficult.

[brimdog]

women reactively rationalize their decisions emotionally, regardless of reality, so as to justify their desires.
there's nothing to hear from her so move on.
I repeat: words are wind.

[muwatallis]

Don't give a single fuck about her for the resto of your every precious second and moment. She made a decision to leave you, which means you are as precious as dung to her, therefore stop wondering why.

Start paying some respect to yourself and don't give a fuck about what she thinks. Because she desn't think anything at all any more.

[May90]

In situations like this, I think, the best thing you can do is talk to her about it. Won't lose anything anyway if she is not interested, but if she is, then there might be some chance. And even if there is not, what's the harm finding out the truth?

[Rhine101]

Let it go. Enjoy the memories. Treat it as a nice experience that ended.

Asking her would just make shit creepy. But you're gonna do it anyway so why even ask us?

[Revi]

I say ask her. What's the worst that could happen, you'll continue to have no contact? Not knowing what happened sucks, if you have a shot at answers go for it. Just be prepared that it won't necessarily be pleasant to hear.

[starkey]

The L word scared off her off, move on. And if you confront her shes going to say the famous line It's not you, It's me.

[Deleted]

I fixed that up so you could answer your own question. Could be worse. I was with my wife 13 years. We had 2 kids together. Nice house that was custom built for us, Cars, friends we hung out with. Everything seemed great. One night she goes out with friends. Left me with the two kids. My daughter was about 6 months old. She comes home at 4am. Couple days later she says she wants a divorce. 2 weeks later I move out. We havent' talked to eachother since.


You got off easy.

Holy shit, that must be the shittiest story I have read this week.
Diden't you find out anymore information as to why and what happend?

Anyway, sorry to hear.. hopefully you'll be doing better soon. Must be difficult to get over something like this.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Let it go. Enjoy the memories. Treat it as a nice experience that ended.

Asking her would just make shit creepy. But you're gonna do it anyway so why even ask us?

I wouldn't bet otherwise :/.