What is point of having a relationship if it is common to cheat on eachother nowadays

[May90]

So much arbitrary semantics. Why does somebody need to be either monogamous or polyamorous? How about entering into a monogamous relationship but not being naive. Or how about not betting the future of an entire relationship on the fact that they'll never want to have sex with anybody else again?

Plenty of couples survive infidelity. Because *shock* *gasp* when they get to that road they realize that it's far from the worst thing that could ever happen. If you stick with somebody for a few years, they'll do a lot of things that piss you off, but you won't make it a few years unless you realize that sometimes in life you will feel like crap, and that's okay. you can't insulate yourself from every negative emotion.

I agree with this, but I would rephrase it: one of the conditions of true love is acceptance of your partner, of all their flaws, mistakes, etc. Now, I am not one to talk on this particular subject, since I have... pretty unorthodox views on sex in relationships and outside of them. But even if I believed that sleeping with someone else was a horrible moral crime, I wouldn't dismiss someone I truly love just because they did it. When two people truly love each other and get very close to each other, they are almost guaranteed to cause each other a lot of pain, along with pleasure, since the strongest attachments cause the strongest feelings, both positive and negative. Being able to handle this pain, to get over it, to accept your partner's mistakes and to forgive them for causing pain to you - I think this is the road to truly fulfilling relationships.

Of course, there is a limit to it. No matter how much I love someone, I probably wouldn't be able to accept them if I learned that they worked as killers on the side, for example. At some point, the overwhelming pain cuts off the attachment. Is your partner cheating on you with someone once or twice enough for that to happen? I think it depends solely on your personality. to me, it wouldn't be such a big deal as to most other people.

[Osmeric]

I don't think its common.
Maybe if you're an idiot and get married at the age of 25 its common.
Once you get a little older, your penis begins to lose its power over your mind and you can easily control yourself.

I got married younger than that (to a woman younger than myself).

We'll be married for 35 years this summer. It's been wonderful so far!

[willtron]

No point. Everyone should just be polygamous and procreate to further the success and dominance of mankind on this planet.

/sarcasm.

I'd say it's a mix of social media making it easier to advertise, and the frequency of it in the media.

But lets use the number you plucked out of thin air, 20%. One in five relationships results in cheating. We don't really have any variables to try and understand this. How old are they? How many previous partners have they had? Have they cheated before? What is their parents relationship like?

[Gheld]

Ok. Lets move to a question that no one tends to like to entertain.

Why is having sex with someone outside of your relationship bad?

Answering this question would give each poster a better idea of what peoples relationship values are. This way we can better understand where we are each coming from.

Because we are jealous and territorial animals. But none of the great apes are even remotely monogamous. So we also aren't naturally monogamous animals.

I've stated my position though. I'd rather have an honest partner than a faithful partner.

EDIT: what I'm getting at with the jealousy and monogamy thing I realized it's not clear... part of making something greater than our animal origins (such as a monogamous relationship) means that we should also consider the need to overcome our jealousy as well. I.e. if you're not ready to forgive sexual infidelity then don't get into a damn relationship.

[Jtbrig7390]

Humans (All animals really) are by nature not monogamous and thats the way we are wired.

With that said many people can be monogamous (I myself have been with my GF over a year and we been living together for abit over a month). There is many factors on why someone cheats but the most common is the thrill of being cought or they are not happy.

I see cheating to be pointless and scummy and I think people should just be upfrount if they are not happy. There is no clear cut answer to why people cheat since each person has different reasons. But as I stated Humans by nature are not monogamous.

Edit: What I can't stand is when your with someone and they expect you to think you won't be attracted to someone else. This is where me and my gf have a understanding. If I see a girl is sexy so be it. My GF doesn't care and she may even agree. If she finds a guy attractive I don't care.

[BuckSparkles]

That's a rather simplified view...

I don't agree with cheating but people cheat for various reasons and saying they're all scum is rather childish (and i've been cheated on 3x)

There is no good reason to cheat. Period. It's a betrayal of trust at the ultimate level. And yes, people who cheat are scum. I am sorry you don't respect yourself to acknowledge the people you mentioned who cheated on you were 100% in the wrong.

And that is the case. People who cheat are 100% wrong. There is nothing that says "If the the relationship has issues, you are allowed to cheat." IF the relationship had that many problems, then break up! It's that simple.

However, this "Common to cheat" thing may not be backed by statistics, but I can believe the tendency to not value monogamous relationships is a growing trend in the society of today. "Monogamous relationships are a social construct LOLZ! It's outdated LOLZ. Sleep with whoever you feel like cuz ur body ur life LOLZ. Me me me, #1 #1 #1."

Despite this disturbing trend, luckily, not everybody is that way, and there are still plenty of people who are not self-consumed narcissists who only think about themselves. Still worth the risk to get into a relationship.

Also to hell with the "Humans are not meant to be monogamous." Crap. We are people, not animals. If somebody cannot control basic and primitive desires, then they are the problem.

[Gheld]

There is no good reason to cheat. Period. It's a betrayal of trust at the ultimate level.

It's funny because people in your position tend to accuse others of thinking with their genitalia; and yet to suggest that sexual fidelity is the ultimate level of trust is more-or-less exactly that.

[Deleted]

Ok. Lets move to a question that no one tends to like to entertain.

Why is having sex with someone outside of your relationship bad?

Answering this question would give each poster a better idea of what peoples relationship values are. This way we can better understand where we are each coming from.

For me personally it depends how emotionally attached I am. I'll give my three examples:

1) I wouldn't call it a serious relationship so I wasn't really affected by it. I was more mildly irritated he kept it secret.

2) Again I wouldn't call it overly serious (I mistook love for lust) but what hurt me was how he introduced me to the guy he's fucking on Valentines Day before I found out

3) Now this was love and what hurt more was the guy he slept with, it was the same guy 2) slept with and 3) knew this fact. I later found out the guy was blackmailing 3) with a sex tape. Lowest point in my life, I also felt dirty because he was having unprotected sex with myself and the other guy. I eventually forgave but our relationship ended 6 months later but we remained friends for 10 years

[Kathandira]

Humans (All animals really) are by nature not monogamous and thats the way we are wired.

With that said many people can be monogamous (I myself have been with my GF over a year and we been living together for abit over a month). There is many factors on why someone cheats but the most common is the thrill of being cought or they are not happy.

I see cheating to be pointless and scummy and I think people should just be upfrount if they are not happy. There is no clear cut answer to why people cheat since each person has different reasons. But as I stated Humans by nature are not monogamous.

Edit: What I can't stand is when your with someone and they expect you to think you won't be attracted to someone else. This is where me and my gf have a understanding. If I see a girl is sexy so be it. My GF doesn't care and she may even agree. If she finds a guy attractive I don't care.

My g/f and I regularly comment on the attractiveness of other people. I have absolutely no problem leaning over to her and telling her that I just saw a super attractive man, or woman. And she the same.

"I think people should just be upfront if they are not happy". Not all cheating is done in the name of unhappiness. Sex can be just that, sex. It doesn't have to be a romantic situation. It can simply be lust.

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There is no good reason to cheat. Period. It's a betrayal of trust at the ultimate level. And yes, people who cheat are scum. I am sorry you don't respect yourself to acknowledge the people you mentioned who cheated on you were 100% in the wrong.

And that is the case. People who cheat are 100% wrong. There is nothing that says "If the the relationship has issues, you are allowed to cheat." IF the relationship had that many problems, then break up! It's that simple.

However, this "Common to cheat" thing may not be backed by statistics, but I can believe the tendency to not value monogamous relationships is a growing trend in the society of today. "Monogamous relationships are a social construct LOLZ! It's outdated LOLZ. Sleep with whoever you feel like cuz ur body ur life LOLZ. Me me me, #1 #1 #1."

Despite this disturbing trend, luckily, not everybody is that way, and there are still plenty of people who are not self-consumed narcissists who only think about themselves. Still worth the risk to get into a relationship.

Also to hell with the "Humans are not meant to be monogamous." Crap. We are people, not animals. If somebody cannot control basic and primitive desires, then they are the problem.

"cannot control basic and primitive desires"

Basic and primitive desires are the exact reason we form romantic relationships in the first place.

[Deleted]

There is no good reason to cheat. Period. It's a betrayal of trust at the ultimate level. And yes, people who cheat are scum. I am sorry you don't respect yourself to acknowledge the people you mentioned who cheated on you were 100% in the wrong.

And that is the case. People who cheat are 100% wrong. There is nothing that says "If the the relationship has issues, you are allowed to cheat." IF the relationship had that many problems, then break up! It's that simple.

However, this "Common to cheat" thing may not be backed by statistics, but I can believe the tendency to not value monogamous relationships is a growing trend in the society of today. "Monogamous relationships are a social construct LOLZ! It's outdated LOLZ. Sleep with whoever you feel like cuz ur body ur life LOLZ. Me me me, #1 #1 #1."

Despite this disturbing trend, luckily, not everybody is that way, and there are still plenty of people who are not self-consumed narcissists who only think about themselves. Still worth the risk to get into a relationship.

Also to hell with the "Humans are not meant to be monogamous." Crap. We are people, not animals. If somebody cannot control basic and primitive desires, then they are the problem.

I didn't say they're not 100% wrong but calling them scum just because they lost interest in me sounds petty.

[BuckSparkles]

It's funny because people in your position tend to accuse others of thinking with their genitalia; and yet to suggest that sexual fidelity is the ultimate level of trust is more-or-less exactly that.

It is a level of trust. It depends on how you view sex. I personally sex should be reserved for people who you care extremely strongly about on a romantic level. The expectations of a typical relationship is that they are faithful to you and you alone, and you are loyal to them.

Also, I am not accusing anybody of thinking with their genitals. Because that would involve ANY type of thinking, and quite frankly, people who cheat are not thinking. They are acting on basic instinct and behaving like animals.

If they were thinking, they would understand what scummy actions they are about to take. And if they DO think that and don't care, then they are trash. Pure and simple.

[Jtbrig7390]

My g/f and I regularly comment on the attractiveness of other people. I have absolutely no problem leaning over to her and telling her that I just saw a super attractive man, or woman. And she the same.

"I think people should just be upfront if they are not happy". Not all cheating is done in the name of unhappiness. Sex can be just that, sex. It doesn't have to be a romantic situation. It can simply be lust.

That is true I 100% agree. But alot of cheating is due to being unhappy. So if your unhappy then just say so. If you just want to fuck someone else say so as well. Some people are ok with it.

[BuckSparkles]

I didn't say they're not 100% wrong but calling them scum just because they lost interest in me sounds petty.

They are. If they wanted to be decent, they would have just told you they were no longer interested instead of going behind your back.

Breaking up happens. Cheating is utterly disgusting.

[Deleted]

My g/f and I regularly comment on the attractiveness of other people. I have absolutely no problem leaning over to her and telling her that I just saw a super attractive man, or woman. And she the same.

"I think people should just be upfront if they are not happy". Not all cheating is done in the name of unhappiness. Sex can be just that, sex. It doesn't have to be a romantic situation. It can simply be lust.

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"cannot control basic and primitive desires"

Basic and primitive desires are the exact reason we form romantic relationships in the first place.

I see nothing wrong in openly eyeing others, me and my ex actually made a game out of it

[Kathandira]

I find it very amusing that sex is held so sacredly. Sex is a basic human function, and should be treated as so.

[Beazy]

I got married younger than that (to a woman younger than myself).

We'll be married for 35 years this summer. It's been wonderful so far!

Osmeric, you're a statistical outlier!!!!

[BuckSparkles]

"cannot control basic and primitive desires"

Basic and primitive desires are the exact reason we form romantic relationships in the first place.

I disagree. But hey, I guess somebody people form relationships because they only want to hump the other person.

Seems kind of a poor relationship in the making.

[Kathandira]

That is true I 100% agree. But alot of cheating is due to being unhappy. So if your unhappy then just say so. If you just want to fuck someone else say so as well. Some people are ok with it.

Also agreed. It comes back to what I keep harping on. It is all about communication. Just have to be open and honest with each other.

[moremana]

it's the betrayal of trust, once you can't trust someone how do you have a healthy relationship with them?

This is all that needs to be said. Trust is a hard thing to gain, if it is so easily tossed out then what does that say about the person who abused it?

Once trust in lost in any relationship, whether professional, in friendship or marital, its gone and can never be retrieved.

Once someone abuses your trust, you should never have a relationship with that person again as they apparently have no morals, doesn't matter who it is!

[Deleted]

They are. If they wanted to be decent, they would have just told you they were no longer interested instead of going behind your back.

Breaking up happens. Cheating is utterly disgusting.

I would call them inconsiderate not scum, to me scum is reserved to killers, rapists, child molesters and other uncivilized humans