Do people fear being alone?

[THE Bigzoman]

Or is it just me subconsciously trying to be a unique snowflake?

Okay, a bit more context fellas.

Over time, but particularly, the last year in a half or so, i've noticed a tendency in most people. People seem to have an innate hesitation to be alone. This could range from living alone; to working alone; to having less social circles etc.

I've lived alone a for certain periods of time, I prefer to work on/complete tasks alone, and I need that extra time to myself on occasion. Let me tell you, I love every minute of it. I honestly don't see any cons. I can think of nothing but pros.

I do what I want: This is kind of self explanatory. If i'm in the shower and forgot the towel across the house, I just walk out of my shower, prop up big jim and the twins, and grab my towel. Sometimes I even just walk around butt naked. It's just me; I do what I want.

You answer to yourself and only yourself: This kind of ties in to my last point. When you're alone, you have no one to blame for outcomes but yourself. This can be discomforting at first, especially when you fail at something. But even something as small as cleaning up gives you a certain kind of high when you know that you and only you got off your ass to do it.


You can learn a lot about yourself alone than you can with others: You learn about your good habits, bad habits, likes, and dislikes--you'd be surprised just how much of who you are is because of outside influences. By being alone, you get to learn about yourself, which takes me in my last pro.


By spending time alone, you make yourself better equipped to expand networks If we take the first three points as true, it follows that being alone can give you a sense of self agency, accountability, and knowledge about yourself as a person. Armed with these three things, you're better able to enforce boundaries and make good decisions socially.

But now I turn the table to anyone who's been reading this far in. Do you notice an innate hesitation in people to being alone? Where do you stand and why? Do you think i'm full of shit?

Let's hear it.

[I Push Buttons]

I don't care, like you I prefer to go it alone... But that has more to do with my circumstances than my nature. If my life were different then I would probably whine about being lonely like everyone else.

[Sesshomaru]

It's the emotional contact I fear the most of when I'm alone. Else, I do love to be alone, as I can do the things you've listed up; not having to care for every little detail, have it a bit messy, no need to satisfy the other party and such.

Although I do want to have someone to spend great moments with, watch/read/talk about the stuff which piques my interest with an SO and unfold as we get a child or two, hopefully ending up like my parents or grandparents in which they basically talk about everything (and argue in plain sight).

[Krille]

I've always been a social person, but lately i value that less. If i ever spend time with someone it's with my girlfriend. I don't know why, but i think i'm just more comfortable being alone. As long as you don't suffer it's not a problem. My ex girlfriend had BIG issues with being alone, she freaked out, literally.

[Captain N]

Some people are afraid of being alone so they have the tendency to jump from relationship to relationship in order to patch that void in their life. I suppose it would have a lot to do with being used to a certain way of life with someone and trying to get that back. That being said being alone also does wonders for figuring out yourself and what you want out of life both by yourself and with someone else.

[Felicia]

I actually prefer to be alone. My husband deploys every other year or so... for 8 months at a time. And it weirds him out that I prefer just being alone :P I'm a home maker, and am quite good at keeping myself busy all day. I can get stuff done without being hampered by other people, and it helps me focus. He works, and I keep the house running by dealing with Tricare, cleaning/cooking/errands, and other military paperwork crap (which is rather frequent). Even without a kid to run after.

I literally have no friends, and I suck at small talk. It's exhausting being around people. I'm thinking about going back to school, or maybe get a job the next time he deploys. Just because it's different. We're not hurting for money, or anything... but he's seriously worried about me. And I'll do it just to assuage whatever doubt he has. But do I like hanging out with people, going to social gatherings? Not particularly. Sometimes I'll get the urge, but... that's VERY rare.

I do get frequent bouts of paranoia when I'm alone... where I'll check the doors and windows if they're locked. Multiple times, usually. I have a dog... but... he's a shih'tzu, the least terrifying thing there is. He might stare cutely at an intruder, and they may take pity on me and walk away.

[RapBreon]

-snip-

Sound like a textbook introvert to me.

Being said, I feel like your points are idiosyncratic. For example, some people might prefer to do what other people want, some people may prefer to pass accountability onward (I'd say most people do).

Personally, I'm a textbook introvert, but there are times when I learn things about myself when I have others to form a frame of reference, communicate ideas too (like you, with this thread), or simply compete against. Basically, my preference is for private thought and self-reflection, but I don't really discount the usefulness of others for growth either. I imagine in the case of a textbook extrovert, their processes would be inverted.

One con I can think of is the preference for constant private thought often leads to a situation where you don't test or properly flesh out your ideas, this means they rarely get challenged and are potentially reinforced without merit. This can form feedback loop. This is one of the reasons I enjoy discussion, even about heated topics. I'm sure there are more, but that's one off the top of my head.

I agree that extroverts are probably more common though. With my guesses being sexual selection and cultural preference (which work in tandem, though with probably less compulsive force than ages past).

Edit: More stuff.

[Svad]

Being alone allows me to do all the stuff I want to do.

[RapBreon]

Well, that and the very nature of extroversion lends itself to them making their presence known one way or another.

Pretty much. Just simply more 'opportunities'.

Not many opportunities to be had brooding in your hut :P

[Mavecryst]

No I don't think most people "fear" being alone, at least for a reasonable period of time. Just some people (extroverts) get energised by being around others, while the rest of us (introverts) need some recharge time because people are quite draining. I enjoy being alone for very similar reasons to you, but only up to a point. At some point, social interactions are required to improve myself, much like how I simply can't learn everything there is to know about relationships by just day dreaming about it and reading self help books.

I need both, though probably in the ratio of like 35% (with people) : 65% (alone) of my time.

[Crispin]

You're an introvert, welcome to the club.

[Theodarzna]

A extrovert / introvert thread.

Extroverts are loud obnoxious brainless viking warriors who will shit on your table and uproot all of your potted plants. Their minds have been trapped in the party rock dimension by an evil sorcerer while their corporeal forms exist in our own plane of reality, causing them to stumble around in a constant unaware daze.

Introverts are super-genius shy fragile literal wood nymphs that shatter when exposed to direct eye contact subsist entirely on a diet of nothing but tea and the written word. Extending offers to social gatherings causes them to actually die.

[Archonite]

I think its important to differentiate between being alone and being lonely. Especially introverts can really enjoy the first, but most people fear the second.

[Flutterguy]

I guess it depends on what you consider alone. I like being able to get away and retreat when I feel overwhelmed, but I know I still have people I can go to when I want to socialize. Being truly alone robs me of that and I know I don't like that feeling. I felt very alone when I was working a graveyard shift and everyone else I knew was on the opposite schedule as me.

[Deleted]

It all depends on what you want, as long as you have the ability of having healthy relationships with your friend s/Co-workers/Signifcant others etc. that said, if you dont have healthy relationships(heck even if one of them is not) there is something wrong.

[wowaccounttom]

i have had the chance to spend some time in an anechoic chamber... good times... some people seem to lose it in those... /shrug

so i would say plenty do fear truly alone

[Deleted]

I think people do, so I try not to be bothered by it.

Seen too many of my friends stay in shitty relationships just because they are afraid to be alone after it ends.

[Deleted]

Different cultures, different people. Some cultures are incredibly social and extroverted. Others, not so much. Of course, within those cultures, there are also outliers.

[Deleted]

When i am in relationship its fine for some time, then i wanna be alone again. When i am alone again, its fine for some time, then i want to have relationship.

i think in general modern times grow selfish people, and selfish doesnt necessarily mean negative. The human being is still a social one and deep inside i believe EVERYBODY would like to have a close partner that gives and takes love and sex and so on. But i believe people realized to have this, they need to step back from their standpoint and compromise more often than they want. Modern western lifestyle makes people believe they could have it all and they should have it all. In close partnerships people might feel they have to sacrifice too many of their 21st century hypothetical possibilies and probably percieve that the other person isnt actually even noticing their sacrifice, oh shame.

Thats why i believe people had their relationships, they didnt really work out that well, then they decided they are better off alone.

[Endtime]

I love it. Been alone for years now. Of course it needs to be balanced out, as even going outside with people on the road or at the store gets annoying. Also, been meaning to talk to my one good friend for a few months now that he thinks I am ignoring him...