Is wanting a monogamous relationship realistic?

[Alefnir]

Both partners need to be willing to sacrifice their individual potential for a monogamous relationship to work. Sacrifice is not something that people are taught to value that much anymore; whether this is a good thing or not, I think it has to do with the weakening of Catholic (not talking American Protestantism here) ideology in the west and the adaptation of Nietzsche's secular philosophy in its stead. People are taught to make themselves great, both men and women to do everything they can to achieve their potential and marriage and raising a family (which are usually viewed as the ultimate goals of a monogamous relationship) are viewed as contradictory to this; things that stifle individual potential.

So basically, it isn't unrealistic- you just need to find someone who still values sacrifice over individuality, or rather, one who doesn't think that monogamy is actually sacrifice as all and that it will ultimately lend to even greater human potential rather than stifling it (my own opinion).

[Malta]

Does "fuckbuddy" count? Love was not a factor there.
Other than that, mostly observational, and I have read about people trying open relationships. They don't work for most people.
There are some exceptions, like mormons, certain muslim societies, tribal societies etc, but that's not a relationship of equal partners in love, so I don't think they should count.

There are a whoooooollle lot of people out there practicing something other than monogamy, and outside the confines of religion. Most don't fall on one end of the spectrum or the other.


Although technically even a threesome doesn't fall under monogamy, so that number is probably even greater.

[ItachiZaku]

If that's your goal, so be it. Just be sure the partner is also into that sort of thing. I've known way too many people who are very clearly with someone, yet refuse to label it, just so they can have that tiny veil of "well, we're not boyfriend/girlfriend" to justified their fuckery. And that's how I've pretty much approached several of them, the mindset that I know they've been "dating" someone for 2 years, aren't living together or labeled, therefore she is single. It's a bit disgusting, but it is their own fault if someone gets hurt there due to them not communicating their wants, needs, and relationship goals and perimeters.

[BuckSparkles]

It's 100% entirely responsible.

Don't let the internet taint your opinion on the subject. Not every person is a whore who cheats and cannot remain loyal to 1 single person.

[Deleted]

It's not problem at all staying monogamous. I can't trust a person that can't even keep his/hers libido in check. Talk about being a slave to base desires.

People really need to learn to control themselves.

[EventHorizon]

I've been with my wife 11 years and married 9 of that. So far the simple answer is: Yes

The more complicated answer: Marrying at a very young age puts the odds against you. Its much easier to remain faithful after you've had a taste of everything on the menu prior to settling down. There are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking young marriages are doomed to failure.

I'm going to be very blunt here: When all is said and done pussy is pussy. Finding someone you can talk to like a friend or confide in without judgement is the tricky part.

Together for 3, common-law for nearly 2. Definitely not my first relationship but it's the first I was comfortable enough to ask her to live with me and the rest just kept getting in place as the relationship grew (and we passed the living together test :v ).

I completely agree with your post.

[hydrium]

Most people get married for love, that...is kind of stupid. That gooey romance feeling fades and once it's gone if you haven't built anything substantial as a bedrock of your relationship then it will crumble. Staying with one partner forever is not easy by any stretch but that's true of almost everything in life, it's hard to be a human as we are immensely flawed and self-serving creatures by nature.

Most people see marriage as just some next step they have to take and that's wrong, marriage is supposed to be the end all be all, not something to take lightly or to do just because you've been together so long you might as well, hey it's a tax break!

[Deleted]

I don't believe in it. Still I do it. Prolly because its an expectation.
Humans aren't really monogamous.
For me love could be monogamous, but sex isn't. Call it the primitive urge to have sex with different people.
Thats how I see it.
For some reason: When a relationship hits 4 months I tend to prefer other people instead of my own partner.
Luckely I didn't cheat on my gf for the last 7 years and I keep going strong. Everytime the tempation comes the thought of fucking it all up for one moment in my life isn't worth it. I love her too much to hurt her.

[Goobadin]

Most people get married for love, that...is kind of stupid. That gooey romance feeling fades and once it's gone if you haven't built anything substantial as a bedrock of your relationship then it will crumble. Staying with one partner forever is not easy by any stretch but that's true of almost everything in life, it's hard to be a human as we are immensely flawed and self-serving creatures by nature.

Most people see marriage as just some next step they have to take and that's wrong, marriage is supposed to be the end all be all, not something to take lightly or to do just because you've been together so long you might as well, hey it's a tax break!

But.. That's why they made it a tax break. Literally just to encourage people to get married.

[zenkai]

I know quite a bit of people who are always searching for LOVE. That long term relationship that doesn't work out so well. They're in this relationship for a while, they post many great things on how this is the TRUEST love and poof, it ends up dying. They stay single for a couple months and hop over to their next "LOVE". And post on facebook how THIS ONE actually was the one, not the last one, only to have that relationship die as well.

As I look around in person, online, experiences from several other forums, I am questioning whether or not a monogamous relationship is even realistic.

To finish this off, id like to say one last thing : I asked this question to a married woman who pretty much got offended when I asked that question. She said I was rude to even mention the thought of her being unfaithful, and that was something that was NEVER gonna happen with her and her husband. That was in 2010.

Its 6 years later, she went back to school to finish off her degree and she ended up sleeping with one of her classmates there. I mean this is a person who was SOOOOO offended at my even mentioning it, turned around and cheated.

Is wanting our partners to stay faithful realistic? Would it be better to just have fun and walk away? Or better maintain a benefits only relationship? If so, how do you fill the void after the act? Do you just wonder off alone?

TL;DR ::: Is wanting a monogamous relationship, realistic?

It's very realistic and proven. If you like catting around don't get into a relationship or find a partner who is into open relationships. The funny thing about people who want to be with multiple partner is that most of them want their partner to remain monogamous. Ah the double standard people have

[Tennis]

This thread really makes me facepalm. What a loser like attitude to think you're so worthless that he or she will cheat on you.

[May90]

This thread really makes me facepalm. What a loser like attitude to think you're so worthless that he or she will cheat on you.

Don't you see a hypocrisy here? I think you mentioned quite a few times that you weren't fine with your wife hanging out with other guys, because it could lead to her cheating on you.

[Tennis]

Don't you see a hypocrisy here? I think you mentioned quite a few times that you weren't fine with your wife hanging out with other guys, because it could lead to her cheating on you.

I probably did. What's wrong with that?
That's common sense.

[Jotaux]

Well realistic or not I wouldn't want anything else.

[May90]

I probably did. What's wrong with that?
That's common sense.

Reread this one:

This thread really makes me facepalm. What a loser like attitude to think you're so worthless that he or she will cheat on you.

Don't see any parallels?

[jeanericuser001]

It all depends on if there is love or not. If there is only attraction in the marriage than its only a matter of time before that attraction ends. Once it ends the affairs will happen. That is why many people really should examine their own hearts more before marriage to really decide if they truly love the person their about to marry. That could eventually lead to less divorces as couples decide their no longer "interested" in each other.

[Arganis]

Of course. Many couples have achieved so.

It's just difficult to cultivate a mature relationship. Which is the actual problem in Western marriages; most are very immature or centered on individualism at their root.

This. We live in a culture of children who don't understand the concept of commitment. It's all about the short term in this day and age.

[Lesane]

I know quite a bit of people who are always searching for LOVE. That long term relationship that doesn't work out so well. They're in this relationship for a while, they post many great things on how this is the TRUEST love and poof, it ends up dying. They stay single for a couple months and hop over to their next "LOVE". And post on facebook how THIS ONE actually was the one, not the last one, only to have that relationship die as well.

As I look around in person, online, experiences from several other forums, I am questioning whether or not a monogamous relationship is even realistic.

To finish this off, id like to say one last thing : I asked this question to a married woman who pretty much got offended when I asked that question. She said I was rude to even mention the thought of her being unfaithful, and that was something that was NEVER gonna happen with her and her husband. That was in 2010.

Its 6 years later, she went back to school to finish off her degree and she ended up sleeping with one of her classmates there. I mean this is a person who was SOOOOO offended at my even mentioning it, turned around and cheated.

Is wanting our partners to stay faithful realistic? Would it be better to just have fun and walk away? Or better maintain a benefits only relationship? If so, how do you fill the void after the act? Do you just wonder off alone?

TL;DR ::: Is wanting a monogamous relationship, realistic?

It's realistic only if you grow up with it in mind and believe in it. By that I mean the people who start fucking around once they've grown 2 strands of pubic hair and thus take relationships extremely lightly to the point where it's comparable in buying a new outfit at Zara that you'll eventually grow bored of, will have trouble with ever committing to a single partner for life.

I don't believe in it. Still I do it. Prolly because its an expectation.
Humans aren't really monogamous.
For me love could be monogamous, but sex isn't. Call it the primitive urge to have sex with different people.
Thats how I see it.
For some reason: When a relationship hits 4 months I tend to prefer other people instead of my own partner.
Luckely I didn't cheat on my gf for the last 7 years and I keep going strong. Everytime the tempation comes the thought of fucking it all up for one moment in my life isn't worth it. I love her too much to hurt her.

Of course you're going to be tempted by other people, that's how everything in life works. You need self control for many aspects in life, and this is just one of them. Of course you can also not give a fuck about it, just like some people don't give a fuck about their diet and eat at McDonalds at every given opportunity.

[May90]

This. We live in a culture of children who don't understand the concept of commitment. It's all about the short term in this day and age.

"What a horrible generation..." This is getting old, buddy. It was old even in Cicero's times.

[Tennis]

Reread this one:



Don't see any parallels?

That's unrelated. That is about what I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't go hanging out with a bunch of women either if I'm married and be bffs with women. That's just disrespectful to your spouse.