Is wanting a monogamous relationship realistic?

[Rad1um]

I know quite a bit of people who are always searching for LOVE. That long term relationship that doesn't work out so well. They're in this relationship for a while, they post many great things on how this is the TRUEST love and poof, it ends up dying. They stay single for a couple months and hop over to their next "LOVE". And post on facebook how THIS ONE actually was the one, not the last one, only to have that relationship die as well.

As I look around in person, online, experiences from several other forums, I am questioning whether or not a monogamous relationship is even realistic.

To finish this off, id like to say one last thing : I asked this question to a married woman who pretty much got offended when I asked that question. She said I was rude to even mention the thought of her being unfaithful, and that was something that was NEVER gonna happen with her and her husband. That was in 2010.

Its 6 years later, she went back to school to finish off her degree and she ended up sleeping with one of her classmates there. I mean this is a person who was SOOOOO offended at my even mentioning it, turned around and cheated.

Is wanting our partners to stay faithful realistic? Would it be better to just have fun and walk away? Or better maintain a benefits only relationship? If so, how do you fill the void after the act? Do you just wonder off alone?

TL;DR ::: Is wanting a monogamous relationship, realistic?

[Verzen]

No. Every single relationship I've had, I've been cheated on despite me making an effort for monogamy. I've given up.

[Wyrt]

Plenty of relationships are.

[Fencers]

Of course. Many couples have achieved so.

It's just difficult to cultivate a mature relationship. Which is the actual problem in Western marriages; most are very immature or centered on individualism at their root.

[Verzen]

Furthermore, no ape species is actually monogamous. None that I can think of anyway.

[Gamdwelf]

Furthermore, no ape species is actually monogamous. None that I can think of anyway.

But how many aquatic apes are monogamous?

[Gheld]

It depends.

Both partners really have to work hard on a relationship for it to work.

You have to manage each others self esteem effectively. If a partner doesn't feel good about themselves they will ultimately go around for an 'ego boost'.

But if a partner feels TOO good about themselves they'll never feel like anybody is good enough for them and go around looking for 'the real: the one'.

But when two equally unattractive people manage to snare each other into a rut of numbness and mediocrity... That's when magic happens.

[Wyrt]

Furthermore, no ape species is actually monogamous. None that I can think of anyway.

Gibbons are.

[Fibby76]

it's entirely possible.

[Felicia]

I've been with my husband for 10 years, since I was 18. He was 21 when we met. We've been married since he joined the Navy 3 years ago... so he could go back to school after he gets out, and to get me proper medical care (I'm a Type I Diabetic). Deployments are difficult. But monogamy is something we both believe in. I love and trust him, it's as simple as that. Understanding and proper communication works wonders. Discussing issues, compromising and meeting halfway has worked for us.

But I obviously can't foresee the future, and I don't know what's going to happen in ten or twenty years. I heard somewhere that if you marry someone... you're actually marrying 10 different people because of all the changes someone can go through in their life. I've learned to accept people as they change because I know I've changed.

[Kujako]

Sure it is. I'm too lazy to get a girlfriend, much less cheat on her.

[Independent voter]

I don't think I could handle the logistics of being unfaithful. Maybe on a business trip with a female coworker, a few drinks, tequila shots, who the hell knows, but to cheat day in and day out for weeks and months? I can't see it.

Mexicans in Mexico cheat pretty frequently as I understand the French do so there is a cultural element to it.

[Underverse]

100% of my relationships have been monogamous. I think it's realistic.

Ideal to human nature? Nah.

[jellmoo]

Of course it's both possible and realistic. It happens all the time. There are tons of people in honestly monogamous relationships. You just don't tend to hear about them simply because there's no story there. When people just keep chugging along, all nice and content, you rarely hear about it. Stories and the like only creep up when something happens.

Not everyone is made to be in a monogamous relationship, but plenty of people are, and do so successfully.

[callipygoustp]

Never cheated on anyone, and to my knowledge, never been cheated on by one of my girl friends.

When I was younger, late teens early 20s, I would date several women at the same time but I only ever became close with someone if I was monogamous. There's a depth that never seems to develop, for me, if I wasn't.

[May90]

Well, the evidence suggests that, yes, it is realistic. The question you really need to ask yourself though is whether it is realistic for you. I think some people just aren't made for monogamous relationships. Nothing wrong with that, but it is better to figure out if it is so in advance, so as not to ruin your potential partner's lives, as well as possibly yours. Otherwise, as long as monogamous relationship works both for you and your partner - yes, it will work.

[Deleted]

Each to their own.

It depends on the people you talk to, what their point is, what their take is - What their view is.

I can't speak for everyone, nor can i judge everyone based on their actions.

Then again, i can tell you, some people are just.. loonies. Maybe Monogamous relationships is a part of being a loonie? Who knows.

[TITAN308]

I've been with my wife 11 years and married 9 of that. So far the simple answer is: Yes

The more complicated answer: Marrying at a very young age puts the odds against you. Its much easier to remain faithful after you've had a taste of everything on the menu prior to settling down. There are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking young marriages are doomed to failure.

I'm going to be very blunt here: When all is said and done pussy is pussy. Finding someone you can talk to like a friend or confide in without judgement is the tricky part.

[Ratyrel]

I'd say so. Unfortunately the same social construct that allows monogamy (the concept of romantic love) makes it more difficult to find, because people look for the perfect fit.

[Musta]

I see where you are coming from. I begin to question the same thing some time ago. At least here where I live, things are pretty much wild, nobody cares about anyone. So my advice is, if you find someone that is really willing to bet their lifes teaming up with you, do so. Otherwise, I really dont expect much else from the world, its all going poligamic little by little. Its not really a bad thing, Im not saying that.

Im just saying the world is changing and we have to adapt.