READ and be less Ignorant.
I think the difference between what you and @Malkiah are describing is that he's talking about much shorter relationships where there's just not a compatibility of underlying sex drive (or worse, attraction). In the context of very long relationships or (especially) marriages, these underlying factors are generally pretty decent and a lack of action has more to do with all sorts of factors that aren't a result of lack of interest.
I'm siding with you on that one. Formalizing a sexual frustration is the best way to turn desire off. Plus, it's not that hard to guess why a woman grows out of desire. Either the man don't take care of himself anymore, either he's not love material anymore. That's where communication is important, but on more subtle stuff than basic needs. Because even those former two reasons do have a deeper explanation.
Last edited by Kourvith; 2016-04-03 at 04:27 PM.
this is where we disagree. I think the enforcement of monogamy, had benefits to the community making them more succesfull. Else they'd probably be conquered by polygamus communities.
Monagamous relations would have resulted in beter upbringing for the children. It also rewarded man who did the hard labour and fighting, it gave them a reason to be in a shitty enviremont and work hard. In a polygammus community you had a smaller portion of very succesfull man get a lot of woman. I don't think all the man without a woman were as willing to die for their region or work as hard.
I also think the lives were much harsher in that day and they were probably happy with being content and would find the reasons in todays marriages for breaking up insignifficant reasons.
sweet zombie jesus, no.
yeah i had the same thing with a long term partner around year 3 - i wasn't questioning it in the context of whether or not communication is important, it was more an honest curiosity if that's ever actually worked for anyone.I am saying this in the context of marriage. Around year 5 me and my wife and some serious sex talks about each others expectations. Its important to be on the same page.
you know how sometimes you just get these recurring themes in your life?
sexual dysfunction (or more specifically, incompatible sexual drives) has been popping up all over in my life the last few years, both with myself and with others that i know. i've never seen it resolved well.
To quote one of your own posts: "If you had faith in yourself you wouldn't even be worrying about this."
Sure, the relationship could end. But if it's only going on because splitting up is more difficult, then it's hardly a happy relationship. And if it is, it doesn't really matter if you are together with or without being married.
that makes it so much better, actually.
when you get married and the other person CAN'T walk away, you no longer give a shit about whether you make them happy, because fuck it... they can't leave.
when you're just together because you want to be, you have to always be thinking about what you bring to the table, be aware of your behavior and presentation, and work to ensure you are making them happy and making them want to stay with you.
marriage breeds complacency and resentment if undertaken by people who are not (inexplicably in my view, but to each their own) drawn to it for its own sake.
it may be fine for some people to do if they really want to, but marriage is never necessary, never beneficial, and never a net positive.
well years -1-2 or so its "fuck like bunnies" stage then 3 and 4 its kind of slowing down, then you start to wonder "is this how its going to be from here out?" and the talk begins or not. In the not situation you are preparing for disaster. I do not in any way or form condone cheating, however I fully understand how it happens.
Some guys are dogs and you should not be in a relationship with one of them.
What I have seen most though is a sex life in a state of deep atrophy, a relationship where sex is almost a myth. Men need and want sex and they will stray if they do not get it at home. Its not an excuse, there are things you could have done before it got there, but being open like an exposed nerve is scary.
All anecdotal so, grain of sand but I have been married 15 years and my sex life with my wife is the stuff of porno.
READ and be less Ignorant.
This is pretty obviously false, even from just a legal standpoint. The easiest example is that I pay less in taxes than I would if I hadn't gotten married. It's also worth a mention that married people, on average, are happier than their unmarried counterparts, but this is a bit squishier than the couple grand a year that I pocket for signing a contract.