Roommate is cheating with a married man; none of my business?

[Reeve]

she identifies as jack fucking shit

she is a cheating whore, simple as.

None of your business though, save yourself real trouble and focus on your life

To be fair, it's the dude in the story that's the cheating whore. She's just enabling the dude to be a cheating whore. She's cuckolding his wife.

[Noradin]

You can speak to your roommate, but other than that it really isn't your place to interfere.
(Unless it is a crime in your country and you are obligated to tell the police or face repercussions. Still, talk to your roommate first.)
One thing is for sure, no one wil thank you if you do interfere and you will probably make the situation worse anyway.

[Lenonis]

No; foresight would be realizing that this girl has a tsunami of bullshit you really don't want to have to deal with approaching, and getting the fuck out of the way before it hits.

People seem to think that saying this is the OP business means she needs to assert or insert herself into her roomies situation. OP can tell her shes going to find her own place if shes not comfortable with the "overnight" guests. Shes well within her right to do so.

Did you miss where 1) I said she should consider a new roommate and 2) where I said she can say no overnight guests...but then she'd also have to live with those rules?

I mean, there are options to take, but it's not likely to be a comfortable (or frankly successful) conversation. These are adults here -- it's REALLY hard to say "hey, you aren't allowed to bring guys over to the house we both pay for." Some people are ok with that, but I suspect the OP's roommate will not be thrilled with a change in rules and want to know why -- which gets into really awkward territory.

[DarkAmbient]

"Identifies as poly." Fucking hell, I've read it all now.

[Celista]

I don't expect that conversation to go well. Whether it's a subconscious or overt thing, many people use "poly" as an identity to hide behind rather than just saying that they enjoy being promiscuous. In modern circles, not only is this not frowned on, but "poly" is viewed by many as a more enlightened orientation than those clingy, possessive monogamous people (dontchaknow, if you think your boyfriend/girlfriend railing/getting railed by someone else isn't great, you're obviously just insecure?).

People tend to cling tightly to identities, especially if those identities come with positive status. Think she'll happily trade "enlightened poly chick" for "garden variety slut"?

I don't think it would, either...I was referring more to the fact that the guy and his wife don't seem to actually be poly, if he is sneaking around behind the wife's back and she's not OK with him seeing other people (although if they actually were poly, I guess she could still feasibly have an issue with the sneaking around behind her back).

In regards to my roommate, she definitely buys into the notion of "slut-shaming" so she would likely interpret any sort of statements by me regarding her behavior as such.

[Reeve]

She might not. You bring up good points and I agree that there is a high potential for drama.

Yeah, I'd say it's probably not worth getting involved yourself, but I'd consider quietly making arrangements for a new roommate once your current arrangement runs out, just because living with someone who does this kind of stuff is just inviting drama into your life.

[Tennis]

I love that you get all triggered by stuff you can do nothing about, but when it comes down to something that you can actually make a difference for good, you say its not ethical..

It's not ethical to expose people's faults. Only scumbags and bitches do that.
The right thing would be to try to stop the behaviour.

[Lenonis]

She can look her up on facebook, very easy to just send a message anonymously.

Sure, she could. But you'd have to really question if it could be traced back to her and if an anonymous message would really have the impact needed to change the situation.

[Qlix]

I don't think we're talking "right" in terms of freedom of speech here, but more "right" in terms of -- is it the right thing to do to get the OP a desirable outcome. I'd argue that it would likely just blow up in her face, as these scenarios nearly always do. Even if she succeeds in breaking them up, she's lose friendships with everyone involved.

Agreed, I personally feel we're reaching an area where self preservation needs to kick in for the OP. Cover your ass and dont get into something you dont want to be involved in

[Crissi]

roommate sounds like a nut. I'd not move in with her again, and get a better roommate.

Also, point and laugh when it inevitably blows up in her face. Theres not much you can do for people who insist on being stubborn.

[Mistame]

I would argue that everyone has an obligation to not wrong someone else.

Debatable. But actively seeking out someone who's married/involved with someone else is pretty shitty and puts the blame primarily on you. However, responding to the advances of someone who happens to be married or involved with someone else (regardless of when you find out) puts the blame primarily on them. You've no obligation to pass up what's freely offered because of someone else's "feels".

[Qlix]

Sure, she could. But you'd have to really question if it could be traced back to her and if an anonymous message would really have the impact needed to change the situation.

haha.

Exactly how I found out my wife was cheating on me. An anonymous message filled with pictures.

[Vishy]

Take the time to live and get into some hot 3 ways imo!

[Deleted]

Getting cheated on is one of the most gut-wrenching experiences you can have. Personally, if I was aware that the wife of the man knows and does not approve of this relationship I would immediately break off any sort of friendship with the person "helping" the man cheat. She doesn't care about the wife's feelings, only about her own, that's not someone I could ever be friends with, let alone roommates.

Personal opinion though, just thought you might appreciate the input. x:

[TheTaurenOrc]

Poly isn't an orientation. It's a lifestyle choice, just like monogamy isn't an orientation.

Wait..wait you mean the P in LGBTQIAP isnt Poly!?! Mindblown.

Probably for the best if it was we would have had to add an M for monogamy, and god knows that acronym doesn't need anymore consonants.

[Yattz]

Short answer = its none of your concern, live your life and let other people live theirs. Whoever your room mate chooses to screw shouldnt change anything between yall.
NONE of us are saints, all of us are sinners. Dont be a sinner judging other sinners for sinning differently -_-

[Guyv3r]

Agreed, I personally feel we're reaching an area where self preservation needs to kick in for the OP. Cover your ass and dont get into something you dont want to be involved in

You can also consider telling the wife to be self preservation.. in a community aspect.

If more people stopped turning blind eyes on these types of situations, less people would be inclined to cheat.
And everyone else would know what kind of person those people are.

[TheTaurenOrc]

Did you miss where 1) I said she should consider a new roommate and 2) where I said she can say no overnight guests...but then she'd also have to live with those rules?

I mean, there are options to take, but it's not likely to be a comfortable (or frankly successful) conversation. These are adults here -- it's REALLY hard to say "hey, you aren't allowed to bring guys over to the house we both pay for." Some people are ok with that, but I suspect the OP's roommate will not be thrilled with a change in rules and want to know why -- which gets into really awkward territory.

I am going to level with you. I am not reading all your posts, only the ones you quote me.

[Spectral]

Poly isn't an orientation. It's a lifestyle choice, just like monogamy isn't an orientation.

Sure, I know that. There are however, people that claim that they don't have any choice about the matter. Here's a Slate article that argues as much.

[Rooflesstoofless]

Not really anyone's business but the dude, his wife, and the roommate.

BTW, what the hell is 'poly'? Wouldn't that just be bisexual?