Why is it okay to ask someone if they are planning on having kids?

[Queen of Hamsters]

As someone who doesn't plan on having children, I don't find the question rude in itself. It's how the person reacts to my initial "No" that make or breaks the situation. Some, especially new parents, seem to take it personal if someone their age isn't as excited over children as they are. It's extremely rare for the person to not follow up with a "why not?" and then continue the topic. "I don't want them" doesn't seem to be acceptable to many, especially if it comes from a fertile woman in her 30's...

Some either make the assumption that there's something wrong with you physically, or mentally if you don't have an interest in starting a family. Guess it's some sort of self-defence mechanic which is easier to apply than realizing that not everyone shares in your personal goals...

[Celista]

I'm not in the mood to actually make a point why there usually is a reason for people being long term single and it usually is not the default defense of "by choice". People generally lack the ability to reflect on themselves and it's to hot today to die on this particular hill. So just take it as me poking fun at you .

I think a lot of things happen that leads people to choose to not be married (not long-term single, which is different). People may have ideological reasons to not get married. Maybe they're concerned about finances. Maybe they were in a series of LTRs that for whatever reason didn't work out.

It takes time to get to know someone well enough to know whether or not you would want to marry the person, assuming that you're interested in marriage in the first place.

Some people view marriage as a trap and feel claustrophobic just thinking about them.

[Torgent]

As someone who doesn't plan on having children, I don't find the question rude in itself. It's how the person reacts to my initial "No" that make or breaks the situation. Some, especially new parents, seem to take it personal if someone their age isn't as excited over children as they are.

People like to believe that their decisions are the only valid ones. When others do things differently, stupid people feel threatened.

[Deleted]

And from what I've seen, the lecture/"why not?" seems to happen every time.

Quite often at least, yeah. Which is definitely inappropriate - and the right time to tell others to mind their own business.

[Megitsune]

I have no clue how that would be considered "rude" unless someone keeps asking repeatedly or asks why. It's really just an innocent question, not meant to be offensive. You don't have to expand on why you don't want to have kids or can't for whatever reason.

[Cosmic Janitor]

As someone who doesn't plan on having children, I don't find the question rude in itself. It's how the person reacts to my initial "No" that make or breaks the situation. Some, especially new parents, seem to take it personal if someone their age isn't as excited over children as they are. It's extremely rare for the person to not follow up with a "why not?" and then continue the topic. "I don't want them" doesn't seem to be acceptable to many, especially if it comes from a fertile woman in her 30's...

"Kids are the best!"
"I love my kids more than anything else!"
"I wouldn't know what do without my kids!"
"I didn't know what was missing in my life before I had kids!"

Well, I guess what ever helps them get up in morning.

[Cosmic Janitor]

I think a lot of things happen that leads people to choose to not be married (not long-term single, which is different). People may have ideological reasons to not get married. Maybe they're concerned about finances. Maybe they were in a series of LTRs that for whatever reason didn't work out.

It takes time to get to know someone well enough to know whether or not you would want to marry the person, assuming that you're interested in marriage in the first place.

Some people view marriage as a trap and feel claustrophobic just thinking about them.

Okay, I will happily concede the point about actual marriage. To me marriage and a stable long term relationship to the point of living together and sharing finances (and even having kids) is pretty much the same, but I realize that not everyone already thinks that way - and I keep forgetting that.

[Sunseeker]

Because people assume they have a right to ask about other people's business.

And if you tell them that's private, or you'd prefer not to answer, 95% of people will see you as rude for having the audacity not to share your personal plans with random people.

This. Because people are nosy dicks, thats why it's rude.

The underlying assumption that the question is okay is founded on the idea that it is somehow "wrong" to not put a woman's uterus to use via reproduction.

Welcome to the 2000's folks, some people just don't want kids.

My mother-in-law bugs the crap out of my wife and I about grandkids, it's rude as fuck. We're young, we're not financially secure, we don't want children!

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"I didn't know what was missing in my life before I had kids!"

Hormones, delicious, delicious hormones.

[Kakera]

Things that irk me: People like you that get trigger so easily. SO TRIGGERED UGHHHHHHH

[Spectral]

Some people view marriage as a trap and feel claustrophobic just thinking about them.

This seems... broken.

[Kouki]

Hey guys,

I find it so creepy and weird someone would ask another couple that. It's such a rude question and awkward question, when did it become acceptable ?

Its actually a compliment that a couple looks like they have their shit together and could raise a kid provide well for the kid or kids and leave the kids with a better life than the parents had.

"So its really hey you look like you got your shit together when are you having kids?"

[Captain N]

My mother-in-law bugs the crap out of my wife and I about grandkids, it's rude as fuck. We're young, we're not financially secure, we don't want children!

Unfortunately it doesn't end even when you get older and you are financially secure. Some parents are so hell-bent on becoming grandparents they don't even consider their own children's wishes.

[Azadina]

This seems... broken.

It really does..

[Queen of Hamsters]

"I didn't know what was missing in my life before I had kids!"

Oh yes, that one... Or "My life didn't have meaning until I became a mom!!" is also one they love throwing around. Sure, it might have given meaning to the lives of many, but to me it would bring a state of constant panic attacks... and as anyone that's ever had one of those knows, they're absolute torture.

That's "meaning" I can live without.

[Aeula]

It's kinda rude and personal, but there's nothing not okay about asking it beyond that.

[Sunseeker]

Unfortunately it doesn't end even when you get older and you are financially secure. Some parents are so hell-bent on becoming grandparents they don't even consider their own children's wishes.

Oh she is. I wouldn't mind having kids when we're more stable though. It's not like there's a rush. On the off chance we can't actually produce one for some reason down the road, there are plenty of adoptables.

[Granyala]

I find it so creepy and weird someone would ask another couple that. It's such a rude question and awkward question, when did it become acceptable ?

Imho any question is "okay" because you can always choose not to answer it if it makes you uncomfortable.
As for this particular question: I don't see how asking a couple whether they have interest in creating offspring is in any way "awkward" or "rude".

[muto]

You're alone on this one. It's not rude or creepy.

[Celista]

This seems... broken.

I don't know if broken is the right word for it, I personally don't have anything against marriage per se. I do know that people who come from a generation of divorce/broken homes might decide that marriage isn't worth it, if all you see at home is the bad side of marriage then I'm not surprised that some people might come to believe that marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Attachment theory/modeling can lead to not only negative worldviews surrounding marriage, but a genuine inability to attach to others in a healthy way.

I do think that being single is better than being in a bad marriage.

[Azadina]

I do think that being single is better than being in a bad marriage.

That's an easy choice