Share your most horrific tales of bodily function woe.

[Celista]

See thread title.

Mine was when I decided to mix a whole cereal box's worth of Fiber One into some homemade trail mix for a camping trip, and then ate most of the trail mix in one day.

The next day was horrible.

[Powerogue]

I got a canker sore in the back of my throat once. It lasted for well over a week and made every living moment pure suffering. Eating, sleeping, breathing, any movement of the throat made it more inflamed and irritated, which of course made it last even longer.

But I'll bet we have plenty of people with worse stories that make me feel lucky by comparison.

[glo]

Slipped two discs in my back at work, then slipped them again two months later and AGAIN a month and a half after.

I've been through painful shit, but by the third time I was in tears every time I tried to stand up or sit down. Climbing a set of stairs was a 5 minute ordeal that left me sweating buckets and screaming like a baby.

[Surfd]

See thread title.

Mine was when I decided to mix a whole cereal box's worth of Fiber One into some homemade trail mix for a camping trip, and then ate most of the trail mix in one day.

The next day was horrible.

Every time a thread like this pops up, I am reminded of this gem, and so, I present to you: Hours of lost time and many laughs, provided courtesy of amazon and Haribo Sugar Free Gummy bears

[Jakexe]

When my liver failed I spent months shitting blood. Just blood everywhere. I would also throw up blood but it wasn't quite as horrendous as the explosive blood diarrhea.

[TITAN308]

Holding a fart in public and then sneezing always wins hands down.

There is quite literally nothing you can do. That moment when you realize what is about to happen and you are absolutely powerless to stop it. Oh you can try and most people do, but fate has dealt you your cards.

#snartinglivesmatter

[Graeham]

I have a pretty high threshold for pain which - for those who know me - means that something is seriously wrong when I state that something hurts. A few years back I became aware of a sharp pain in the right side of my stomach. It came out of nowhere and wouldn't cease. I decided to try and sleep it off, tossing and turning through the night. The next day I felt even worse. I had a fever and the sharp pain had been joined with a constant throbbing sensation. My mum was understandably worried and took me to the hospital.

I waited for a few hours to be seen, I was examined and despite me stating that I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong the doctor brushed it off as a stomach bug. By that point I was throwing up periodically, unable to keep anything down. I was given anti-sickness tablets and sent home. That evening I threw up even with the anti-sickness tablets and passed out as the pain from my side grew unbearable.

I was rushed to the hospital again. This time at midnight. The second doctor was quick to diagnose me - stating that my appendix was very close to bursting and that I'd need an emergency operation. I was warned that it might not succeed without complications. My mum was terrified. I was put to sleep and operated on. When I woke up my mum was standing over me and crying. The surgeons had repeatedly tried and failed to wake me up but I'd had an allergic reaction to the chemicals pumped into me...in addition to being super weak by having a close-to-bursting appendix cut out.

I vaguely remember my mother's voice calling to me...and then waking up. For a few hours after that I was in a complete daze - especially since I had a device stuck in my arm that allowed me to pump a regulated amount of morphine into my system whenever the pain got too unbearable. I was recovering in the hospital for about...five days, I think. I remember begging a doctor to let me go home to recover - though I wasn't allowed to move much due to the stitches holding my flesh together. Due to how intense the operation was the cut into me was bigger than usual - so the scar, too, is slightly bigger than expected. Luckily it has faded considerably over time though.

TLDR version: My appendix almost burst and then I had an allergic reaction on the operating table. High pain thresholds are also pretty dangerous.

[Deleted]

I have a pretty high threshold for pain which - for those who know me - means that something is seriously wrong when I state that something hurts. A few years back I became aware of a sharp pain in the right side of my stomach. It came out of nowhere and wouldn't cease. I decided to try and sleep it off, tossing and turning through the night. The next day I felt even worse. I had a fever and the sharp pain had been joined with a constant throbbing sensation. My mum was understandably worried and took me to the hospital.

I waited for a few hours to be seen, I was examined and despite me stating that I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong the doctor brushed it off as a stomach bug. By that point I was throwing up periodically, unable to keep anything down. I was given anti-sickness tablets and sent home. That evening I threw up even with the anti-sickness tablets and passed out as the pain from my side grew unbearable.

I was rushed to the hospital again. This time at midnight. The second doctor was quick to diagnose me - stating that my appendix was very close to bursting and that I'd need an emergency operation. I was warned that it might not succeed without complications. My mum was terrified. I was put to sleep and operated on. When I woke up my mum was standing over me and crying. The surgeons had repeatedly tried and failed to wake me up but I'd had an allergic reaction to the chemicals pumped into me...in addition to being super weak by having a close-to-bursting appendix cut out.

I vaguely remember my mother's voice calling to me...and then waking up. For a few hours after that I was in a complete daze - especially since I had a device stuck in my arm that allowed me to pump a regulated amount of morphine into my system whenever the pain got too unbearable. I was recovering in the hospital for about...five days, I think. I remember begging a doctor to let me go home to recover - though I wasn't allowed to move much due to the stitches holding my flesh together. Due to how intense the operation was the cut into me was bigger than usual - so the scar, too, is slightly bigger than expected. Luckily it has faded considerably over time though.

TLDR version: My appendix almost burst and then I had an allergic reaction on the operating table. High pain thresholds are also pretty dangerous.

Dude Are you a redhead by any chance?

My own story of my body failing me involves food poisoning and stuff coming out of both ends. In a moment of panic, unsure which end was the next to erupt I sat on the loo and instead projectile vomited green sticky bile 10ft across the bathroom. This landed perfectly on the top of the radiator and dripped down between the fins . It was winter, the heating was on.... it was foul. We tried for weeks after to clean it out. We eventually gave up and paid a plumber a few hundred quid to swap out the radiator.

[ItachiZaku]

a whole cereal box's worth of Fiber One then ate most

My image of you is blown.

Speaking of blown, when I drink a lot.. like, A LOT, to the point that I'll vom... I always do so while on the pot. I've been wanting to try to triple myself, but I'm usually not in the mood for the third when the other 2 are imminent.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Every time a thread like this pops up, I am reminded of this gem, and so, I present to you: Hours of lost time and many laughs, provided courtesy of amazon and Haribo Sugar Free Gummy bears

Fucking fake sugar crap. Got me, my cousin and my sister when we were younger. Thank god we have 2 toilets.

[Gamdwelf]

See thread title.

Mine was when I decided to mix a whole cereal box's worth of Fiber One into some homemade trail mix for a camping trip, and then ate most of the trail mix in one day.

The next day was horrible.

Do you not normally eat enough fiber?

For me probably tearing my meniscus several times.

[derpkitteh]

last summer, summer of 2015, i got sick at the very start of it.

idk what it was. but i now know what the prisoners of gitmo experienced, in terms of "enhanced interrogation". it lasted 3 days, and i maybe slept for 30 minutes in those whole three days. i literally had to sit on the toilet all day and night, because almost every time i moved it was not a good thing. 3 days, i sat there in various positions in the bathroom, finally breaking down and laying in the floor to give my body some amount of rest only to have to shoot back up onto the toilet, and grab the trash can because i had to throw up too.

and then, after all of this had finally passed, i tried to lay down and sleep. it was better than any feeling i have ever felt. i've had sex, i've pee'd after having to hold it for an hour, i've done a lot of things, but there was nothing better than that moment of sleep. until i woke up. i woke up to horrible, horrible pain, worse than any toothache i had ever felt. it was my gallbladder, apparently getting sick had caused it to become inflamed. so, i had to get that taken out after a couple months.

all in all, it was probably the worst experience of my life. if anyone ever says sleep deprivation isn't torture, laugh in their fucking face and maybe slap them. because it is torture.

[Bartumus22]

Imagine you have eaten a huge meal the night before and went immediately to bed. Now imagine being woken up by a text from your boss to get your ass down to the hospital to pick up someone, and in your sleep deprived state you thought it was a good idea to drink Cuban coffee and eat a fiber bar. 32 minutes later.....well, nature. Needless to say, my morning routine has changed.

[zenkai]

- - - Updated - - -

See thread title.

Mine was when I decided to mix a whole cereal box's worth of Fiber One into some homemade trail mix for a camping trip, and then ate most of the trail mix in one day.

The next day was horrible.

Last year, I got some sort of really bad stomach bug. I don't think I ever threw up and crapped so much in a 12 hour period, and it was happening all night long. In my entire life it was the first time I ever hugged a trash can while sitting on the toilet. Then I would go drink water afterward just to say hydrated. At 5am after one of those incidents I emailed my boss telling him I wasn't coming into work. Around 8 I called into work to make sure they didn't need anything and I couldn't talk, I had thrown up so much I lost my voice. It took almost 2 weeks before I talked normal again.

[Jimmy Recard]

When i was younger my best mate's old man was injured ( Not sure how ) and wasn't allowed/able to work much but he helped one of his friends run a sushi shop and in turn we always had sushi at lunch during school as he lived right across the road.

Well one day during recess we thought it would be an awesome idea to see who could hold 3 tablespoons of wasabi in our mouths the longest, We held it in our mouths for 3 and a hour hours till we both thought enough was enough and threw in the towels.Our mouths were a sickly grey for a few days and completely fucked my taste buds, milk tastes like cardboard.
That was 12 years ago and they are still cactus.

[Dezerte]

My throat hurt so bad I could just about drink a glass of water per day, this continued for about 2 months - I lost so much weight. Then came part two, the pain had moved down into my intestines and the hour after I ever ate anything it was hell, I had trouble breathing even... and now I was shitting blood and diarrhea.

I'm better now, sort of.

[Kapadons]

I trusted a fart.... Didn't end well


One time I accidentally peed all over my pants at work. Dropped my drawers, sat on this skinny little toilet and tackle didn't fall between my legs and dangle down. As always, had to pee for the before the backend starts and proceeded to piss straight forward for 5 full second and all over my slacks. That was awkward moment

[Independent voter]

In high school I knew I had to get up before class and give a presentation. I also knew I didn't want a raging election while I was standing before the class. So I had a raging election. Even thinking of grandma did help.

[Theodarzna]

...... on a camping trip a certain monthly visitor came a tad earlier than expected..... I forgot to pack pads. -_-



Technically my body was working properly, I just didn't prepare for it.

[General Junos]

I've had gastrointestinal issues my entire life. Few years ago, they were the worst ever. First an abdominal infection which lead to three days in the hospital. Then my gallbladder had to be removed. Then my stomach couldn't handle 90% of food, had to go on FODMAP. (It sucks, FYI.) Felt better, decided to have a hamburger. Poor decision. My stomach did NOT want to digest it. It literally sat in my stomach for close to 24 hours. Feeling sick and pissed off, I forced myself to throw it up. Nice red spots all over my face and eyes, but I felt better! Two weeks later, made the stupid decision to have a brat. Same problem, rinse and repeat the solution.

A month later, my stomach was feeling better, I was eating normally, everything was great. Until my husband caught the stomach flu from someone at work. Now, when my husband gets something, I catch it from him about ten times worse. A cold for him is a flu for me, and all that nonsense. So every night for about a week, and I have no idea why it was night, but it was, I would have to sit on the toilet for 3+ hours while holding a bucket. The things that came out of my body were just... wrong. Probably lost about 10 pounds between not being able to eat and purging EVERYTHING that I could eat.