Does your SO complain alot?

[Azadina]

Because 2 threads gives you so much insight

Enough to see that she clearly tolerates more stuff than I would. You need to listen to her, unless you want to find out where her line is with that.

[Deleted]

Enough to see that she clearly tolerates more stuff than I would.

What woulnd u tolerate? A man having a snack from time to time? a man doing less chores than you while he works more? A man contradicting you? Please do explain where you draw the line.

[jackofwind]

I came here asking how other SO's are. I asked thát.
I didnt ask anyone to judge me on half facts and no background story.

And yet here we are. You have been judged and found wanting, so are you too proud or stubborn to do something about it?

I think you are.

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What woulnd u tolerate? A man having a snack from time to time? a man doing less chores than you while he works more? A man contradicting you? Please do explain where you draw the line.

The spin is so real when you go back and read the OP. It's glorious.

[Deleted]

And yet here we are. You have been judged and found wanting, so are you too proud or stubborn to do something about it?

I think you are.

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The spin is so real when you go back and read the OP. It's glorious.

I refuse to see how shes in her "right" to tell me not to eat shit and not get fat while i count my calories and not gain weight.
I refuse to accept that she complains that i shoulnd drink and drive when i never ever drank and drove.

[Celista]

Yes, and no.

"Ideology" can help change what people view as fair, equal or right, I think. If she wasn't so into libertarian and anti-feminist ideology, she probably wouldn't have so many arguments in her head why men need more support from their women. She also often says that white women are the most privileged group in existence in modern day society, so I imagine that also helps with her view that she should do a bit more to compensate for that?

Feminism is about equal treatment in society (economic opportunity, political rights and representation, etc). Being right-wing, whatever doesn't really matter in regards to relationship styles, I guess some ideologies are bigger proponents of one relationship style over another but I know a lot of left-wing individuals in very conventional relationships. There are two major types of relationships in the US: egalitarian (men and women both work, split chores, childcare equally) and conventional (one partner stays home, takes care of kids, the other goes to work).

I am not sure why she thinks "men need more support from their women", and that she "should do a bit more to compensate for that", that sounds weird to me. Both relationship types work, both partners should support one another equally (albeit in different ways, depending on the relationship model). One partner should not expect to be treated like a prince/princess while the other partner's wants and needs are ignored, no matter the relationship type that is a recipe for discontent and typically a breakup.

[Azadina]

What woulnd u tolerate? A man having a snack from time to time? a man doing less chores than you while he works more? A man contradicting you? Please do explain where you draw the line.

From time to time you say? You said it yourself how you are on 500kcal deficit every day. Yet somehow your weight remains unchanged after all that time? You sure you told us just how much snacks and drinks it is, and how often? Less chores while working more? That's a lazy excuse, and no, I wouldn't buy it for a second.

Everyone would work some hours more to avoid dishes, dusting and all that. So make a guess why it doesn't fly.

[Deleted]

From time to time you say? You said it yourself how you are on 500kcal deficit every day. Yet somehow your weight remains unchanged after all that time? You sure you told us just how much snacks and drinks it is, and how often? Less chores while working more? That's a lazy excuse, and no, I wouldn't buy it for a second.

What i do is i count a 500 deficit and use that 500 deficit in the evening for snacking. (so eventually it evens out to 0) What makes it ez is that i can just cut evening snacks in order to lose weight. Or i up the cardio.

If i get home at 19:00 and she did the cooking at 17:00 its pretty logical she already did the dishes.

[Celista]

Unless she wants to be set back 150k she better.

You kindof sound like the stereotype of a woman/man who becomes comfortable in a relationship and stops trying once s/he knows that their partner is committed and therefore cannot leave easily (whether due to kids, purchase of a home, or marriage).

This is not going to bode well in the long run.

Let me give you the benefit of the doubt for a minute. Let's assume you haven't been slacking off with the chores or let yourself go recently...sometimes partners with commitment issues start becoming highly critical of their partner after making a big step like marriage/home purchase/children, you can google "attachment theory" if you want. It is a way for a partner to gain distance in a relationship after taking things to the next step.

[Deleted]

You kindof sound like the stereotype of a woman/man who becomes comfortable in a relationship and stops trying once s/he knows that their partner is committed and therefore cannot leave easily (whether due to kids, purchase of a home, or marriage).

This is not going to bode well in the long run.

Let me give you the benefit of the doubt for a minute. Let's assume you haven't been slacking off with the chores or let yourself go recently...sometimes partners with commitment issues start becoming highly critical of their partner after making a big step like marriage/home purchase/children, you can google "attachment theory" if you want. It is a way for a partner to gain distance in a relationship after taking things to the next step.

Its pretty easy to say this on a forum but im not like that. Maybe one day ill reveal who i am and you will know.
I know its the major points in live where your contemplating the rest of your future. "is he the one" "dont i want something else" etc. Cold feet.
Doesnt make it any less anoying.

[Azadina]

What i do is i count a 500 deficit and use that 500 deficit in the evening for snacking. (so eventually it evens out to 0) What makes it ez is that i can just cut evening snacks in order to lose weight. Or i up the cardio.

If i get home at 19:00 and she did the cooking at 17:00 its pretty logical she already did the dishes.

How so? I've never seen anyone do dishes right away. Only once there's enough to be worth doing.

[Deleted]

How so? I've never seen anyone do dishes right away. Only once there's enough to be worth doing.

Unless your a person that hates looking at dirty dishes?
On a personal note I always do the dishes straight away. Even so while cooking.
Good news though: were getting a dishwasher in the new house.

[jackofwind]

I refuse to see how shes in her "right" to tell me not to eat shit and not get fat while i count my calories and not gain weight.
I refuse to accept that she complains that i shoulnd drink and drive when i never ever drank and drove.

I see you refusing to see a lot of things in this thread, and I don't think it's a stretch to assume that you act the same way in real life.

That's why you have relationship problems.

[Dkm2]

Alright man, I see your pain!!

I came back to WoW 1 week ago, after about 1 1/2 years of not playing. in that time we have had a baby boy who is 10 months old, and have bought a house. I only log on after the boys are asleep and I have completed a days of work, or on the weekend, and done my "choirs". I shit you not that this last week has been hell...

"Do you love me"? - of course I do!
"Do you think i'm still pretty"? - only the prettiest woman I have ever seen!
"I don't think i am pretty".... well, well i do!

Its like I go to turn on WoW and she goes automatically into HEAT.

I don't know what to do, We have our date nights AND movie nights. Tonight is one of them.

I feel your pain brother. But honestly, I tell her that this is my time. Going through the week dropping kids off, picking them up, cooking dinner (because lets face it i'm a 5 star cook compared to her) and doing odd jobs around the house, including cleaning. this is my way to unwind... a few beers included.

GOOD LUCK!

[Azadina]

Unless your a person that hates looking at dirty dishes?
On a personal note I always do the dishes straight away. Even so while cooking.

Suppose. I'm the person who hates doing dishes more than anything.

On another note, Celista has a good point. If your SO is sizing you up for future now, how do you imagine constant snacking looks? Very lazy, that's how. Doesn't really matter if you count calories or not, it's how it already looks. So, how will she know that it won't get far worse sooner or later?

[NoRest4Wicked]

Shit, I work 40 hours a week and my wife works none and I still find time to help around the house. And I do so without bitching about it. You live there, you help dirty it, you should be expected to help clean up after yourself.

[Ulfric Trumpcloak]

WTH does SO even mean?

[NoRest4Wicked]

WTH does SO even mean?

Significant Other.

[Soluna]

These complaints are nothing mate. For the chores, I am pretty sure that she complains because you don't look after YOUR mess. If she wants you to clean up after your mess, and HER mess, even though you work more than her, ditch her.
For the appearance things, if she doesn't like them, ditch her too.
I am in a 4 years relationship with a person that I really love and she loves me back. We complain to each other sometimes but we instantly apologise if we are at fault, sometimes even trying to take the blame even when the other one is the one that did something wrong. Because we try to understand each other, show patience, kindness and forgive. But then again, we love each other so much that we have no problems with each other's appearance, even if we aren't perfect. As for complains, yesterday I forgot to clean the toast machine, she showed her displease towards my actions and I cleaned it and apologised, we spent a wonderful and fun evening after. A week ago she was too lazy to clean her plate after lunch, after I noticed it I showed my displease towards it. She then cleaned the plate, apologised and we had a nice afternoon. We have had bigger fights too, but we always forgive each other really fast. If you really feel like you have to rant on a forum about your relationship, then I think that it is the time to turn a new page in your life - and maybe change yourself a bit too.

[General Junos]

My husband doesn't, but I do. Though it's more along the lines of:

"My stomach hurts."
"My hip hurts."
"I'm in a bad mood."
"I'm tired."

More whining than complaining, I guess. *shrug*

Although, I -do- bitch when he comes home drunk in any way, shape or form. I'm the one who ALWAYS has to clean up if he winds up vomiting because he never gets to the sink or the toilet or a garbage can in time.

[Deleted]

My husband doesn't, but I do. Though it's more along the lines of:

"My stomach hurts."
"My hip hurts."
"I'm in a bad mood."
"I'm tired."

More whining than complaining, I guess. *shrug*

Although, I -do- bitch when he comes home drunk in any way, shape or form. I'm the one who ALWAYS has to clean up if he winds up vomiting because he never gets to the sink or the toilet or a garbage can in time.

Dont get me started on that. I forgot about that for a moment.