Family jokes

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
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I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
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The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it.
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Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
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When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
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My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
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Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids... ... ...Eat them!
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Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough.
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Our family motto is "Who took my phone charger?"
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Why are Fathers like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
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I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold ... ... ... and eaten..
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What's the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
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You might be a redneck if… you go to a family reunion looking for a girlfriend.
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You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.