Do you think physical discipline on a child ever teaches anything good?

[Maglen]

Absolutely yes.

Children don't rationalize like adults do and sometimes you simply needs to do things differently.

For example. I keep a 1.5-2ft 2x4 on the mantle with the word EDUCATION written on it and I call it the Board of Education. On the back of it is written reasons for it's use:

1) Lying
2) Stealing
3) Being somewhere without telling us where he is / where he's going

My boy knows that if he's ever caught doing either one of those, he is going to get a spanking. Now, every child lies. I know it, you know it, but I always give him the opportunity to come clean first. We are constantly telling him he will get in less trouble (probably a stern talking to) if he just comes clean. The spanking is never in anger and never harder than it needs to be.

But ultimately what this does is it establishes rules and boundaries. The rules are X and if you don't do X, Y is the result. Before any spanking we tell him what he did wrong, and most importantly how to fix it so it doesn't happen again.

He's 11 now and I've had to use it maybe 4 times? Possibly 5.

Setting boundaries is important.

[Nnyco]

Children don't rationalize like adults do and sometimes you simply needs to do things differently.

thats some nice bullshit excuse, kids can and will rationalize if you do it the right way

and what the fuck "board of EDUCATION" why would you even have that
only thing you gonna teach your kid is that if he doesnt behave, his parent gonna run around with his crazy-board

[DoctorDoomkin]

What you went through was NOT physical discipline. That is physical abuse. I am sorry for you for being born into a dysfunctional family who didn't treat you better.

But, to answer your question: It can, but only if done right. I have had physical discipline done to my brother and I, but they know when to back off when it is either not working, or it is too much. I remember my mother telling me that she used to spank my brother with a fly swatter until he started shouting that he was not a fly. After that, she looked for other answers to discipline us.

I had an incident with my dad, although I did pop my mouth at him, hit me across the jaw. He recognized that he was in the wrong, apologized and made up for going overboard.

In either case, it did set a boundary to us that we do not cross again.


It can work, but only if done right and it actually results in a change of behaviour that is positive. It's a case by case scenario and needs to be judged carefully to ensure the child is raised correctly. Some kids can change by talking to them. Some kids need time out to stop them from crossing boundaries. Some kids need a kick in the other direction.

[Flatspriest]

There is a huge difference between discipline and abuse. Disciplining teaches a child that there are consequences for their actions while abuse is merely sadistic and is meant for pleasuring the one giving the abuse. If pain done in moderation as a teaching tool only to show the child that what they have done is not acceptable, and not done to the point of leaving marks or more than what is necessary, then it is good to teach them to watch what they do, as there are going to be consequences for their actions.

[Cuppy]

Physical discpline, hmm well it very much depends on the level of of it.

No.

Either you are hitting someone who is not capable of operating rationally, or you are hitting someone who is capable of operating rationally.

If the first, why are you blaming them for what they did wrong? They don't know what they're doing anyway, 'punishment' won't make sense.
If the second, why are you hitting them? You should be able to explain the problem.

Just because children aren't rational, or don't understand certain things, doesn't mean children cannot make their own decisions from time to time.
I've gotten my share from mom, some hair tucking and snap of finger to forehead - What did it do to me?
I cannot do whatever I want. I respect others. I have never gotten into a fight.

It doesn't make your kid grow up thinking beating is good, it can make them think that if they fuck around, they can get beaten the shit out - Which is absolutely true.
Just fucking look at people these days. Earlier intervention to fucking around too much could have made things a bit easier. Now we have kids doing K.O games and beathing others on a clown suit. Why? Not sure but maybe consequences of actions could have been made clear, even if it took a snap to forehead or tight grab from hair.

[Cuppy]

ITT: people wanting to punch children.

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but seriously if you can't explain something to a child, you're the lost cause not them.

You can explain, I can explain quantum mechanics to a 1 year old. Sure. I can explain a lot of things to whatever I want, but the question is do they understand it?
Lost cause. Lol

[Raelbo]

Yes.

Children don't always understand why what they're doing is wrong and no level of conversation with help them understand (at certain ages). A spanking here or there will carry them to the point where you can explain it in words and they will understand.

Am I promoting spanking any time a child misbehaves? No. It's a last measure but should be within a parents tool box.

Pretty spot on here. When done appropriately and in moderation, a bit of physical discipline is important. There is truth in the old adage of "spare the rod, spoil the child".

In truth if done correctly, any kind of spanking should be something that is hardly ever required.

I have not spanked my kids a lot at all, in fact there have been very few occasions where it has been necessary. A great example was when my twins decided to take their seatbelts off because they weren't getting what they wanted. They must've been about 3 or 4 at the time. I gave them 1 warning to put their seatbelts back on immediately. They said "no". I stopped the car got out and gave them both a firm whack on the bum. Since we hardly ever spank them it was exactly what was needed. I have never had an issue with seatbelts since.

[Strawberry]

Absolutely. I got quite a few good beatings from my dad when I was a kid. And I was a nasty kid. But I always thought twice about doing something because I thought "hmmm, if I do this how much beating would I get?".
I had a lot of respect for 30+ people.
Kids today get everything, don't get beaten up and are such brats. Yes, physical discipline is something that we need for kids.
But OP your problem is different, I was beaten, but my parents loved me. You were abused, I was just disciplined.

[Cuppy]

so instead of learning to be a good person to help those around you, you do it from a fear of violence. Interesting.

I heavily assume you do not have kids. When you do, we can talk more.
Otherwise this is pointless. But I respect your view, and I very much agree that physical discipline should only be used as last resort.
IF you can go through those twenty years without physical discipline, it's the best possible solution I can think of.

[Magemaer]

Well i used to not believe in physical punishment, but i came to change my mind by actually observing a growing child and its educational effect. Given that i am talking about a loving and caring family, and not a dysfunctional one. I'm talking about decent parents, not jerks. And ofc always the physical punishment should aim at causing a little bit of pain without actually hurting the child, you hit safe places like the bum and don't use much strength.

I would establish 2 important divisors: speech and reasoning. Speech will start around 1, reason will develop through different stages and they'll only be able to reason fully around 15.

Physical punishment can work as two things: as a warning of danger and pain, or as a boundary.
A warning is used mostly with kids pre-speech when for some reason there's something in your home that might hurt the child (say almost everything in the kitchen). When he tries to mess with it he get a spank as a warning. He'll associate this reaction with the place/thing and will avoid it (how much depends on his stubbornness).
A boundary is used when they can already understand your speech and you need to establish resonable limits to his action. The ones i established from early on were never hurt your mother, don't disobey serious orders, don't go too far away from parents or grandparents. You don't want to establish boundaries for anything trivial, but for actually important stuff. It needs to be reasonable, well justified and aim at the child safety and at his character development. These boundaries will change through the years, but they should always be enforced. It's used in combination with talking and explaining.

0-1 year: no point in spanking except as warnings for dangerous things, very weak spanking
1-4 years: this is period that will require most spanks. Boundary establishment, behavior teaching. Use it as one of the tools for teaching them restraint and discipline, cornerstones of character
4-15 years: will be used sparingly, just in case they cross well known boundaries. Smart conversation will be way more effective for teaching them.

The thing is i don't like physical punishment by principle. It seems to me to hurt the dignity we should always reserve for human beings. The thing is it's extremely effective as a teaching tool for growing humans. I came to accept its usefulness. You just gotta be rational about it and avoid abusing the system to vent out rage or get them to do anything you want (in which case you're being a bad parent)

[Strawberry]

I dunno there are a lot of people who teach quantum mechanics to children without much sweat and they seem to understand and apply it

https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-ex...o-a-9-year-old

if a baby is 1 year old it's not going to understand why you're hitting it. So what would the point be.

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so instead of learning to be a good person to help those around you, you do it from a fear of violence. Interesting.

Yeah, and I turned out great! Never had any issues with authority, have respect for other people. I'm nice and have a job in the government.
I also know a lot of kids who sit on their asses doing nothing because their parents gave them everything. Just a week ago I met a couple of teenagers who had zero respect for me telling them that they have parked in the spot that doesn't belong to them (it was mine). They refused to leave and instead said "if I take down the parking sign then it won't be yours anymore".
Something tells me that if I beat he shit out of them they would have thought differently. If words are not effective on kids who should understand right or wrong, how do you possibly expect the same on kids who don't understand it?

[Deleted]

I dunno there are a lot of people who teach quantum mechanics to children without much sweat and they seem to understand and apply it

https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-ex...o-a-9-year-old

if a baby is 1 year old it's not going to understand why you're hitting it. So what would the point be.

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so instead of learning to be a good person to help those around you, you do it from a fear of violence. Interesting.

Grasping straws hard are we there mate? You found an extreme exception and try to pass it off as a rule. That's not how things work.
Also nobody is talking about spanking 1 year old toddlers here. This time you made an over-exaggeration and deliberate misrepresentation of our cases.

You should be ashamed of yourself for being this deliberetly obtuse.

[twiddler]

so instead of learning to be a good person to help those around you, you do it from a fear of violence. Interesting.

What happens when there is no longer a fear of violence?

Every broken home knows how effective a beating is. What happens when your little boy is now a 15 year old 6 footer, rebelling, and pretty much able to beat the shit out of you? Mom and dad and her broom stick and his cable will no longer teach you the consequences. All those years people wasted in physically "disciplining" their kids when they should have actually been there unravels.

[Strawberry]

>have respect for other people
>if I beat he shit out of them they would have thought differently

mmmmhmmm



Teaching.

Wow, way to twist my words. It's like you use the search button for specific words and then just quote them without reading the text. You don't seem to have anything constructive to write so I'm done with you.

[Crispin]

No ofcourse not.

[Cuppy]

"twisting my words"

>literally quotes.

Quotes taken from a concept. Check this out:

wanting to punch children.

I beat he shit out of them they would have thought differently

Your words, not quite the message tho.

[Darkeon]

Physical Discipline? Yes.
Going further than that? No.

[Nnyco]

You can explain, I can explain quantum mechanics to a 1 year old. Sure. I can explain a lot of things to whatever I want, but the question is do they understand it?
Lost cause. Lol

with the same logic, will an one year old understand a beating? your post makes no sense

[Daedius]

For kids today, the looming threat of taking away their internet is far more effective than a spank on the buttock.

[Deleted]

Yes.

Children don't always understand why what they're doing is wrong and no level of conversation with help them understand (at certain ages). A spanking here or there will carry them to the point where you can explain it in words and they will understand.

Am I promoting spanking any time a child misbehaves? No. It's a last measure but should be within a parents tool box.

Beating kids? Do you realise its 2016 right?