Do you think physical discipline on a child ever teaches anything good?

[Silver Forte]

Aggression and fear teach aggression and fear. Same principle behind why you don't hit dogs.

[Daedius]

with the same logic, will an one year old understand a beating? your post makes no sense

Behaviour is more comprehensible to a them than verbal. They associate good and bad behaviour with things they like and don't like.

Do something good? Get rewarded with praise, or a treat, or whatever.
Do something bad? Get the time-out corner, etc.

[Gestopft]

Children don't rationalize like adults do and sometimes you simply needs to do things differently.

Even young children can understand consequences without being hit though. Shit, dogs can understand consequences, and children will have passed most any dog by the time they are two and a half.

I have not spanked my kids a lot at all, in fact there have been very few occasions where it has been necessary. A great example was when my twins decided to take their seatbelts off because they weren't getting what they wanted. They must've been about 3 or 4 at the time. I gave them 1 warning to put their seatbelts back on immediately. They said "no". I stopped the car got out and gave them both a firm whack on the bum. Since we hardly ever spank them it was exactly what was needed. I have never had an issue with seatbelts since.

I think that if the child is old enough to know what is being asked, or know what the boundary is, that following through on consequences is the most important thing. In this case, you showed that you are willing to enforce the boundaries, and they understood that. Couldn't you have stopped the car and waited until they were buckled (repeating if necessary)? Wouldn't that have gotten the same point across without having to spank?

[Independent voter]

Spanking is a tool in the parental tool box. Say you have a 2 year old son who's very jealous of his new sister so much so that he's hitting her and it's starting to become dangerous.

You can sit him down and talk to him but he won't understand much at that age. A swat on the butt will get his attention and usually solve the problem. He might not be able to understand the situation but he'll understand that he doesn't want another swat on the butt.

[Crillam]

There are other ways to show a child that they have done something wrong, to make them learn. But hurting them in a physical or even mental way is non of them if you ask me.

[Raelbo]

I think that if the child is old enough to know what is being asked, or know what the boundary is, that following through on consequences is the most important thing.

Yes of course. But then again this doesn't matter if they don't care about the consequences. Remember that small children operate in the here and now. So future consequences are essentially meaningless to them.

In this case, you showed that you are willing to enforce the boundaries, and they understood that. Couldn't you have stopped the car and waited until they were buckled (repeating if necessary)? Wouldn't that have gotten the same point across without having to spank?

I doubt it and to put it bluntly I do not believe that the risk (of fatal injury due to traffic accident) warranted your proposed "theoretical" course of action. Quite frankly to me it's astounding that a complete stranger should, not having been there, and clearly with little empathy as to the actual situation, be so judgmental.

No offense, but you don't sound like you have any parenting experience. It has been my observation that actually being a parent (not just me, but everyone around me) alters one's perceptions on how to deal with such issues while non-parents simply find it easy to pass judgement without having a clue what they're on about.

[Cuppy]

Well only the first part was actually my words.

Nevertheless, you got the idea?

What someone said about toolbox, it's a very good word for it.
It's good to have wide arrange of tools. At the end of day, we're only trying to fix things, and sometimes there are tools you don't need - But when you DO need them, it's good to have them
That's why just blindly taking a tool out of a toolbox is not a good idea.
Telling -> Telling with a raised voice -> Eye contact face to face with raised voice -> A lot of other things to try -> physical discipline.
Main idea is to get our kids think and understand shit, and since we all are quite different, it might take different tools.
Peace.

[Nnyco]

Nevertheless, you got the idea?

What someone said about toolbox, it's a very good word for it.
It's good to have wide arrange of tools. At the end of day, we're only trying to fix things, and sometimes there are tools you don't need - But when you DO need them, it's good to have them
That's why just blindly taking a tool out of a toolbox is not a good idea.
Telling -> Telling with a raised voice -> Eye contact face to face with raised voice -> A lot of other things to try -> physical discipline.
Main idea is to get our kids think and understand shit, and since we all are quite different, it might take different tools.
Peace.

you still dont fix a doorknob with a sledge hammer, just because you have a "tool" doesnt mean you should use it

[Cuppy]

you still dont fix a doorknob with a sledge hammer, just because you have a "tool" doesnt mean you should use it

Well if that doorknob is covered by a 20cm thick layer of ice, I guarantee you smash it with a sledgehammer instead of poking it witha screwdriver?

By putting every kid to a same mold, how they should be handled etc.. Not sure if you really mean it or are you just against physical discipline so much it blinds you from thinking.

[Deleted]

I think a correcting slap can be used in the very worst of scenario's, but never any more than that. Physical violence is honestly seldomly the awnser to anything. However I do believe that swatting a child on the bum or something like that can be used in situations where they need to be reminded of their place.

[Bad Management]

If you mean physical as in grabbing and holding at eye level while scolding, sure.
If you mean by any means violence, like spanking, pinching or hitting, no.

Degrading a person with violence will never teach anything else but malice and resentment.
I grew up under what sounds like similar circumstances as you, OP, with drugs, violence and drama.
I was the youngest in a flock of three, and I'm the only one still alive of these to this day.
Don't EVER punish your children with violence.

[Nnyco]

Well if that doorknob is covered by a 20cm thick layer of ice, I guarantee you smash it with a sledgehammer instead of poking it witha screwdriver?

By putting every kid to a same mold, how they should be handled etc.. Not sure if you really mean it or are you just against physical discipline so much it blinds you from thinking.

and break the doorknob in the process

the same could also be said about you, trying to defend yourself that hittin your kids is okay and being blinded by it from thinking

[Deleted]

Yes. Children are like animals the first few years. If you're slapping your child without showing him love and compassion afterwards and reminding him of his mistakes you're doing it wrong though.

[Cuppy]

and break the doorknob in the process

the same could also be said about you, trying to defend yourself that hittin your kids is okay and being blinded by it from thinking

No, not breaking the doorknob, just taking the ice out. You can try and talk that ice to nicely melt away, but at some point you realize it's pointless.
And here's the difference; I'm not defending shit, especially hitting your kids. But I can tell, just by reading your sentece that you only see HITTING and PUNISHMENT and BADBADBAD. (We're talking afaik, about physical discipline which doesn't turn out to me as HITTING, BEATING and PUNISHING BADBAD)
But like said, pointless to argue.

[Berengil]

It teaches them that the powerful can use violence to enforce their will over the weak. So...no.

Think what corporal punishment is: using physical pain to compel someone else's behavior.

There's a word for that: torture.

A grown adult using physical force against a child ( other than restraining them from hurting themselves or someone else) is a contemptible coward.

[Nnyco]

No, not breaking the doorknob, just taking the ice out. You can try and talk that ice to nicely melt away, but at some point you realize it's pointless.
And here's the difference; I'm not defending shit, especially hitting your kids. But I can tell, just by reading your sentece that you only see HITTING and PUNISHMENT and BADBADBAD. (We're talking afaik, about physical discipline which doesn't turn out to me as HITTING, BEATING and PUNISHING BADBAD)
But like said, pointless to argue.

considerin you are still in this thread pretty much proves you have the need to defend yourself still, anyway like you said argue is pointless here =p

hitting children only teaches them that you didnt like what they did and then will do the same, hit someone because they didnt like what someone did and the circle goes on and on

[Cuppy]

considerin you are still in this thread pretty much proves you have the need to defend yourself still, anyway like you said argue is pointless here =p

Well yeah I kinda think the point of discussion is to see a.... well, point?
And here I try to drive a point where physical discipline is not seen as bad, but as a tool.
I see your point of not hitting, which I agree. Do you see my point of physical discipline being a good tool for growing up responsible adults? I don't think so, but please tell if I'm wrong

hitting children only teaches them that you didnt like what they did and then will do the same, hit someone because they didnt like what someone did and the circle goes on and on

To me it taught that if I fuck around, there are consequences. The more I fuck up, the bigger the consequence is. If I go around telling everyone to eat a bag of dicks, I might get fucked up. If I go out there calling people shitcunts, I might get called out as assmuncher. Consequences my friend.

[Acelius]

Welcome to the cause of the entitlement of Kids and teens of the 21st Century. Explaining something to someone won't stop them from doing it if they don't care about what you are explaining. Whereas the thought in the back of their mind of "Ï better not do this or I'll get an asswhooping"generally does deter it.

Yeah, having your child fear you is clearly the way to go

[Nnyco]

To me it taught that if I fuck around, there are consequences. The more I fuck up, the bigger the consequence is. If I go around telling everyone to eat a bag of dicks, I might get fucked up. If I go out there calling people shitcunts, I might get called out as assmuncher. Consequences my friend.

yet you ignore the main consequence, that violence will only lead to more violence

[Cuppy]

yet you ignore the main consequence, that violence will only lead to more violence

Yet you ignore that it doesn't. By claiming it does, you kinda say that I'm a violent person. Wrong.