Why do nice guys exist?

[Crissi]

Obviously they aren't going to say that straight out, but we had one that tried to date their younger sister, and one that had multiple partners saddle them with debt upon ending the relationship.

These are men that they chose to date.

Here's the thing: before all that, he was as nice as nice could be. There was never any indication he was an asshole until AFTER the breakup, but please, try speaking for me some more. I do love it when men think they know what I actually want and my romantic history.

[minteK917]

Obviously they aren't going to say that straight out, but we had one that tried to date their younger sister, and one that had multiple partners saddle them with debt upon ending the relationship.

These are men that they chose to date.

Exactly, life lessons. I dated a few psycho, does it mean i prefer psychos? I personally dont think so.

[Tyrgannus]

I think theres plently of adults that realize this. Now im over 30 and this concept is even more obvious because women are kinda desperate in my age bracket. But even before that, i think less people seeks perfection out of high school. They have more of a priority of trait in someone. For example, i personally never put much emphasis on breast size honestly and while it is nice, there are more important traits that trade precedence when i dated.

And yet the percentage of single people is higher than ever, at least in the US. Perhaps the pendulum has swung too far and everyone assumes that everyone sucks too much? I honestly don't have the answer here.

[vindicatorx]

Because if everyone was an asshole girls wouldn't know who to friendzone.

[minteK917]

Sorry to nitpick, but this is a touch heteronormative, don't you think?

In this particular thread i thou we were only speaking about Men to Women. The assumptions being that women would only like bad men. Hence only women have the real answer to that. I dont think quality posters like Crissi and Dragonheart would be dishonest about it either. I cant even think of a single women id know that started dating someone because he started out an asshole.

Like i said, they dated assholes, that they thought were a nice person. Hence if nice guy dont work, how come assholes have to hide themselves as nice guys to get the date to begin with? Even as a man, my long term relationships were only with nice women, because they generally did not cause me problems. Theres a few psychos in there, that i thought were nice women, til complications arise.

[Tyrgannus]

In this particular thread i thou we were only speaking about Men to Women. The assumptions being that women would only like bad men. Hence only women have the real answer to that. I dont think quality posters like Crissi and Dragonheart would be dishonest about it either. I cant even think of a single women id know that started dating someone because he started out an asshole.

Again, totally agree. Heck, both Crissi and Dragonheart are on my mmo champ friends (shout out wut wut). I tend to try and see issues in the bigger picture than what was originally proposed. When a thread says "Why do nice guys exist?" I tend to think about that, though most tend to go more on the direction OP tried to lead it which is fine. People in general tend not to go for assholes because they are assholes. That is illogical. The amount of guys in this thread that think this way need a bit of a reality check.

[JadedTauren]

I dont know why im nice to people. But I cant find it in my heart to be an asshole to people.

[Gamdwelf]

Well, to some extent, people never really see that the "new person" is an asshole. Other people will see it, but they won't. Not right away, at least.

No one really says, "I want to date someone that's terrible!" and yet a huge number of relationships end up that way. Perhaps we're all just really shitty at picking up the signs, and perhaps some people really DO gravitate to assholes even if they don't realize it.

Exactly, nobody is saying they are going for an asshole, but continue to be drawn to people similar with the same traits time and time again or ignore friends warnings because of the initial attraction.

[minteK917]

Well, to some extent, people never really see that the "new person" is an asshole. Other people will see it, but they won't. Not right away, at least.

No one really says, "I want to date someone that's terrible!" and yet a huge number of relationships end up that way. Perhaps we're all just really shitty at picking up the signs, and perhaps some people really DO gravitate to assholes even if they don't realize it.

Nah i think that everyone kinda want to have someone, even assholes. The only real way to get someone, is to actually be nice to them at the very least, unless you are like a millionaire +. What is nice is subjective from people to people beside the bare minimum. Even hitler was nice to some people. Most of the relationship dont really end because only one person is terrible, we only think that because from our own perspective the person that we leave/leaves us has to be the asshole. The psycho's i left, were probably not psycho's for someone else, hell mabye the way i am simply made them react this way in the long run, who knows. Im pretty sure from their point of view, i was the asshole.

You are also not giving enough credit to the diversity of people. If one friend tells you someone annoys him, that same person might not annoy you. Therefore using friend advice on who is an asshole and who is not, is really not useful. This is what relationships are about, you gotta find out for yourself.

[Tart]

Who do you want to marry? The nice guy with the car, house and stable job? Or the exciting guy who is in debt, does drugs and would make a terrible father?

Easy choice.

Quite the picture you paint.

May i guess between 15 and 18?

[lazypeon100]

Obviously they aren't going to say that straight out, but we had one that tried to date their younger sister, and one that had multiple partners saddle them with debt upon ending the relationship.

These are men that they chose to date.

They also chose to break up with them once they realized they were assholes.

[minteK917]

Exactly, nobody is saying they are going for an asshole, but continue to be drawn to people similar with the same traits time and time again or ignore friends warnings because of the initial attraction.

Thats a healthy natural process. They will repeat this process until someone that have those same traits is able to give them a more fulfilling relationship. Probably an actual nice guy this time, that still meet those traits. Otherwise its gona be back to square one again, which is normal. Which is why they can report to you these relationships from the past.

[Deleted]

Because if everyone was an asshole girls wouldn't know who to friendzone.

This is oddly well phrased

[AcidicSyn]

What I learned today on MMO-C:

* The term "Nice Guy" applies only to men who are in fact using this as a guise to get into a woman's pants and in no way could ever apply to a man who is genuinely nice; as no truly nice man would ever actually be nice; as the simple act of being nice instantly discredits their niceness and thus they are scum.

* Women fall for that trick over and over again until they start to believe the above is fact.

* Genuinely nice men see point 2 taking place and allow themselves to believe women are doing this intentionally. Because I guess women hate themselves and actually enjoy the emotional trauma.

* Those same nice men from point 3 eventually get frustrated enough with their situation to try it on their best friend/crush and it sometimes succeeds. But then by pretending to be nice they inevitably end up shattering the trust their former friend and love interest had and completely ruin what could possibly have once been something beautiful; in which case they either embrace the aforementioned douchebaggery or withdraw back into their shells in shame.

* The now confused girl from point 4, having "confirmed" through life experience that all "nice" guys being motivated only by the pursuit of her vagina is a virtual certainty; becomes jaded; and goes on to trust the next guy just a bit less. Depending on how many times this has happened; culminating in complete loss of faith in the opposite sex expressed by the adaptation of the belief outlined in point 1.


Soo.....if I am getting this all down right; and please, by all means correct me where appropriate. People are shitty to each other and it's difficult to justify or understand? Or is this just another "Embrace the wild exquisite chaos that is life" dilemma?

[minteK917]

I think you just elucidated why arranged marriage is a better idea.

I personally prefer the chaos as a more fulfilling experience. Its better to have many shots at the roulette instead of just one shot.

[Deleted]

What I learned today on MMO-C:

* The term "Nice Guy" applies only to men who are in fact using this as a guise to get into a woman's pants and in no way could ever apply to a man who is genuinely nice; as no truly nice man would ever actually be nice; as the simple act of being nice instantly discredits their niceness and thus they are scum.

* Women fall for that trick over and over again until they start to believe the above is fact.

* Genuinely nice men see point 2 taking place and allow themselves to believe women are doing this intentionally. Because I guess women hate themselves and actually enjoy the emotional trauma.

* Those same nice men from point 3 eventually get frustrated enough with their situation to try it on their best friend/crush and it sometimes succeeds. But then by pretending to be nice they inevitably end up shattering the trust their former friend and love interest had and completely ruin what could possibly have once been something beautiful; in which case they either embrace the aforementioned douchebaggery or withdraw back into their shells in shame.

* The now confused girl from point 4, having "confirmed" through life experience that all "nice" guys being motivated only by the pursuit of her vagina is a virtual certainty; becomes jaded; and goes on to trust the next guy just a bit less. Depending on how many times this has happened; culminating in complete loss of faith in the opposite sex expressed by the adaptation of the belief outlined in point 1.


Soo.....if I am getting this all down right; and please, by all means correct me where appropriate. People are shitty to each other and it's difficult to justify or understand? Or is this just another "Embrace the wild exquisite chaos that is life" dilemma?

Almost, except the logic is slightly backwards

Women don't "enjoy emotional trauma" - they just don't want to be bored

It helps to think of women as children, and men as hired entertainers (because let's face it, in dating men do 90% of the entertainment legwork)

What would a child prefer: a day talking about smart topics with the nice accountant, or a day being whizzed around by the exciting pirate that goes on dangerous adventures

[Deleted]

Because some people have more empathy than others. Also it doesn't matter if it doesn't work, natural selection isn't a thing for humans anymore.
Why do we have gay people? Personality is hugely influenced by genes

[BourneWolf]

When their methods are quite bad. Like they would never work at all. But still they exist, and there are new males to join their ranks whenever.

I just don't get it. It makes no sense. It's been proven that their methods never ever work, why do people subscribe to their "strategies"?

Girls get pregnant by alpha males.

The beta and omega nice guys then pay for the kids after the woman has broken up with the alpha.


Either that or the woman starts with the nice guy beta / omega and has kids with them, but has a few fumbles with her childhood alpha.


SJW whiteknights who think women don't cheat on men are clueless. Men are way more faithful than women. Women are smart though, and get caught out much less.

[May90]

Why do people like the OP exist?

When their methods are quite bad. Like they would never work at all. But still they exist, and there are new posters to join their ranks whenever.

I just don't get it. It makes no sense. It's been proven that their methods never ever work, why do people subscribe to their "strategies"?

[Deleted]

LOL, I was partially joking... but there has been some research showing that arranged marriages end in divorce less often.

That's really because arranged marriages are effectively inter-family marriages, with heavily interlinked extended families that socialise together

Much "stickier" with more blowback and disruption if a divorce occurs