About a suicidal friend

[Gandrake]

Well what do you want to do? Do you want to be supportive?

if someone wants to off themselves they are going to do it. no point in getting a bunch of other people involved. There's not really anything you can do for someone like that. They have to find their own new outlook and decide whether it's worth their time or effort anymore. I'd say the most you can do is drop by to see them every now and then to check up on them regardless of whether not you were invited, but don't make coming to see them about being suicide prevention. Try getting them to do things they enjoy even if its just eating take out watching tv.

[Deleted]

I've been through similar experiences. I feel most that talk about it deep down just crave attention. The ones who actually commit suicide... I never saw it coming. I know a few. And it broke me.

However, if she would have commited it, and you never acted. You couldn't have forgiven yourself. You did what YOU thought was the best. If she blames you for that, I don't even know man.

[Azadina]

I'm no expert, but I have struggled with suicide in the past, so maybe I can offer some advice.

The best thing I can think of is to be around her, provide her with love and comfort, try to fulfill any of her needs. A lot of people struggling with copious amounts of stress or depression feel useless or uncared for.

Maybe take her out, make her feel special, like she's worth something. If she tries to push you away like you said, still try to be there for her, if she manahes to get through this, it will only strengthen your relationship.

It's going to be alright, I promise

A little too late after he already went around her, to tell the family and friends of it all.

[Techno-Druid]

A little too late after he already went around her, to tell the family and friends of it all.

Yeah, that was the wrong move, but an understandable one.

OP, maybe you should write her a long apology letter or send her an email about how you're sorry about what you did and how much you love her and will always support her.

Just my opinion, dealing with someone who is suicidal can be pretty tricky...

[May90]

Think about it this way. If you had done nothing, she could be dead now, and, apparently she wouldn't be your friend: corpses don't befriend humans. Now that you did it, the friendship is endangered, which is not a loss compared to the alternative - plus, she is alive, has a chance for a wonderful life in the future, and one day, looking back, she will probably be thankful to you for saving her life.

I don't see any reason to even consider that possibility that you didn't do the right thing. Sure, you broke the trust, but better break the trust than lose the life, don't you think? Doing the right thing isn't always easy, it sometimes leads to very painful consequences - but it had to be done. You would be having a completely different set of feelings right now, if she was dead.

Also, don't fall into the trap of attaching yourself to one person to the point of obsession. Love is good; love that burns your life isn't.

[Halyon]

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but you embarrassed her to her family and made her look childish.

People that want to commit suicide dont talk about it, they do it. Those that threaten it, usually never do or attempt it to get attention.

You dodged a bullet, leave it alone.

Or they need help but don't know how to reach, or are afraid to seek it out.

OT: You acted in compassion, but you betrayed her trust, you fucked up. All you can do is offer her, and her alone, your support if she ever needs it, and apologize for betraying her. Stay away from her family, don't involve yourself without her approval. The rest is out of your hands.

If she lets you give her advice again, medication and therapy. You alone cannot handle a genuinly depressed person with suicidal inclinations, she needs professional help and a support system she trusts and can feel relaxed around, not stressed, despite good intentions. It's draining and hard, but it's how it goes.

[D3thray]

I've been through similar experiences. I feel most that talk about it deep down just crave attention. The ones who actually commit suicide... I never saw it coming. I know a few. And it broke me.

However, if she would have commited it, and you never acted. You couldn't have forgiven yourself. You did what YOU thought was the best. If she blames you for that, I don't even know man.

It's all subjective any way you slice it. Someone could make the argument that I did it for selfish reasons so I felt better about myself. I'm clearly not an objective party. Maybe it was all for nothing and there's no meaning in anything.

At some point I just have to make a decision with the information I've got and do the best I can. I'm not blameless though by any means. I just didn't see another option at the time.

Really though to everyone, thank you even if you were trolling, I needed an outside perspective. I'm not really interested in clarifying my friendship with her, there's no way I can communicate its entirety on a forum. However the friendship up to that point would not lead me to believe it was attention seeking behavior. Yes she's melodramatic, but you learn to pick the reality out of it.

Bottom line, she had me terrified.

- - - Updated - - -

Also, don't fall into the trap of attaching yourself to one person to the point of obsession. Love is good; love that burns your life isn't.

This is so true. Don't worry I haven't lost myself, made that mistake before. But I also think you need to let yourself love even if sometimes it's a dead end. The alternative is being a soulless husk. You don't work around people much closer to death than you are without gaining a little more presence in the moment. I'm more attentive in the day to day interactions with people than I once was, and am better for it.

[Erolian]

If you care about them you will tell someone that will be able to help them. If you're worried that you won't be friends afterwards you're probably an idiot in a situation like that. Either you take them seriously or you don't. There's no reason to hang around complaining and worrying or whatever afterwards. Do something that matters and be done with it.

[Baltasar]

Hire a badass who pulls a gun to her head and she wont be suicidal anymore.

[May90]

This is so true. Don't worry I haven't lost myself, made that mistake before. But I also think you need to let yourself love even if sometimes it's a dead end. The alternative is being a soulless husk. You don't work around people much closer to death than you are without gaining a little more presence in the moment. I'm more attentive in the day to day interactions with people than I once was, and am better for it.

I totally agree with this. There is just a fine line somewhere, I guess, when spending time with someone becomes more devastating than enriching. But yes, if you are aware of it consciously, then you are unlikely to make the same mistake again.

[Moon-Man]

You'd have to have literally next to nothing to commit suicide. If there is even one thing (major thing really) you will not be able to commit suicide your subconscious will stop you. It might sound stupid (this is not whether you are coward or brave) but committing suicide takes tremendous amount of willpower and bravery to actually do it.

Committing suicide can only happen at the very deepest stages of Depression, and there are huge sign for that too, you cannot "not" see in someone who is truly depressed.

[Deleted]

There are three ways as I see it: People living and adapting to "a world"/environment they don't like (often caused by just accepting society etc, never educating/reading about Humanities...) either getting chronically depressed relying on a few people who then accept that depressed person as she is for ever. Or the type who is indeed just getting heavy hits by fate, rolling down the floor not knowing how to deal with it. In both cases there are professionals who follow very simple steps to build them up again or at least support them to keep on for the rest of their lives.

The third type would not get depressed of their own ego but the whole world, which is not the case here I assume.

So yeah she doesn't seem like the type who will accept the world changing and for the "change yourself to fit into the world" thing professionals are perfect.

[Deleted]

Hey OP, I'm not sure what kind of response you're looking for since it seems that things have happened anyway and you're at the end of the road with your friendship/relationship at the moment, but since you're feeling bad and maybe tiny bit of guilt since you cant have her around anymore, im gonna give you my oppinion.

I've lost my big brother 2 years older (he was 20) due to suicide so let me tell you from a family perspective.
I don't know if the whole "People that want to commit suicide dont talk about it, they do it." thing is true because in my brothers case it wasn't. He did talk about it to his friends as your friend did (as you explained on paragraph 2) He did end up doing it so I've lost my big brother forever.

If i was this girls brother and come to you and drop on my knees and thank you for letting us know about her intentions so we'd monitor her and make sure she doesn't go through with it.

If my brother had a friend as ballsy and considerate as you, he'd most likely be alive today and I'd have people like you to thank for.

What I'm trying to say is this. Suicidal people might talk about it to either get attention (and actually really need it ) or have real intentions of doing it but are afraid until they are ready for it. You never know. But if that person goes through with it, then its all over. You cannot go back, you cant change things. You'd hate yourself everyday for not doing anything about it. As I'm hitting myself now but in my case , I didnt know about my brothers intentions.

You did loose a very important person to you, No doubt. But you might also be the reason she'll live and heal as her folks are aware of it now.

Its better to see her live a life eventually then to stand on top of her tombstone and wonder why she is laying where she is.

-A brother in sorrow

[Deleted]

You just fell in love, and seeing the girl in destress while being gorgeous probably made that happen overnight.
You couldn't keep your feels away, while she needed a friend.

The only thing you can do now is wait and see if she'll contact you again or not. Though you'll probably contact her before she does.

[Acidbaron]

Don't be a hero, you can't and you'll feel guilty when you fail and you will fail, since you are not equipped to deal with such things.
Get her professional help.
Don't be a moron and start a relationship based on this with her it's an unhealthy and unstable basis.

You already fucked up when breaking the trust relationship by telling others she knows that weren't informed by her, you'll never recover from that fully so you pretty much fucked up any chances of ever having anything with her even when she is better. You are aware that sometimes even telling others about this is a good way to push a person over the edge right, this is brutal to hear but you need to hear this.

That's all there is to say to this, learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them in the future.

This comes from my personal experiences i lost several people around me to suicide i was a firm believer for a long time that people who talk about it never do it, i was proven wrong very wrong recently. You can't stop it, others can maybe stop it professional help isn't at a 100% succes rate.

[announced]

just cut ties with her, you are way too attached and dont try and get into her pants at all. relationships are hard enough without having hide all the sharp objects in the kitchen drawer.
When i worked at the crisis hotline i learned a few things
1. people who try to commit suicide eventually succeed and short of watching her 24/7 theres not much you can do.
2. you aren't going to be her friend anymore since you breached her trust so thats out but its understandable regardless.

just look for the signs to see how far along the scale she is. if shes giving away her prized possessions and saying goodbye to friends/family that's a very bad sign, if shes still talking and functioning somewhat normally then shes still ok.

try looking at this website as a baseline. https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/wa...zJQaAqw58P8HAQ

if you still want to try, and if she is religious maybe bring her to church? or invite her to activities with friends.

[callipygoustp]

Having known two people who committed suicide, one a friend and another an acquaintance, as well as having volunteered on a suicide hotline: I have a real hard time taking these posts seriously. If you were serious, you'd be searching out for help from a more meaningful source.

http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - 24hrs a day. If the scenario is real, there is no fucking reason not to be reaching out to people with real experience in this scenario.

Considering the forum, and your lack of any meaningful effort, I expect you're just some douche bag playing a FML type of scenario.

[D3thray]

Having known two people who committed suicide, one a friend and another an acquaintance, as well as having volunteered on a suicide hotline: I have a real hard time taking these posts seriously. If you were serious, you'd be searching out for help from a more meaningful source.

http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - 24hrs a day. If the scenario is real, there is no fucking reason not to be reaching out to people with real experience in this scenario.

Considering the forum, and your lack of any meaningful effort, I expect you're just some douche bag playing a FML type of scenario.

I didn't come looking for help. That's done and gone. Given the situation and that she'd expressly asked me to leave her alone, I felt there was a good chance trying to force my way in was going to be counter productive. So I told one other person, her father, who I knew she was closest to in her family. We talked about my concerns and what to do moving forward. She needed help now not after enough time had passed to rebuild whatever was making her anxious about me, so I turned to someone I felt she would be more comfortable with ultimately. I'm no suicide expert but I do know people, and trying to force someone to talk to you is a great way to get them to clam up.

I did what I felt I had to do. And I still feel shitty. And as I said I respect her trust enough still that I don't feel like I can talk about it with other people I/we know.

Maybe that still makes me an attention seeking douchebag, you be the judge.

- - - Updated - - -

As to the others suggesting I ditch her and move on, I know what I'm doing. I'm at a stage in my life where I will not dismiss a person out of hand for perceived failures or slights. At a base level we're all people struggling with the same shit and to do as suggested seems incredibly callous.

I'm not a rookie dealing with parasitic individuals, I've been around the block a few times. I appreciate the suggestion but it's just not gonna happen.

What is wholly new to me is the current experience I've described. I came here because I need to talk it out in one of the few ways I have available to me. You're conveniently all here at any hour of the day and I don't need to make an appointment, nor do I yet feel at the point a professional for myself is really necessary.

So really, thank you for the concern, but dropping her like a bad habit is about the last thing I'm prepared to do at the present time. I'm still doing what I need to for myself, I'm merely allowing myself the time I need to process.

[ifrah]

Don't take my words too seriously as I haven't been with people contemplating suicide, but with rather depressed, yes, been there. It was in a relationship, a one that lasted for years until she got depressed. She was in need of aid, badly. But she refused always. There was no way in the world for her to get any professional advice, no matter what. Which eventually brought to the point that there's only so much one can do for someone else. The person itself needs to be willing to grab that helping hand. If not, well, it's tough. It was an absolute hell to watch that, but at some point I had to let it go, mutually agreed. An alcoholic doesn't sober up without him/herself committing to it. I don't know if that's a bad analogy for depression though...
Could I/you do/have done things differently, sure. Would that (have) help(ed), probably, although not necessarily. Although with good intentions, it is quite easy to push too aggressively your help towards the depressed person, which can make things worse.

[GodlyBob]

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but you embarrassed her to her family and made her look childish.

People that want to commit suicide dont talk about it, they do it. Those that threaten it, usually never do or attempt it to get attention.

You dodged a bullet, leave it alone.

That's not exactly how it works...at least from personal experience. It's like a compulsion. Maybe it started out as threats, but somehow, unsuccessful attempts can turn into a form of stress relief. You do it for yourself and not for others. It's a new low for you to recover from and you tell yourself "wow that was stupid, but things can only get better from here!" And you gladly put back on your mask and go back out feeling something close to normal. The mask is heavy though and eventually you'll come back to that same overwhelming low point and just wanting to get back to where everybody else is mentally.

Every time you make it out, it seems like less of a big deal, and every attempt gets closer to being successful, but that fact is loss when confronted with the sheer volume of times you've already succumbed to your demons. What at first was terrifying starts to become normal, but every time the danger is still there.

Suicide is...a weird thing. It is simultaneously about "attention" something about self realization as well. Honestly, societal pressure I think works as a great deterrent. "What would my family think" is a lot scarier than "what if I go too far this time?'