Why the outrage over paying for your half of the meal?

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

its about both. I changed nothing. safety is important. not wasting your time on someone you are not compatible with is ALSO important. not wasting time on someone who is UNSAFE is doubly important. I don't want to go out on multiple dates with someone, only to find out they are a criminal. if you wish to think its creepy? I don't care.

and I just noticed your handle. i guess you think you are funny.

What about my handle? Thats clearly a joke. And yes, its still creepy and bizarre, borderline privacy issues.

Safety is a moot point here. There is no massive crime wave of first date bandits. If anything, just tell your friends where you are going, with who, and what time. If you are this paranoid, why bother ever going outside? The person could give you a fake name, with mostly fake profile information etc.

Compatibility? This is the main issue of the creepy behavior. You're basing compatibility mainly on things like salary, or job title. Thats more gold digging than anything.

[Krigaren]

Safety is a moot point here. There is no massive crime wave of first date bandits. If anything, just tell your friends where you are going, with who, and what time. If you are this paranoid, why bother ever going outside? The person could give you a fake name, with mostly fake profile information etc.

Safety is never a moot point. Life isn't a video game where you get to respawn. If you go on a date with that 1 in a million psycho killer who chops you up in his wine cellar because you didn't care about safety, that's it, it's over. You only get one life.

Doing a Google search for someone and checking out their publicly available information isn't' being creepy. Paying for a service to get detailed information about their history, or running a criminal background check on them using information you had to data mine, however, is. That's the difference between prudence and paranoia.

Compatibility? This is the main issue of the creepy behavior. You're basing compatibility mainly on things like salary, or job title. Thats more gold digging than anything.

If you're referring to the fact that the woman in the article mentions the guy had a good job, that doesn't necessarily involve gold digging. I view a person's job as a sign of stability, and an indication of the kind of drive and goals they have for themselves. Will I refuse to date someone who's in his 30s and works at Taco Bell? Not necessarily, but it's going to play into our compatibility quite a bit.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Safety is never a moot point. Life isn't a video game where you get to respawn. If you go on a date with that 1 in a million psycho killer who chops you up in his wine cellar because you didn't care about safety, that's it, it's over. You only get one life.

Doing a Google search for someone and checking out their publicly available information isn't' being creepy. Paying for a service to get detailed information about their history, or running a criminal background check on them using information you had to data mine, however, is. That's the difference between prudence and paranoia.



If you're referring to the fact that the woman in the article mentions the guy had a good job, that doesn't necessarily involve gold digging. I view a person's job as a sign of stability, and an indication of the kind of drive and goals they have for themselves. Will I refuse to date someone who's in his 30s and works at Taco Bell? Not necessarily, but it's going to play into our compatibility quite a bit.

You'll have to prove that this is even remotely likely to happen. Its not prudence, its clear paranoia. Prudence is what I previously stated, telling people where you are going, with who, and what time. Its very clearly being creepy. And I question the compatibility motive. Thats why we go on dates and avoid arranged marriages these days. A date is what shows compatibility, not random job titles, not salary.

[Yourownfear]

I wish we had the guys half of the story. More than likely he wasn't impressed by her punctuality or her conversational skills. He probably tried to save the night for himself by seeing if she wanted to have some fun back at his place. There is absolutely nothing wrong with consensual sex with someone you are only physically attracted to when you are single. He didn't get mad at her and call her names or try to force himself on her. He asked, she gave an excuse and he gave a solution. She doesn't mention him being pushy or saying anything after that. He then walked her out of the bar, thanked her for her company and left. She tries to make it sound bad that he doesn't see her home when she didn't bother to at least show up on time to either date. If he would have never asked her to come with him back to his place then I doubt she would have perceived any negativity when asking for two bills.

[l33t]

I wish we had the guys half of the story. More than likely he wasn't impressed by her punctuality or her conversational skills. He probably tried to save the night for himself by seeing if she wanted to have some fun back at his place. There is absolutely nothing wrong with consensual sex with someone you are only physically attracted to when you are single. He didn't get mad at her and call her names or try to force himself on her. He asked, she gave an excuse and he gave a solution. She doesn't mention him being pushy or saying anything after that. He then walked her out of the bar, thanked her for her company and left. She tries to make it sound bad that he doesn't see her home when she didn't bother to at least show up on time to either date. If he would have never asked her to come with him back to his place then I doubt she would have perceived any negativity when asking for two bills.

Oh please, how can you even fathom the idea that a man from the story is not a dirty, greedy alcoholic scumbag sex pervert who instantly objectified intelligent and witty 35 yo princess?? Women can't lie, moreso such a definitely unique one. You're instantly guilty if you're a man, how can't you understand?

[Krigaren]

You'll have to prove that this is even remotely likely to happen. Its not prudence, its clear paranoia. Prudence is what I previously stated, telling people where you are going, with who, and what time. Its very clearly being creepy. And I question the compatibility motive. Thats why we go on dates and avoid arranged marriages these days. A date is what shows compatibility, not random job titles, not salary.

I'll concede the compatibility issue, since it should be based on actually getting to know the person, not on their job title. My point was more to show why people would factor that kind of thing into compatibility.

As for the safety issue:

Date Rape - Definition, Wikipedia
Cops: Edmonds woman planned to eat date’s heart after stabbing him in quest to become serial killer
Match Made In Hell: 5 Internet Dates That Ended In Murder
Fateful night: a young woman is dead, her Tinder date charged with murder
At Least A Third Of All Women Murdered In The U.S. Are Killed By Male Partners

It may be a fact that being assaulted by your date isn't statistically likely, it's also a fact that the likelihood also isn't zero. Being an internet snoop on a person almost certainly won't tell you whether or not a guy is a murderer, and maybe that's your actual point. If it is, then I also concede it.

But if your point is that people are being paranoid because it's unreasonable to assume that your date has the potential to be a psychopath, then I completely disagree.

[Zyky]

No, she took it upon herself to "get the newspaper to write about it" (that's not how newspapers work btw) to tell her story of a bad date that went south when she didn't go and have sex with a guy who expected it, and seemed to only be interested in paying if he got it.

There was zero mention of sex, he asked her if she wanted to see his bourbon collection. She assumed he only wanted to fuck her. Sorry but not all men think only about having sex with a woman. He never once told her that he would pay for the whole bill, she also assumed that. So this is completely on her.

[Krigaren]

There was zero mention of sex, he asked her if she wanted to see his bourbon collection. She assumed he only wanted to fuck her. Sorry but not all men think only about having sex with a woman. He never once told her that he would pay for the whole bill, she also assumed that. So this is completely on her.

Okay buddy. You're obviously the smartest person in the room.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I'll concede the compatibility issue, since it should be based on actually getting to know the person, not on their job title. My point was more to show why people would factor that kind of thing into compatibility.

As for the safety issue:

Date Rape - Definition, Wikipedia
Cops: Edmonds woman planned to eat date’s heart after stabbing him in quest to become serial killer
Match Made In Hell: 5 Internet Dates That Ended In Murder
Fateful night: a young woman is dead, her Tinder date charged with murder
At Least A Third Of All Women Murdered In The U.S. Are Killed By Male Partners

It may be a fact that being assaulted by your date isn't statistically likely, it's also a fact that the likelihood also isn't zero. Being an internet snoop on a person almost certainly won't tell you whether or not a guy is a murderer, and maybe that's your actual point. If it is, then I also concede it.

But if your point is that people are being paranoid because it's unreasonable to assume that your date has the potential to be a psychopath, then I completely disagree.

That was my original point. Because you may find nothing, a murderer may give you a fake name, or maybe he is just planning on it. I'd call it paranoia because you're taking extra steps for safety, with little reason to do so other than it has happened before (like your links show). If the guy gave you a creepy vibe, don't meet him anyway, is what I'd call safer.

And I know anyone has the potential to be a psychopath. Anyone, like your coworkers, people that go to church with you, or even your student peers that you may or may not have study sessions with. Would you also check these people internet profiles? I'd posit that most people wouldn't.

- - - Updated - - -

There was zero mention of sex, he asked her if she wanted to see his bourbon collection. She assumed he only wanted to fuck her. Sorry but not all men think only about having sex with a woman. He never once told her that he would pay for the whole bill, she also assumed that. So this is completely on her.

No, he probably was talking about sex (but that is perfectly okay). And she declined, because it was too early for her (also okay). The problem is if he acted like a douche afterwards... her account says yes. Thats really just a form of revenge.

[purebalance]

She's closer to your generation than ours.

I didn't know until I actually looked up the range, but millennials actually are from the 80's as well. So unless she's 40, she's a millennial.

[Amerrol]

And this is why chivalry is dead? sorry couldn't resist lol

While you have a point...at the same time this dude was clearly butthurt that she didn't let him into her pants...and the way he was kinda distant makes it sound like that is all he ever cared about. Could of at least payed for the drinks if he wanted some that badly...

Yeah, I won't deny he probably came off a bit dickish, but just like he shouldn't expect her to put out because they went on a date, she shouldn't expect to get a free meal.

[Krigaren]

I didn't know until I actually looked up the range, but millennials actually are from the 80's as well. So unless she's 40, she's a millennial.

I was born in the 70s and I'm not 40 yet, so.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Deleted]

Her type of mindset seems to be quite common these days. I'm not sure why.

She thinks she has a high value when she really doesn't. From what she said about him he would be well sought after and get lots of attention, she also has too high standards, it seems that she forgets shes 35 and not 25 anymore.

I think a guy like Darren, rich, attractive and "somewhat" successful with a condo in a city is probably having younger and more attractive girls falling all over him who will put out on the first date. He probably just decided she isn't worth any more effort and didn't feel like paying for her and "got his invested money back".

[gyrados]

She wouldn't put out so he didn't want to pay for her meal, lol.

pretty much lol

[the game]

So much easier just to rent a hooker.

[Goondicker]

I would usually say that it's fine either way - if he wants to split the bill there's nothing wrong with it. That said, I think he should have paid in this scenario. He chose the places and they were convenient for him. I think it would have been courteous for him to pay, even if not expected.

Dude seems like a dick. I'd consider picking up half the tab a good trade off for the bullet dodged.

Granted, we're only getting half of the story. She might be bending the truth to fit her agenda. /shrug

[God Save The King]

I imagine if we heard from the other party, the story would be very different. The truth naturally lies in the middle.

I don't really see the issue with the article, the lady sounds like she was upset getting rejected after she rejected him. Plus, the way she talks about herself, makes it sounds like she's god's gift to Earth.


"Darren seemed really put off. He then asked the bartender for two bills. Actually, he kind of demanded them — it was very rude" - translation: "Darren got rejected, so he asked for the bill and wanted to leave".

"I had come much, much further to meet him at the bar he chose, so I was shocked that he didn’t at least offer to pay. It was very clear that he had a single agenda." - translation: "I had to drive a bit farther, but I didn't suggest another place closer to the middle between us, and felt that a nickel of gas warranted him buying my meal and two drinks".

"Once we left, it was obvious that he was not happy and could care less where I was headed, or how I was going to get there. He basically told me that it was nice to meet me — although he didn’t say that he had a good time, even though we had, right up until the end — and abandoned me outside of the bar in the dead of night." - translation: "The guy I just rejected should still take care of me and make sure I get home at night, because - in my mind - we had a good time".


I really despise this kind of mentality, and it naturally comes at no surprise that she's single at the age of 35+. I could translate the whole article, but I think I made my point. If I just rejected a chick, I wouldn't expect her to want to finish our night, pay for me, or care about me in the slightest - why this woman feels this way is beyond me, and reeks of self-entitlement and narcissism.

[Spectral]

I noticed that Darren seemed a bit detached, like he was thinking a lot, and not as present in the moment as he could have been. It was the same as the first date, in that way.

This comes off as strangely narcissistic, kind of a "pay attention to me!!!" cry.

I had come much, much further to meet him at the bar he chose, so I was shocked that he didn’t at least offer to pay. It was very clear that he had a single agenda.

Once we left, it was obvious that he was not happy and could care less where I was headed, or how I was going to get there. He basically told me that it was nice to meet me — although he didn’t say that he had a good time, even though we had, right up until the end — and abandoned me outside of the bar in the dead of night.

This is just weird. Obviously he wanted to hook up and she didn't, so he no longer felt compelled to engage her. If you meet someone and it turns out you're incompatible for any reason, it's perfectly fine to say, "OK, well, nice meeting you" and then to head your separate ways.

[God Save The King]

This comes off as strangely narcissistic, kind of a "pay attention to me!!!" cry.

This is just weird. Obviously he wanted to hook up and she didn't, so he no longer felt compelled to engage her. If you meet someone and it turns out you're incompatible for any reason, it's perfectly fine to say, "OK, well, nice meeting you" and then to head your separate ways.

I agree with you hear. Something is definitely really off about her interpretation of the evening, and what she felt she was entitled to have.

[Calimon-ZJ]

They both sound like douches. They deserve each other. It's a shame they didn't end up dating lol.